Empowering Women’s Health

May is the month that we celebrate Mother's Day and it encourages us to think of all the women that have had an impact in our lives. Mothers have the innate ability to nurture, love and mentor children to live healthy and happy lives. So it is a great time to appreciate the contribution these women have made and to look at how we can improve ourselves, as well as to empower other women to live healthy lives. Each and every one of us has the ability to choose a healthy lifestyle. Let's start by taking a look at what we could be doing now that can change our daily routines and encourage other women to do the same. We can start by defining what a healthy life style is and how we can become empowered to make a difference in our lives.

Physical health is made up of many things, but includes eating right, exercising and eliminating bad habits like smoking and drinking. There are many diets, exercise and self-help books out there that teach you what to do in order to lose weight and stay physically fit and all of them have valuable information. What isn’t so prevalent in these books is the understanding that the way you think about your health and the physical habits that have formed as a result, have more to do with the life you are living now than new information anyone can give you. Ask yourself, what is the difference between waking up and eating a low calorie-high protein breakfast, exercising or stretching to release the endorphins, and then setting out to get ready for your day? Or, waking up and not eating any breakfast, not doing any form of exercise, and pretty much following your daily habits which are more comfortable? The difference is how you think about it, what you do about it, and how you process the habits that you already have.

Of course you know what to do, but do you do it, and why not? You have to start somewhere and you might need someone to help you change your physical behavior to break some habits. A neighbor, friend, family member or personal coach can motivate you to change, even if it’s starting with the basics like eating breakfast to give the body fuel instead of a cup of coffee and running out the door. One minor change can affect the rest of your day. Taking a brisk walk in the morning, riding your bicycle daily, going to the gym, joining a yoga class and being conscious that a good night’s sleep is imperative to how your body functions each day, is the beginning. Eliminating distractions like watching TV when you are in bed will determine the type of sleep you are going to have, which in return determines the day you will have to follow. It’s all is connected so being aware that this is the first step in changing what does not benefit you. Even relaxing with breathing exercises will help you on a daily basis to release the stress that is stored in your body. These are simple things that will start you on a path to allow your body to function better, but it is up to you to start. How you change your habits will depend on you. What will motivate you is different for each individual but attainable if you start with changing your mind.

Mental health is a broad term, but for most of us it is something we take for granted. If you start to become aware of your daily thought patterns, you will then understand what level of energy has to be put forward in order to attain peace and tranquility. Becoming angry everyday is the first indication that you are harboring negative feelings that often reflect how you treat others. Daily interaction with your children, co workers, family members and even strangers should not be confrontational if you are living in a peaceful state. It all gets a little challenging when someone puts negative energy in your way, for instance, when you are in traffic, or standing in a long line of people, or even when someone judges you, but you do have the choice to let it be their negative energy without internalizing it to be yours. Why isn’t it just that easy to be happy each and every day no matter what crosses your path? ...well it really is, but because you feed into what other people do and say, it becomes difficult to separate your path from theirs. Simply put, you have the ability to allow their negative energy to stay with them, and to proceed with the positive thought processes that honor and value your well-being.

The first step in gaining clarity and living a happy, peaceful life is to eliminate tolerations. Think right now about what you tolerate on a daily basis and from whom, that does not bring positive energy to your life. Just look around, a lot of people compromise their happiness, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Seeking validation from others should not be what defines you. You define you, and the right thought process and coping skills to achieve mental health can be developed with a commitment to that goal. Those skills will allow you to make better choices on a daily basis, which will lead to living a healthy lifestyle.


In general, women lead very busy lives and are faced with a variety of demands on their time. Compromises are made to their health. Let's face it, these demands call for a whole new level of effectiveness. It begins with good health and a sense of mental well-being. The need to be calm, focused, resolute, energetic, strong, patient and confident is more important than ever in juggling a home life and career. Taking time to focus on personal well-being is something we all easily overlook in our fast-paced lives but it definitely needs to be a priority. In today's culture, extended youth and health have become of crucial importance and we must put greater attention on our personal care and work toward a daily routine of health and strength. Living a healthy life is within our grasp. For many of us it sometimes means changing the way we live and think. You have the power to empower, and it all starts with you!

