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Replace Negative Thoughts With Positive Thinking
Positive and negative
thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies: What we expect can often come
true.
If you start off
thinking you will mess up a task, the chances are that you will: You may not
try hard enough to succeed, you won't attract support from other people, and
you may not perceive any results as good enough. Positive thinking, on the
other hand, is often associated with positive actions and outcomes. You're drawn
to, and you focus on, the positive aspects of a situation. You have hope and
faith in yourself and others, and you work and invest hard to prove that your
optimism is warranted. You'll enthuse others, and they may well "pitch
in" to help you. This makes constructive outcomes all the more likely. When it comes down to it, positive, optimistic
people are happier and healthier, and enjoy more success than those who think
negatively. The key difference between them is how they think about and
interpret the events in their life.
So, how do you think
about your successes and failures? Do you think you have a predictable thinking
pattern?
The first step in
changing negative thinking is to become aware of it. For many of us, negative
thinking is a bad habit – and we may not even know we're doing it!
Consider these
examples of negative thought patterns: The guy on the subway who just made a
face is surely directing his behavior at you. When the receptionist doesn't
greet you in the morning, you must have done something to anger her. again! You
go straight to the coffee machine, because it's Monday morning and you just
know you'll be solving problems until lunchtime. When you finally get to your
desk, your assistant is waiting for you. "Oh no," you think.
"What has he done now? The first problem of the day.”
Imagine how it makes
you feel to constantly surround yourself with negativity. Then ask yourself if
this is the way you tend to think in your own life? Dr Martin Seligman,
who has been described as America's most influential psychologist, has done
extensive research on thought patterns. In particular, he looks at the impact
of an optimistic versus pessimistic outlook on life and success. He uses three
basic dimensions of Permanence, Pervasiveness and Personalization, with
optimistic people on one end of the scale and pessimistic people on the other.
Permanence
Believing that
something we are experiencing is either permanent or temporary. The pessimist
statement implies that you think bad times will carry on forever.
Pessimist: I lost my
job and I'll never find one as good again. No point even looking!
Optimist: I lost my
job. Thank goodness there are other opportunities I can explore!
Pervasiveness
Believing that
situational factors cause an effect or that the effect is evidence of more
universal factors at work. The pessimist
statement shows that you tend to think that if
you've experienced a problem in one place, you'll experience that problem
wherever you go.
Pessimist: I lost my
job. Companies are all the same; all they care about is money. I don't know why
I bother putting in any effort at all.
Optimist: I lost my
job. It's too bad our company has to reinvent itself to stay competitive.
Thankfully I learned some great transferable skills!
Personalization
Believing that
something about you influenced the outcome or that something external to you
caused it. The pessimist tends to blame himself for bad
things, rather than attributing the cause to more general factors.
Pessimist: I lost my
job. If I had been a decent employee they would have found a new job for me.
Optimist: I lost my
job. I gave it my all, however they just can't use my skill set right now.
Re-shape Your Thinking
The way you view what
happens around you can show whether you have a positive or negative pattern of
thinking when you become more aware of your thoughts - and the effect they have
on your life.
When you're more
aware of the way you think, you can take action to use positive situations to
your advantage, and re-shape the negative ones. The goal is to think
positively, regardless of the situation, and make a conscious effort to see
opportunities instead of obstacles.
So if we look at one
of the examples listed above, if you immediately think the receptionist is mad
at you because she didn't say hello, how rational is that? Now change that
thought to more rational outcomes like, she have been busy or distracted when
you walked by or did you say hello to her? Maybe she wasn't feeling well, or
she was in a negative mood herself. These are all more rational reasons for her
behavior than simply assuming that you did something wrong. Persistent negative thinking can cause mental
health problems, including depression. While these positive thinking techniques
have been shown to have a positive effect, they are for guidance only, and
readers should take the advice of suitably qualified health professionals if
they are experiencing persistent unhappiness.
Key Points
Becoming more
positive is always a good thing. The more aware you are of your thoughts, the
better you'll be able to change them to emphasize the positive. Positive thinking usually attracts positive
people, events, and outcomes. If you want to create an environment where you're
successful and satisfied, you'll need the power of positive thinking on your
side. You may not be aware of all of
your negative thoughts and the effect they have on your life, however, by
taking some time to understand your own thought patterns, you can challenge
those irrational, negative thoughts – and replace them with more positive, optimistic
and empowering messages.
