Just Ask D

The Art of Conscious Living.....

2012-02-07T07:06:00.000-08:00

The benefits of self-awareness lend itself into every aspect of your life. The more you are aware of yourself and others around you, the more choices are available to you that allow you to make better decisions on a daily basis. When you are consciously living, you are present in each moment and experience all that is before you.

It is easy to fall into habitual patterns that take you out of the moment. You often will do and see things that are already part of your internal process and lose the ability to be objective. Because life’s conditioning starts very early, your reactions and thoughts become preprogrammed and you tend to be more reactive to daily happenings than proactive toward what serves your life better.

To see things more clearly, take a moment and divide in yourself the mechanical from the conscious; see how little there is of the conscious, how seldom it works, and how strong the mechanical is - mechanical attitudes, mechanical intentions, mechanical thoughts, mechanical desires and actions.

Change can only be addressed when you become aware and realize how programed your life really is. Continuing in this manor is either because you are not aware of choosing conscious living or because you are afraid to live consciously due to the changes that might happen in your life if you did.

Once you identify your automatic behaviors and responses that are triggered without your will, you can leave the ones intact that serve you and work on the behaviors that are unhealthy so you can break free from the auto pilot mode you have been living with for years.

It is important to take the first step to change your mechanical behaviors which have created your daily circumstances and learn to live consciously by making choices that better serve your life. You have the power to change and today can be the start.

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.

Learn How to Reach Your Goals

2012-01-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

The New Year is a beginning, so new goals and resolutions, new plans, new dreams and new directions fuel your thoughts.

What is it about this annual “new” that causes us to reflect upon our lives and our accomplishments? I believe each of us has a natural inclination to grow our self-esteem and capability through new accomplishments. Most of us want to make a difference in the world. Most of us want to live life as fully as we can. Thus, we annually draw a new line in the sand and claim a starting point for our next chapter.

It’s been said that everyone has goals, whether we know it or not. We have goals to keep our current job, or to get a different one. Start a new relationship or make an existing one better. We have goals to save for the future, or to travel, take a vacation, or purchase the things we need and want to make our lives more enjoyable. An important distinction, however, is that top achievers are very intentional and focused on their goals, while many of the rest of us are not.

Successful people know that the wording, structure, timing and format of a goal can make its achievement much easier – or far more difficult. Top achievers understand the basic skills for setting and reaching their goals, every time! They know how to design goals that create success. Here are the important steps to set and achieve your goals:

Reachable goals are SPECIFIC. The brain must know exactly, precisely, what it is trying to accomplish. Never word a goal with vague terms like “some” or “a little bit”, or “more”. Be specific! If you want to lose 8 pounds and reach a weight of 175, specify those exact numbers. If you want to save $200 this month, be exact. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything if it knows precisely what you are aiming for.

Reachable goals are SIMPLE. Many people describe their goals in complex terms of retiring on the beach in Hawaii, with nice cars and lots of money, and…. Their list goes on and on. Any ONE of those things is a great goal, but the combination becomes over whelming and the brain gets confused. If you want to retire in Hawaii, just say so! If you want to increase your sales by 10% this month, say so! Keep your goals simple, clear, and focused.

Reachable goals are SIGNIFICANT. No one can muster the enthusiasm, hard work and courage to reach a goal they don’t really care about. A reachable goal is one you really, really want! You must own your goals. It’s something that will change your life, enhance your health or wealth, and make you proud. It gets your juices flowing, gets you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long, because it is important! Set goals that are worth achieving and that add value to your life!

Reachable goals are STRATEGIC. The best goals accomplish many great outcomes, all at one time. Running a 10K race will almost certainly: 1) feel great! 2) help you lose weight. 3) lower your cholesterol level 4) strengthen your heart 5) lower you risk of heart disease 6) increase your energy and stamina, and 7) improve your outlook. Design your goals to strategically impact as many areas of your life as possible. You’ll have more reasons to reach your goal and more excitement when you do!

Reachable goals are MEASURABLE. A goal without a measurable outcome is just a pipe-dream. You can’t achieve a pound of “happiness” or 6 inches of “self-esteem”, but you CAN get a new job. You CAN run a mile in under 7 minutes, or do 100 sit-ups. Someone has wisely observed that, “What gets measured, gets done.” Define your goals in terms of height, weight, dollars, inches, or hours. Then measure your progress until you achieve your desired outcome.

Reachable goals are RATIONAL. To reach your goal, you will need a plan, a path, and a vehicle for getting there. Your goals must make sense! When you explain them to friends and family, your goals should create excitement, draw support, and encouragement. Your goals should be just out of reach, but not out of sight! You want to stretch to be your best, not strain after impossible dreams. Set goals you CAN and WILL achieve!

Reachable goals are TANGIBLE. Choose goals that you can see, hear, smell or touch. Go for things you will enjoy and that you can clearly visualize. The brain has hard time going for “financial security”, but it can visualize a bank statement with nice, large numbers on it! Define your goals in terms that excite the senses, and then go for it with all your heart!

Reachable goals are WRITTEN. High achievers always know precisely what they want, because they’ve written it down. Often, they write a short description of their goals every single morning or affirmations as a personal reminder of their priorities and their objectives. The act of writing your goals down vastly increases your chance of success. Write it down! Then, keep your notes where you can see and read them every day.

Reachable goals are SHARED. We are far more likely to stick to our plan and reach our goals if we know our friends and family support us. Being part of a team increases our determination, our stamina, and our courage. Caution: Choose wisely who you surround yourself with. Never share your goals with anyone who may ridicule, tease or discourage you! The world is full of doubters and you have no time for them. But, find a support team, a group of cheerleaders, and a coach who will encourage you every step of the way. High achievers count on and work with other positive people and winners!

Reachable goals are CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES. This is one area that people really need to do some work in in in order to make the rest of the puzzle fit. One of the biggest reasons people fail to achieve their goals is that they have conflict between their behavior and their values. However, when your values and your goals are in agreement, there is no stopping you! Clarify your values first, then set simple, specific, measurable, tangible, written goals that are consistent with those values. You will achieve them, every single time!

Get the tools you need to achieve your goals and excel in your life. Work with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and professional goals today! On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.

Keys to Success

2012-01-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

Success means different things to different people. For some it means making a lot of money. For others it means being famous or having a loving relationship at home. Or it may mean doing the work you love on a schedule that meets your own needs.

Most people wait for success, thinking it will find them. Usually it doesn't. You have to make space for success to happen. Just as there are many kinds of success, there are many ways to achieve it.

Put another way, there is no one key to success; there are many keys. Here are the most important ones:

Define success: Be clear about what success means to you. Is it getting high marks on your performance? Losing weight or running a marathon? Or perhaps you want to achieve financial independence. Whatever your definition of success, it must be clear to you. You can't hope for success without knowing what you are trying to achieve!

Have a plan of action: A plan of action is concrete and takes you a step closer to achieving success. Whatever your goal, you need a plan that includes focused activities, a schedule, and ongoing support from others. Having a plan helps you get organized. It also gives you a clear sense of purpose. You know exactly what you need to do.

Set milestones: Once you've got a goal, or goals, it's important to break them down into smaller, achievable targets so you don't feel overwhelmed and can measure your progress along the way. Too often people give up too soon. Celebrating wins, no matter how small, will help you keep up momentum. Rewarding yourself gives you the motivation to continue.

Set a timeline: Squandering time is a surefire way to guarantee that you won't succeed. By setting a timeline for your accomplishments, you put yourself under pressure to perform. This increases the pace at which you approach the success you're looking for.

Enjoy yourself: This is perhaps the most crucial key to success. Often the journey is just as much fun or more so than where you finally end up. When you achieve success, you need to be able to look back and feel happy that you chose the path you did. If you look back only to see a trail of wasted opportunities and missed moments then your success has come at too high a price.

Success doesn't depend on wishing or on luck. It requires two things -- a dream and action. If you don't have both, success will always stay just outside your grasp.

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and professional goals today! On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.

Decisions are the Building Blocks of Our Lives!

2011-12-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

All of our decisions are the building blocks that create our lives. Every day we make many decisions that affect our social and professional life with some having better outcomes than others. Some decisions can be made at the spur of the moment, such as what to eat for breakfast while others may require weeks to evaluate and weigh the pros and cons, such as accepting a new job assignment. Either way, each and every decision will have an impact on your life and in many cases the lives of others around you.

Have you ever noticed how your moods shift when you are caught up in having to make an important decision? How you can go from perfectly balanced one minute to teetering on the edge of ‘the pit of despair’ in the next minute. Decision making is unsettling. It puts one foot in one world and the other foot in a completely different world. We become split between the two as we battle with the right decision to make.

How is it possible to make effective decisions that will help you to end up where you want to be? It starts with clarity....

Your decision must be in alignment with your values. If you have not clearly defined what your values are (the things that really matter to you) then you will be making decisions based on the values of others.

Your decision must be in alignment with your long and short-term goals. Many times immediate wants and needs can prevent the achievement of our more important life goals. By writing down your goals you are giving yourself a framework to get yourself where you want to be. Clarify your goals.

Your decision must be made by having the adequate information to support an intelligent choice. You can’t make a good decision if you don’t know all the facts. Consider all perspectives. Where possible seek out the opinions of people whose judgment and character you respect. Clarify the facts.

Your decision must come with a set of actions. Just as you set up step by step plans to achieve your goals. You should take into account the steps that it will take to follow through with your decision to get your end result. Clarify your actions.

Your decision must be made while considering all the consequences. Who has a stake in the decision you are about to make? How is your decision likely to affect them? Clarify your stakeholders.

You must be sure to monitor your decisions to make sure that they continue to line up with all the other decisions you make. Your decisions are the building blocks of your life. Build a solid foundation of good decisions to support future decisions. Clarify your building blocks.

Here is an exercise to measure if you are on track navigating your life with effective decision making:

List three, of what you believe to presently be, your core values.

Prioritize three short term goals and three long term goals.

Reflect on your goals. Do they represent all three of your core values?

Many times we do not take the time to stop and think when under the strain of making a decision. When we are in a hurry or under pressure we tend to make decisions based on the values of others and not our own values. This can result in decisions that will not get you where you want to be and you will end up someplace else.

If you never want to be lost, you will need to determine your values, match them with your goals, and build your life one effective decision at a time.

The Beauty of the Sistine Chapel

2011-12-24T22:53:00.000-08:00

As I watch midnight mass at the Sistine Chapel in Italy on Christmas Eve, I am reminded of my trip to Rome. Seeing the Chapel again on TV and its appeal to all ages and races throughout the world has encouraged me to share some interesting information of its inception and history to date.

The Sistine Chapel is not only one of the world’s most significant sites of holy pilgrimage, but contains unparalleled historic artwork by some of Italy’s most celebrated Renaissance artists, including the unparalleled Michelangelo. A period in history when optimism and belief in classical ideas provided artists of that time with the desire and energy to realize their incredible works. Still relevant today as a venue for important religious ceremonies for The Holy Catholic Church, The Sistine Chapel is more than a historical destination. This site still inspires artistic and spiritual awe amongst its millions of visitors each year, and is in fact the very epicenter of the thriving religious community of The Vatican City.

The Apostolic Palace

The Sistine Chapel is part of a 1,000 room network known as the Apostolic Palace, or the Sacred Palace, which is the pope’s sanctioned Vatican residence. In addition to the Sistine Chapel, this massive set of buildings includes the Papal Apartments, the Vatican Library and Museums, various government offices of the Holy Catholic Church, numerous lesser chapels, and Raphael’s Rooms, which are public areas of the papal residence decorated in superb frescos by the legendary renaissance artist Raphael Sanzio.

History and Purpose

The Sistine Chapel was designed by Baccio Pontelli for Pope Sixtus IV, and was subsequently constructed by Giovannino de’ Dolci between 1475 and 1483. The finished Sistine Chapel was at first used for regular religious services, the first mass being held on August 9^th, 1483, for The Feast of the Assumption. In more recent times, however, the Chapel has been chiefly used to host The Papal Conclaves, the ceremonies and proceedings that take place to select a new Pope.

Architecture

Much like the interior decorative artwork, the architectural plans of The Sistine Chapel stemmed from biblical inspiration. The measurements of this simple rectangular brick building with its six arched windows correspond exactly with the Temple of Solomon in The Old Testament: 40.93 meters long by 13.41 meters wide by 20.70 meters high. The building is roofed by a flattened barrel vault ceiling. In the interior, the marble transenna, or screen, is divided into two parts: the larger part that includes the altar is used by the priests and clergy for religious ceremonies, and the smaller part is the area that hosts the faithful churchgoers. During significant religious ceremonies, the side walls are covered in lush tapestries designed by Raphael that represent events in the lives of St. Peter and St. Paul.

The Frescoes by Ghirlandaio, Botticelli, Perugino, and Cosimo Roselli

The walls of the chapel were commissioned to be decorated by some of Italy’s premier artists; including Botticelli, Pinturicchio, Ghirlandaio and Luca Signorelli. Based on the division of world history into three distinct eras, the first division of the walls of the Sistine Chapel were decorated to represent earth in the time prior to The Ten Commandments, the second partition represented the world between the times of Moses and Christ, and the last segment was dedicated to an artistic representation of the modern Christian era.

The Ceiling by Michelangelo

In 1508, Pope Julius II requested that Michelangelo transform the ceiling of the chapel, at the time a plain blue sky decorated with golden stars, into a piece of art featuring the twelve apostles that would correspond with the richly decorated walls of the church. Although he considered himself foremost a sculptor and was from the beginning opposed to the Pope’s commission, Michelangelo not only obeyed the Pope’s wishes but subsequently surpassed them by transforming the ceiling into an awe-inspiring canvas that featured more than three hundred biblical figures. Michelangelo undertook this challenge and painted the frescoes practically unaided on 12,000 square feet of ceiling between the years of 1508 and 1512. The three hundred biblical figures were dispersed between nine frescoed images including God’s Creation of the World, God’s Relationship with Man and Man’s Fall from Grace. This unrivaled artistic achievement is still regarded as one of the foremost examples of pictorial art.

The Last Judgment by Michelangelo

As if his artistic accomplishments on the Sistine Chapel Ceiling weren’t enough, Pope Paul III commissioned Michelangelo some twenty years later to create a mural of the Last Judgment on the altar wall of The Sistine Chapel. This latest artistic work, completed in 1541, differed greatly in style from Michelangelo’s early works, perhaps influenced by the political and religious climate of the times. His earlier work on The Chapel ceiling evoked a feeling of human triumph and aesthetic pleasure, while this newer mural attracted adversity and some criticism because of the menacing, godly wrath depicted in the mural images, as well as the unexpected prevalence of human nudity in his paintings. Despite the controversy surrounding Michelangelo’s latest creation, it is still considered to be one of the world’s greatest religious paintings.

Some interesting facts about the Sistine Chapel.

The Sistine Chapel was built by a Pope named Pope Sixtus the Vl, hence the name Sistine Chapel?

Michelangelo was only 32 years old when he began painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and completed it in only 4 years?

The Sistine Chapel was built to house the Cardinals while they deliberated on who should become the next Pope.

The famous chimney that releases black smoke telling us the Pope has died and white smoke telling us we have a new Pope is set up in the Sistine Chapel? You can see the marks where it sits towards the back right of the chapel?

No artist in history suffered as much as Michelangelo in the 4 years it took him to complete the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. He suffered with painful knees, back, neck and almost went totally blind but he still managed to live to be 89 years old.

Michelangelo painted the Last Judgement (the front wall of the Sistine Chapel) 28 years after he finished the Sistine ceiling?

Michelangelo’s enemy, Raphael, was originally asked to paint the Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel but refused. He suggested Michelangelo knowing he was a sculpture and not a painter.

The Sistine Chapel was completely cleaned between the years 1980 to 199. It was paid for by the camera company Fuji Film. Fuji Film now own all copyright to the paintings on the ceilings for 20 years, and that is why there is no photography allowed of that artwork..

Pope Julius ll (the Pope that commissioned Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel)sold Indulgences in order to pay Michelangelo for his work? Selling Indulgences meant that people could pay money to get time off Purgatory.

There are 3 Botticelli paintings in the Sistine Chapel, painted 24 years before Michelangelo began the Ceiling.

Share your thoughts and experiences if you like and have a wonderful holiday season.....

Places to see Beautiful Christmas Lights in South Florida

2011-12-22T09:16:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share a list of places to see beautiful Christmas Lights in South Florida. You can catch a few in some short videos on my youtube channel too to get a preview of my two favorites; the Callahan house and the Hyatt house. Enjoy and subcribe to my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/justaskd?feature=guide

The Hyatt house, 11201 NW 14th St., Plantation Acres. 165,000 lights, inflatable displays....

The Callahan house, 11480 NW 26th St. Plantation. 250,000 LED lights synchronized to music, 85 inflatable displays.

