Showing posts with label release judgement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label release judgement. Show all posts

Eliminate the Fear of Being Judged!


All of us go through events in our social life where we fear being negatively judged by others. Perhaps you have made your own judgments throughout your life about certain people and what you think of them. 

Making judgments about others is something the human brain likes to do. From an evolutionary standpoint, we had to judge others as “friends” or “foes” to protect ourselves from people who might be a threat to our tribe or community.

Those who were disliked or viewed as a threat were eventually ostracized, punished, or killed. So most of us have a hard-wired response to try and be liked and accepted by others, which explains many fears and anxieties associated with our social interactions.

Despite this tendency, we can find ways to get over the judgments people will make about us on a daily basis. We learn to become less sensitive to them and not let them so easily get under our skin or make us upset. This article will cover these different aspects of how to let go of people always judging us.

Accept that everyone has an opinion
The first step is recognizing that everyone is going to have an opinion about you, for better or worse.

We often think of “judging” as a negative thing, but when someone tells you they like you, or that you’re smart, or a cool person, that’s a type of judging too – it just happens to be a very positive one.
Throughout your life you’re going to meet many different people, and some of those people you’re going to “click” with better than others. You can’t expect to win over everyone, so be willing to accept that some people won’t like you, and some people will.

Anyone who puts themselves out there and let’s their true personality shine through is going to have their fair share of critics. Once you begin to expect it, it doesn’t become as shocking or bothersome when someone says something insulting or cruel.

Become less judging of others
Usually people who fear judgments the most are the ones that are very judgmental themselves.

If we have an excessively judgmental attitude against people, and we’re always trying to compare individuals as “superior” or “inferior,” then we project that attitude onto others, believing that they too are always judging us as “superior” or “inferior.”

Try to be kinder and more understanding toward others, and you won’t have such a hostile and cynical view of the world. You can find the good in anyone if you’re willing to see it – and once you cultivate this attitude, you’ll be more likely to expect others to reciprocate this attitude toward you.

We are all susceptible to what is known as fundamental attribution error. This is when we overestimate the influence of personal factors when someone does something “stupid” or “bad,” and we underestimate the influence of situational factors. 

Remember, everyone is capable of making bad decisions in the wrong situation, and even you yourself aren’t always perfect. This will allow you to be gentler in your judgments toward both yourself and others.

Move past bad first impressions
First impressions can have a strong influence over how people view us, but they aren’t set in stone.

If you did something wrong the first time you met someone (insulted, mocked, or offended them), then it may be appropriate to apologize before you can move on. However, most of the time we can move past these first impressions simply by making better second, third, and fourth impressions.

The more time someone spends with you the more they get to know the real you. No one can tell everything about you when they first meet you, it takes multiple interactions to really learn about someone.

As people get to know you more, their first impression of you will become less important. I have friends today who I didn’t always get off with on the right foot, but now we look back on those experiences and just laugh. You just have to be willing to take a longer view in your relationships.

Avoid people who are too negative (if you can)
We all have our limits and some people can be unbearably negative and tiresome to be around.

If you have a choice, sometimes the only thing you can do is to avoid the person more. If you know they’re going to be at a party, then don’t go there. If you work with them, try to limit interactions to just work-related talk. And if it’s a negative friend, you may want to consider finding new people to hang out with.

It’s not the most pleasant solution, but it may be necessary if you can’t find anyway to tolerate a person’s negative and overly judgmental attitude.

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Practicing Mindfulness

Originally derived from the Buddhist tradition, but increasingly applied to a wide spectrum of Western modalities for mental and physical well-being, mindfulness is the practice of bringing your awareness to what is emerging in the present moment. This refers to what is occurring for us internally (our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs) and externally (the environment around us) from moment to moment. It is a radical wake-up call to become conscious of all parts of ourselves, bringing to awareness the unconscious behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs that have been running us.

Developing “mindful awareness” allows us to improve our life at all levels. This gives us a fresh perspective from which we can non-judgmentally witness whatever is arising for us in the present, internally and externally, from a place of curiosity and openness. When we encounter the present with new eyes, we are less likely to identify with unconscious feelings and beliefs. This opens the door to new perspectives. The more mindful we are, either by nature or by practice, several benefits will result:
  • We are less reactive to thoughts and feelings as they occur.
  • We notice, observe, and attend to our sensations and perceptions.
  • We make better decisions when we are self aware.
  • We increase our ability to communicate calmly.
  • We become increasingly non-judgmental.
With enough practice, mindfulness can become a trait of being, rather than just a transient state of mind as it is when we first begin to practice. This will profoundly affect the functioning of our body and brain, our thoughts and feelings, and our relationship with ourselves and others.


Simple Steps for Developing Mindful Awareness

If you are a newcomer mindfulness practice, taking a kind attitude toward yourself is an important part of the process. For many of us, our minds are used to running very quickly in many directions, so it will take some time for the capacity for focus to emerge. As you approach your practice each day, coming to it with an open state of mind, without expectations about how it will go relieves the additional tension that comes with pre-judging the experience.

Here’s a traditional, meditation exercise to help develop mindful awareness:

  • Sit down in a room where you won’t be disturbed.
  • Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing.
  • Become aware of yourself inhaling and exhaling.
  • If you become distracted from your breath just regain your focus.
  • Practice until you’ve developed the ability to sustain focus on your breath for a period of time.
  • Continue to focus on your breath and expand to allow thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and bodily sensations to enter your awareness, receiving all experience with an attitude of openness.
Developing mindful awareness isn’t just limited to meditation exercises like this. Mindfulness and tapping into daily self awareness can be beneficial in many ways to your personal and professional life. Any activity can be an opportunity to focus on staying in the present moment while allowing the richness of experience to change the way we perceive and behave.


Making Mindfulness a Way of Living

Managing our life in a productive way requires making mindfulness a way of living, as we remain aware of our bodies, feelings, and beliefs from moment to moment. When we live from a mindful place new possibilities, perceptions and solutions will emerge reclaiming the full power of who we are. The challenges and conflicts that once overwhelmed us and ran our lives no longer threaten us. Our mindset changes and we’re able to give ourselves the space to enter the fullness of the present moment, the source of our calmness, creativity, and inspiration. This is true freedom.


Mindfulness in Organizations

In the U.S. business world, many companies are providing training programs in mindfulness. Some of these companies include Procter & Gamble, Monsanto, General Mills, Comcast, BASF Bioresearch, Bose, New Balance, and Nortel Networks. A professional-development program “Mindfulness at Monsanto” was started at Monsanto Corporation by its CEO, Robert Shapiro. Another corporation Sounds True, an audio recordings company has mindfulness as a core value recognizing the importance of silence, inward attention, active listening and being centered. Sounds True begins its all-company meetings with a minute of silence and maintains a meditation room on-site for employees to utilize throughout the day.

Also, Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation hosted a workshop on Mindfulness.  Police officers in Los Angeles and in Madison, Wisconsin, have received mindfulness training. Mindfulness has been taught in prisons, reducing hostility and mood disturbance among inmates, and improving their self esteem. There are over 240 mindfulness programs in hospitals and clinics throughout the U. S. Many government organizations offer mindfulness training, including the Army. In 2000, The Inner Kids Program, a mindfulness-based program developed for children, was introduced into public and private school curricula in the greater Los Angeles area.

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