“The body is the servant of the mind” -James Allen

Get the tools you need to excel in your personal and professional life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach that specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness. Book a complimentary session today!

The Wisdom of Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill was an American author who was one of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature. He is widely considered to be one of the great writers on success and his most famous work, Think and Grow Rich, is one of the best-selling books of all time. Hill's works examined the power of personal beliefs, and the role they play in personal success. "What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve" is one of Hill's hallmark expressions. How achievement actually occurs, and a formula for it that puts success in reach for the average person, were the focal points of Hill's books and teachings.

Hill considered the turning point in his life to have occurred with his assignment, as part of a series of articles about famous and successful men, to interview the industrialist Andrew Carnegie. At the time, Carnegie was one of the most powerful men in the world. Hill discovered that Carnegie believed that the process of success could be outlined in a simple formula that anyone would be able to understand and achieve. Impressed with Hill, Carnegie asked him if he was up to the task of putting together this information, to interview or analyze over 500 successful men and women, many of them millionaires, in order to discover and publish this formula for success.

This video link explains Hills exploration into personal and professional development through his meetings with Andrew Carnegie. Enjoy the wisdom shared by Napoleon Hill!

Leadership Tools - Building Confidence in Others

Do you ever wonder how great leaders create self-assured teams?

Think about watching a sports match between two teams, where one team is more confident than the other. The members of the more confident team know that they have a good chance of winning. As a result, everyone on the team makes good decisions, and the players work together seamlessly. Meanwhile, the other team's confidence is shaky. Players doubt their abilities, they hesitate, and they don't commit fully to any particular course of action. When this happens, it's likely that the more confident team will win.

The same principles apply in the workplace - when you have people on your team who have low self-confidence, this can hold them back from reaching their full potential.

This is why it's important that we do what we can to boost the confidence of those around us, especially if we're leading a team.

Recognizing Low Self-Confidence
People who lack self-confidence rarely thrive. They see more risks than opportunities, they don't perform particularly well in new situations, and they often have low self-esteem. What's more, they rarely trust their own judgment, and they may see any successes that they do achieve as resulting from luck, rather than from their own efforts.

By contrast, people who have high self-confidence are more productive and more effective, and can raise the morale of the entire group. They're also more comfortable taking risks, which can have benefits for their own careers, as well as for their teams.

Confidence can make or break people's ability to achieve their life goals. So how can you help boost the self-confidence of the people around you?

Help Them Develop Knowledge and Skills
Chances are that there are several skills you rely on to do your job well. When you use these skills successfully, what happens? You feel confident! These are the skills that you've worked on over the years, and you're comfortable that you can use them to accomplish the task at hand.
The same is true for the people on your team. The stronger their skills are, the more confident they're going to feel.

So a good way to increase the self-confidence of people in your team is by encouraging learning, and by providing plenty of opportunities for additional training. The more knowledge and skills that people have to do their job, the more confident they're going to feel, especially when they approach challenging projects.

Set Clear Goals and Help Them Achieve Them
Many people get confidence from completing tasks and projects successfully. But that confidence only comes if people know what it is that they're supposed to do.

This is why it is so important to set clear goals for every member of your team. Goals define success, and give people an objective to shoot for. Without them, they're working aimlessly.

So make sure that the people on your team know what goals they're supposed to be working toward, and help them to achieve these goals. Then, when they succeed, celebrate their achievements!

Help Them Identify "Triggers"
All of us experience fluctuations in our confidence - some tasks or situations lift us up, while others can cause our confidence to drop.

If you work with someone who has low self-confidence, help him to identify his "trigger situations." By knowing what causes his confidence to waver, he can work to build the knowledge and skills he needs to feel more confident.

