Your Soul Mission
Published in The Boca Raton Observer
I was interviewed for the article, "Mothers of Reinvention" and published in the April issue of the Boca Raton Observer Check it out!
Developing Emotional Intelligence advances your career
We probably all know people either at work or in our personal lives who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we're in, they always seem to know just what to say and how to say it. They're caring and considerate, and even if we don't find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.
They are masters at managing their emotions. They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.
People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence or EI. They know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional needs of others. People with high emotional intelligence are usually successful in most things they do. They are able to make others feel good and go through life much more easily than people who are often angered or upset.Success today is closely linked to how people handle emotionally charged situations that they face daily and manage their internal emotional states and emotional tensions effectively. As more and more people accept that emotional intelligence is just as important to professional success as technical ability, organizations are increasingly using EI when they hire and promote.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important.
Emotional intelligence is a general term used for our level of competence in our personal and interpersonal skills. It is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. It also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively. It allows you to value others, listen to their wants and needs, and empathize or identify with them on many different levels.
Mastery of these personal and interpersonal skills is the single most important determinant of our performance success. It is also a major determinant in how we feel, think and act. Emotional Intelligence will determine how well you know and manage yourself, how well you handle what happens to you and how well you interact and handle others.
Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Here are five elements that define emotional intelligence:
1. Self-Awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them. They're confident – because they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of control. They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.
2. Self-Regulation – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no.
3. Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.
4. Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.
5. Social Skills – It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Use these tips to identify where you might need to do some work:
• Observe how you react to people. Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place, and be more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs.
• Look at your work environment. Do you seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn't mean that you're shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine – put the focus on them, and don't worry too much about getting praise for yourself.
• Do a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can change your life.
• Examine how you react to stressful situations. Do you become upset every time there's a delay or something doesn't happen the way you want? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued – in the business world and outside it. Keep your emotions under control when things go wrong.
• Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize directly – don't ignore what you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.
• Examine how your actions will affect others – before you take those actions. If your decision will impact others, put yourself in their place. How will they feel if you do this? Would you want that experience? If you must take the action, how can you help others deal with the effects?
Key Points
Although regular intelligence is important to success in life, emotional intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving your goals. Many people believe that emotional intelligence is at least as important as regular intelligence.
Many companies now use EI testing to hire new staff because they acknowledge that traits such as developing positive outlooks, showing empathy, listening attentively, communicating effectively all significantly increase productivity. When customers are complaining, the ability for staff to manage their own internal emotional states becomes critical. Skills in conflict resolution, rapport building and solving problems are hallmarks for high customer loyalty.
Emotional Intelligence learning involves the LIMBIC system (the emotional centre for the brain). This system learns best by motivation; practice over time, relating to real life practical situations and through feedback. Developing emotional intelligence requires individual focus and requires that individuals understand their old behavioral programming in order to embrace new behaviors.
The most import thing about EI no matter how it’s construed is that it is related to a variety of measures of well-being, quality of life, occupational success, health and relationship quality. EI is an essential ingredient of life success and happiness.
Improve your emotional intelligence to achieve your full potential. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives & business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/
Anger Management Tools
Managing angry feelings requires mastering specific thought and action skills and then practicing these skills on a daily basis. The costs to persons who do not learn how to regulate their negative emotions are high and include increased risk of relapse, loss of relationships, conflicts at work, loss of respect in the eyes of loved ones, and lowering of self-esteem.
What is Anger?
We view angry feelings as a normal emotional reaction to frustration in our everyday world. It is natural to become angry when we have a goal and this goal is blocked in some way. Anger isn't just one emotion, but a family of emotions that are related to each other both in our brains and in our behavior. People often give a variety of names to their angry feelings, which range from mild irritation to rage.
Once anger begins, it generates changes in our expressions, our faces, our voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to action. In fact, the purpose of emotions such as anger is to organize and mobilize all of our bodily systems to respond to our environment in some way. Anger, like all emotions, is regulated by that section of our brain called the limbic system (located in our mid brains beyond our inner ear) Emotional memories are stored in the amygdala and other structures which are located in this limbic system.
You may experience anger now in your life which may actually be caused by a mixture of what is triggering it now and experiences you have had in the past—even if you don't remember them. This "old anger" is activated by your brain in its attempt to protect you even though the original danger is no longer present. It is up to the thinking part of the brain, our frontal lobes, to find a way to deal with the angry feelings the amygdala and other brain structures have set in motion. Fortunately, we have the unique ability to have choices regarding how we will deal with our feelings.