1921 SW 56th Ave., Plantation.

5330 SW 14th St., Plantation. First House in the Neighborhood Prize.

9640 NW 32nd Manor, Sunrise. More than 22,000 lights that dance to musical sequences.
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The Macek house, 2700 SE Sixth St., Pompano Beach. 150,000 lights.

100 NE 57th St., Fort Lauderdale. 20,000 lights, projector that shows Christmas cartoons and movies.

950 Pina Del Rio, Fort Lauderdale.

10600 NW 32nd St., Fort Lauderdale. 38,000 lights, computerized display.

3056 NE 15th Terrace, Oakland Park. 30,000 lights set to music.

9904 W. Tree Tops Court, Davie. Thousands of lights, Santas, Frostys, trains, elves.

350 SW 32nd Terrace, Deerfield Beach. 40,000 lights.

598 NW 38th Ave., Deerfield Beach. All blue Christmas lights.

7708 NW 40th Court, Coral Springs. 20,000 lights, figurines.

9222 NW 43rd Court, Coral Springs. 40,000 lights.

673 NW 111th Way, Coral Springs. Computer-controlled lights synchronized to music.

1351 NW 63rd Ave., Margate. 10,000 lights, blow ups, 9-foot menorah, reindeer.

7706 NW 25th St., Margate. 60,000 synchronized lights and music.

6984 NW Seventh Court, Margate. Plenty of lights, inflatable figures and music.

4455 Banyan Trails Drive, Coconut Creek. 20,000 lights, 30 inflatables, 42-foot grinch.

8710 NW 46th St., Lauderhill. 12,000 lights set to music, inflatables, animated deer.

NW 113th Ave. and NW 112th Terrace, Pembroke Pines. Cinderella, Sponge Bob and Santa in a hot air balloon.

5200 Thomas St., Hollywood. A show every half hour, lights synchronized to music.

9510 Sun Pointe Drive, Boynton Beach. Realistic reindeer and sleigh on snow; after 7 p.m. get your family pictures in the sleigh for free. You'll need an e-mail address where they can be sent.

3852 Satin Leaf Court, Delray Beach, Both Christmas and Hanukkah are featured in this extravagant display.

Snug Harbor Drive, Palm Beach Gardens. An elf in Santa's workshop using a conveyor belt all made of lights.

Wonderful Charity for Children - Operation Santa Claus

2011-12-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a very special time of year filled with laughter, joy and anticipation. Friends and family gather from near and far to share the warmth of the season. The aroma of roasting turkey fills the house, and children’s faces are aglow with wonder and delight.

However, many needy children do not have the same anticipatory glow. Many of these children exhibit a touching belief in the goodness and charity of the Christmas season that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. Their “Dear Santa” letters arrive by the thousands in every Post Office in our country.

Each year kind hearted people bring Operation Santa Claus to life by answering “Dear Santa” letters from needy children who would otherwise have no Christmas at all.

Operation Santa Claus is changing with the times and growing which means that this wonderful volunteer program may now be available at your local post office. Please note that “Dear Santa” letters will no longer sent out by mail from the New York Post Office, so if you would like to participate in this wonderful program, simply call your local post office to see if they offer “Operation Santa Claus”. Please see our “USPS Operation Santa Claus“ information page for more information on how to locate a post office in your area.

Please read the “Operation Santa Claus” articles that inspired this site. It is our sincere and fervent hope that after reading both stories, that parents, teachers, scouting and civic organizations will band together to form a local chapter of Operation Santa Claus in each and every town in this land.

Simple Tools to Counter the Stress of Negative Thinking

2011-12-10T12:23:00.000-08:00

While dealing with all the challenges that are before us each day, it is easy to feel stressful. Quite often, our experience of stress comes from our perception of the situation which can send us into a downward spiral of unhappiness and negative thinking, and can cause us to be unfair or aggressive with others.

A popular definition of stress is, "a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.”

In becoming stressed, people must make two main judgments: First, they must feel threatened by the situation, and second, they must judge whether their capabilities and resources are sufficient to meet the threat. How stressed someone feels depends on how much damage they think the situation can do them, and how closely their resources meet the demands of the situation.

Perception is the key to this as most situations are not stressful in their own right. Rather it is our interpretation of the situation that drives the level of stress that we feel.

Sometimes we are right in what we say to ourselves. Some situations may actually be dangerous, may threaten us physically, socially or in our career. Here, emotions are part of the early warning system that alerts us to the threat from these situations. Very often, however, we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves in a way that we would never be with friends or co-workers. This, along with other negative thinking, can cause intense stress and unhappiness and can severely undermine self-confidence.

Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking are simple tools that help you to change this negative thinking. They will help you manage and counter the stress of negative thinking.

Thought Awareness helps you to understand the negative thinking, unpleasant memories and misinterpretation of situations that may interfere with your performance and damage your self-confidence.

Rational Thinking is the technique that helps you to challenge these negative thoughts and either learn from them or refute them as incorrect.

Positive thinking is then used to create positive affirmations that you can use to counter negative thoughts. These affirmations neutralize negative thoughts and build your self-confidence. It is also used to find the opportunities that are almost always present to some degree in a difficult situation.

Thought Awareness

You are thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself down, criticize yourself for errors, doubt your abilities, or expect failure. Negative thinking damages confidence, harms performance and paralyzes mental skills.

A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to fit into our consciousness, do their damage and flit back out again with their significance, having barely been noticed. Since we do not challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong. Yet, this does not diminish their harmful effect.

Thought Awareness is the process by which you observe your thoughts and become aware of what is going through your head.

One approach to it is to observe your stream of consciousness as you think about a stressful situation. Do not suppress any thoughts: Instead, you just let them run their course while you watch them, and write them down on paper as they occur.

Another more general approach to Thought Awareness comes with logging stress in a Stress Diary. One of the benefits of using a Stress Diary is that, for one or two weeks, you log all of the unpleasant things in your life that cause you stress. This will include negative thoughts and anxieties, and can also include difficult or unpleasant memories and situations that you perceive as negative. By logging your negative thoughts for a reasonable period of time, you can quickly see patterns in your negative thinking. When you analyze your diary at the end of the period, you should be able to see the most common and the most damaging thoughts. Tackle these as a priority.

Thought awareness is the first step in the process of managing negative thoughts, as you cannot manage thoughts that you are unaware of.

Rational Thinking

The next step in dealing with negative thinking is to challenge the negative thoughts that you identified using the Thought Awareness technique. Look at every thought you wrote down and rationally challenge it. Ask yourself whether the thought is reasonable: Does it stand up to fair scrutiny?

As an example, by analyzing your Stress Diary you might identify that you have frequently had the following negative thoughts:

•Feelings of inadequacy.
•Worries that your performance in your job will not be good enough.
•An anxiety that things outside your control will undermine your efforts.
•Worries about other people's reactions to your work.

Starting with these, you might challenge negative thoughts in the ways shown:

Feelings of inadequacy: Have you trained and educated yourself as well as you reasonably should to do the job? Do you have the experience and resources you need to do it? Have you planned, prepared and rehearsed appropriately? If you have done all of these, are you setting yourself unattainably high standards for doing the job?

Worries about performance: Do you have the training that a reasonable person would think is needed to do a good job? Have you planned appropriately? Do you have the information and resources you need? Have you cleared the time you need and cued up your support team appropriately? Have you prepared appropriately? If you have not, then you need to do these things quickly. If you have, then you are well positioned to give the best performance that you can.

Problems with issues outside your control: Have you conducted appropriate contingency planning? Have you thought through and managed all likely risks and contingencies appropriately? If so, you will be well prepared to handle potential problems.

Worry about other people's reactions: If you have put in good preparation, and you do the best you can, then that is all that you need to know. If you perform as well as you reasonably can, then fair people are likely to respond well. If people are not fair, then this is something outside your control.

A few things to remember:

Don't make the mistake of generalizing a single incident. OK, you made a mistake at work, but that doesn't mean you're bad at your job.

Similarly, make sure you take the long view about incidents that you're finding stressful. Just because you're finding that new system, or new responsibilities stressful now, doesn't mean that they will always be so for you in the future.

Often, the best thing to do is to rise above unfair comments. Write your rational response to each negative thought on paper.

If you find it difficult to look at your negative thoughts objectively, imagine that you are your best friend or a respected coach or mentor. Look at the list of negative thoughts and imagine the negative thoughts were written by someone you were giving objective advice to, and think how you would challenge these thoughts.

When you challenge negative thoughts rationally, you should be able to see quickly whether the thoughts are wrong or whether they have some substance to them. Where there is some substance, take appropriate action as this may be an early warning system showing where you need to direct your attention.

Positive Thinking and Opportunity Seeking

Where you have used Rational Thinking to identify incorrect negative thinking, it can often be useful to prepare rational positive thoughts and affirmations to counter them. It can also be useful to look at the situation and see if there are any useful opportunities that are offered by it.

Affirmations help you to build self-confidence. By basing your affirmations on the clear, rational assessments of facts that you made using Rational Thinking, you can use them to undo the damage that negative thinking may have done to your self-confidence. Your affirmations will be strongest if they are specific, are expressed in the present tense and have strong emotional content.

Continuing the examples above, positive affirmations for these feelings might be:

Feelings of inadequacy: "I am well trained for this. I have the experience, the tools and the resources I need. I have thought through and prepared for all possible issues. I can do a superb job."

Worries about performance: "I have researched and planned well for this, and I thoroughly understand the problem. I have the time, resources and help I need. I am well prepared to do an excellent job."

Problems issues outside your control: "We have thought through everything that might reasonably happen and have planned how we can handle all likely contingencies. Everyone is ready to help where necessary. We are very well placed to react flexibly and effectively to unusual events."

Worry about other people's reaction: "I am well-prepared and am doing the best I can. Fair people will respect this. I will rise above any unfair criticism in a mature and professional way."

If appropriate, write these affirmations down on paper so that you can use them when you need them.

As well as allowing you to structure useful affirmations, part of Positive Thinking is to look at opportunities that the situation might offer to you. In the examples above, successfully overcoming the situations causing the original negative thinking will open up opportunities. You will acquire new skills, you will be seen as someone who can handle difficult challenges, and you may open up new career opportunities.

Make sure that identifying these opportunities and focusing on them is part of your positive thinking. In the past, people have advocated positive thinking almost recklessly as if it is a solution to everything. Positive thinking should be used with common sense. First, decide rationally what goals you can realistically attain with hard work, and then use positive thinking to reinforce these.

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and she is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. To learn more book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to discuss your current objectives and goals. On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.

Are You A 'Social' Business?

2011-12-03T13:57:00.000-08:00

Looking at all the ways companies have been marketing their products and services in the past, we now know based on current statistics that a new direction and strategy is critical in capturing new clients and business. Social media has been the number one activity on the web and brands are following the crowd by going ‘social’ and joining millions of people online.

Many companies have set up Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, listed their products/services on web based directories that provide interactive customer reviews and use Google+ and LinkedIn to make professional and personal connections. Some also start blogs and create YouTube channels to share information through videos that now appeals to the masses.

Even so, many businesses are still trying to integrate social media into their old ‘marketing mix’ rather than understanding the whole purpose of social media. This traditional, one-way marketing doesn’t work anymore. Consumers are already bombarded with thousands of marketing messages on a daily basis but the majority of them are ignored. Newspaper circulations are down, television commercials are easily skipped, nearly half of all direct mail is never opened and there are over 200 million Americans on the ‘Do Not Call’ list which prevents any outbound telesales calls. Even the best banner ads are only getting about 1% click through rates now. So what else can you do to get your messages out there?

Today, we are all connected and smart companies make business personal by becoming a 'social business' rather than applying the same old marketing techniques to the new medium. They realize that ‘social’ isn’t a new way of marketing, it’s a new way of doing business and they use an analytics culture to shape and adjust their strategy on the go. This is quite different from the traditional ways of brand building in the past.

Companies that get it right by becoming social see great success. Nearly two thirds of businesses have acquired a customer through their blog. A quarter of B2B firms have gained a client through Facebook. Company websites that have a blog get 55 per cent more visitors than those who don’t. There’s even evidence to suggest that web visitors from social sites convert 59 per cent higher than those who aren’t communicating directly with their customers.

It’s not just about going social it’s about becoming a social business. It’s realizing that marketing doesn’t work like it used to and today, successful companies become social ones. Web exposure with client engagement is the key while keeping your online presence filled with new and interesting content.

Living in this socially connected, real-time and mobile-enabled world, it is better to be human and real than try to bombard irrelevant marketing messages like before. Isn’t it smarter to get personal and understand that people want to feel connected with human’s not just logos? Even if you are a small company or entrepreneur with limited finances, cost effective marketing strategies can be implemented to help you achieve a social media presence.

Achieve your full potential and get the tools you need to excel in your business. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session today to discuss your goals and objectives at http://www.denisedema.com

Being Thankful....

2011-11-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

There is no better way to receive more than to be thankful for all that you already have. Thanksgiving opens the windows of opportunity that allow you to experience the fullness of your life. When we are grateful for the good we already have we attract more good into our life............

Live in the Now!

2011-11-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past or to worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. Embrace your passions and honor yourself and those around you. Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the "Now" the primary focus of your life. Learn how at http://www.denisedema.com

How to Get Organized

2011-11-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Creating productive habits will help you get organized, simplify your life and get everything under control so you can get things done. Look at all the improvements you can make to your daily routine and pick one at a time to incrementally change the way you do things so you can improve your life. Once one habit is changed then move on to the next one until you have a revamped your way of life to stay organized in everything you do. Its’ not that difficult if you take one thing at a time and put some action into it!

Collect information wherever you go. If you carry a capture tool with you whether it’s a small notebook, smart phone or anything else that works for you it will allow you to write down tasks, ideas, projects, phone numbers or anything else that pops into your head each day. I like to start my day by writing a physical list in the morning and use it to check things off as the day progresses. I also put certain reminders in my phone to make sure I address tasks that are very important.

The key elements of the capture habit are: take your capture tool with you wherever you go, write everything down before you forget, and empty your notes of what still needs to be done into your future to-do list when you get back to your home or office.

Process all information that comes to your inbox and create an action to follow. An inbox is any place where you check your messages or read incoming information. The first thing you have to do is minimize your inboxes. List all the ways in which you receive information, evaluate each to see if it gives you value, and find ways to combine or eliminate inboxes.

Make sure that all the papers, letters, bills etc. that come into your home get placed in the one inbox so you can address all of them at the same time preferably at the end of your day or week. If you use a smart phone make sure you get all your messages together in one area whether they are in different email accounts, text messages or voicemails. Once you scroll through them you can then decide what to do at that moment.

Start with the top item on your inbox and work your way down, making immediate decisions as you go along, delete or trash it, delegate or save it. If it’s something you can deal with in two minutes or less, do it immediately. File it if it’s something you need for reference. Add it to your to-do list or calendar to do at another time. Work your way down through each item until the inbox is empty. Leave nothing in the inboxes.

Plan at the beginning of each week the larger tasks that you want to accomplish and schedule them first on your list. Prioritize your tasks to get the most important ones done in the morning each day to ensure that they get done. Planning gives purpose to your week because you’re not just checking items off of a to-do list, you’re doing what’s important to you and what will take you closer to achieving your goals.

Do One Thing at a Time without distractions and select a task and decide that you’re going to work on it either until it’s done, or for a set amount of time. Before you get started de-clutter your desk and eliminate all distractions, shut off your e-mail and cell phone, get off the internet if it isn’t part of your work, and so on. Focus on the task you’ve selected to the exclusion of everything else during the time that you’ve allotted to that task. If you get interrupted or think of something else that needs to be done while you’re focusing on a task, write it down for later and get back to the task until completed.

Use an Easy System instead of getting caught up fiddling with tools and making things too complicated. Concentrate on “doing” and not on the tools. What will work for you is what is best, so think about what is the easiest to implement and start. I create a paper list each morning that I carry with me to add and cross off things as the day progresses. I use my Blackberry to complement my schedule with reminders and put future tasks into my calendar as they come to play. This works for me but you can also separate your tasks in each area for everything work related, all your personal tasks, for calls you can make from anywhere, your list of errands, things you need to follow up on and a list of stuff you don’t want to or can’t do right now, but want to check on later.

Keep lists simple so you can stay focused. All you really need is one list to work off of daily and a master list that you review and update weekly/monthly. I use Outlook as my master list and sink it with my Blackberry. You can also add the small less important tasks as well and whatever doesn’t get done you should put on the following day’s list. If it’s still there at the end of the week then take it off your list because it doesn’t seem to be worth your time…lol

Everything Has Its Place and your life can be completely organized by following two rules: everything you own should have a home, and when you’re done using any item, put it back where it belongs. Create a simple filing system so that you can keep things organized and quickly file any papers that have been finalized or that you’re going to need for future reference. Putting things where they belong, immediately, is a good productive habit. Treat it like any other habit and focus on it for a month to turn it into something automatic.

