Just ask D: How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly
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How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly
Whenever we start a new year
we usually go through some review in our mind of the previous year and what we
have accomplished or have yet to accomplish in our life. Setting goals,
releasing negative feelings, forgiving and striving for some personal growth is
always on people’s minds, no matter what they have experienced in life.
Many times, the thought of professional
and financial attainment or lack of is what a new year brings, along with all
the emotional feelings that follow. When you take the honorable approach
throughout your life, it will always result in other gifts coming your way
without intentionally seeking them. This is why I encourage people I coach to
make the three R’s a reality in their lives. They are: Respect for self,
Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions. People’s intentions
are often not the reality that they live. It’s not because they don’t want to,
but because they just don’t have the discipline to be consistent without help
from others. To change one's behavior and thought processes can challenge a
person’s will. Most people alone are not strong-willed enough to stick with it
throughout the time it takes to attain their goal. It’s never too late to start
to live your life in a respectful and responsible way, so your daily
interactions will be set on a positive path. So let’s start with some of the
thoughts and activities that are associated with respect and responsibility.
Respect for Self is a
feeling of confidence and pride in one’s owns abilities and worth. Having
regard for one's character, and one's conduct with appreciation of one’s self
elevates our awareness of who we are. Self- respect is the cornerstone on which
many other attributes are built such as dignity, honesty, loyalty, confidence
and integrity. Feeling good about yourself, thinking enough of yourself to make
decisions that will be good for your long term emotional, physical, spiritual
and mental health, will improve your character and self worth. Always surround
yourself with people who have your best interests involved, who care about your
thoughts and feelings, who share your passions and interests and who live
healthy lifestyles. Conduct yourself on a daily basis with a happy heart,
engage in physical activities that are health-oriented, be polite and pleasant
to others and it will elevate your own self- respect. By walking the walk and
talking the talk you can display the respect you have of yourself by honoring
your body and mind. The person with self-respect simply likes themselves. It
should not be contingent on success or a result of comparing ourselves with
others. Self -respect is a given because of who we are and not because of what
we can or cannot do. No one can take steps towards their goals, dreams and
aspirations without liking the person they currently are.
In general character good or
bad, is considered to be observable in one's conduct. Look at how you act each
day, what you do to honor yourself and how you display those qualities that
show self-respect. Those with self-respect are less prone to blame others, have
guilt, live with regret, lie, have secrets and stress. Ask yourself if you
display any of these traits and start to acknowledge why you feel this way. Be
thankful on a daily basis for the blessings you have now and at the same time
examine the beliefs, biases, assumptions, and myths inherited from family,
school, religion, and society. One by one, dismantle and discard those not in
keeping with healthy, honorable and virtuous living, and cherish those that
are. Part of our personal development is the view we have of our self, and
respecting yourself will play a big role in your chosen path in life. Have fun
as you develop friendships, interests, purposes and passions. Enjoy the journey
of learning to respect yourself as a unique individual who has something to
offer in this world. When you act with integrity, your words and actions will
match, which gives you self respect and a peaceful heart. Respect for ourselves
feeds our respect for others.
“Respect for ourselves
guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”. –Laurence Sterne
Respect for Others is to
have unbiased consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and
property of all people. To hold in special regard someone's opinions, talents
and/or abilities, reflects your own values and standards. It also shares what
you believe in, and in part, what you see or would like to see in yourself. By
respecting others, you show the attitude of friendliness and comfort towards
them. Listening to other people’s thoughts, feelings and desires without
judgment, allows you to respect them for who they are, and not what you want
them to be. Very often, we impose our own ideas on others without being able to
respect other people's inherent differences. Everyone you encounter has a
unique moral fiber that has created who they are and how they think. Being able
to allow others to express themselves in their own way will open your mind to
different theories and information that might not be part of your mindset.
Respecting other people in your personal and professional environments will
encourage the same respect be given to you, in return. We show respect by
speaking and acting with courtesy. Always treat people the way you would want
to be treated: with civility and dignity. Ask yourself if at any time during
your day: Did my verbiage or actions ridicule, embarrass or hurt other people?
