Mentoring Children

All parents hope that their children will grow up healthy, happy, and productive. They aspire to have children who have the skills to contribute to their own well-being and to the well-being of their families and community. There is no magic bullet for developing these capacities in children. Literally thousands of programs have been developed to support families in their efforts to help children to become competent, confident, caring young people who have positive social connections and good characters.

Children have the potential to succeed in life and contribute to society. However, not all children get the support they need to thrive. By all estimates, an astounding 17.6 million young people - nearly half the population between 10 and 18 years of age - live in situations that put them at risk of not living up to their potential. Without immediate intervention by caring adults, they could make choices that undermine their futures. The presence of caring adults offering support, advice, friendship, reinforcement and constructive examples has proved to be powerful tools for helping young people fulfill their potential.

Mentoring is a structured and trusting relationship that brings young people together with caring individuals who offer guidance, support and encouragement aimed at developing the competence and character of the mentee. A mentor is an adult who, along with the parents, help young people bring out strengths that are already there. They are good listeners, compassionate and teach children how to live an honorable life. A mentor is not a foster parent, therapist, parole officer, or cool peer. The role of a mentor is not to "fix" young people but rather to help them achieve their full potential. Enforcing competence, confidence, connection, character, caring, and contribution to self and society, help develop a child into a productive and respectful adult in later years.

A mentor's main purpose is to help a young person define individual goals and find ways to achieve them. Since the expectations of each child will vary, the mentor's job is to encourage the development of a flexible relationship that responds to the young person's needs. Using influence and resources as a decision maker, adults can bring new hope to young lives through the power of mentoring. A mentor encourages positive choices, promotes high self-esteem, teaches respect for oneself and family, supports academic achievement, and introduces the young person to new ideas. Youth who meet regularly with their mentors are 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to start drinking alcohol (Public/Private Ventures study of Big Brothers Big Sisters). About 40% of teenager's waking hours are spent without any companionship or supervision. Mentors provide children and teens with a valuable place to spend free time. Children learn to make thoughtful choices, fulfill their commitments, acknowledge their mistakes and account for their actions. By taking control of their lives, children realize they can achieve more than they ever dreamed possible.

I encourage you to think of the mentors in your own life - a coach, teacher, or another caring adult, and take a few minutes to consider all the contributions they have made in your life during your developing years. I know throughout my own adult life and business career, I have been greatly rewarded by years of mentoring children and young adults into productive, happy individuals that are successful in life. Children need someone to believe in them. Often times, children lack the attention needed to reinforce morals, values and self esteem on a daily basis. It makes all the difference in the world during times of indecision in their lives to have that reinforcement. Mentoring develops children into young adults who have confidence, determination and self-awareness.

Mentoring is recognized throughout the US as an important part of a child's life and some states have already proposed legislation to the Senate. The Coalition of State Mentoring Partnerships has worked closely with Capitol Hill staff and Senators to advocate this legislation. The Mentoring for All Act 2008 (S. 3200) is one of the most significant legislation actions to benefit mentoring. Please call; send emails or letters to your Senators urging support for the bill.

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com

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Links to published articles and interviews by Denise Dema

http://voyagemia.com/interview/meet-business-life-management-coaching-boca-raton/

http://aspirituallegacy.blogspot.com/2010/06/instilling-faith-in-your-children.html

http://www.thelpa.com/lpa/what/denise_dema-courage.html 

http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/denise_dema

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Denise_Dema

http://www.sangria-ville.com/blog/2010/09/15/The-Three-Rs.aspx

http://munlab.blogspot.com/2011/12/mentoring-children.html

https://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/emily-minor-invention-and-reinvention-for-mother-and-son/JbIRTNpKCqWGpx9kmAYWyH/

http://kompasiapa.blogspot.com/2011/08/empowering-womens-health.html

http://mulhealth.com/health/womens-health/empowering-womens-health.html

Teaching Your Children To Have Faith

Having faith, and teaching your children to have faith, is an important part of the fundamental growth of your relationship with your child and will determine how your child sees the world. First, we have to understand what faith really means in order to embrace the thought process that will enable you to teach your child to live their life to its' full potential and believe in themselves.

 Faith is an acceptance of what we cannot see but feel deep within our hearts. Your actions are a direct result of your faith. Being able to have faith in one's self and in one's future is important, especially in trying times. Being an example of faith for your children will keep them on the right track. The dictionary defines faith as "Belief that something is true, in spite of evidence to the contrary". Christian faith is defined as "The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will." What is God's will, but that each of us may live an honorable life?

Teaching faith is really instilling a set of principles and values in your children from a very young age in order that their actions will lead them onto a positive path. The same principles apply for every religion and ethnic background, so having faith is universal in spirit.