To do this, grab a piece of paper and a pen, and sit down with this person. Divide the page into two columns. On one side, ask him to list the situations that make him feel confident. This could be anything, from writing the corporate blog to helping shape your department's budget. Anything that makes him feel happy and confident should go on this list. Then, next to each task, have him write down why he's confident in these situations. What knowledge or skill is he using that makes him feel good?

Next, ask him to list the situations that don't make him feel confident. This could include giving presentations, expressing his opinion in meetings, or writing a report. Why doesn't he feel confident in these situations? What new knowledge and skills would help him feel better in each scenario?

It can be an eye-opening experience to identify these triggers. But, once he can see which skills he could improve on, he'll be more motivated to face his fears.

You could also use role playing with him. This is a useful technique that allows him to practice succeeding in low-confidence scenarios. To do this, you'll need to talk to this person about his self-confidence, which may be something that he instinctively tries to avoid. You're much more likely to be successful if you have this conversation as part of a coaching or mentoring relationship.

Encourage Autonomy
If you want your team to tackle tasks with confidence, it's important that you allow them the autonomy to make their own decisions. When your people have the power to decide what needs to be done, they start to take ownership of their work. It truly becomes their responsibility, and when they succeed, their confidence can soar.

Whenever you can, delegate tasks and give your people the power to make their own decisions. Be aware, however, that people who have low self-confidence may resist this at first: after all, they may doubt that they'll make the right decisions. To fight these doubts, encourage them to take on small, achievable projects. Then, if they rely on you too much for help or guidance, encourage them to be more independent This will push them to make their own decisions, instead of running to you for help or advice.

Celebrate Success
It's important that all of us celebrate the success we've achieved, because recognition of success builds self-confidence. Whenever your people accomplish a goal or hit a key target, then celebrate with them! Reward them with a gift certificate, party at the office, or even do something small like bringing in donuts, cookies or cake. At the very least, congratulate them on their success, and let them know how much you appreciate their hard work.

It's also important to keep your team excited about what they're doing. Celebrating success helps with this, but keeping motivation high long-term is key to building a team with high confidence levels..

Encourage Positive Thinking
Many people who lack self-confidence focus on negative thoughts. They may think things like, "I can't do that!" or "I'm not smart enough." These negative thoughts cause people to spiral down further, reinforcing their belief that they'll never be good enough to succeed. Of course, this just makes things worse!

Encourage people to think positively. One technique is to show them how to "flip their thoughts" - every time they catch themselves thinking a negative thought, teach them to think its rational opposite.

For instance, if they think "I'm not smart enough to finish this project," instead they should think "I know I have the knowledge and skills to finish this project. If I do need help, I can always ask for it." Flipping a thought from negative to positive creates a subtle shift in our minds. The change in our outlook and energy is almost palpable, so this technique can make a big difference in confidence!

Balancing Self-Confidence and Over-Confidence
When people become more self-confident there's always the risk they can become over-confident, or even arrogant. There's no doubt that there is a fine line here, but once it's crossed, these people can start to impact the morale and productivity of the group in a negative way. What's worse is when people get careless, because they over-estimate their own ability to improvise in difficult situations.

If this happens to a person on your team, start by gently bringing the situation to their attention. Chances are that they might not have realized that they crossed the line into arrogance. Meet with them in private, be specific about what their saying or doing, and explain why their behavior could be construed as arrogance. If their behavior has caused tension or upset in the team, then make sure that you let them know. Usually, when people are aware that their behavior is hurting others, they're motivated to change.


Key Points
If you work with people who have low self-confidence, there are several ways that you can help.

First, encourage them to develop additional knowledge and skills. Help them set clear goals, and sit down with them to identify specific situations that cause their confidence to plummet.

If you're leading a team, give your people as much power as you can to make their own decisions, and celebrate the success they achieve along the way. But remember that too much self-confidence can be just as damaging to your team as low self-confidence, so help them find the right balance.

Confidence is key in working effectively and productively. So do everything that you can to help boost other people's confidence, as well as your own. You'll start to see huge improvements in people's performance!

Get the tools you need to excel in your professional and personal life. Work with a Business Coach that specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness. Book a complimentary session today!