Model of Anger Management.
Anger management is NOT about never getting angry—that would be an impossible and ridiculous goal because angry feelings are "hard-wired" in your brain and probably serve a protective and survival function. Rather, anger management is about learning how to regulate and express those natural angry feelings in a way that makes you a more effective human being. Persons who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more occupational success than those who manage their anger poorly. They also get more of their needs met without antagonizing loved ones or colleagues.
Learning to manage anger involves mastering the tools of anger control. This model of anger management is not therapy and does not dwell on the past or the underlying reasons for anger. Rather, it is psycho-educational, skill-building, and practical drawing on recent research and findings in neuroscience, marriage/relationships, stress management, and the emerging science of happiness and optimism.
Tools To Reduce Anger
Recognize Stress
Stress and anger tend to go hand and hand. The higher one's stress level, the easier it is to allow our anger to get out of control. It is a challenge for most of us to manage our stress levels in a complex world with many demands and expectations. Learning stress management techniques gives us an effective way to reduce the physical, behavioral, and emotional problems caused by too much stress.
Stress is often the trigger that takes us from feeling peaceful to experiencing uncomfortable angry feelings in many common life situations. Whether the stressor is external or internal, scientists have discovered that the major systems of the body work together to provide one of the human organism's most powerful and sophisticated defenses; the stress response which you may know better as "fight-or-flight". Before your stress response turns into anger or aggression, use stress management strategies to get it under control.
Develop Empathy
Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed that the customers at the table next to you were speaking louder than anyone else? It was as if they had no idea that they were being so loud and intrusive to the rest of the patrons. This lack of awareness is often a sign of not being emotionally or socially alert. Or, have you ever been in a situation where you tried to express your feelings and it backfired in some way?
Some of us are very good at knowing how we feel and expressing it, while others struggle to do so. It is crucial to express emotion in order to relate to those around us. Our ability to know how we are feeling as well as our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help us make positive connections with others. This characteristic is often called "empathy."
To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another. Lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of other people's behavior and our lack of empathy toward them or their situation.
Respond Instead of React
Many times we become angry because we find people and situations that literally "push our buttons", and we react just like a juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing when you make a selection. Rather than reacting to anger triggers in this fashion, you can learn to choose how to deal with frustrating situations—to respond rather than automatically react like that juke box.
There are many advantages to learning to how be more flexible in dealing with the stresses and frustrations of life. At the top of the list is a sense of empowerment. It just feels good and powerful to know that you are in charge of your response, rather than being controlled by other people or circumstances. Many people notice their anger level going down as their feeling of empowerment goes up.
Change That Conversation With Yourself
A crucial tool in dealing with angry feelings is that of challenging that conversation with yourself. You are constantly telling yourself all kinds of things which cause you to have certain feelings or emotions—even though you may not realize it. Learning to change that "self-talk" empowers you to deal with anger more effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your anger. The more aware you become of your internal voice the easier it becomes to change it!
Communicate Assertively
Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people respond to us and how we feel toward them.
Anger expressed toward others is often a misguided way of communicating a feeling we have or a need that is not being satisfied by other people or situations. Assertive communication—as distinct from aggressive communication is a set of skills to honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and how you are responding to things without getting angry or hostile about it.
Adjust Expectations
Have you ever been told your expectations are too high? Anger and stress can often be caused when our expectations are too far apart from what is realistic to achieve. In other words, anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we expect and what we get. Learning to adjust those expectations—sometimes upward and other times downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or people, or even cope with ourselves. In marriage, research shows that much anger is caused by trying to solve problems which are unsolvable and perpetual. Successful couples learn to live with each other around these issues rather than getting angry about them.
Forgive But Don't Forget!
Anger is often the result of grievances we hold toward other people or situations, usually because of our perception and feeling of having been wronged by them in some way. Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender. Holding a grudge is letting the offender live rent free in your head. Making the decision to "let go" (while still protecting ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control.
Retreat and Think Things Over!
Often time couples have verbal battles over any number of issues and do not to give each other "space" during an argument insisting they solve the issue immediately. Even worse, when one person physically blocks the other from leaving and follows them from room to room demanding discussion can become a very dangerous practice. It can escalate levels of anger even further and cause partners to do and say things they don't really mean and may later regret!