Faith is also verb, because it means we must act on what we believe. Faith, as we have seen, is the theological virtue of being secure in our belief. As children grow they are influenced by many things that cross their path in life like their parents' words and actions, things that happen in school and other children/adult relationships with them. All these experiences, both good and bad create the thought processes that follow them throughout their adult life. Instilling faith as a belief system as they grow into young adults is very important because it instills confidence in them, even when they fail in something.

Teaching children to have faith in their own ability is the first step in being able to act upon it. By repeating daily words of confidence to your children, discussing choices that they make, both good and bad and encouraging them to take the initiative to act upon positive thoughts, will help them believe in themselves and will encourage them to do their best. Trusting your children to make the right decisions with your guidance gives them the freedom to develop their own faith and encourages them to make the right choices. That is the beginning of teaching faith.

Parents' actions create the daily influences that determine the mindset of their children. To have consideration for others and to be honest in your intentions is what makes children grow into honorable adults. Having faith in others, not just themselves, allows them to view what happens on a daily basis in a non-judgmental way. Expecting respect and giving respect to people around you is something that should be automatic, but sometimes the simplest things become complicated and misguided. The lack of faith in all people creates bitter attitudes and allows the blame game to begin. All we have control over is ourselves. As parents, we have control over our children's development. Displaying faith through your own actions with your children will show them how important it is to believe in things without always seeing the physical evidence.

Long ago, someone made the analogy that faith is a lot like the wind. We cannot see the wind, nor can we hear the wind unless it blows against something, and we can only feel the wind when it touches our skin or rustles our hair. Faith is like that wind. We cannot see what we believe in, we cannot hear what we believe in unless we open our eyes to the truth, but we can sure feel that our faith is justified by the joy we feel in our hearts. Remember, in the end, we all put our faith in something, so let it be the truth. The old saying is, "the truth will set you free". Having confident belief in the truth of a person, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof is what faith is all about. This all starts with the faith in oneself. With faith, one has hope, trust, love, and the certainty that all things are indeed possible. Displaying that to your children and coaching them through their formative years will enable them to develop their own faith and to be a shining example of a life well lived.

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth" -Kahil Gibran

Reach your full potential to mentor your children! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. To learn more about the author or to book a complimentary session, go to http://www.denisedema.com today!

Self Awareness Is The Key To All Successfull Relationships!

Who am I? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves. To be aware, we need to step outside ourselves and objectively watch ourselves in action. We live most of our lives by habit. These habits keep us stuck in self-limiting patterns. Once we identify these unconscious patterns, we then have the choice to change them.

To start building the awareness habit, stop and pay attention to your actions. Set an intention to become aware of how you automatically "react" to the events in your life. How do you react to traffic, colleagues at work, family situations, your partner or children? How do you react to anger or fear in someone else? Become a witness to your own life. Pay attention to how you react to things and how it affects all of your relationships. Become aware of how your thinking creates your reality.

Learn to experience the emotions that are underlying each of your reactions. These are the beginning stages of listening to your internal dialogue.

Awareness reveals to us a whole new fascinating world. Personal growth, to a large extent, depends on self awareness. You can only change what you recognize. Self awareness is not a simple process. It requires that we consistently step outside our "automatic" or "pre-programmed" selves and take a good look at ourselves objectively. The following qualities of character need to be present and developed in order to enhance our ability to become more self aware;

Honesty takes emotional awareness, self confidence and a great deal of courage. Until a person is willing to accept the truth about themselves, they will not have a clear path to change. If we are more emotionally honest with ourselves, we will get to know our “true selves” on a deeper level. This will help us become more accepting of ourselves and eventually, of others. It will also help us to make better choices about how to spend our time and with whom to spend it with. When we are honest with others as well, it encourages them to be more honest with us. We are then more likely not to be asked or pressured to do things which we do not want to do. We will also find out quickly who respects our feelings and who does not. Being honest with your feelings, facing issues as they arise, and accepting responsibility for your actions without blaming others is what living an honorable life entails. You cannot grow as a person until you become honest with yourself and others. Observation and awareness of oneself means that we need to understand how the world "is" around us. If we are capable of seeing the factors that influence other people’s behavior, we are much more likely to see it in ourselves as well. We can make better decisions when we are fully aware of what is driving other people’s intentions. It is not just what we see, but how we interpret everything around us and our perception of others creates the circumstances in our daily life.

Gratitude for what you have is beneficial to your emotional well being. Having an attitude of gratitude each day for your blessings puts your mind in a positive state, without relying on others for your happiness. Being able to express gratitude for any situation projects a magnetic force that draws to you more of what you are expressing gratitude for. People who experience gratitude tend to be happier, more helpful and forgiving, and are aware that they automatically activate the "Law of Attraction". When gratitude becomes part of your identity, you ultimately attract circumstances that resonate with who you are.

Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth, but without arrogance. Something interesting happens when we approach situations from a perspective of humility–it opens us up to possibilities. As we choose open mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view, we spend more time in that wonderful place of the child's mind, willing to learn from others. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being right and enjoy being in the moment. There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretense; it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages openness and it enhances one’s self confidence. It opens the window to the higher self.