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Published Comments in The Palm Beach Post

Check out my comments at the end of the Palm Beach Post article, "Invention and reinvention for mother and son."

Get Your Free E-Book "As A Man Thinketh"

This little classic gem “As A Man Thinketh” by James Allen is one of my all time favorite personal development books and literally a blueprint on living. It serves as a course of action for approaching life in a meaningful manner while capturing the pure essence of the human mind and unlimited potential each of us has if we simply will change the way we think.

Everyone should read this wonderful philosophy book many times throughout their life because it takes more than one reading to fully understand the powerful insights given in taking responsibility for your thoughts, actions and circumstance. I first read this book when I was 16 years old for personal growth and it quickly became my guide for shaping my thought processes and creating self awareness throughout my entire life. I have given it as a gift to clients, friends and acquaintances and continue to use all of the principles in my coaching practice for well over 20 years. There is so much life-improving wisdom, advice, and guidance packed inside this motivational book that you will still learn something new every time you read it.

They say what's old becomes new again. Many people consider James Allen as the founder of the personal development industry and current motivational speakers, success coaches and authors credit this book for providing the foundation to their teachings. Allen understood over a century ago what everyone is now calling "The Law of Attraction” and set the stage for the book, “The Secret” to be written. We are what we think...and you always have the choice to determine what that is!

Enjoy reading the wisdom of James Allen, but most of all learn to apply it to your life! Click on this link As A Man Thinketh and begin your journey to enlightenment.

Your Soul Mission

Your soul mission is your reason for being, your life purpose. It's your calling in life-who you feel called to be, what you feel called to do. Mission is an energy that flows through you-a drive, voice, or passion that you cannot ignore. It's what you know in your heart you must live if you are to experience inner peace and harmony. Achieve Your Full Potential and start embracing your true life purpose.

Published in The Boca Raton Observer

I was interviewed for the article, "Mothers of Reinvention" and published in the April issue of the Boca Raton Observer Check it out!

Developing Emotional Intelligence advances your career

We probably all know people either at work or in our personal lives who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we're in, they always seem to know just what to say and how to say it. They're caring and considerate, and even if we don't find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

They are masters at managing their emotions. They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.

People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence or EI. They know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional needs of others. People with high emotional intelligence are usually successful in most things they do. They are able to make others feel good and go through life much more easily than people who are often angered or upset.

Success today is closely linked to how people handle emotionally charged situations that they face daily and manage their internal emotional states and emotional tensions effectively. As more and more people accept that emotional intelligence is just as important to professional success as technical ability, organizations are increasingly using EI when they hire and promote.

What is Emotional Intelligence?
We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important.

Emotional intelligence is a general term used for our level of competence in our personal and interpersonal skills. It is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. It also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively. It allows you to value others, listen to their wants and needs, and empathize or identify with them on many different levels.

Mastery of these personal and interpersonal skills is the single most important determinant of our performance success. It is also a major determinant in how we feel, think and act. Emotional Intelligence will determine how well you know and manage yourself, how well you handle what happens to you and how well you interact and handle others.


Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Here are five elements that define emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them. They're confident – because they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of control. They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.

2. Self-Regulation – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no.

3. Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.

4. Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.

5. Social Skills – It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.


How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Use these tips to identify where you might need to do some work:

• Observe how you react to people. Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place, and be more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs.

• Look at your work environment. Do you seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn't mean that you're shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine – put the focus on them, and don't worry too much about getting praise for yourself.

• Do a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can change your life.

• Examine how you react to stressful situations. Do you become upset every time there's a delay or something doesn't happen the way you want? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued – in the business world and outside it. Keep your emotions under control when things go wrong.

• Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize directly – don't ignore what you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.

• Examine how your actions will affect others – before you take those actions. If your decision will impact others, put yourself in their place. How will they feel if you do this? Would you want that experience? If you must take the action, how can you help others deal with the effects?