Become aware of how you treat people, so you can improve your behavior. Being
fair minded, truthful and polite will reflect the virtues of respect and bring
back to you the same positive energy that you put out to others.
“Every human being, of
whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect
others even as we respect ourselves”. -Ulysses S. Grant
Responsibility means to
accept accountability for your actions. When you make a mistake, you accept it,
correct it, and offer amends, instead of making excuses. Responsibility is the
ability to respond and make smart choices for yourself. Being responsible for
your actions allows you to accept that everything along the way that happens to
you, good and bad, has been determined by the choices you have made. You are in
control of those decisions and blaming others for your situation is avoiding
your responsibility. You can pretty much choose almost everything in your life;
your career, your spouse, where you live, who your friends are, your social
activities with the one exception of the parents you were born to. You need to
make sure that you acknowledge the responsibility that follows those decisions
because they are your own and not anyone else’s. Personal growth develops when
we are accountable because we accept the choices that we made and learn and
grow from them.
People who take complete
responsibility for their lives experience inner joy and control of
circumstances. They are able to make better choices because they understand
that they are responsible for those decisions. Take a review of yourself to see
how often you take responsibility or place blame on others. Listen to your
verbiage to see if you often point fingers of blame at your friends, spouse, co
workers and family. Are you making excuses and shifting responsibility to
others for the things that don’t always go right? How many times have you said:
"He/she did this to me?" You can change these negative behavior
patterns by first understanding that you made choices that ultimately created
these results. Taking responsibility is the first step in acknowledging that
you have the control to make better choices in the future. Become proactive,
not reactive, to your situations and be accountable. Acknowledge that your life
is your responsibility. No one can live your life for you. You are in charge.
No matter how hard you try to blame others for the events of your life, each
event is the result of choices you made and are making. By breaking the
blame-game patterns in your life and accepting responsibility, you will see
your circumstances change for the better.
“The willingness to accept
responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect
springs” –Joan Didion
When you put into practice
the three R’s on a daily basis you will start to see your life change with
positive experiences. Lessons are learned and spiritual growth becomes prevalent.
Don’t allow the past to dictate the present, unless it honors you and your
life. Start to modify your behavior to reflect actions that display respect for
yourself, respect for others and take responsibility for all your actions. It’s
never too late to get support so you can be on a better path in your life. You
do have the power to change your circumstances and the change starts the day
you commit to live an honorable life.
Denise Dema is a Business
and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals,
entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their
professional and personal lives. To learn more about the author and her
practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com/
Empowering Womens Health
May is the month that we celebrate Mother's Day and it encourages us to think of all the women that have had an impact in our lives. Mothers have the innate ability to nurture, love and mentor children to live healthy and happy lives. So it is a great time to appreciate the contribution these women have made and to look at how we can improve ourselves, as well as to empower other women to live healthy lives. Each and every one of us has the ability to choose a healthy lifestyle. Let's start by taking a look at what we could be doing now that can change our daily routines and encourage other women to do the same. We can start by defining what a healthy life style is and how we can become empowered to make a difference in our lives.
Physical health is made up of many things, but includes eating right, exercising and eliminating bad habits like smoking and drinking. There are many diets, exercise and self-help books out there that teach you what to do in order to lose weight and stay physically fit and all of them have valuable information. What isn't so prevalent in these books is the understanding that the way you think about your health and the physical habits that have formed as a result, have more to do with the life you are living now than new information anyone can give you. Ask yourself, what is the difference between waking up and eating a low calorie-high protein breakfast, exercising or stretching to release the endorphins, and then setting out to get ready for your day? Or, waking up and not eating any breakfast, not doing any form of exercise, and pretty much following your daily habits which are more comfortable? The difference is how you think about it, what you do about it, and how you process the habits that you already have. Of course you know what to do, but do you do it, and why not?