Research shows that we are pretty much incapable of resolving conflicts or thinking rationally in an argument when our stress level reaches a certain point. To avoid losing control either physically or verbally, it is often best to take a temporary "time-out"—and leave. This tool of anger management works much better if (a) you commit to the other person to return within a reasonable amount of time to work things out, and (2) you work on your "self-talk" while trying to cool down.
Using these tools to control your anger in your daily life will greatly improve all your relationships and productivity. If you recognize that you need support in applying these thought and action skills into your daily life, book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/ Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives.
Unleash Your Full Potential!
Practicing Mindfulness
Developing “mindful awareness” allows us to improve our life at all levels. This gives us a fresh perspective from which we can non-judgmentally witness whatever is arising for us in the present, internally and externally, from a place of curiosity and openness. When we encounter the present with new eyes, we are less likely to identify with unconscious feelings and beliefs. This opens the door to new perspectives. The more mindful we are, either by nature or by practice, several benefits will result:
- We are less reactive to thoughts and feelings as they occur.
- We notice, observe, and attend to our sensations and perceptions.
- We make better decisions when we are self aware.
- We increase our ability to communicate calmly.
- We become increasingly non-judgmental.
Simple Steps for Developing Mindful Awareness
If you are a newcomer mindfulness practice, taking a kind attitude toward yourself is an important part of the process. For many of us, our minds are used to running very quickly in many directions, so it will take some time for the capacity for focus to emerge. As you approach your practice each day, coming to it with an open state of mind, without expectations about how it will go relieves the additional tension that comes with pre-judging the experience.
Here’s a traditional, meditation exercise to help develop mindful awareness:
- Sit down in a room where you won’t be disturbed.
- Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing.
- Become aware of yourself inhaling and exhaling.
- If you become distracted from your breath just regain your focus.
- Practice until you’ve developed the ability to sustain focus on your breath for a period of time.
- Continue to focus on your breath and expand to allow thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and bodily sensations to enter your awareness, receiving all experience with an attitude of openness.
Making Mindfulness a Way of Living
Managing our life in a productive way requires making mindfulness a way of living, as we remain aware of our bodies, feelings, and beliefs from moment to moment. When we live from a mindful place new possibilities, perceptions and solutions will emerge reclaiming the full power of who we are. The challenges and conflicts that once overwhelmed us and ran our lives no longer threaten us. Our mindset changes and we’re able to give ourselves the space to enter the fullness of the present moment, the source of our calmness, creativity, and inspiration. This is true freedom.
Mindfulness in Organizations
In the U.S. business world, many companies are providing training programs in mindfulness. Some of these companies include Procter & Gamble, Monsanto, General Mills, Comcast, BASF Bioresearch, Bose, New Balance, and Nortel Networks. A professional-development program “Mindfulness at Monsanto” was started at Monsanto Corporation by its CEO, Robert Shapiro. Another corporation Sounds True, an audio recordings company has mindfulness as a core value recognizing the importance of silence, inward attention, active listening and being centered. Sounds True begins its all-company meetings with a minute of silence and maintains a meditation room on-site for employees to utilize throughout the day.
Also, Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation hosted a workshop on Mindfulness. Police officers in Los Angeles and in Madison, Wisconsin, have received mindfulness training. Mindfulness has been taught in prisons, reducing hostility and mood disturbance among inmates, and improving their self esteem. There are over 240 mindfulness programs in hospitals and clinics throughout the U. S. Many government organizations offer mindfulness training, including the Army. In 2000, The Inner Kids Program, a mindfulness-based program developed for children, was introduced into public and private school curricula in the greater Los Angeles area.
Learn to live in the moment to achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session please visit http://www.denisedema.com/
Learn How To Stay Positive
Brain scans show that a positive mind is much more active than a negative mind, and active in the areas critical for many of the benefits above. My focus here is on how to be more positive and if you are already in a positive state, how to enhance it further.
Below are a few approaches that may be helpful for you. Try them out and find what works for you.
Question the negative thought.
1. Ask yourself what it feels like to experience this thought?
2. How does it limit you?
3. What would be different for you and what becomes possible without this negative thought?
4. Flip the negative thought upside down to create a positive thought.
5. Consciously decide which thought feels better for you.
Acknowledge the negative thought.