Key Points
Although regular intelligence is important to success in life, emotional intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving your goals. Many people believe that emotional intelligence is at least as important as regular intelligence.

Many companies now use EI testing to hire new staff because they acknowledge that traits such as developing positive outlooks, showing empathy, listening attentively, communicating effectively all significantly increase productivity. When customers are complaining, the ability for staff to manage their own internal emotional states becomes critical. Skills in conflict resolution, rapport building and solving problems are hallmarks for high customer loyalty.

Emotional Intelligence learning involves the LIMBIC system (the emotional centre for the brain). This system learns best by motivation; practice over time, relating to real life practical situations and through feedback. Developing emotional intelligence requires individual focus and requires that individuals understand their old behavioral programming in order to embrace new behaviors.

The most import thing about EI no matter how it’s construed is that it is related to a variety of measures of well-being, quality of life, occupational success, health and relationship quality. EI is an essential ingredient of life success and happiness.

Improve your emotional intelligence to achieve your full potential. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives & business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/  

Anger Management Tools

It seems that anger is everywhere in our society. One just has to read the newspaper daily or watch the evening news to conclude that controlling one's angry feelings is a major challenge for many adults, teens, and children.

 

Uncontrolled anger is a major factor in domestic violence and spousal abuse, in aggressive driving violations, in workplace rudeness and disruption, and in marital conflicts and family fights. A particularly high cost of anger is on your children. The effect of children witnessing extreme conflict in the home can be devastatingly more harmful most of the time than a parental divorce.

Managing angry feelings requires mastering specific thought and action skills and then practicing these skills on a daily basis. The costs to persons who do not learn how to regulate their negative emotions are high and include increased risk of relapse, loss of relationships, conflicts at work, loss of respect in the eyes of loved ones, and lowering of self-esteem.

What is Anger?

We view angry feelings as a normal emotional reaction to frustration in our everyday world. It is natural to become angry when we have a goal and this goal is blocked in some way. Anger isn't just one emotion, but a family of emotions that are related to each other both in our brains and in our behavior. People often give a variety of names to their angry feelings, which range from mild irritation to rage.

Once anger begins, it generates changes in our expressions, our faces, our voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to action. In fact, the purpose of emotions such as anger is to organize and mobilize all of our bodily systems to respond to our environment in some way. Anger, like all emotions, is regulated by that section of our brain called the limbic system (located in our mid brains beyond our inner ear) Emotional memories are stored in the amygdala and other structures which are located in this limbic system.

You may experience anger now in your life which may actually be caused by a mixture of what is triggering it now and experiences you have had in the past—even if you don't remember them. This "old anger" is activated by your brain in its attempt to protect you even though the original danger is no longer present. It is up to the thinking part of the brain, our frontal lobes, to find a way to deal with the angry feelings the amygdala and other brain structures have set in motion. Fortunately, we have the unique ability to have choices regarding how we will deal with our feelings.

Model of Anger Management.

Anger management is NOT about never getting angry—that would be an impossible and ridiculous goal because angry feelings are "hard-wired" in your brain and probably serve a protective and survival function. Rather, anger management is about learning how to regulate and express those natural angry feelings in a way that makes you a more effective human being. Persons who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more occupational success than those who manage their anger poorly. They also get more of their needs met without antagonizing loved ones or colleagues.

Learning to manage anger involves mastering the tools of anger control. This model of anger management is not therapy and does not dwell on the past or the underlying reasons for anger. Rather, it is psycho-educational, skill-building, and practical drawing on recent research and findings in neuroscience, marriage/relationships, stress management, and the emerging science of happiness and optimism.

Tools To Reduce Anger

Recognize Stress
Stress and anger tend to go hand and hand. The higher one's stress level, the easier it is to allow our anger to get out of control. It is a challenge for most of us to manage our stress levels in a complex world with many demands and expectations. Learning stress management techniques gives us an effective way to reduce the physical, behavioral, and emotional problems caused by too much stress.