“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." - Buddha
Achieve your full potential! Book a complimentary session at Business and Life Management Coaching to get the support you need to excel in your professional and personal life.
Are you connected to your emotional self?
For many of us, it can be hard to
properly express our emotions. We tend to either keep our emotions bottled up
and not show them to anyone, or they overflow and spill out in unhealthy and
unexpected ways.
In our society, emotions are often
seen as a sign of weakness. They are viewed as the opposite of “rationality”
and “intelligence,” and this stigma is part of what makes it difficult for
people to express their emotional self. We don’t want to be seen as weak.
However, emotions play a huge role
in how we understand the world and communicate to others. It is therefore very
important that we learn how to connect more with our emotional self.
Be aware of signs of emotional repression.
The first step in connecting more
with your emotional self is to be aware of signs of emotional repression. One common sign that you are
repressing your emotions is that your emotions often erupt unexpectedly. For
example, you spend a long time not telling someone about this little thing that
bothers you, and then one day you just explode at them. When you don’t allow yourself to
express or release emotions in a healthy way, they can build up to a point
where you can no longer control them.
Other signs of repressing your
emotions include lots of stress, anxiety, fatigue, and even insomnia. Keeping
emotions bottled up is draining on your body. When you try to keep your
emotions all to yourself, you often feel physically worse.
Ask yourself how you feel everyday.
One simple way to connect more with
your emotional self is to give time to ask yourself how you feel every day. Just spending 5-10 minutes sitting
down and questioning your feelings, can make a big difference in how well connected you are to
your emotional self. We often see our emotions as part of
the “background” of everyday life – so taking just a bit of time and making
them your main focus can be a very healthy and refreshing thing to do. And if you practice meditation, consider
spending a whole session just using your emotions as the object of focus.
Don’t try to rationalize away every emotion.
Often times people who aren’t
connected with their emotional self feel a constant need to “rationalize” their
emotions. They can’t just “feel” for the sake
of “feeling.” There needs to be a reason, a purpose, or an explanation behind
every feeling they ever have. While it can be useful to analyze
our emotions sometimes, it’s also nice to just let yourself experience an
emotion without needing to find some underlying reason behind it. Not every emotion is going to be
explainable. In fact, often times emotions express a special kind of
“knowledge” about ourselves and our world that can’t be translated verbally. You need to sometimes accept
emotions as a language of their own.
Talk to other people about how you feel
Emotions can be difficult to share
with others, but they are still good to talk about on a regular basis.
Talking more about your feelings
allows you to be honest about your emotional self, and gives others the
opportunity to offer insight that you may have not considered. Many emotions are emotions driven by
our relationships with other people – social emotions – like love,
anger, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, guilt, and pride. By openly sharing our feelings with
others, we fulfill our emotional expression at a much needed social level.
Find ways to express emotions creatively.
Talking with others is one way to
express your emotions, but another healthy alternative is to find creative
outlets. This can include any activities such
as music, writing, photography, painting, film-making, dancing, or whatever you
are passionate about. Often times art gives you a way to
communicate your feelings in a way other than just words. It allows you to
connect more with the physical and visceral experience of your emotional
self. Having creative outlets also gives
you a chance to digest your emotions at a unique and personal level that can’t
usually be achieved through only introspection and conversation.
Use movies, TV, books, and music that elicits strong emotions.
Another great tool in helping you
connect more with your emotional self is to watch movies or TV, read a book, or
listen to music that elicits strong emotions. Often times consuming movies, TV,
books, and music can give us an emotional experience that we don’t always have
in our “real world” lives. For example, a movie can take you into the life of a
character who lives a vastly different life than you – and goes through
struggles that are different than your own. In this way, these forms of
entertainment can broaden our emotional flexibility – they give us a chance to
experience a more “full range of human emotions” that isn’t always available to
us. Horror movies give us a chance to
experience terror and fear. Romance novels give us a chance to experience lust
and love. And dramas give us a chance to experience sadness and grief. All of
these provide a safe and healthy way to tap into different emotions.