Set and Keep Routines. It’s important to create productive routines and eliminate the habits that you have that no longer serve you. You should make sure that you are mentally and physically doing what is in your best interest each day. Find routines that work for you so they are within your comfort zone. It’s important to create structure so your routine will work within your home and work life. Following a routine that is flexible as well reduces stress and leads to living an organized, focused life. Knowing what you will be doing each day creates a sense of calm internally.

Do a Weekly Review so you can see the progress you have made with each task completed. It is important to focus and look at your accomplishments so you see improvements to your life and acknowledge the steps that were taken to bring you closer to your goals whether they are daily, weekly, monthly or yearly. Focus on what is important and make sure that your projects/tasks lineup with your goals concentrating on what matters the most. A plan for the future is great but you must live in the now to make each day productive, organized and purposeful.

Tap Into Your Passion and do those things that bring joy to your world. Embracing something that you feel passionate about will replenish your soul and give you the energy and focus to stay on track. If you’re passionate about your work, your family or your home, then your task list will almost seem like a list of rewards.

Get Organized and Achieve Your Full Potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your goals today.

Your Children

2011-10-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite books by Khalil Gibran has brought so much wisdom to my life since I was a teenager. In this chapter he speaks to parents about their children......

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with his might that his arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with the parenting tools you need to stay on the right path with your children. Book a free session today at http://www.denisedema.com

Walking Your Way to Inner Peace

2011-10-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

We all strive to live with inner peace embracing a calm mindset throughout each day. Once we have the condition of peace in us, we can afford to be in any situation. Even in times when extreme challenges invade our life, we are able to contribute our peace and serenity to the situation.

Sometimes that sense of peace disappears because something enters our mind and our thoughts and feelings start to weigh heavy creating anxiety, expectation and stress. Becoming overwhelmed by this can take us into a non productive state both physically and mentally. Just spending time to quiet our mind again reconnecting with our inner peace will put us back on the right path. One way to do this is to take a special kind of walk designed to help the journey called a “Labyrinth Walk.”

What is a Labyrinth?
Labyrinth is a metaphor for our own spiritual path and it touches our joys and sorrows, our memories and present issues. It is a safe place to simply experience ‘being.’ The Labyrinth is an ancient sacred walking path and its pattern and derivatives were placed in Gothic cathedrals in France in the 13th century. In the past decade it has been reintroduced to the United States as a tool to connect with the Divine Spirit. The path, having historical significance in its geometric and numerical design, is one winding continuous flow to the center and back that can be imprinted on portable canvas, permanent stone flooring, or part of a garden landscape. Labyrinth design offers a way of finding peace and clarity through movement. It has a singular, well-defined path that leads to the center and back out again. Many use this space for prayer, meditation, and introspection, nourishing their connectedness to self and spiritual renewal. Any insight or transformations are possible in this sacred space if the walker can let go of ‘expectation’ and simply experience its treasures.

Walking a Labyrinth
People of all faiths have found peace through labyrinth walking because they are considered non-denominational. The labyrinth has only one path to the center. There are no dead ends or wrong turns. Everything on the path is a metaphor for life’s journey. It symbolizes the path to be followed, in daily and seasonal cycles, in life, death and in rebirth.

There are three stages of the walk:

Purgation (Releasing) ~ As you start the walk you are releasing, a letting go of the details of your life. This is the act of shedding thoughts and distractions and a time to open the heart and quiet the mind.

Illumination (Receiving) ~ When you reach the center, stand, sit or lie down and stay there as long as you like. It is a place of meditation, reflection and prayer. Receive what is there for you to receive.

Union (Returning) ~ As you leave, following the same path out of the center as you came in, you enter the third stage, which is symbolic of joining the healing forces at work in the world and symbolic of how you walk in your life with what you have received. Each time you walk the labyrinth you become more empowered to find and do the work you feel your soul reaching for.

Benefits
A labyrinth presents an opportunity for thought, peace and awareness. Because there are no decisions to be made, the walker can let go of the outside world and worries while following the path, circling toward the center. A labyrinth can be a transformational tool that creates a mind-body-spirit connection and a feeling of wholeness. Many people find labyrinth walking to be a calming, centering experience which embraces peaceful reflection. Some people find themselves overcome with powerful emotions as they journey inward. People often respond to the labyrinth without actually knowing why. They simply like how they feel in its embrace. It gives people a chance to charge their batteries again before going back into the fray.

In general, labyrinth walking is used to promote relaxation and relieve stress. Anyone looking for some peace and quiet can benefit from taking the journey to the center of a labyrinth. It has come to represent the inner pilgrimage we make to the center of our being. Walking the labyrinth is not about escaping into the center and leaving the world, it is about experiencing the spirit in the center so that you can live in the world in a more blessed way.

Most of all, labyrinths have healing qualities on many levels, emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual. This comes at a time when we greatly need healing. Healing must be an inside job, which is exactly how labyrinths function. Labyrinths are undergoing a great revival because at times of spiritual crisis they help restore the balance and the inner awareness that the world lacks. We, too, are the world, so eventually; the world itself changes as a reflection of our personal change.

Labyrinths have a long association as elements in gardens and other places of a spiritual, religious or medicinal nature precisely because the point of labyrinth is to help the person who chooses to walk it with intention to find mental and emotional peace and in turn to carry that peace out into the world.

Locations
Labyrinths are more common in the modern world than you might think. Many people have built private labyrinths on their own property so they can walk at their leisure to feel the peaceful affects it brings to their life, but there are many beautiful public places to start your walk as well. There are thousands of permanent labyrinths in use today in the United States alone and can be found in many churches, parks, hospitals, colleges, gardens, community centers, retreat centers and even airports.

The Worldwide Labyrinth Locator http://labyrinthlocator.com provides a directory of labyrinths throughout the world. See if you can find one close to your work or home and start “Walking Your Way to Inner Peace!”

Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with the tools you need to excel in your life! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a free session at http://www.densiedema.com to start your journey to fully experience the richness of any given moment.

CNN Blog Link on Labyrinths

Self Leadership Will Help You Achieve Your Goals

2011-09-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

In business and in your life, the importance of "self leadership" taking ownership of your current circumstance, and taking the necessary steps to move forward toward a positive and more rewarding outcome is critical to your success. We should all have personal, professional, relationship, and even recreational goals. Goals are benchmarks to work towards. They are tangible evidence of our hard work and dedication.

We spend our lives achieving, and often failing to achieve, our goals, whether we know it, or not. Walt Disney said, “A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding. But in the end, no matter what the outcome, he will know he has been alive.”

That quote is so true because without setting some measurable point to work towards, we spend our days, and our lives, meandering from one circumstance to another, not knowing whether we are progressing or retreating.

It's important to provide some clear and concise steps on how to systematically get from point A to point B. Regardless of your situation, adopting a "self leadership" approach, will prove highly beneficial as you work to achieve your goals. Upfront planning and breaking things down into clear, concise, and easy to understand steps will insure your success.

Improve Your Life One Step At A Time:

Determine The Outcome - In order to get to where you want to go, you need to have a clear vision of what the ultimate outcome is that you desire. Otherwise, how will you ever be able to measure your success? Take time to be alone with your thoughts for the sole purpose of deciding what it is that you truly want. Once you have the outcome determined clearly in your mind - write it down. Be sure to keep your written goal in a place where you will see it and be reminded of it on a regular basis. The written goal should be stated in the present tense for your desired outcome.

Broad Outline - Once you know your outcome, it's time to create a broad outline of what it's going to take to achieve your goal. Whether the goal is small or large, it will most likely require you to take action in more than one area. The outline may end up becoming similar to a table of Contents if the outcome was to write a book. Before even writing the first word, we can think through the various chapters of the book that we plan to write. By pre-planning in an outline format, you are in effect creating a skeleton road map to success. The details to you plan will come soon, but for now we just need a broad outline. Keep in mind that you can edit the outline as you go progress. Fine-tuning along the way is important as you learn more about what will be required to achieve your final outcome. Be flexible on this point and watch your road map evolve!

Identify Projects - With a basic outline in hand, the next step requires you to break down each bullet point, or chapter, into projects. Depending on the complexity of your outcome, you may have several projects to complete. For instance, in writing a book, projects might include researching sources; preparing questions; conducting interviews; traveling for background data; research on the topics of marketing, publishing, scheduling time each day to write, etc. Be prepared to add projects to your list as you progress. While it may time longer to achieve your goal than you originally intended, the main point to remember is that you are moving closer to the end result. Keep pressing forward.

List Tasks - This next step is critical. Listing specific tasks required in order to complete each project can be time consuming, but it is well worth your time and effort. Each task will take you one step closer to realizing your ultimate outcome. Your list of tasks will likely be long. Some will be easy to complete, others more difficult. Don't let the size of your list overwhelm you. You will not be attempting to complete all tasks at once. You will, however, need to complete the tasks one by one, taking one step after another. Before you know it the list of tasks will be achieved and every related project will be accomplished!

Add Time-Lines - Depending on your situation, you may need to attach specific time-lines to each project and associated task. If your desired outcome must occur by a specific date, then you must ensure your success by adding specific time-lines to each task and project. If you do not have a specific end date by which you much complete your goal, adding time-lines may not be necessary. The choice is yours.

Take Action Daily - At the very least you are encouraged to do "something" each day (take at least one simple action) toward the realization of your goal. Over time, one year for example, you will be amazed at how much progress you will have made toward achieving your ultimate outcome. Consistent little steps lead to big results!

Stay On Task - At times you may get discouraged because you've become sidetracked. Perhaps a family emergency, work related responsibilities or other personal issues have taken priority and you've not made the progress you intended. Let's face it, LIFE HAPPENS! Here is where you simply say to yourself - "So What!" Don't let it get you down. Instead, just pick back up where you left off. No harm, no foul. Just begin working your task list. Continue to work toward the completion of your projects. Don't waste time beating yourself up over any delays. Re-engage and keep pushing forward.

Look Back to See Forward - From time to time, take a minute to review the progress you've made. Take time out to celebrate the little wins achieved along the way! Remind yourself of where you would be if you had not taken any action at all toward your goal - then compare it to where you are now. Perhaps you have not yet fully realized your goal, but you are no doubt well on your way to victory. Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back for a job well done. Get going on those tasks and projects, and don't stop putting one step in front of the other until you have achieving your ultimate outcome.

Out of all the above steps, the single most important step is Taking Action Daily! By taking action today toward your goals, you could be on your way to creating the roadmap to the life you want. You can accomplish things you once thought were impossible.

"Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take small steps."
- Helmut Schmidt

Get the tools you need to excel in your professional and personal life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. To Learn more visit http://www.denisedema.com and book a complimentary session today!

What Is It Really About?

2011-09-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

What is life about to you? If its about things then that is all you will have. Focus on being a better person and life will respond in kind. Don't rely on others to create your path, its all within your power of choice. Embrace the moment and enjoy the beauty that surrounds you. Give and you will see a whole new side of life.......

Start With You!

2011-09-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

If everyone thought this way everyday, the world would be a better place. So why not start now with you!

9/11 Tribute Movement

2011-09-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

Please join the 9/11 Tribute Movement by briefly describing what you will do this year, a good deed, charitable activity, or other plans, to honor the 9/11 victims, survivors and those that rose in service in response to the attacks.http://911day.org/

Always Believe in Yourself

2011-08-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Living Passionately Takes Courage!

2011-08-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

If you find yourself in a life that doesn’t fit you, take some action and do something about it! Don’t take easy way out. Don’t let your comfort zone trap you for life. It is never too late to live your passion. To live your passion, all you need is courage………

Courage is the strength to stand up when it's easier to fall down and lose hold.

It is the conviction to explore new horizons when it’s easier to believe what we’ve been told.

Courage is the desire to maintain our integrity when it is easier to look the other way.

It is feeling happy, alive and moving forward when it’s easier to feel sorry for ourselves and stay.

Courage is the will to shape our world when it’s easier to let someone else do it for us.

It is the recognition that none of us are perfect when it’s easier to criticize.

Courage is the power to step forward and lead when it’s easier to follow the crowd.

It is the spirit that places you on top of the mountain when it’s easier to never leave the ground.

The foundation of courage is solid, the rock that doesn’t roll.

Courage is the freedom of our mind, body, and soul!

It’s time to find the courage to embrace your passions again. Get coached at your business, home, by phone or e-mail to get the results you need to excel in your personal and professional life! Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com

Networking Your Way Through Life!

2011-07-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

Networking is one of the easiest and cost effective ways to get the word out about your business. Social networking opportunities are limitless online and are very popular, but having some real time interaction with other business professionals face to face is still very important for local exposure and profitability.

One of the most popular ways people do this is by joining associations and industry groups. Members attend networking events for the purpose of gathering in one place to exchange business cards and to talk to other executives about each other’s business. This is a good place for person to person introductions to share information.

It is always good to start conversations with an introduction of yourself and then learn a bit about the other persons business needs so you have the ability to see if your products or services are a good fit. The importance of using that information with a prepared mini business pitch is critical in capturing an immediate interest in your business. By explaining the value and benefit of how your products and or services can improve their business, you create a need for further discussion. If this is done right, you will be able to book a follow up appointment at the owner’s place of business to build rapport further in order to then close the sale. If there really isn’t a fit or business synergy, then you can move on quickly to meet someone else that would better suit your time.

Often, people go to these functions without any preparation or thought focus and miss all the opportunities that are before them by just handing out their business card and engaging in some general conversation about what they do. The most successful executives always work smart. They ask questions, have a brief business pitch that creates value, exchange business cards to prospective clients and make follow up appointments right on the spot to maximize their efforts making these events profitable to attend.

Another way to network that is by far one of the most overlooked is to talk about what you do to everyone that crosses your path. There are many ways to engage with others socially in a passive, friendly way, that shares information about your business without sounding like an aggressive salesperson.

Each day you encounter people at places you frequent that might not know anything about what you do or the business you are in. All business owners use products and services not only to run their own company but also in their personal life as well which makes everywhere you go an opportunity. EVERYONE is a potential client when you mention to them what you do, and in doing so, they might also think of someone within their network of business contacts or family/friends that could use your services as well. The opportunities are endless when you start to expose your services to everyone you encounter. It’s as simple as handing them a business card and saying, “If you ever need my services or know anyone that might need them please share my number or pass my card to them. I will take good care of anyone you send my way.”

When you go to your dry cleaner, veterinarian, favorite restaurant, massage therapist, hair salon, doctor, gym or even to a wine tasting or art gallery, you can give the owner your business card for their reference. I am sure a lot of the places you frequent have been recommended to others in the past. Like telling people how delicious the food is at your favorite restaurant, how great your haircutter is, how well the vet takes care of your pet, how great your trainer is at your gym and so on. This should be mentioned to the business person you are speaking to if applicable in order to show them that you refer their business to colleagues, friends and family as well. This plays into the old saying, “One hand washes the other!”

Diversifying your marketing efforts by stepping out of the box is the key to bringing in clients from all different venues. Today can be the day that you look at the world as the land of opportunity by…… Networking Your Way Through Life!

Get the tools you need to achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. To learn more or book a complimentary session, go to http://www.denisedema.com

Give It and It Will Come Back to You!

2011-07-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Like any lost art, saying "Thank You" can be revived! We can begin the revival by being conscientious about saying thank you to those who help us each and every day. Saying thank you is so powerful because it reinforces the importance of the simplest acts of kindness and reminds us of what we are most grateful for. Don't be in a thank you recession. The more you say thank you the better somebody feels and that energy will soon be returned. Starting today, show everyone that does something nice for you your appreciation! Learn to live each day with gratitude for the simple things that bring joy to your life. Kindness will make your world a beautiful place!

Achieving Happiness and Well-Being in Your Life!

2011-07-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

We all want to be happy. When we're happy we are productive and become good at building meaningful relationships with those around us. However, happiness is a notoriously difficult thing to pin down and by focusing on it too intensely we can end up feeling unfulfilled. So think about what we need to do to flourish and to really be happy as a result. To help this process, here are some essential elements that should be in place for us to experience lasting happiness and well-being.

Positive Emotion
For us to experience well-being, we need positive emotion in our lives. Any positive emotion like peace, gratitude, satisfaction, pleasure, faith, inspiration, hope, curiosity, or love falls into this category and the message is that it's really important to enjoy yourself in the here and now.

Engagement
When we're truly engaged in a situation, task, or project, we experience a state of flow: time seems to stop, we lose our sense of self and we concentrate intensely on the present. This feels really good! The more we experience this type of engagement the more likely we are to experience well-being.

Positive Relationships
As humans we are social beings and good relationships are core to our well-being. Time-and-again we see that people, who have meaningful, positive relationships with others, are happier than those who do not. Relationships really do matter!