1. Choose to separate yourself from the negative thought and view it as separate from your true self.
2. Become aware of your negative self talk and look at what triggers these thoughts?
3. Determine if these thoughts are based on fact or are you just operating on unconscious reactions to things.
4. Consciously decide which way of thinking will create a better outcome.
Let go of thoughts that do not serve you.
1. Don't let excuses control your mindset, let them go and replace them with productive thoughts.
2. Then focus on what is most important to you and redirect your energy to better serve you.
Enhance your positive mind-set by asking these questions.
1. What is going well for me right now?
2. What keeps my energy going?
3. What values, natural gifts, or talents are present when I am feeling positive?
4. Who else can I count on to share positive energy with me?
5. Is there a place in my business or life, where I can tap into positive energy?
6. How would being more positive at this moment benefit me?
7. What changes can I make to put more focus on a positive mind-set?
By focusing on staying positive everyday in your professional and personal life, you will be able to achieve your full potential and enhance your life. Develop a positive mindset and be inspiring to others! Book a complimentary session today at http://www.denisedema.com/
Discover Your Passions!
Your passion is that one thing which sets you free from
the clutches of boredom, misery and aimlessness, while giving a purpose to your
life bringing out the best in you. When you find your passion, it is like
discovering a gold mine that had always been buried in your backyard. You do
not follow your passion for money, fame or any other materialistic gains but
because it makes your soul happy. It is as simple as that. It is pure love for
what you do.
We all want to embrace our passions but we lose sight
of it when social conformism kicks in. We stop believing in our passion in life
when we listen less of the voice from within and more from those outside voices
that tell us what to do! Most people find their passion early in life but are made
to ignore it because it doesn't bring in money or because it doesn't conform to
the plans that their parents had for them. Peer pressure kicks in and we ignore
what we love for what brings us appreciation, acceptance and security. We
become 'practical' and tread the beaten paths, while ignoring that one thing which
makes us feel truly alive!
Leading a fulfilling life - a life you love and feel
great about - is a matter of knowing how to put the pieces of your life
together in a way that empowers you. Your best life starts with regaining
CLARITY.
You create a fulfilling life by creatively capitalizing
on your talents, passions and values. Self-knowledge is empowering. Once you
have the ability to articulate your gifts you gain the power to actively use
them, or leverage them, in your life. The more you know about yourself the more
power you have to create the life you most want. The more you understand, the
more you have to work with.
Why is it important to discover your passions? Well,
think of it this way. What do you think of when you think of
"passion"? Probably something exciting, enticing and fun! Another way
to say it is passion = energy. Energy that feels good! Creating your best life
takes energy. Your passions will give you the energy to do the work you need to
do to create the life you most want. That's because what we are passionate about
is what we care deeply about. Doing things we are most passionate about honors
our spirit and brings joy to our lives.
If you're struggling in your life or career today it
could be you're not involved in anything you feel passionate about. You may not
care deeply enough about the things you're doing to give it your all or you may
not have enough self-knowledge to bring your best to everyday life.
The following questions are meant to assist you in
discovering your passions. Be as descriptive as you'd like.
1. What do you most enjoy doing for others?
2. What makes you truly happy?
3. What subject can you talk about for hours?
4. What are you most often complimented on?
5. What do you do where you lose all track of time?
6. What do the people closest to you say you are good
at?
7. What ideas, things, places and/or people are you
most inspired by?
8. What life experiences gave you the greatest sense of
fulfillment and growth?
Once you discover your passions it turns on your power!
Understanding what you're most passionate about and being able to articulate
your passions will allow you to begin organizing your life with them in it.
When you implement into your life the activities that really energize and
excite you, it allows you to leverage the best of who you are to create a life
you love. That not only leads to a life that works well, it leads to a life
that feels great from the inside out!
It’s time to get started on achieving your full
potential and incorporating your passions into your life. Work with a Business
and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to
attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives.
Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com
Are you shining for someone today?
People are like stars...... we all have our own special light that shines from within. Sometimes we find our light to be dim and we struggle to shine... but that is when we need the light shed from the other stars to help us light our path once again. A true light that comes from within is so brilliant that it penetrates into the souls of the other stars onto which it shines, leaving it's impression for eternity. Are you shining for someone today?
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