Flexibility is the ability to adapt your lifestyle to be in harmony with your expectations. Flexible thinking moves thought patterns out of their neural ruts. When you are truly flexible, you can accept any event or surprise that life gives you. Flexibility allows people to adapt, shift and move easily. Insight is the power of seeing a situation beyond the surface. It assists us in overcoming the limitations placed upon us by living our lives "reactively", as opposed to responsively. It gives us the ability to discover why, how and where problems exist and what is needed to correct them. Insight teaches us to become aware of self-destructive belief systems and shows us how to diffuse them. We can then start taking control of our life by becoming the cause of all we experience and not the victim. Having the insight to be proactive, not reactive allows us to pursue the life we desire.

Ambition is striving for something higher than one's self and it is the motivating force of change. Not everyone has the same level of expectations for themselves. Some people thrive on becoming the next CEO, while others would rather be surfing at the beach. Even if someone had all the other factors of self-awareness, without the ambition to change, self-awareness is not easily accomplished. Imagine ambition as the master. The other principles of self awareness rely on ambition to feed them. Without ambition, there is no motivating force to observe or change one's behavior.

These are not the only factors that govern self-awareness. Certainly communication skills also play a big role. Having mentors in your life is also important in the journey of personal growth. Having a coach helps you gain the ability to see yourself as you really are in order to work on change and attainment of a better life.

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To book a complimentary session or to  learn more about the author and her practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com/

“What is necessary to change is to change his awareness of himself.” Abraham H. Maslow

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Recognizing Subtle Addictions

When we think of the word addiction we usually think of the obvious ones like food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, TV, spending, work, sex, etc., but many people are not aware of the more subtle addictions. These addictions are often so covert and pervasive that they are invisible to us. Yet these subtle addictions may have a negative impact on us, sabotaging our professional and/or personal relationships as well as our lives on a daily basis. Many people are aware of the fact that addictions are used to avoid pain, and in a way to medicate our feelings in order to function in a manner that is within our comfort level. The reason we do this is because it is easier to make the pain go away than it is to deal with the negative feelings or issues at hand. This is not the way your life was intended to be! You can learn to live a more fulfilling life, naturally, through behavior modification.

You might want to honestly look inside and see what some of your covert addictions are. Are you addicted to blaming others for your unhappy feelings? Are you addicted to a relationship that has run its course but you are still in it? Do you use anger or tears, attempting to make others responsible for you? Are you addicted to illness as a way to avoid personal responsibility for yourself? Are you more focused on trying to control the way others feel about you than you are in taking care of your own feelings? How much of your time is spent daydreaming about what you want to say to others or how you wish life was instead of actually being accountable for yourself? How often do you explain and defend yourself rather than being open to learning? How often do you get angry or withdraw to avoid dealing with your present circumstances? Are you doing things that are habitual with your body and or emotions that are not allowing you to be healthy? Is your thinking addictive? Do you have repetitive thought patterns?

To understand if you have an addiction, you need to pay attention to your thought processes which create your behavioral patterns on a daily basis, in order to see if they are motivated by emotions in spite of adverse consequences. When logic is replaced with anger (with or without justification), the result is the loss of one’s well being. Any behavior that is outside of being accountable for your actions, taking care of yourself, and being open to learning about yourself and others, is addictive in nature. All addictive behaviors are attempts to control and suppress rather than learn, governing all that we do. If you are always defending, explaining, resisting, and withdrawing from decisions and situations, then all of your actions are attempts of getting approval and/or avoiding pain. Take a look at whether you react or respond to others. When we respond we are taking responsibility for our situations instead of reacting with emotional repetitive thought patterns that do not serve us.

In order to HEAL you have to FEEL and become aware of your addictions, which is the beginning of learning to release them from your life. Embrace your life the way it was meant to be and deal with your addictions no matter how pervasive they have been. You can achieve your full potential and live a healthy, loving life, without fear when you are able to release all that has been negatively controlling your life and the lives of others that are in it. Changing your thoughts - changes your life. To quote one of my favorite authors, James Allen, “Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not long remain so if you perceive an Ideal and strive to reach it”.

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com/ or call 561 212 5550.

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This blog was created to enlighten your mind with great personal and professional development articles and to give people a forum to ask me questions pertaining to their life, business, relationships or anything that is on their mind that they would like to get some feedback on. I have decades of experience in business management consulting and personal development coaching. I am an avid sports fan, ballroom instructor and have a very active life style that allows me to interact with many types of people on a daily basis. My vocation as a Business and Life Management Coach has been very rewarding in helping people achieve their full potential. I believe all you achieve in life directly relates to your thoughts and perceptions. So subscribe to my blog and get the tools you need to excel in your life! Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com/

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