Meaning
Meaning comes from serving a cause bigger than ourselves. Whether this is a specific person or a cause that helps humanity in some way, we all need meaning in our lives to have a sense of well-being.

Accomplishment/Achievement
Many of us strive to better in some way whether we're seeking to master a skill, achieve a valuable goal or win in some competitive event. As such, accomplishment is another important thing that contributes to our ability to flourish.

Now that you're aware of all the things that make up your well-being and happiness, you can start to work on each one to live a rich, meaningful life.

Let's look at how you can do this.

Positive Emotions
Although we can't be happy all the time, we need to make sure that we often experience positive emotions such as pleasure, happiness, contentment, peace, joy, and inspiration. If you feel you're not experiencing enough positive emotions in your life, stop and think about why?

First, look at your career. Do you get to use your talents and strengths in your current role? If not how can you change that either in your current position or in another so you are valued for your contributions? Determine your strengths and look at ways to share them with others.

Next, identify people, events, or things that give you pleasure. Start to surround yourself with those things even if it is on a small scale in the beginning. For example, imagine you love being outdoors, surrounded by nature but spend a lot of time working inside. Why not bring plants or flowers into your space to experience this source of happiness in your work environment?

Spend time with positive people, do things that make you smile, and look at activities that bring joy to your world. The aim here is to find ways to bring positive emotions and enjoyment into your daily routine, and to ensure that you don't keep on putting these things off into a future that never quite arrives.

Engagement
Do you feel engaged in your career and in life? Engagement is about being fully involved and enthusiastic about what you are doing. You can experience deep engagement when participating in sports, spending time with friends, or working on things that you're fascinated with.

You can increase your engagement at work by minimizing distractions, improving concentration and focusing on projects that provide an interesting challenge for your skills. When you feel engaged you are more productive, effective and put passion into your work.

Look at your interests. Do you make enough time for a favorite hobby or physical activity? Many of us let this important personal time slip away, especially when we're stressed or overloaded with work. Try to devote plenty of time to activities that make you feel happy and engaged. This is very important to attain life/work balance.

Positive Relationships
Do you have positive relationships in your life? These can be with anyone: family, friends, neighbors, or colleagues. Do you wish you had more of these relationships?

You probably spend a good majority of your time at work, so it's important to start here if you want to build great relationships. Good working relationships give us several benefits and make our work more enjoyable when we have strong relationships with those around us. Also, people are more likely to go along with changes that we want to implement and become more innovative and creative.

Looking at your personal life, do you enjoy the company of your family and friends, and do you find that they're positive and supportive? If not, then it's important to take the time to understand why. Are you devoting enough time to strengthening these relationships? And do you need to make more of an effort to reach out to your friends and family? Don’t wait for another time to have these relationships flourish because things can change in an instant.

Make a commitment to spend significant time with a friend or family member on a regular basis. Relationships take engagement and hard work, and they're often strengthened only when we make an effort to connect with other people. On the other hand, you can't do much to change people so if your relationships aren't positive, you need to decide how far should you seek to preserve them? Know when to cut your ties and put your energy into the relationships that serve your life and are rewarding for you to be in.

Meaning
Do you feel that your life and work has meaning? That is, do you feel that you're connected in some way to a cause bigger than yourself? Most of us want to believe that we're working and living for a greater purpose. So finding meaning is important to our overall sense of well-being. When you set out to actively look for purpose in your life, the harder you try, the harder it can be to find.

Remember chasing butterflies as a kid? The more you ran, the more they flew to escape you. But sometimes, when you just sat on the grass and watched, they'd come to rest on your leg – if only for a moment. Finding purpose in your work can be very much like this. Don't run forward franticly, trying to find meaning. Instead, do a quiet, more thoughtful search. The meaning and purpose you seek may come to you when you least expect it.

Certain activities, such as mentoring a co worker, spending time with our family, volunteering, or performing acts of kindness can really improve our sense of meaning in life. If you feel your own life is lacking meaning, do these things - you'll find them hugely satisfying.

Accomplishments/Achievement
This might be the trickiest element simply because it's very easy to take things too far. For instance, in many societies achievement is highly valued and if we're not always busy, it can seem that we're not living up to expectations and living a full life. However to continually push ourselves too hard can easily run ourselves ragged in pursuit of the next achievement.

So take your time and prioritize your drive in life. If you suspect you're not devoting enough time or energy to accomplishing your dreams, then start now by first identifying what you truly want to accomplish and discover what you'd love most to do in your life. When you set concrete goals for yourself, and discuss them with your manager, partner, parents, coach or mentor, you are creating your image and path of the future. The images you hold about the future serve to guide and inspire you. They influence your present actions and decisions. This is why the power to create your future success comes from within.
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By focusing on all of these elements, you can flourish in life and find the happiness and well-being you want. This is a good starting point for living a great life!

Achieve your full potential today! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session today!

The Importance of Mentoring Employees

2011-07-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

Smart entrepreneurs, executives and small business owners understand the importance of mentoring new and existing employees. One of the responsibilities of an executive in a leadership role is the professional development of their employees. To make the mentoring process work there has to be a deliberate effort to mold and shape an individual by providing the tools to help them perform better.

Mentors provide expertise to essentially less experienced individuals to help them advance their careers, enhance their skills and knowledge. Mentoring is an important aspect to leadership training and in today’s empowered workplace, the old school command and control structure is fading and self-directed work teams are the hot new organizing principle.

Everything within the system of the organization is acted upon by people. People are the organization. The strength and power of the organization is not as much dependent upon its material assets and resources as it is upon the resourcefulness of its people.

Mentoring employees takes the art and science of understanding employees individually and tapping into their true potentials for maximum effectiveness. Ordinary leaders think in terms of creating a vision of the future, yet often fail to create a context that will allow the vision to become a reality. The context is the mental environment that shapes, limits, and defines who the person is and what they see as possible and achievable.

As the global marketplace matures through the introduction of new technologies, competitive products, and economic climate changes, companies are being forced to change in order to remain successful. The manager’s job has become more complex and demanding, requiring the development of broader personal and professional leadership skills. Today’s leaders are confronted with increasing pressure to produce more with fewer resources.

In this pressure-packed environment, successful managers must use the role of leadership to create results by helping employees excel in making the right decisions, respond quickly to customers, take initiative and work well with peers. They also must use the art and science of mentoring to guide employees to double their effectiveness with new skills and greater efficiency in achieving their goals.

Improve your mentoring skills and the performance of your employees by working with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session today!

Stop Over Analyzing and Live Life!

2011-06-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we often contemplate life from every angle. We weigh the pros and cons of every endeavor, every relationship to ensure we don’t take one false step. Unfortunately most of the time they do not protect us from mistakes, nor do they protect us from the very things we are looking to avoid.

Over analyzing life is the major cause of procrastination, and insidious thought. The more you think, the more you conjure up thoughts of how the world is out to get you or that you aren’t capable of attaining whatever goals you desire. We sabotage ourselves. Others don’t sabotage us unless we let them. But more often we do it to ourselves. Over and over until it becomes a part of our psyche and we have to self reprogram our minds into a healthy disposition.

We must rid our thoughts of self defeating feelings. Whether you feel you’re not good enough to date a particular person, or that you’re unqualified for a particular job, you are entitled to anything you want just as anyone else is. No one can make you believe it but you. Just as one obsesses about how they aren’t capable, one can choose to think that they are. It’s the choices they make that determine the happiness of their life. Not circumstances.

Choice is the key word in all of this. It’s what one chooses to think about. For many they consume their minds with needless, irrelevant processes that sap their energy or forms negative energy that they in turn… attract. We are what we attract and attracting these negative forces in our life is our own doing. We have the power to change it. But often many people over analyze themselves into negative dispositions that consume their thoughts, until they manifest it themselves in life.

Life is meant to be lived. The greatest people the world has ever known became great by making things happen and not merely thinking about them and every pitfall that may arrive along the way. You owe it to yourself to be the best person you can be and that starts in your head. It’s unnatural to be positive every second of the day, but we can choose how we digest and manifest information. How we cope with the information we’re given is a reflection of how we think about ourselves. Many things you will analyze will never materialize, because they are figments of your imagination.

You cannot assume what people are thinking. You cannot assume what people will do. You cannot assume that someone is thinking of you when you are, or in the way you are. It’s a ridiculous process that only feeds fear and uncertainty. Focus on you, and what you’re doing, and don’t make judgments on the hypothetical.

Over analyzing can cripple you to non action. Free your mind of these negative thoughts and bathe in the glorious ether of self awareness and confidence. The more you do the more you’ll be focused on things that will make you happy, and less on those negatives you attract.

Learn to stop over analyzing and embrace the life you were meant to live! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach that specializes in human development and personal effectiveness for individuals and professionals. Book a complimentary session today!

Achieve Your Full Potential!

2011-06-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

One quality of leaders and high achievers in every area seems to be a commitmment to ongoing personal and professional development. Are you keeping up with your commitment? Book your complimentary session now!

Simplify your Life- Habits of Zen to Done!

2011-06-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

10 habits that will help you get organized, simplify your life, get things under control, and get things done.

Instead of trying to implement all 10 habits at once, choose one habit at a time and focus on it for 30 days. Then move on to the next one.

Habit 1: Collect

Carry a capture tool with you wherever you go–whether it’s a small notebook, a PDA or anything else that works for you-and write down tasks, ideas, projects, phone numbers or anything else that pops into your head.

The key elements of the capture habit are: take your capture tool with you wherever you go, write everything down before you forget, and empty your notes into your to-do list when you get back to your home or office. (Take note that your capture tool is one of your inboxes).

Habit 2: Process – Make Quick Decisions on Things In Your Inbox

An inbox is any place where you check your messages or read incoming information. The first thing you have to do is minimize your inboxes. List all the ways in which you receive information, evaluate each to see if it gives you value, and find ways to combine or eliminate inboxes.

For example, make sure that all the papers that come into your home get placed in the same inbox. If you have several email addresses, can you get them all forwarded to one service?

The next step is to check and process your inboxes once a day; you may need to check some of your inboxes more often, just don’t do it obsessively.

Start with the top item on your inbox and work your way down, making immediate decisions as you go along:

Delete (or trash it).

Delegate.

If it’s something you can deal with in 2 minutes or less, do it immediately

File it: if it’s something you need for reference.

Add it to your to-do list or calendar to do later.

Work your way down through each item until the inbox is empty. Leave nothing in the inboxes.

Habit 3: Plan

At the beginning of each week list the larger tasks that you want to accomplish–the 3 to 6 “Most Important Tasks” you want to get done that week–and schedule them first. Each morning, create a list of 1 to 3 most important tasks. Do your MIT’s early in the day to get them out of the way to ensure that they get done.

Planning gives purpose to your week: you’re not just checking items off of a to-do list, you’re doing what’s important to you and what will take you closer to achieving your goals.

Stephen Covey tells a story that one of his associates heard at a seminar. The seminar presenter pulled out a wide-mouth gallon jar and placed it next to a pile of fist-sized rocks. After filling the jar to the top with rocks, he asked, “Is the jar full?” The group replied, “Yes.”

He then got some gravel from under the table and added it to the jar. The speaker jiggled the jar until the gravel filled the spaces between the rocks. Again, he asked, “Is the jar full?” This time, the group replied, “Probably not.”

The speaker then added some sand and asked, “Is the jar full?” “No!” shouted the group.

Finally, the speaker filled the jar to the brim with water and asked the group the point of this illustration. Someone replied that you could always fit more things into your life if “you really work at it.” “No,” countered the speaker. “The point is, if you don’t put the big rocks in first, would you ever have gotten any of them in?”

Habit 4: Do One Thing at a Time Without Distractions

Select a task and decide that you’re going to work on it either until it’s done, or for a set amount of time (say 30 minutes). Before you get started, de-clutter your desk and eliminate all distractions: shut off your e-mail and cell phone, get off the internet if possible, and so on. Focus on the task you’ve selected to the exclusion of everything else during the time that you’ve allotted to that task.

If you get interrupted or think of something else that needs to be done while you’re focusing on a task, write it down and get back to the task.

Habit 5: Simple, Trusted System

All you need are lists. Instead of getting caught up fiddling with tools and creating complicated systems, concentrate on “doing” and not on the tools. Place your tasks (“next actions”) in a series of context lists, such as the following:

work: for everything work related

personal: all your personal tasks

phone: for calls you can make from anywhere

errands: your list of errands

waiting for: a list of things you need to follow up on

Someday/maybe: a list of stuff you don’t want to or can’t do right now, but want to check on later.

Keep simple lists: all you need is one list for each context–which you check daily–and a projects list that you review either daily or weekly. These are not your daily to-do lists; they’re master lists from which you pull your MITs.

But what about all those little things that need to get done? You should reserve time in the afternoon to complete these small tasks.

Habit 6: Everything in Its Place

Your life can be completely organized with the following two rules: everything you own should have a home, and when you’re done using any item, put it back where it belongs.

Create a simple filing system so that you can quickly file any papers you’re going to need for future reference.

Putting things where they belong, immediately, is a habit. Treat it like any other habit and focus on it for 30 days to turn it into something automatic.

Habit 7: Weekly Review

You should have a list of life goals; that is, long-term goals. From those long-term goals, you should have between one and three that you want to accomplish this year. If you choose too many long-term goals to work toward on any one particular year, you will lose focus.

For each long-term goal that you choose to work on, choose one medium-term goal that moves you closer to achieving that long-term goal, and which you can accomplish within the next few months. Next, choose one short-term goal that you can accomplish in the next week or so that will move you closer to your medium-term goal. Once you’ve done this, each week review of the progress you’ve made on those goals, and a refocusing on those goals.

Review the notes you made in your capture tool: check that you remembered to add the phone numbers to your contacts, to add items to your context lists, and so on. Also, review your calendar and review your lists.

Habit 8: Simplify

Reduce your goals and tasks to the essentials. Review your task and projects lists and see if you can simplify them. Simplify your commitments and your incoming information stream. Make sure that your projects and tasks lineup with your yearly and life goals. Take everything that you can off of your to do lists: just do the stuff that matters.

Habit 9 – Routines

Set and keep routines. A morning routine, for example, could include meditating, going for a run, processing your inboxes, and reviewing your MIT’s for the day. You could also have an evening routine and weekly routines, such as doing the laundry on Monday, planning your menu and going grocery shopping on Tuesday, paying your bills on Wednesday, and so on. Find routines that work for you.

Habit 10 – Find Your Passion

If you’re passionate about your work and life, your task list will almost seem like a list of rewards.

Create simple habits that serve your life so you can achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book your complimentary session to get started in reaching your goals today!

Integrity......

2011-06-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Integrity is a powerful attribute. It means that you are dependable, you are a person of your word and you are consistent and honest. Integrity is the foundation upon which all other values are built........

The Power of Letting Go.........

2011-05-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

A story for reflection….. Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey and they approached a rough and raging river. On the river bank they saw a young woman who was clearly in need of help to cross to the other side of the river. The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and crossed the river. The senior monk offered to help the woman and carried her across the river. Once across they parted ways and the two monks continued on their journey. As the journey continued, the senior monk could see that the junior monk had something of concern on his mind, and asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, "As monks we are debarred from touching a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?" The senior monk replied, "I left the woman a long time ago when I put her down at the river bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still."

This story shows the importance of detachment. The things we hold onto, bear grudges or perhaps feel angry and hurt about cloud our mind and prevent us from being the best we can be. Letting go usually involves some form of forgiveness or acceptance – whether it’s for yourself, someone else, a situation or even an unknown third party. The irony is that whatever you’re holding onto, it’s probably hurting or bothering you much more than it does anyone else. Letting go doesn’t mean we condone a situation or behavior, it’s about lightening our load. When we let go of whatever is bothering us we set ourselves free and get to reclaim that energy for ourselves. You don’t need to know how to let go, you just need to be willing. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and change how you feel going forwards. Remember - whatever you find it hardest to let go of is probably what you need to let go of the most.

There is tremendous power in letting go because it clears your mind and takes away distractions so you can concentrate on living in the present. Letting go of all the things that drain your mind and body allows you to gain more focus and confidence in yourself to achieve your goals. Improving your present moment improves your future as well and will bring more happiness, joy and real freedom into your life..

Below is an exercise that will help you gain some clarity of the things you need to let go off. Just listing what you need to let go of here will raise your level of awareness and you’ll naturally begin to loosen your grip on the things that do not serve you. So ask yourself and write down what you’re holding onto, what slows you down, what riles you up and anything that gets in the way of you being the best you can be!

What do I need to let go of? How I benefit by holding on?

Now look at this list and imagine letting go of everything on this list. How does it make you feel?

What have you learned about yourself from doing this exercise?