Stress is often the trigger that takes us from feeling peaceful to experiencing uncomfortable angry feelings in many common life situations. Whether the stressor is external or internal, scientists have discovered that the major systems of the body work together to provide one of the human organism's most powerful and sophisticated defenses; the stress response which you may know better as "fight-or-flight". Before your stress response turns into anger or aggression, use stress management strategies to get it under control.

Develop Empathy
Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed that the customers at the table next to you were speaking louder than anyone else? It was as if they had no idea that they were being so loud and intrusive to the rest of the patrons. This lack of awareness is often a sign of not being emotionally or socially alert. Or, have you ever been in a situation where you tried to express your feelings and it backfired in some way?
Some of us are very good at knowing how we feel and expressing it, while others struggle to do so. It is crucial to express emotion in order to relate to those around us. Our ability to know how we are feeling as well as our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help us make positive connections with others. This characteristic is often called "empathy."

To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another. Lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of other people's behavior and our lack of empathy toward them or their situation.

Respond Instead of React
Many times we become angry because we find people and situations that literally "push our buttons", and we react just like a juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing when you make a selection. Rather than reacting to anger triggers in this fashion, you can learn to choose how to deal with frustrating situations—to respond rather than automatically react like that juke box.

There are many advantages to learning to how be more flexible in dealing with the stresses and frustrations of life. At the top of the list is a sense of empowerment. It just feels good and powerful to know that you are in charge of your response, rather than being controlled by other people or circumstances. Many people notice their anger level going down as their feeling of empowerment goes up.

Change That Conversation With Yourself
A crucial tool in dealing with angry feelings is that of challenging that conversation with yourself. You are constantly telling yourself all kinds of things which cause you to have certain feelings or emotions—even though you may not realize it. Learning to change that "self-talk" empowers you to deal with anger more effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your anger. The more aware you become of your internal voice the easier it becomes to change it!

Communicate Assertively
Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people respond to us and how we feel toward them.

Anger expressed toward others is often a misguided way of communicating a feeling we have or a need that is not being satisfied by other people or situations. Assertive communication—as distinct from aggressive communication is a set of skills to honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and how you are responding to things without getting angry or hostile about it.

Adjust Expectations
Have you ever been told your expectations are too high? Anger and stress can often be caused when our expectations are too far apart from what is realistic to achieve. In other words, anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we expect and what we get. Learning to adjust those expectations—sometimes upward and other times downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or people, or even cope with ourselves. In marriage, research shows that much anger is caused by trying to solve problems which are unsolvable and perpetual. Successful couples learn to live with each other around these issues rather than getting angry about them.

Forgive But Don't Forget!
Anger is often the result of grievances we hold toward other people or situations, usually because of our perception and feeling of having been wronged by them in some way. Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender. Holding a grudge is letting the offender live rent free in your head. Making the decision to "let go" (while still protecting ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control.

Retreat and Think Things Over!

Often time couples have verbal battles over any number of issues and do not to give each other "space" during an argument insisting they solve the issue immediately. Even worse, when one person physically blocks the other from leaving and follows them from room to room demanding discussion can become a very dangerous practice. It can escalate levels of anger even further and cause partners to do and say things they don't really mean and may later regret!

Research shows that we are pretty much incapable of resolving conflicts or thinking rationally in an argument when our stress level reaches a certain point. To avoid losing control either physically or verbally, it is often best to take a temporary "time-out"—and leave. This tool of anger management works much better if (a) you commit to the other person to return within a reasonable amount of time to work things out, and (2) you work on your "self-talk" while trying to cool down.

Using these tools to control your anger in your daily life will greatly improve all your relationships and productivity. If you recognize that you need support in applying these thought and action skills into your daily life, book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/  Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives.

Unleash Your Full Potential!

Each of us has one or more special gifts, but we spend most of our time focused on the talents or skills we don’t have that we think are critical to our success. In reality, we need to focus on our special gifts and how we can leverage those to help us achieve more. You contain within yourself a unique combination of talents and abilities which properly identified and applied, will enable you to achieve virtually any goal you can set for yourself. Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are. Unleash your full potential! Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/