Becoming self-aware of your emotions and the importance of actively expressing those emotions will allow the body and the mind to regulate itself towards a healthy, balanced existence. Achieve your full potential! Book a complimentary session at Business and Life Management Coaching to get the support you need to excel in your professional and personal life!
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
Self-limiting beliefs are everywhere and a
part of all of us, to greater or lesser degree. The keys to overcoming many of
these are first recognizing them, then understanding how we got them, and take action to banish
them through sustained activity. Start by taking these steps.
“Self-limiting
beliefs are everywhere and a part of all of us, to greater or lesser
degree,” says Bruce Frankel, author of What Should I Do With the Rest of
My Life? “The keys to overcoming many of these are recognizing them,
understanding how we got them, and then banishing them through sustained
activity.” - See more at:
http://www.success.com/article/doubtbusters-erase-self-limiting-beliefs#sthash.gTRnef19.dpuf
“Self-limiting
beliefs are everywhere and a part of all of us, to greater or lesser
degree,” says Bruce Frankel, author of What Should I Do With the Rest of
My Life? “The keys to overcoming many of these are recognizing them,
understanding how we got them, and then banishing them through sustained
activity.” - See more at:
http://www.success.com/article/doubtbusters-erase-self-limiting-beliefs#sthash.gTRnef19.dpuf
Isolate
The Belief
First consider what the belief is that is
limiting you. Many of us make limiting choices without realizing that they are
based on flawed, limiting beliefs.
Find times where you have done something
(or not done something) that seemed to limit you in some way. Then ask 'What
beliefs led to this choice?' Keep digging, asking 'What belief underlies that
belief?' until you come to the limiting belief or beliefs.
Also consider what concerns or frightens
you and so limits you. What do you fear? Why? What beliefs lead you to such
fears?
Seek
The Source
Think back to when you first had the
belief. When did you first belief this? What happened for you to believe it?
Were you told to believe it by someone? Was
it a parent, teacher, or maybe someone who was not thinking kindly about you.
Was it based on an experience? Did you try
something once, failed and then formed the belief that you were incapable? Or
that 'other people' think in certain ways?
Recognize
The Falsehood
In doing the above steps, you may already
realize that the limiting belief is just that: a belief which is both limited
and limiting. You are holding it because you were told to or because it helped
you once.
Take time to reflect on this and recognize
the full extent of the belief, how false it really is and especially how it has
limited you in the past. Feel free to get angry about this.
In doing this, you may need to accept that
you are not perfect, which can be disconcerting (beware of limiting beliefs
here also). You must be open to learning and ready to change.
Form
Empowering Beliefs
When you want to change a belief, you may
well need an enabling belief which will replace the old one.
Be careful with these, making them
realistic and not setting yourself up for disappointment. It can be more
effective, for example, to believe that you can do public speaking than to
immediately believe you are world-class at it. If you lack a skill that needs
to be learned, believing you now have it is likely to lead to problems. It is
better to believe you are able to learn (which is one of the most empowering
beliefs you can have). Believing 'I can' can be more powerful than thinking 'I
am'.
In a similar vein, if you thought you’re
not smart enough, notice the different between thinking that as opposed to
being intelligent. The trick is to consider where the belief will take you,
what will it let you think and do, and what evidence will it create, as in the
next step.
Create
Evidence of Success
The most powerful and unshakeable beliefs
are those that are based on lots of evidence. So now you have recognized and
challenged you limiting beliefs and found empowering beliefs, then you need to
start creating evidence.
Depending on what it is, you may be more
sensible to start small. If you believed that you could not talk with
strangers, try starting with simple politeness, saying 'thank you' and 'after
you', which immediately show that actually you can talk to strangers. Then
build up with brief small-talk, such as about the weather or sports.
When you see a success, no matter how
small, use this affirmation. Tell yourself 'I did it!' and reflect on how you
are now a changed person, with no way back. When you have done something new,
it cannot be undone.
Keep building evidence until the limiting
belief seems daft and you are now comfortable in your new belief. Determination
and persistence are critical in this.
Achieve Your Full Potential! Book a
complimentary session at Business and Life
Management Coaching to get the support you need to excel in your
professional and personal life.
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