If you need to let go of something you’ve done, simply ask, “What do I need that will allow me to let this go?” Perhaps you need to make some kind of apology or find a meaningful way to make it up to yourself or someone else. While we can’t change the past, we can make peace in the present and learn from it. Also ask yourself, “What do I gain by holding on to this?” Perhaps by holding on to resentments, anger, hurt, you don’t need to accept your part in the situation, or perhaps it stops you from feeling how hurt you really were, maybe you get to stay in ‘the right’ or avoid dealing with someone.

By becoming aware of the things that do not serve your life now will allow you to start the process of letting go and redirecting your energy toward what empowers you and brings you joy.

Start today and get the support you need by working with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self defined success in their personal and professional lives. Achieve your full potential and book a complimentary session.

Keys to Success: The 17 Principles of Personal Achievement

2011-05-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve."

Scroll One - Definiteness of Purpose
Definiteness of Purpose is the starting point of all achievement.

Don't be like a ship at sea without a rudder, powerless and direcionless.
Decide what you want, find out how to get it, and then take daily action toward achieving your goal.
You will get exactly and only what you ask and work for.
Make up your mind today to go after it! Do it now!

Successful people move on their own initiative, but they know where they are going before they start.

Scroll Two - Mastermind Alliance
The Mastermind principle consists of an alliance of two or more minds working in perfect harmony for the attainment of a common definite objective.

No two minds ever come together without a third invisible force, which may be likened to a "third mind."
When a group of individual minds are coordinated and function in harmony, the increased energy created through that alliance becomes available to every individual in the group.

No man can become a permanent success without taking others along with him.

Scroll Three - Applied Faith
Faith is a state of mind which may develop by conditioning your mind to receive Infinite Intelligence.
Applied faith is the adaptation of the power received from Infinite Intelligence to a definite major purpose.

Both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought.
When faith is added to thought, the subconscious mind instantly picksup the vibration, translates it into
its spiritual equivalent, and transmits it to Infinite Intelligence. Faith is the only agency through which the cosmic force of Infinite Intelligence can be harnessed and used.

You can do it if you believe you can.

Scroll Four - Going the Extra Mile
Render more and better service than that for which you are paid, and sooner or later you will receive
compound interest on compound interest from your investment. For it is inevitable that every seed of useful service you sow will multiply itself and come back to you in overwhelming abundance.

Put your mind to work. Access your ability and energy. Who could use your help? How can you help?
It doesn't take money... all it takes is ingenuity and a strong desire to be genuine service. Helping others to solve their problems will help you to solve your own.

The most successful people are those who serve the greates number of people.

Scroll Five - Pleasing Personality
A pleasing personality is the aggregate of all the agreeable, gratifying and likable qualities of any one individual.

Believe in yourself - first and foremost! What you believe yourself to be, you are.
The attitudes you transmit to others will tell more about yourself than the words you say or how you look.
Enthusiasm comes from within. It is a PMA characteristic. You can generate enthusiasm by your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

It is essential that you develop a Pleasing Personality -pleasing to yourself and others.

Scroll Six - Personal Initiative
Personal initiative bears the same relationship to an individual that a self-starter bears to an automobile!
It is the power that starts all action. It is the power that assures completion of anything one begins.

Personal initiative is the inner power that starts all action. It is the dynamo that spurs the faculty of your imagination into action and inspires you to finish what you start. Personal initiative is self-motivation.

Today's employer usually is yesterday's employee who found opportunity waiting for him at the end of the second mile.

Scroll Seven - Positive Mental Attitude
Your mental attitude is the medium by which you can balance your life and your relationship to people and circumstances - to attract what you desire.

We are all born equal in the sense that we all have equal access to the Great Principle: The right to control our thoughts and mental attitude. A positive Mental Attitude is the greatest of life's riches... it is through this attitude that anything worthwhile is achieved.

Keep your mind on the things you want and off the things you don't want. Remember the old proverb: "Be very careful what you set your heart on, for you will surely achieve it."

Scroll Eight - Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is a state of mind. It inspires action and is the most contagious of all emotions.

Enthusiasm is a combination of mental and physical energy which is seldom found in an ailing body. It thrives best where sound physical health abounds. Sound health begins with the development and maintenance of health consciousness, just as economic success begins with prosperity consciousness.

To be enthusiastic - act enthusiastically!

Scroll Nine - Self-Discipline
Self-discipline, or self-control, means taking possession of your own mind.

The power of thought is the only thing over which any human being has complete unquestionable control.
We have the power of self-determination, the ability to choose what our thoughts and actions will be. If you direct your thought and control your emotions, you will ordain your destiny. Take charge of your life. You are what you think!

Direct your thoughts, control your emotions and ordain your destiny!

Scroll Ten - Accurate Thinking
Accurate thought involves two fundamentals. First, you must separate facts from mere information. Second, you must separate facts into two classes - the important and the unimportant. Only by so doing can you think clearly and accurately.

Accurate thinkers permit no one to do their thinking for them. Gather information and listen to the opinions of others, but reserve for yourself the privilege of making decisions.

Truth will be truth, regardless of a closed mind, ignorance or the refusal to believe.

Scroll Eleven - Controlled Attention
Controlled attention is the act of coordinating all the faculties of the mind and directing their combined power to a given end. It is an act which can be achieved only by the strictest sort of self-discipline.

Learn to fix your attention on a given subject, at will, for whatever length of time you choose. You will have learned the secret to power and plenty! This is concentration.

Keep your mind on the things you want and off the things you don't want!

Scroll Twelve - Teamwork
Teamwork is the willing cooperation and coordination of effort to achieve a common goal. Teamwork is sharing a part of what you have - a part that is good - with others!

Teamwork differs from the Mastermind principle in that it is based on coordination of effort without necessarily embracing the principle of Definiteness of Purpose or the principle of absolute harmony, both of which are essential to a Mastermind Alliance.

Harmonious cooperation is a priceless asset which you can acquire in proportion to your giving.

Scroll Thirteen - Adversity and Defeat
Every adversity you meet carries with it a seed of equivalent or greater benefit. Realize this statement, and believe in it. Close the door of your mind on all the failures and circumstances of your past so your mind can operate in a Positive Mental Attitude.

Every problem has a solution - only you have to find it!

If you develop an "I don't believe in defeat attitude," you will learn that there is no such thing as defeat - until you accept it as such! If you can look at problems as temporary setbacks and stepping-stones to success, you will come to believe that the only limitations you have are the ones in your own mind.

Remember: every defeat, every disappointment and every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.

Scroll Fourteen - Creative Vision
Creative vision is a quality of mind belonging only to men and women who follow the habit of going the extra mile, for it recognizes no such thing as the regularity of working hours, is not concerned with monetary compensation, and its highest aim is to do the impossible.

Creative vision is definitely and closely related to that state of mind known as faith, and it is significant that those who have demonstrated the greatest amount of creative vision are known to have been men with a great capacity for faith. This is both logical and understandable when we recognize that faith is the means of approach to Infinite Intelligence, the source of all knowledge and all facts, both great and small.

The imagination is the workshop of the soul wherein are shaped all plans for individual achievement.

Scroll Fifteen - Mainttenace of Sound Health
Follow work with play, mental effort with physical, eating with fasting, seriousness with humor, and you will be on the road to sound health and happiness.

Don't try to cure a headache. It's better to cure the thing that caused it.

Whatever you possess, material, mental or spiritual, you must use it or lose it. You are a mind with a body! Since your brain controls your body, know that sound physical health is dependent upon a Positive Mental Attitude. Establish sound, well-balanced health habits in work, play, rest, nourishment and study, and develop and maintain positive thought habits. Remember, what your mind focuses upon, your mind brings into existence.

If you think you're sick, you are.

Scroll Sixteen - Budgeting Time and Money
Effectiveness in human endeavor calls for the organized budgeting of time. For the average man the 24 hours of each day should be divided as follows: 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for work, 8 hours for recreation an spare time.

The successful person budgets time, income and expenditures, living within his means. The failure squanders time and income with a contemptuous disregard for their value.

Tell me how you use your spare time and how you spend your money, and I will tell you where and what you will be ten years from now.

Scroll Seventeen - Cosmic Habitforce
The orderliness of the world of natural laws gives evidence that they are under the control of a universal plan.

Man is the only living creature equipped with the power of choice through which he may establish his own thought and behavior patterns. You have the power to break bad habits
and to create good ones in their place - at will.

You are where you are and what you are because of your established habits and thoughts and deeds.

Implement these principles into your life to achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach that specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness. Book a complimentary session today!

Honoring the Legacy of My Mother

2011-05-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

Every year on Mother's Day, I honor my mother’s legacy by embracing the memories of the wonderful woman she was. I was lucky to have been born to someone that gave me so much as a child for she made me into the woman I am today. I was loved, spoiled, disciplined, encouraged, mentored, supported, cherished and respected throughout my life by my beautiful mother and I will always be grateful for all she sacrificed to be able to give me the life I had growing up. She was my best friend…..funny, sarcastic, smart, bossy, giving, loud, adventurous, entertaining and always made me feel special even when she was yelling at me….lol. My mother had a lot of friends, was active in my school and social life, enjoyed dancing, singing, playing cards, smoking, traveling in her Lincoln Continental, took me on many mini vacations and threw lots of parties at our home. She was a lot of fun…… called me Princess…. I called her Queen….. she gave me life, she made my life and I cared for her at the end of her life. When she left this earth at 69 years old I was very sad but had a sense of relief that God took her out of the cancer ridden body she was in and did not make her suffer long. I wanted her spirit to be free again to dance in heaven and watch over me like she has my whole life. If I could have chosen anyone in this world to be my mother I still would have chosen her. She left this earth early but only in the physical sense, her spirit and love are with me always. The day of her passing was on October 25th 2003 and this poem was part of the service that honored the memory of Evelyn Dema, the Queen of my Heart!

When I must leave you
For a little while-
Please do not grieve
And shed wild tears
And hug your sorrow to you
Through the years,

But start out bravely
With a gallant smile;
And for my sake
And for my name
Live on and do
All things the same,

Feed not your loneliness

On empty days,

But fill each waking hour

In useful ways,

Reach out your hand

In comfort and in cheer

And I in turn will comfort you

And hold you near;

And never, never

Be afraid to die

For I am waiting for you in the sky!

Empowering Women’s Health

2011-05-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

May is the month that we celebrate Mother's Day and it encourages us to think of all the women that have had an impact in our lives. Mothers have the innate ability to nurture, love and mentor children to live healthy and happy lives. So it is a great time to appreciate the contribution these women have made and to look at how we can improve ourselves, as well as to empower other women to live healthy lives. Each and every one of us has the ability to choose a healthy lifestyle. Let's start by taking a look at what we could be doing now that can change our daily routines and encourage other women to do the same. We can start by defining what a healthy life style is and how we can become empowered to make a difference in our lives.

Physical health is made up of many things, but includes eating right, exercising and eliminating bad habits like smoking and drinking. There are many diets, exercise and self-help books out there that teach you what to do in order to lose weight and stay physically fit and all of them have valuable information. What isn’t so prevalent in these books is the understanding that the way you think about your health and the physical habits that have formed as a result, have more to do with the life you are living now than new information anyone can give you. Ask yourself, what is the difference between waking up and eating a low calorie-high protein breakfast, exercising or stretching to release the endorphins, and then setting out to get ready for your day? Or, waking up and not eating any breakfast, not doing any form of exercise, and pretty much following your daily habits which are more comfortable? The difference is how you think about it, what you do about it, and how you process the habits that you already have.

Of course you know what to do, but do you do it, and why not? You have to start somewhere and you might need someone to help you change your physical behavior to break some habits. A neighbor, friend, family member or personal coach can motivate you to change, even if it’s starting with the basics like eating breakfast to give the body fuel instead of a cup of coffee and running out the door. One minor change can affect the rest of your day. Taking a brisk walk in the morning, riding your bicycle daily, going to the gym, joining a yoga class and being conscious that a good night’s sleep is imperative to how your body functions each day, is the beginning. Eliminating distractions like watching TV when you are in bed will determine the type of sleep you are going to have, which in return determines the day you will have to follow. It’s all is connected so being aware that this is the first step in changing what does not benefit you. Even relaxing with breathing exercises will help you on a daily basis to release the stress that is stored in your body. These are simple things that will start you on a path to allow your body to function better, but it is up to you to start. How you change your habits will depend on you. What will motivate you is different for each individual but attainable if you start with changing your mind.

Mental health is a broad term, but for most of us it is something we take for granted. If you start to become aware of your daily thought patterns, you will then understand what level of energy has to be put forward in order to attain peace and tranquility. Becoming angry everyday is the first indication that you are harboring negative feelings that often reflect how you treat others. Daily interaction with your children, co workers, family members and even strangers should not be confrontational if you are living in a peaceful state. It all gets a little challenging when someone puts negative energy in your way, for instance, when you are in traffic, or standing in a long line of people, or even when someone judges you, but you do have the choice to let it be their negative energy without internalizing it to be yours. Why isn’t it just that easy to be happy each and every day no matter what crosses your path? ...well it really is, but because you feed into what other people do and say, it becomes difficult to separate your path from theirs. Simply put, you have the ability to allow their negative energy to stay with them, and to proceed with the positive thought processes that honor and value your well-being.

The first step in gaining clarity and living a happy, peaceful life is to eliminate tolerations. Think right now about what you tolerate on a daily basis and from whom, that does not bring positive energy to your life. Just look around, a lot of people compromise their happiness, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Seeking validation from others should not be what defines you. You define you, and the right thought process and coping skills to achieve mental health can be developed with a commitment to that goal. Those skills will allow you to make better choices on a daily basis, which will lead to living a healthy lifestyle.

In general, women lead very busy lives and are faced with a variety of demands on their time. Compromises are made to their health. Let's face it, these demands call for a whole new level of effectiveness. It begins with good health and a sense of mental well-being. The need to be calm, focused, resolute, energetic, strong, patient and confident is more important than ever in juggling a home life and career. Taking time to focus on personal well-being is something we all easily overlook in our fast-paced lives but it definitely needs to be a priority. In today's culture, extended youth and health have become of crucial importance and we must put greater attention on our personal care and work toward a daily routine of health and strength. Living a healthy life is within our grasp. For many of us it sometimes means changing the way we live and think. You have the power to empower, and it all starts with you!

“The body is the servant of the mind” -James Allen

Get the tools you need to excel in your personal and professional life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach that specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness. Book a complimentary session today!

The Wisdom of Napoleon Hill

2011-04-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

Napoleon Hill was an American author who was one of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature. He is widely considered to be one of the great writers on success and his most famous work, Think and Grow Rich, is one of the best-selling books of all time. Hill's works examined the power of personal beliefs, and the role they play in personal success. "What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve" is one of Hill's hallmark expressions. How achievement actually occurs, and a formula for it that puts success in reach for the average person, were the focal points of Hill's books and teachings.

Hill considered the turning point in his life to have occurred with his assignment, as part of a series of articles about famous and successful men, to interview the industrialist Andrew Carnegie. At the time, Carnegie was one of the most powerful men in the world. Hill discovered that Carnegie believed that the process of success could be outlined in a simple formula that anyone would be able to understand and achieve. Impressed with Hill, Carnegie asked him if he was up to the task of putting together this information, to interview or analyze over 500 successful men and women, many of them millionaires, in order to discover and publish this formula for success.

This video link explains Hills exploration into personal and professional development through his meetings with Andrew Carnegie. Enjoy the wisdom shared by Napoleon Hill!

Leadership Tools - Building Confidence in Others

2011-04-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder how great leaders create self-assured teams?

Think about watching a sports match between two teams, where one team is more confident than the other. The members of the more confident team know that they have a good chance of winning. As a result, everyone on the team makes good decisions, and the players work together seamlessly. Meanwhile, the other team's confidence is shaky. Players doubt their abilities, they hesitate, and they don't commit fully to any particular course of action. When this happens, it's likely that the more confident team will win.

The same principles apply in the workplace - when you have people on your team who have low self-confidence, this can hold them back from reaching their full potential.

This is why it's important that we do what we can to boost the confidence of those around us, especially if we're leading a team.

Recognizing Low Self-Confidence
People who lack self-confidence rarely thrive. They see more risks than opportunities, they don't perform particularly well in new situations, and they often have low self-esteem. What's more, they rarely trust their own judgment, and they may see any successes that they do achieve as resulting from luck, rather than from their own efforts.

By contrast, people who have high self-confidence are more productive and more effective, and can raise the morale of the entire group. They're also more comfortable taking risks, which can have benefits for their own careers, as well as for their teams.

Confidence can make or break people's ability to achieve their life goals. So how can you help boost the self-confidence of the people around you?