You have to start somewhere and you might need someone to help you change your physical behavior to break some habits. A neighbor, friend, family member or personal coach can motivate you to change, even if it's starting with the basics like eating breakfast to give the body fuel instead of a cup of coffee and running out the door. One minor change can affect the rest of your day. Taking a brisk walk in the morning, riding your bicycle daily, going to the gym, joining a yoga class and being conscious that a good night's sleep is imperative to how your body functions each day, is the beginning. Eliminating distractions like watching TV when you are in bed will determine the type of sleep you are going to have, which in return determines the day you will have to follow. It's all is connected so being aware that this is the first step in changing what does not benefit you. Even relaxing with breathing exercises will help you on a daily basis to release the stress that is stored in your body. These are simple things that will start you on a path to allow your body to function better, but it is up to you to start. How you change your habits will depend on you. What will motivate you is different for each individual but attainable if you start with changing your mind.
Mental health is a broad term, but for most of us it is something we take for granted. If you start to become aware of your daily thought patterns, you will then understand what level of energy has to be put forward in order to attain peace and tranquility. Becoming angry everyday is the first indication that you are harboring negative feelings that often reflect how you treat others. Daily interaction with your children, co workers, family members and even strangers should not be confrontational if you are living in a peaceful state. It all gets a little challenging when someone puts negative energy in your way, for instance, when you are in traffic, or standing in a long line of people, or even when someone judges you, but you do have the choice to let it be their negative energy without internalizing it to be yours. Why isn't it just that easy to be happy each and every day no matter what crosses your path? ...well it really is, but because you feed into what other people do and say, it becomes difficult to separate your path from theirs. Simply put, you have the ability to allow their negative energy to stay with them, and to proceed with the positive thought processes that honor and value your well-being.
The first step in gaining clarity and living a happy, peaceful life is to eliminate tolerations. Think right now about what you tolerate on a daily basis and from whom, that does not bring positive energy to your life. Just look around, a lot of people compromise their happiness, but it doesn't have to be that way. Seeking validation from others should not be what defines you. You define you, and the right thought process and coping skills to achieve mental health can be developed with a commitment to that goal. Those skills will allow you to make better choices on a daily basis, which will lead to living a healthy lifestyle.
In general, women lead very busy lives and are faced with a variety of demands on their time. Compromises are made to their health. Let's face it, these demands call for a whole new level of effectiveness. It begins with good health and a sense of mental well-being. The need to be calm, focused, resolute, energetic, strong, patient and confident is more important than ever in juggling a home life and career. Taking time to focus on personal well-being is something we all easily overlook in our fast-paced lives but it definitely needs to be a priority. In today's culture, extended youth and health have become of crucial importance and we must put greater attention on our personal care and work toward a daily routine of health and strength. Living a healthy life is within our grasp. For many of us it sometimes means changing the way we live and think. You have the power to empower, and it all starts with you!
"The body is the servant of the mind." -James Allen
Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com
Mentoring Children
All parents hope that their children will grow up healthy, happy, and productive. They aspire to have children who have the skills to contribute to their own well-being and to the well-being of their families and community. There is no magic bullet for developing these capacities in children. Literally thousands of programs have been developed to support families in their efforts to help children to become competent, confident, caring young people who have positive social connections and good characters.
Children have the potential to succeed in life and contribute to society. However, not all children get the support they need to thrive. By all estimates, an astounding 17.6 million young people - nearly half the population between 10 and 18 years of age - live in situations that put them at risk of not living up to their potential. Without immediate intervention by caring adults, they could make choices that undermine their futures. The presence of caring adults offering support, advice, friendship, reinforcement and constructive examples has proved to be powerful tools for helping young people fulfill their potential.
Mentoring is a structured and trusting relationship that brings young people together with caring individuals who offer guidance, support and encouragement aimed at developing the competence and character of the mentee. A mentor is an adult who, along with the parents, help young people bring out strengths that are already there. They are good listeners, compassionate and teach children how to live an honorable life. A mentor is not a foster parent, therapist, parole officer, or cool peer. The role of a mentor is not to "fix" young people but rather to help them achieve their full potential. Enforcing competence, confidence, connection, character, caring, and contribution to self and society, help develop a child into a productive and respectful adult in later years.