Help Them Develop Knowledge and Skills
Chances are that there are several skills you rely on to do your job well. When you use these skills successfully, what happens? You feel confident! These are the skills that you've worked on over the years, and you're comfortable that you can use them to accomplish the task at hand.
The same is true for the people on your team. The stronger their skills are, the more confident they're going to feel.

So a good way to increase the self-confidence of people in your team is by encouraging learning, and by providing plenty of opportunities for additional training. The more knowledge and skills that people have to do their job, the more confident they're going to feel, especially when they approach challenging projects.

Set Clear Goals and Help Them Achieve Them
Many people get confidence from completing tasks and projects successfully. But that confidence only comes if people know what it is that they're supposed to do.

This is why it is so important to set clear goals for every member of your team. Goals define success, and give people an objective to shoot for. Without them, they're working aimlessly.

So make sure that the people on your team know what goals they're supposed to be working toward, and help them to achieve these goals. Then, when they succeed, celebrate their achievements!

Help Them Identify "Triggers"
All of us experience fluctuations in our confidence - some tasks or situations lift us up, while others can cause our confidence to drop.

If you work with someone who has low self-confidence, help him to identify his "trigger situations." By knowing what causes his confidence to waver, he can work to build the knowledge and skills he needs to feel more confident.

To do this, grab a piece of paper and a pen, and sit down with this person. Divide the page into two columns. On one side, ask him to list the situations that make him feel confident. This could be anything, from writing the corporate blog to helping shape your department's budget. Anything that makes him feel happy and confident should go on this list. Then, next to each task, have him write down why he's confident in these situations. What knowledge or skill is he using that makes him feel good?

Next, ask him to list the situations that don't make him feel confident. This could include giving presentations, expressing his opinion in meetings, or writing a report. Why doesn't he feel confident in these situations? What new knowledge and skills would help him feel better in each scenario?

It can be an eye-opening experience to identify these triggers. But, once he can see which skills he could improve on, he'll be more motivated to face his fears.

You could also use role playing with him. This is a useful technique that allows him to practice succeeding in low-confidence scenarios. To do this, you'll need to talk to this person about his self-confidence, which may be something that he instinctively tries to avoid. You're much more likely to be successful if you have this conversation as part of a coaching or mentoring relationship.

Encourage Autonomy
If you want your team to tackle tasks with confidence, it's important that you allow them the autonomy to make their own decisions. When your people have the power to decide what needs to be done, they start to take ownership of their work. It truly becomes their responsibility, and when they succeed, their confidence can soar.

Whenever you can, delegate tasks and give your people the power to make their own decisions. Be aware, however, that people who have low self-confidence may resist this at first: after all, they may doubt that they'll make the right decisions. To fight these doubts, encourage them to take on small, achievable projects. Then, if they rely on you too much for help or guidance, encourage them to be more independent This will push them to make their own decisions, instead of running to you for help or advice.

Celebrate Success
It's important that all of us celebrate the success we've achieved, because recognition of success builds self-confidence. Whenever your people accomplish a goal or hit a key target, then celebrate with them! Reward them with a gift certificate, party at the office, or even do something small like bringing in donuts, cookies or cake. At the very least, congratulate them on their success, and let them know how much you appreciate their hard work.

It's also important to keep your team excited about what they're doing. Celebrating success helps with this, but keeping motivation high long-term is key to building a team with high confidence levels..

Encourage Positive Thinking
Many people who lack self-confidence focus on negative thoughts. They may think things like, "I can't do that!" or "I'm not smart enough." These negative thoughts cause people to spiral down further, reinforcing their belief that they'll never be good enough to succeed. Of course, this just makes things worse!

Encourage people to think positively. One technique is to show them how to "flip their thoughts" - every time they catch themselves thinking a negative thought, teach them to think its rational opposite.

For instance, if they think "I'm not smart enough to finish this project," instead they should think "I know I have the knowledge and skills to finish this project. If I do need help, I can always ask for it." Flipping a thought from negative to positive creates a subtle shift in our minds. The change in our outlook and energy is almost palpable, so this technique can make a big difference in confidence!

Balancing Self-Confidence and Over-Confidence
When people become more self-confident there's always the risk they can become over-confident, or even arrogant. There's no doubt that there is a fine line here, but once it's crossed, these people can start to impact the morale and productivity of the group in a negative way. What's worse is when people get careless, because they over-estimate their own ability to improvise in difficult situations.

If this happens to a person on your team, start by gently bringing the situation to their attention. Chances are that they might not have realized that they crossed the line into arrogance. Meet with them in private, be specific about what their saying or doing, and explain why their behavior could be construed as arrogance. If their behavior has caused tension or upset in the team, then make sure that you let them know. Usually, when people are aware that their behavior is hurting others, they're motivated to change.

Key Points
If you work with people who have low self-confidence, there are several ways that you can help.

First, encourage them to develop additional knowledge and skills. Help them set clear goals, and sit down with them to identify specific situations that cause their confidence to plummet.

If you're leading a team, give your people as much power as you can to make their own decisions, and celebrate the success they achieve along the way. But remember that too much self-confidence can be just as damaging to your team as low self-confidence, so help them find the right balance.

Confidence is key in working effectively and productively. So do everything that you can to help boost other people's confidence, as well as your own. You'll start to see huge improvements in people's performance!

Get the tools you need to excel in your professional and personal life. Work with a Business Coach that specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness. Book a complimentary session today!

Published Comments in The Palm Beach Post

2011-04-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

Check out my comments at the end of the Palm Beach Post article, "Invention and reinvention for mother and son."

Get Your Free E-Book "As A Man Thinketh"

2011-04-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

This little classic gem “As A Man Thinketh” by James Allen is one of my all time favorite personal development books and literally a blueprint on living. It serves as a course of action for approaching life in a meaningful manner while capturing the pure essence of the human mind and unlimited potential each of us has if we simply will change the way we think.

Everyone should read this wonderful philosophy book many times throughout their life because it takes more than one reading to fully understand the powerful insights given in taking responsibility for your thoughts, actions and circumstance. I first read this book when I was 16 years old for personal growth and it quickly became my guide for shaping my thought processes and creating self awareness throughout my entire life. I have given it as a gift to clients, friends and acquaintances and continue to use all of the principles in my coaching practice for well over 20 years. There is so much life-improving wisdom, advice, and guidance packed inside this motivational book that you will still learn something new every time you read it.

They say what's old becomes new again. Many people consider James Allen as the founder of the personal development industry and current motivational speakers, success coaches and authors credit this book for providing the foundation to their teachings. Allen understood over a century ago what everyone is now calling "The Law of Attraction” and set the stage for the book, “The Secret” to be written. We are what we think...and you always have the choice to determine what that is!

Enjoy reading the wisdom of James Allen, but most of all learn to apply it to your life! Click on this link As A Man Thinketh and begin your journey to enlightenment.

Your Soul Mission

2011-04-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

Your soul mission is your reason for being, your life purpose. It's your calling in life-who you feel called to be, what you feel called to do. Mission is an energy that flows through you-a drive, voice, or passion that you cannot ignore. It's what you know in your heart you must live if you are to experience inner peace and harmony. Achieve Your Full Potential and start embracing your true life purpose.

Published in The Boca Raton Observer

2011-04-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

I was interviewed for the article, "Mothers of Reinvention" and published in the April issue of the Boca Raton Observer Check it out!

Developing Emotional Intelligence

2011-03-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

We probably all know people either at work or in our personal lives who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we're in, they always seem to know just what to say and how to say it. They're caring and considerate, and even if we don't find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

They are masters at managing their emotions. They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.

People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence or EI. They know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional needs of others. People with high emotional intelligence are usually successful in most things they do. They are able to make others feel good and go through life much more easily than people who are often angered or upset.

Success today is closely linked to how people handle emotionally charged situations that they face daily and manage their internal emotional states and emotional tensions effectively. As more and more people accept that emotional intelligence is just as important to professional success as technical ability, organizations are increasingly using EI when they hire and promote.

What is Emotional Intelligence?
We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important.

Emotional intelligence is a general term used for our level of competence in our personal and interpersonal skills. It is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. It also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively. It allows you to value others, listen to their wants and needs, and empathize or identify with them on many different levels.

Mastery of these personal and interpersonal skills is the single most important determinant of our performance success. It is also a major determinant in how we feel, think and act. Emotional Intelligence will determine how well you know and manage yourself, how well you handle what happens to you and how well you interact and handle others.

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Here are five elements that define emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them. They're confident – because they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of control. They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.

2. Self-Regulation – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no.

3. Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.

4. Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.

5. Social Skills – It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.

How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Use these tips to identify where you might need to do some work:

• Observe how you react to people. Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place, and be more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs.

• Look at your work environment. Do you seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn't mean that you're shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine – put the focus on them, and don't worry too much about getting praise for yourself.

• Do a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can change your life.

• Examine how you react to stressful situations. Do you become upset every time there's a delay or something doesn't happen the way you want? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued – in the business world and outside it. Keep your emotions under control when things go wrong.

• Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize directly – don't ignore what you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.

• Examine how your actions will affect others – before you take those actions. If your decision will impact others, put yourself in their place. How will they feel if you do this? Would you want that experience? If you must take the action, how can you help others deal with the effects?

Key Points
Although regular intelligence is important to success in life, emotional intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving your goals. Many people believe that emotional intelligence is at least as important as regular intelligence.

Many companies now use EI testing to hire new staff because they acknowledge that traits such as developing positive outlooks, showing empathy, listening attentively, communicating effectively all significantly increase productivity. When customers are complaining, the ability for staff to manage their own internal emotional states becomes critical. Skills in conflict resolution, rapport building and solving problems are hallmarks for high customer loyalty.

Emotional Intelligence learning involves the LIMBIC system (the emotional centre for the brain). This system learns best by motivation; practice over time, relating to real life practical situations and through feedback. Developing emotional intelligence requires individual focus and requires that individuals understand their old behavioral programming in order to embrace new behaviors.

The most import thing about EI no matter how it’s construed is that it is related to a variety of measures of well-being, quality of life, occupational success, health and relationship quality. EI is an essential ingredient of life success and happiness.

Improve your emotional intelligence to achieve your full potential. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives & business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/

Anger Management Tools

2011-03-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

It seems that anger is everywhere in our society. One just has to read the newspaper daily or watch the evening news to conclude that controlling one's angry feelings is a major challenge for many adults, teens, and children.

Uncontrolled anger is a major factor in domestic violence and spousal abuse, in aggressive driving violations, in workplace rudeness and disruption, and in marital conflicts and family fights. A particularly high cost of anger is on your children. The effect of children witnessing extreme conflict in the home can be devastatingly more harmful most of the time than a parental divorce.

Managing angry feelings requires mastering specific thought and action skills and then practicing these skills on a daily basis. The costs to persons who do not learn how to regulate their negative emotions are high and include increased risk of relapse, loss of relationships, conflicts at work, loss of respect in the eyes of loved ones, and lowering of self-esteem.

What is Anger?

We view angry feelings as a normal emotional reaction to frustration in our everyday world. It is natural to become angry when we have a goal and this goal is blocked in some way. Anger isn't just one emotion, but a family of emotions that are related to each other both in our brains and in our behavior. People often give a variety of names to their angry feelings, which range from mild irritation to rage.

Once anger begins, it generates changes in our expressions, our faces, our voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to action. In fact, the purpose of emotions such as anger is to organize and mobilize all of our bodily systems to respond to our environment in some way. Anger, like all emotions, is regulated by that section of our brain called the limbic system (located in our mid brains beyond our inner ear) Emotional memories are stored in the amygdala and other structures which are located in this limbic system.

You may experience anger now in your life which may actually be caused by a mixture of what is triggering it now and experiences you have had in the past—even if you don't remember them. This "old anger" is activated by your brain in its attempt to protect you even though the original danger is no longer present. It is up to the thinking part of the brain, our frontal lobes, to find a way to deal with the angry feelings the amygdala and other brain structures have set in motion. Fortunately, we have the unique ability to have choices regarding how we will deal with our feelings.

Model of Anger Management.

Anger management is NOT about never getting angry—that would be an impossible and ridiculous goal because angry feelings are "hard-wired" in your brain and probably serve a protective and survival function. Rather, anger management is about learning how to regulate and express those natural angry feelings in a way that makes you a more effective human being. Persons who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more occupational success than those who manage their anger poorly. They also get more of their needs met without antagonizing loved ones or colleagues.

Learning to manage anger involves mastering the tools of anger control. This model of anger management is not therapy and does not dwell on the past or the underlying reasons for anger. Rather, it is psycho-educational, skill-building, and practical drawing on recent research and findings in neuroscience, marriage/relationships, stress management, and the emerging science of happiness and optimism.

Tools To Reduce Anger

Recognize Stress
Stress and anger tend to go hand and hand. The higher one's stress level, the easier it is to allow our anger to get out of control. It is a challenge for most of us to manage our stress levels in a complex world with many demands and expectations. Learning stress management techniques gives us an effective way to reduce the physical, behavioral, and emotional problems caused by too much stress.

Stress is often the trigger that takes us from feeling peaceful to experiencing uncomfortable angry feelings in many common life situations. Whether the stressor is external or internal, scientists have discovered that the major systems of the body work together to provide one of the human organism's most powerful and sophisticated defenses; the stress response which you may know better as "fight-or-flight". Before your stress response turns into anger or aggression, use stress management strategies to get it under control.

Develop Empathy
Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed that the customers at the table next to you were speaking louder than anyone else? It was as if they had no idea that they were being so loud and intrusive to the rest of the patrons. This lack of awareness is often a sign of not being emotionally or socially alert. Or, have you ever been in a situation where you tried to express your feelings and it backfired in some way?
Some of us are very good at knowing how we feel and expressing it, while others struggle to do so. It is crucial to express emotion in order to relate to those around us. Our ability to know how we are feeling as well as our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help us make positive connections with others. This characteristic is often called "empathy."

To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another. Lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of other people's behavior and our lack of empathy toward them or their situation.

Respond Instead of React
Many times we become angry because we find people and situations that literally "push our buttons", and we react just like a juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing when you make a selection. Rather than reacting to anger triggers in this fashion, you can learn to choose how to deal with frustrating situations—to respond rather than automatically react like that juke box.

There are many advantages to learning to how be more flexible in dealing with the stresses and frustrations of life. At the top of the list is a sense of empowerment. It just feels good and powerful to know that you are in charge of your response, rather than being controlled by other people or circumstances. Many people notice their anger level going down as their feeling of empowerment goes up.

Change That Conversation With Yourself
A crucial tool in dealing with angry feelings is that of challenging that conversation with yourself. You are constantly telling yourself all kinds of things which cause you to have certain feelings or emotions—even though you may not realize it. Learning to change that "self-talk" empowers you to deal with anger more effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your anger. The more aware you become of your internal voice the easier it becomes to change it!

Communicate Assertively
Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people respond to us and how we feel toward them.

Anger expressed toward others is often a misguided way of communicating a feeling we have or a need that is not being satisfied by other people or situations. Assertive communication—as distinct from aggressive communication is a set of skills to honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and how you are responding to things without getting angry or hostile about it.

Adjust Expectations
Have you ever been told your expectations are too high? Anger and stress can often be caused when our expectations are too far apart from what is realistic to achieve. In other words, anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we expect and what we get. Learning to adjust those expectations—sometimes upward and other times downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or people, or even cope with ourselves. In marriage, research shows that much anger is caused by trying to solve problems which are unsolvable and perpetual. Successful couples learn to live with each other around these issues rather than getting angry about them.

Forgive But Don't Forget!
Anger is often the result of grievances we hold toward other people or situations, usually because of our perception and feeling of having been wronged by them in some way. Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender. Holding a grudge is letting the offender live rent free in your head. Making the decision to "let go" (while still protecting ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control.

Retreat and Think Things Over!

Often time couples have verbal battles over any number of issues and do not to give each other "space" during an argument insisting they solve the issue immediately. Even worse, when one person physically blocks the other from leaving and follows them from room to room demanding discussion can become a very dangerous practice. It can escalate levels of anger even further and cause partners to do and say things they don't really mean and may later regret!

Research shows that we are pretty much incapable of resolving conflicts or thinking rationally in an argument when our stress level reaches a certain point. To avoid losing control either physically or verbally, it is often best to take a temporary "time-out"—and leave. This tool of anger management works much better if (a) you commit to the other person to return within a reasonable amount of time to work things out, and (2) you work on your "self-talk" while trying to cool down.

Using these tools to control your anger in your daily life will greatly improve all your relationships and productivity. If you recognize that you need support in applying these thought and action skills into your daily life, book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/ Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives.

Unleash Your Full Potential!