A mentor's main purpose is to help a young person define individual goals and find ways to achieve them. Since the expectations of each child will vary, the mentor's job is to encourage the development of a flexible relationship that responds to the young person's needs. Using influence and resources as a decision maker, adults can bring new hope to young lives through the power of mentoring. A mentor encourages positive choices, promotes high self-esteem, teaches respect for oneself and family, supports academic achievement, and introduces the young person to new ideas. Youth who meet regularly with their mentors are 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to start drinking alcohol (Public/Private Ventures study of Big Brothers Big Sisters). About 40% of teenager's waking hours are spent without any companionship or supervision. Mentors provide children and teens with a valuable place to spend free time. Children learn to make thoughtful choices, fulfill their commitments, acknowledge their mistakes and account for their actions. By taking control of their lives, children realize they can achieve more than they ever dreamed possible.
I encourage you to think of the mentors in your own life - a coach, teacher, or another caring adult, and take a few minutes to consider all the contributions they have made in your life during your developing years. I know throughout my own adult life and business career, I have been greatly rewarded by years of mentoring children and young adults into productive, happy individuals that are successful in life. Children need someone to believe in them. Often times, children lack the attention needed to reinforce morals, values and self esteem on a daily basis. It makes all the difference in the world during times of indecision in their lives to have that reinforcement. Mentoring develops children into young adults who have confidence, determination and self-awareness.
Mentoring is recognized throughout the US as an important part of a child's life and some states have already proposed legislation to the Senate. The Coalition of State Mentoring Partnerships has worked closely with Capitol Hill staff and Senators to advocate this legislation. The Mentoring for All Act 2008 (S. 3200) is one of the most significant legislation actions to benefit mentoring. Please call; send emails or letters to your Senators urging support for the bill.
Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com
Teaching Your Children To Have Faith
Faith is an acceptance of what we cannot see but feel deep within our hearts. Your actions are a direct result of your faith. Being able to have faith in one's self and in one's future is important, especially in trying times. Being an example of faith for your children will keep them on the right track. The dictionary defines faith as "Belief that something is true, in spite of evidence to the contrary". Christian faith is defined as "The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will." What is God's will, but that each of us may live an honorable life?
Teaching faith is really instilling a set of principles and values in your children from a very young age in order that their actions will lead them onto a positive path. The same principles apply for every religion and ethnic background, so having faith is universal in spirit.
Faith is also verb, because it means we must act on what we believe. Faith, as we have seen, is the theological virtue of being secure in our belief. As children grow they are influenced by many things that cross their path in life like their parents' words and actions, things that happen in school and other children/adult relationships with them. All these experiences, both good and bad create the thought processes that follow them throughout their adult life. Instilling faith as a belief system as they grow into young adults is very important because it instills confidence in them, even when they fail in something.
Teaching children to have faith in their own ability is the first step in being able to act upon it. By repeating daily words of confidence to your children, discussing choices that they make, both good and bad and encouraging them to take the initiative to act upon positive thoughts, will help them believe in themselves and will encourage them to do their best. Trusting your children to make the right decisions with your guidance gives them the freedom to develop their own faith and encourages them to make the right choices. That is the beginning of teaching faith. Parents' actions create the daily influences that determine the mindset of their children. To have consideration for others and to be honest in your intentions is what makes children grow into honorable adults. Having faith in others, not just themselves, allows them to view what happens on a daily basis in a non-judgmental way. Expecting respect and giving respect to people around you is something that should be automatic, but sometimes the simplest things become complicated and misguided. The lack of faith in all people creates bitter attitudes and allows the blame game to begin. All we have control over is ourselves. As parents, we have control over our children's development. Displaying faith through your own actions with your children will show them how important it is to believe in things without always seeing the physical evidence.