2011-03-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

Each of us has one or more special gifts, but we spend most of our time focused on the talents or skills we don’t have that we think are critical to our success. In reality, we need to focus on our special gifts and how we can leverage those to help us achieve more. You contain within yourself a unique combination of talents and abilities which properly identified and applied, will enable you to achieve virtually any goal you can set for yourself. Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are. Unleash your full potential! Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/

Practicing Mindfulness

2011-03-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Originally derived from the Buddhist tradition, but increasingly applied to a wide spectrum of Western modalities for mental and physical well-being, mindfulness is the practice of bringing your awareness to what is emerging in the present moment. This refers to what is occurring for us internally (our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs) and externally (the environment around us) from moment to moment. It is a radical wake-up call to become conscious of all parts of ourselves, bringing to awareness the unconscious behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs that have been running us.

Developing “mindful awareness” allows us to improve our life at all levels. This gives us a fresh perspective from which we can non-judgmentally witness whatever is arising for us in the present, internally and externally, from a place of curiosity and openness. When we encounter the present with new eyes, we are less likely to identify with unconscious feelings and beliefs. This opens the door to new perspectives. The more mindful we are, either by nature or by practice, several benefits will result:

We are less reactive to thoughts and feelings as they occur.

We notice, observe, and attend to our sensations and perceptions.
We make better decisions when we are self aware.
We increase our ability to communicate calmly.
We become increasingly non-judgmental.

With enough practice, mindfulness can become a trait of being, rather than just a transient state of mind as it is when we first begin to practice. This will profoundly affect the functioning of our body and brain, our thoughts and feelings, and our relationship with ourselves and others.

Simple Steps for Developing Mindful Awareness

If you are a newcomer mindfulness practice, taking a kind attitude toward yourself is an important part of the process. For many of us, our minds are used to running very quickly in many directions, so it will take some time for the capacity for focus to emerge. As you approach your practice each day, coming to it with an open state of mind, without expectations about how it will go relieves the additional tension that comes with pre-judging the experience.

Here’s a traditional, meditation exercise to help develop mindful awareness:

Sit down in a room where you won’t be disturbed.
Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing.
Become aware of yourself inhaling and exhaling.
If you become distracted from your breath just regain your focus.
Practice until you’ve developed the ability to sustain focus on your breath for a period of time.
Continue to focus on your breath and expand to allow thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and bodily sensations to enter your awareness, receiving all experience with an attitude of openness.

Developing mindful awareness isn’t just limited to meditation exercises like this. Mindfulness and tapping into daily self awareness can be beneficial in many ways to your personal and professional life. Any activity can be an opportunity to focus on staying in the present moment while allowing the richness of experience to change the way we perceive and behave.

Making Mindfulness a Way of Living

Managing our life in a productive way requires making mindfulness a way of living, as we remain aware of our bodies, feelings, and beliefs from moment to moment. When we live from a mindful place new possibilities, perceptions and solutions will emerge reclaiming the full power of who we are. The challenges and conflicts that once overwhelmed us and ran our lives no longer threaten us. Our mindset changes and we’re able to give ourselves the space to enter the fullness of the present moment, the source of our calmness, creativity, and inspiration. This is true freedom.

Mindfulness in Organizations

In the U.S. business world, many companies are providing training programs in mindfulness. Some of these companies include Procter & Gamble, Monsanto, General Mills, Comcast, BASF Bioresearch, Bose, New Balance, and Nortel Networks. A professional-development program “Mindfulness at Monsanto” was started at Monsanto Corporation by its CEO, Robert Shapiro. Another corporation Sounds True, an audio recordings company has mindfulness as a core value recognizing the importance of silence, inward attention, active listening and being centered. Sounds True begins its all-company meetings with a minute of silence and maintains a meditation room on-site for employees to utilize throughout the day.

Also, Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation hosted a workshop on Mindfulness. Police officers in Los Angeles and in Madison, Wisconsin, have received mindfulness training. Mindfulness has been taught in prisons, reducing hostility and mood disturbance among inmates, and improving their self esteem. There are over 240 mindfulness programs in hospitals and clinics throughout the U. S. Many government organizations offer mindfulness training, including the Army. In 2000, The Inner Kids Program, a mindfulness-based program developed for children, was introduced into public and private school curricula in the greater Los Angeles area.

Learn to live in the moment to achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session please visit http://www.denisedema.com/

How To Stay Positive

2011-03-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

Many studies illustrate the importance of a positive mind for physical health, mental health, creativity, productivity, focus, discipline, fulfillment, imagination, and dedication. All of these benefits have a direct impact on living more fulfilling lives and experiencing better results in business.

Brain scans show that a positive mind is much more active than a negative mind, and active in the areas critical for many of the benefits above. My focus here is on how to be more positive and if you are already in a positive state, how to enhance it further.

Below are a few approaches that may be helpful for you. Try them out and find what works for you.

Question the negative thought.
1. Ask yourself what it feels like to experience this thought?
2. How does it limit you?
3. What would be different for you and what becomes possible without this negative thought?
4. Flip the negative thought upside down to create a positive thought.
5. Consciously decide which thought feels better for you.

Acknowledge the negative thought.
1. Choose to separate yourself from the negative thought and view it as separate from your true self.
2. Become aware of your negative self talk and look at what triggers these thoughts?
3. Determine if these thoughts are based on fact or are you just operating on unconscious reactions to things.
4. Consciously decide which way of thinking will create a better outcome.

Let go of thoughts that do not serve you.
1. Don't let excuses control your mindset, let them go and replace them with productive thoughts.
2. Then focus on what is most important to you and redirect your energy to better serve you.

Enhance your positive mind-set by asking these questions.
1. What is going well for me right now?
2. What keeps my energy going?
3. What values, natural gifts, or talents are present when I am feeling positive?
4. Who else can I count on to share positive energy with me?
5. Is there a place in my business or life, where I can tap into positive energy?
6. How would being more positive at this moment benefit me?
7. What changes can I make to put more focus on a positive mind-set?

By focusing on staying positive everyday in your professional and personal life, you will be able to achieve your full potential and enhance your life. Develop a positive mindset and be inspiring to others! Book a complimentary session today at http://www.denisedema.com/

Spread positive energy throughout the world. Please share this with others who may benefit from reading this.

Discover Your Passions!

2011-03-05T08:36:00.000-08:00

Your passion is that one thing which sets you free from the clutches of boredom, misery and aimlessness, while giving a purpose to your life bringing out the best in you. When you find your passion, it is like discovering a gold mine that had always been buried in your backyard. You do not follow your passion for money, fame or any other materialistic gains but because it makes your soul happy. It is as simple as that. It is pure love for what you do.

We all want to embrace our passions but we lose sight of it when social conformism kicks in. We stop believing in our passion in life when we listen less of the voice from within and more from those outside voices that tell us what to do! Most people find their passion early in life but are made to ignore it because it doesn't bring in money or because it doesn't conform to the plans that their parents had for them. Peer pressure kicks in and we ignore what we love for what brings us appreciation, acceptance and security. We become 'practical' and tread the beaten paths, while ignoring that one thing which makes us feel truly alive!

Leading a fulfilling life - a life you love and feel great about - is a matter of knowing how to put the pieces of your life together in a way that empowers you. Your best life starts with regaining CLARITY.

You create a fulfilling life by creatively capitalizing on your talents, passions and values. Self-knowledge is empowering. Once you have the ability to articulate your gifts you gain the power to actively use them, or leverage them, in your life. The more you know about yourself the more power you have to create the life you most want. The more you understand, the more you have to work with.

Why is it important to discover your passions? Well, think of it this way. What do you think of when you think of "passion"? Probably something exciting, enticing and fun! Another way to say it is passion = energy. Energy that feels good! Creating your best life takes energy. Your passions will give you the energy to do the work you need to do to create the life you most want. That's because what we are passionate about is what we care deeply about. Doing things we are most passionate about honors our spirit and brings joy to our lives.

If you're struggling in your life or career today it could be you're not involved in anything you feel passionate about. You may not care deeply enough about the things you're doing to give it your all or you may not have enough self-knowledge to bring your best to everyday life.

The following questions are meant to assist you in discovering your passions. Be as descriptive as you'd like.
1. What do you most enjoy doing for others?
2. What makes you truly happy?
3. What subject can you talk about for hours?
4. What are you most often complimented on?
5. What do you do where you lose all track of time?
6. What do the people closest to you say you are good at?
7. What ideas, things, places and/or people are you most inspired by?
8. What life experiences gave you the greatest sense of fulfillment and growth?

Once you discover your passions it turns on your power! Understanding what you're most passionate about and being able to articulate your passions will allow you to begin organizing your life with them in it. When you implement into your life the activities that really energize and excite you, it allows you to leverage the best of who you are to create a life you love. That not only leads to a life that works well, it leads to a life that feels great from the inside out!

It’s time to get started on achieving your full potential and incorporating your passions into your life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/

Are you shining for someone today?

2011-03-04T07:12:00.000-08:00

People are like stars...... we all have our own special light that shines from within. Sometimes we find our light to be dim and we struggle to shine... but that is when we need the light shed from the other stars to help us light our path once again. A true light that comes from within is so brilliant that it penetrates into the souls of the other stars onto which it shines, leaving it's impression for eternity. Are you shining for someone today?

Just Ask D

2011-02-16T10:39:00.000-08:00

Just Ask D
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Business-and-Life-Management-Coaching/135759710572
http://www.denisedema.com

2011-02-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

Life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret. Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all…..............Start today and book your complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/

Creating The Best Work-Life Balance

2011-02-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

For most people, juggling the demands of career and personal life is an ongoing challenge. With so many demands on your time from work to family obligations, it can be difficult to strike a balance. The goal is to make time for the activities that are the most important to you so you can live a happy life.

Here are some ideas to help you find the balance that's best for you:

Keep a log. Track everything you do for one week. Include work-related and non-work-related activities. Decide what's necessary and what satisfies you the most. Cut or delegate activities you don't enjoy and don't have time for. If you don't have the authority to make certain decisions, talk with your family on a personal level or professionally to your supervisor at work.

Take advantage of your options. Find out if your employer offers flex hours, a compressed workweek, job-sharing or telecommuting for your role. The flexibility may alleviate some of your stress and free up some time. Sometimes the options have been there all along but never explored.

Learn to say no. Whether it's a co-worker asking you to spearhead an extra project or your child's teacher asking you to manage the class play, remember that it's OK to respectfully say no. When you quit doing the things you only do out of guilt or a false sense of obligation, you'll make more room in your life for the activities that are meaningful to you and bring you joy.

Leave work at work. With today's global business mentality and the technology to connect to anyone at any time from virtually anywhere, there's no boundary between work and home unless you create it. Make a conscious decision to separate work time from personal time. When with your family for instance, turn off your cell phone and put away your laptop computer.

Manage your time. Organize household tasks efficiently. Doing one or two loads of laundry every day, rather than saving it all for your day off, and running errands in batches are good places to begin. A weekly family calendar of important dates and a daily list of to-dos will help you avoid deadline panic. If your employer offers a course in time management, sign up for it.

Communicate clearly. Limit time-consuming misunderstandings by communicating clearly and listening carefully. Listening to others is very important in the communication process and will help you to understand each situation better. Take the necessary steps to get your thoughts and feelings shared and respected by others.

Fight the guilt. Remember, having a family and a job is OK for both men and women. Making the right choices with a clear conscious will become critical to your success in both areas. Instead of feeling bad, take action by making your life better and more rewarding.

Nurture yourself. Set aside time each day for an activity that you enjoy, such as walking, working out or listening to music. Unwind after a hectic workday by reading, meditating, practicing yoga or taking a nap. Just spend some time winding down in a peaceful environment.

Set aside one night each week for recreation. Take the phone off the hook, power down the computer and turn off the TV. Discover activities you can do with your partner, family or friends that are fun. Making time for activities you enjoy will rejuvenate you and will bring more joy into your life.

Protect your day off. Try to schedule some of your routine chores on workdays so that your days off are more relaxing. Don’t let everything pile up until that one day. Each day accomplish something small and it will make your chores less stressful.

Get enough sleep. There's nothing as stressful and potentially dangerous as working when you're sleep-deprived. Not only is your productivity affected, but also you can make costly mistakes. Get 8 hours of sleep so you are fully rested and can start your day refreshed. Your family and co workers will benefit as well from your energized self!

Bolster your support system. Make sure you release your energy by talking to a trusted friend or co-worker during times of stress or hardship. Ensure you have trusted friends, neighbors and relatives who can assist you when you need a favor when you have to work overtime or travel for your job. Having a support system alleviates the pressure of having to take care of everything yourself.

Seek professional help. Everyone needs help from time to time. If your life feels too chaotic to manage and you're spinning your wheels worrying about it, talk with a professional coach to give you the support you need to achieve your goals. If you're experiencing high levels of stress because of marital, financial, chemical dependency or legal problems, a professional can provide you with specialized resources to get you help in those areas.

Remember, striking a work-life balance isn't a one-shot deal. Creating balance in your life is a continuous process. Demands on your time change as your family, interests and work life change. Assess your situation every few months to make sure you're keeping on track. Balance doesn't mean doing everything. Examine your priorities and set boundaries. Be firm in what you can and cannot do. Only you can change your situation and restore harmony to your lifestyle.

Give yourself a gift! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To book a complimentary session, visit my website at http://www.denisedema.com/

Professional Coaching for Success!

2010-08-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

Today, more than ever before, men and women are turning to professional coaches for assistance in any number of areas of their lives. Some people understand that a coach can help them achieve a higher level of success in business and in life. Others are motivated by the distressing recognition that their lives are on a course that has little definition, direction or control.

Some individuals are facing important decisions about their career paths, businesses or personal lives that they feel ill-prepared to make without some help or guidance.

Unstable economic conditions, career uncertainties, business losses, health crises, and relationship tensions are but a few of the issues in everyday life that can contribute to that uncomfortable feeling of indecision, maximum overload, frustrating lack of control, or even quiet desperation.

Business and personal life coaching can provide the very assistance you need to eliminate barriers, reduce anxiety, set and achieve goals, and increase your level of success.Whatever areas of your life you may want to address – from business strategies to career decisions to getting your life/relationships in balance – a professional coach can make the difference between moving farther away from success or confidently achieving it.

Great coaches have one thing in common: the sincere desire to help others with their knowledge, experience, skills and training. They are objective, passionate professionals whose single purpose is to help you succeed in attaining your goals.

Explore working with a seasoned Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Visit http://www.denisedema.com/ to learn more and book a free consultation to get started.

Just ask D: The Wheel of Life

2010-06-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

Just ask D: The Wheel of Life
http://www.denisedema.com
http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/denise_dema
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The Wheel of Life

2010-06-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

The Wheel of Life is a great tool to help you improve your life balance. It helps you quickly and graphically identify the areas you need to devote more energy to, and helps you understand where you might want to cut back. It is used in preparation for coaching sessions and setting short and long term goals. The challenge now is to transform this knowledge and desire for a more balanced life into a positive program of action!

Start by giving yourself a score of 1 to 10 depending on how satisfied you currently are in relation to each area on the wheel. 1 is pretty much as unhappy as you can be whereas 10 is the perfect score. As you score each area it is vital to be honest so that you can identify the areas for change and set goals to improve the key areas of your life. When you have scored all areas, join together all the points on each section to create a wheel. This will show you how balanced overall your life is and the areas you really need to focus on to set goals for improvement. After you have completed the wheel put a date on it and then review it every 3 months. Hopefully you will have gained self awareness, created healthy habits and made significant improvements in your key areas throughout time. You may then find that another area now requires your focus instead.

The Wheel is meant to change as your life improves and is a very simple yet powerful tool to help you identify the areas of your life that you have neglected and need to prioritize more in future. To learn more about how life coaching can help you achieve more balance and attain your goals, visit http://www.denisedema.com/

Just ask D: Being a Good Friend is a Virtue

2010-05-21T07:21:00.000-07:00

Just ask D: Being a Good Friend is a Virtue
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Being a Good Friend is a Virtue

2010-05-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder why some people have lifelong friends and others don’t? How do people sustain good friendships no matter how many years pass or much distance is between them? The answers are simple if you live by the rules of honoring your friends the same way you would honor yourself.

To have a friend you have to be a friend is what I always say. You must remember to do your part by initiating calls and spending time being part of their life. Asking how the other person is feeling or asking how their day went when you see them or talk on the phone is important. This shows that you care about them and are interested in what’s going on in their life. If you are always talking about yourself without showing interest in the other person then you can’t expect the relationship to be a lasting one. The friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.

Be Reliable and Considerate. If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and never stand them up. If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule. Don't make them wait without reason because it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to develop a friendship. When you commit and say you'll do something, just do it. Don’t wait to cancel plans because something better came up. That is being selfish and inconsiderate of your friend’s time and company. Be someone that people know that they can count on.

Be a Good Listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material" they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them, ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them. You don't want to be the person that always has a better story than anyone else or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves to be good friends.

Be Trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk to about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. The key to being a good confidante is the ability to respect their information so you shouldn't disclose things that were told to you in confidence. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust. Be honest about yourself and your beliefs and you will gain your friends trust.

Be There. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, or someone to vent to just by being there for them will mean a lot. This works both ways and you should surround yourself with friends who are there for you as well.

Make new friends but choose them wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is constantly negative or introducing questionable behaviors into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Preoccupy yourself with other things that you enjoy. Cherish those friends who are a positive influence in your life and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs. Never leave old good-friends because you may like someone new more. This is a big mistake. It's great to have different groups of friends, but if you abandon one group for another, you may soon find yourself without any friends at all.

Be Yourself. Don't be untrue to your convictions and beliefs, and if this causes you to lose some friends, you're better off without them. You'll also find that your integrity may help you win better friends, and if you just "be yourself" you'll make friends who like you for who you are. That is what friendship is all about. In Good times and bad, a real friend accepts you for who you are.

We cannot tell the precise moment when a true friendship is formed but when you have one it will bring forth unconditional support, honesty, trust and respect into the relationship. The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. The vitality in a friendship lies in the honoring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities. Look at how many really good friends you have? Develop the characteristics needed to sustain solid friendships and enhance your life. Being a good friend is how lifelong friendships start!

“A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” ~Lois Wyse

Give yourself a gift! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To book a complimentary session visit http://www.denisedema.com/

Just ask D: Embrace the Moment and Learn To Be Happy

2009-07-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

Just ask D: Embrace the Moment and Learn To Be Happy
http://www.denisedema.com/
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Embrace the Moment and Learn To Be Happy

2009-07-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

Simply by learning to embrace and live in the moment you can achieve the happiness that seems to elude most people. Simple living is a concept that most people can’t imagine because the world is so complicated. Actually your world is what you have made of it and its pace has been created by you. Think for a minute of a typical day in your life. Is it rushed from the time you wake up? Are you stressed about everything along the way or is it calm and peaceful throughout the day? The way you are living is what you have chosen, not what has been given to you. Your life is the blueprint of the choices you have made, and will only change when you change the plan. Being happy is all relative to what it is that makes you happy. Everyone can learn to embrace the moment and be free of the patterns they have created. Think about if you are living your life expecting someone else to make you happy, or are you taking responsibility for your own happiness? Do you you rely on money, family and friends to make your world happy even though those are outside forces that were created by your own decisions? Why can’t you live in the moment if it brings you joy instead of expecting something more from others?

A good place to start is with your own internal dialogue and what is in your head. If you tell yourself each morning that you are able to handle things calmly and honestly, and then remind yourself throughout the day that you are what you think, and then you will start to become aware of your actions. Look at the things that take place throughout your day without judgment so there is less stress in your life. Treat others with respect and respect will be given to you in return. Happiness comes from within, but how you have chosen to live in the external world that you have created, will determine how often you feel peace, joy, and respect. To be able to live with an attitude of gratitude and to be thankful for the simple things that cross your path every day will bring you more joy. Allowing that joy to enter your heart will bring peace to your soul. Internal peace is always found through self awareness and growth.

Make a list of the things that make you happy and look at how much, or how often those things are in your life now. Each day you should surround yourself with what actually brings you joy. First, knowing what those things are, and then creating the space for them will be the start of making joy prevalent in your life. You must also start to create boundaries and eliminate the things and people that are not serving you as well. Stop giving your energy each day to things that drain you. Start becoming aware of how you spend your time and what moments you are missing along the way. Appreciating simple pleasures each day will slow your mind down and bring you back to the basics of feeling joyful. Being aware of what’s right in front of you will force you into the moment. Embracing the many little moments that take place in a day can bring a lifetime of happiness and joy to your life.

Find a minute of peace in your day or evening to just close your eyes and give thanks with a happy heart for all your blessings. Call people you love more often and spend less time with those who are always angry. Create an outside activity each day even if it’s for 15 minutes and connect with the world. Commit yourself to organize something in your home or at work to get your surroundings in line with your values. Make a commitment to change just one thing today and embrace the moment, even if the moment is reading this article. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Once you are relaxed, open your eyes and think about what you just read and how you can apply something to your present circumstance.

It’s really up to you to make the simple changes that will help you embrace moments that can bring you happiness. If your world is so complicated that you can’t stop and feel some joy throughout your day, then enjoyment of the moment is lost. Stress and judgment will not bring you the happiness you deserve. You always have the power to bring joy into your life because your life is your own, and happiness is a choice. Uncomplicate the day and release the negative thoughts in your mind. The simple things that make you truly happy will become more prevalent and those moments you embrace will define your happiness.

“When we are capable of living in the moment free from the tyranny of “shoulds,” free from the nagging sensation that this moment isn’t right, we will have peaceful hearts. “ -- Joan Borysenko

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com

Just ask D: How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly

2009-02-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

Just ask D: How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly
http://www.denisedema.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Boca-Raton-FL/Business-and-Life-Management-Coaching/135759710572
http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Denise_Dema

How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly

2009-02-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

Whenever we start a new year we usually go through some review in our mind of the previous year and what we have accomplished or have yet to accomplish in our life. Setting goals, releasing negative feelings, forgiving and striving for some personal growth is always on people’s minds, no matter what they have experienced in life. Many times, the thought of professional and financial attainment or lack of is what a new year brings, along with all the emotional feelings that follow. When you take the honorable approach throughout your life, it will always result in other gifts coming your way without intentionally seeking them. This is why I encourage people I coach to make the three R’s a reality in their lives. They are: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions. People’s intentions are often not the reality that they live. It’s not because they don’t want to, but because they just don’t have the discipline to be consistent without help from others. To change one's behavior and thought processes can challenge a person’s will. Most people alone are not strong-willed enough to stick with it throughout the time it takes to attain their goal. It’s never too late to start to live your life in a respectful and responsible way, so your daily interactions will be set on a positive path. So let’s start with some of the thoughts and activities that are associated with respect and responsibility.

Respect for Self is a feeling of confidence and pride in one’s owns abilities and worth. Having regard for one's character, and one's conduct with appreciation of one’s self elevates our awareness of who we are. Self- respect is the cornerstone on which many other attributes are built such as dignity, honesty, loyalty, confidence and integrity. Feeling good about yourself, thinking enough of yourself to make decisions that will be good for your long term emotional, physical, spiritual and mental health, will improve your character and self worth. Always surround yourself with people who have your best interests involved, who care about your thoughts and feelings, who share your passions and interests and who live healthy lifestyles. Conduct yourself on a daily basis with a happy heart, engage in physical activities that are health-oriented, be polite and pleasant to others and it will elevate your own self- respect. By walking the walk and talking the talk you can display the respect you have of yourself by honoring your body and mind. The person with self-respect simply likes themselves. It should not be contingent on success or a result of comparing ourselves with others. Self -respect is a given because of who we are and not because of what we can or cannot do. No one can take steps towards their goals, dreams and aspirations without liking the person they currently are.

In general character good or bad, is considered to be observable in one's conduct. Look at how you act each day, what you do to honor yourself and how you display those qualities that show self-respect. Those with self-respect are less prone to blame others, have guilt, live with regret, lie, have secrets and stress. Ask yourself if you display any of these traits and start to acknowledge why you feel this way. Be thankful on a daily basis for the blessings you have now and at the same time examine the beliefs, biases, assumptions, and myths inherited from family, school, religion, and society. One by one, dismantle and discard those not in keeping with healthy, honorable and virtuous living, and cherish those that are. Part of our personal development is the view we have of our self, and respecting yourself will play a big role in your chosen path in life. Have fun as you develop friendships, interests, purposes and passions. Enjoy the journey of learning to respect yourself as a unique individual who has something to offer in this world. When you act with integrity, your words and actions will match, which gives you self respect and a peaceful heart. Respect for ourselves feeds our respect for others.

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”. –Laurence Sterne

Respect for Others is to have unbiased consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and property of all people. To hold in special regard someone's opinions, talents and/or abilities, reflects your own values and standards. It also shares what you believe in, and in part, what you see or would like to see in yourself. By respecting others, you show the attitude of friendliness and comfort towards them. Listening to other people’s thoughts, feelings and desires without judgment, allows you to respect them for who they are, and not what you want them to be. Very often, we impose our own ideas on others without being able to respect other people's inherent differences. Everyone you encounter has a unique moral fiber that has created who they are and how they think. Being able to allow others to express themselves in their own way will open your mind to different theories and information that might not be part of your mindset. Respecting other people in your personal and professional environments will encourage the same respect be given to you, in return. We show respect by speaking and acting with courtesy. Always treat people the way you would want to be treated: with civility and dignity. Ask yourself if at any time during your day: Did my verbiage or actions ridicule, embarrass or hurt other people? Become aware of how you treat people, so you can improve your behavior. Being fair minded, truthful and polite will reflect the virtues of respect and bring back to you the same positive energy that you put out to others.

“Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves”. -Ulysses S. Grant

Responsibility means to accept accountability for your actions. When you make a mistake, you accept it, correct it, and offer amends, instead of making excuses. Responsibility is the ability to respond and make smart choices for yourself. Being responsible for your actions allows you to accept that everything along the way that happens to you, good and bad, has been determined by the choices you have made. You are in control of those decisions and blaming others for your situation is avoiding your responsibility. You can pretty much choose almost everything in your life; your career, your spouse, where you live, who your friends are, your social activities with the one exception of the parents you were born to. You need to make sure that you acknowledge the responsibility that follows those decisions because they are your own and not anyone else’s. Personal growth develops when we are accountable because we accept the choices that we made and learn and grow from them.

People who take complete responsibility for their lives experience inner joy and control of circumstances. They are able to make better choices because they understand that they are responsible for those decisions. Take a review of yourself to see how often you take responsibility or place blame on others. Listen to your verbiage to see if you often point fingers of blame at your friends, spouse, co workers and family. Are you making excuses and shifting responsibility to others for the things that don’t always go right? How many times have you said: "He/she did this to me?" You can change these negative behavior patterns by first understanding that you made choices that ultimately created these results. Taking responsibility is the first step in acknowledging that you have the control to make better choices in the future. Become proactive, not reactive, to your situations and be accountable. Acknowledge that your life is your responsibility. No one can live your life for you. You are in charge. No matter how hard you try to blame others for the events of your life, each event is the result of choices you made and are making. By breaking the blame-game patterns in your life and accepting responsibility, you will see your circumstances change for the better.

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs” –Joan Didion

When you put into practice the three R’s on a daily basis you will start to see your life change with positive experiences. Lessons are learned and spiritual growth becomes prevalent. Don’t allow the past to dictate the present, unless it honors you and your life. Start to modify your behavior to reflect actions that display respect for yourself, respect for others and take responsibility for all your actions. It’s never too late to get support so you can be on a better path in your life. You do have the power to change your circumstances and the change starts the day you commit to live an honorable life.

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com/

Empowering Womens Health

2009-02-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

You have to start somewhere and you might need someone to help you change your physical behavior to break some habits. A neighbor, friend, family member or personal coach can motivate you to change, even if it's starting with the basics like eating breakfast to give the body fuel instead of a cup of coffee and running out the door. One minor change can affect the rest of your day. Taking a brisk walk in the morning, riding your bicycle daily, going to the gym, joining a yoga class and being conscious that a good night's sleep is imperative to how your body functions each day, is the beginning. Eliminating distractions like watching TV when you are in bed will determine the type of sleep you are going to have, which in return determines the day you will have to follow. It's all is connected so being aware that this is the first step in changing what does not benefit you. Even relaxing with breathing exercises will help you on a daily basis to release the stress that is stored in your body. These are simple things that will start you on a path to allow your body to function better, but it is up to you to start. How you change your habits will depend on you. What will motivate you is different for each individual but attainable if you start with changing your mind.

Mental health is a broad term, but for most of us it is something we take for granted. If you start to become aware of your daily thought patterns, you will then understand what level of energy has to be put forward in order to attain peace and tranquility. Becoming angry everyday is the first indication that you are harboring negative feelings that often reflect how you treat others. Daily interaction with your children, co workers, family members and even strangers should not be confrontational if you are living in a peaceful state. It all gets a little challenging when someone puts negative energy in your way, for instance, when you are in traffic, or standing in a long line of people, or even when someone judges you, but you do have the choice to let it be their negative energy without internalizing it to be yours. Why isn't it just that easy to be happy each and every day no matter what crosses your path? ...well it really is, but because you feed into what other people do and say, it becomes difficult to separate your path from theirs. Simply put, you have the ability to allow their negative energy to stay with them, and to proceed with the positive thought processes that honor and value your well-being.

The first step in gaining clarity and living a happy, peaceful life is to eliminate tolerations. Think right now about what you tolerate on a daily basis and from whom, that does not bring positive energy to your life. Just look around, a lot of people compromise their happiness, but it doesn't have to be that way. Seeking validation from others should not be what defines you. You define you, and the right thought process and coping skills to achieve mental health can be developed with a commitment to that goal. Those skills will allow you to make better choices on a daily basis, which will lead to living a healthy lifestyle.

In general, women lead very busy lives and are faced with a variety of demands on their time. Compromises are made to their health. Let's face it, these demands call for a whole new level of effectiveness. It begins with good health and a sense of mental well-being. The need to be calm, focused, resolute, energetic, strong, patient and confident is more important than ever in juggling a home life and career. Taking time to focus on personal well-being is something we all easily overlook in our fast-paced lives but it definitely needs to be a priority. In today's culture, extended youth and health have become of crucial importance and we must put greater attention on our personal care and work toward a daily routine of health and strength. Living a healthy life is within our grasp. For many of us it sometimes means changing the way we live and think. You have the power to empower, and it all starts with you!

"The body is the servant of the mind." -James Allen

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com

Mentoring Children

2009-01-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

All parents hope that their children will grow up healthy, happy, and productive. They aspire to have children who have the skills to contribute to their own well-being and to the well-being of their families and community. There is no magic bullet for developing these capacities in children. Literally thousands of programs have been developed to support families in their efforts to help children to become competent, confident, caring young people who have positive social connections and good characters.

Children have the potential to succeed in life and contribute to society. However, not all children get the support they need to thrive. By all estimates, an astounding 17.6 million young people - nearly half the population between 10 and 18 years of age - live in situations that put them at risk of not living up to their potential. Without immediate intervention by caring adults, they could make choices that undermine their futures. The presence of caring adults offering support, advice, friendship, reinforcement and constructive examples has proved to be powerful tools for helping young people fulfill their potential.

Mentoring is a structured and trusting relationship that brings young people together with caring individuals who offer guidance, support and encouragement aimed at developing the competence and character of the mentee. A mentor is an adult who, along with the parents, help young people bring out strengths that are already there. They are good listeners, compassionate and teach children how to live an honorable life. A mentor is not a foster parent, therapist, parole officer, or cool peer. The role of a mentor is not to "fix" young people but rather to help them achieve their full potential. Enforcing competence, confidence, connection, character, caring, and contribution to self and society, help develop a child into a productive and respectful adult in later years.

A mentor's main purpose is to help a young person define individual goals and find ways to achieve them. Since the expectations of each child will vary, the mentor's job is to encourage the development of a flexible relationship that responds to the young person's needs. Using influence and resources as a decision maker, adults can bring new hope to young lives through the power of mentoring. A mentor encourages positive choices, promotes high self-esteem, teaches respect for oneself and family, supports academic achievement, and introduces the young person to new ideas. Youth who meet regularly with their mentors are 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to start drinking alcohol (Public/Private Ventures study of Big Brothers Big Sisters). About 40% of teenager's waking hours are spent without any companionship or supervision. Mentors provide children and teens with a valuable place to spend free time. Children learn to make thoughtful choices, fulfill their commitments, acknowledge their mistakes and account for their actions. By taking control of their lives, children realize they can achieve more than they ever dreamed possible.

I encourage you to think of the mentors in your own life - a coach, teacher, or another caring adult, and take a few minutes to consider all the contributions they have made in your life during your developing years. I know throughout my own adult life and business career, I have been greatly rewarded by years of mentoring children and young adults into productive, happy individuals that are successful in life. Children need someone to believe in them. Often times, children lack the attention needed to reinforce morals, values and self esteem on a daily basis. It makes all the difference in the world during times of indecision in their lives to have that reinforcement. Mentoring develops children into young adults who have confidence, determination and self-awareness.

Mentoring is recognized throughout the US as an important part of a child's life and some states have already proposed legislation to the Senate. The Coalition of State Mentoring Partnerships has worked closely with Capitol Hill staff and Senators to advocate this legislation. The Mentoring for All Act 2008 (S. 3200) is one of the most significant legislation actions to benefit mentoring. Please call; send emails or letters to your Senators urging support for the bill.

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com

Links to published articles by Denise Dema

2009-01-11T07:43:00.000-08:00