Long ago, someone made the analogy that faith is a lot like the wind. We cannot see the wind, nor can we hear the wind unless it blows against something, and we can only feel the wind when it touches our skin or rustles our hair. Faith is like that wind. We cannot see what we believe in, we cannot hear what we believe in unless we open our eyes to the truth, but we can sure feel that our faith is justified by the joy we feel in our hearts. Remember, in the end, we all put our faith in something, so let it be the truth. The old saying is, "the truth will set you free". Having confident belief in the truth of a person, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof is what faith is all about. This all starts with the faith in oneself. With faith, one has hope, trust, love, and the certainty that all things are indeed possible. Displaying that to your children and coaching them through their formative years will enable them to develop their own faith and to be a shining example of a life well lived.
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth" -Kahil Gibran
Reach your full potential to mentor your children! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. To learn more about the author or to book a complimentary session, go to http://www.denisedema.com today!
Self Awareness Is The Key To All Successfull Relationships!
Who am I? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves. To be aware, we need to step outside ourselves and objectively watch ourselves in action. We live most of our lives by habit. These habits keep us stuck in self-limiting patterns. Once we identify these unconscious patterns, we then have the choice to change them. To start building the awareness habit, stop and pay attention to your actions. Set an intention to become aware of how you automatically "react" to the events in your life. How do you react to traffic, colleagues at work, family situations, your partner or children? How do you react to anger or fear in someone else? Become a witness to your own life. Pay attention to how you react to things and how it affects all of your relationships. Become aware of how your thinking creates your reality.
Learn to experience the emotions that are underlying each of your reactions. These are the beginning stages of listening to your internal dialogue.
Awareness reveals to us a whole new fascinating world. Personal growth, to a large extent, depends on self awareness. You can only change what you recognize. Self awareness is not a simple process. It requires that we consistently step outside our "automatic" or "pre-programmed" selves and take a good look at ourselves objectively. The following qualities of character need to be present and developed in order to enhance our ability to become more self aware;
Honesty takes emotional awareness, self confidence and a great deal of courage. Until a person is willing to accept the truth about themselves, they will not have a clear path to change. If we are more emotionally honest with ourselves, we will get to know our “true selves” on a deeper level. This will help us become more accepting of ourselves and eventually, of others. It will also help us to make better choices about how to spend our time and with whom to spend it with. When we are honest with others as well, it encourages them to be more honest with us. We are then more likely not to be asked or pressured to do things which we do not want to do. We will also find out quickly who respects our feelings and who does not. Being honest with your feelings, facing issues as they arise, and accepting responsibility for your actions without blaming others is what living an honorable life entails. You cannot grow as a person until you become honest with yourself and others. Observation and awareness of oneself means that we need to understand how the world "is" around us. If we are capable of seeing the factors that influence other people’s behavior, we are much more likely to see it in ourselves as well. We can make better decisions when we are fully aware of what is driving other people’s intentions. It is not just what we see, but how we interpret everything around us and our perception of others creates the circumstances in our daily life.
Gratitude for what you have is beneficial to your emotional well being. Having an attitude of gratitude each day for your blessings puts your mind in a positive state, without relying on others for your happiness. Being able to express gratitude for any situation projects a magnetic force that draws to you more of what you are expressing gratitude for. People who experience gratitude tend to be happier, more helpful and forgiving, and are aware that they automatically activate the "Law of Attraction". When gratitude becomes part of your identity, you ultimately attract circumstances that resonate with who you are.
Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth, but without arrogance. Something interesting happens when we approach situations from a perspective of humility–it opens us up to possibilities. As we choose open mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view, we spend more time in that wonderful place of the child's mind, willing to learn from others. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being right and enjoy being in the moment. There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretense; it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages openness and it enhances one’s self confidence. It opens the window to the higher self.
Flexibility is the ability to adapt your lifestyle to be in harmony with your expectations. Flexible thinking moves thought patterns out of their neural ruts. When you are truly flexible, you can accept any event or surprise that life gives you. Flexibility allows people to adapt, shift and move easily. Insight is the power of seeing a situation beyond the surface. It assists us in overcoming the limitations placed upon us by living our lives "reactively", as opposed to responsively. It gives us the ability to discover why, how and where problems exist and what is needed to correct them. Insight teaches us to become aware of self-destructive belief systems and shows us how to diffuse them. We can then start taking control of our life by becoming the cause of all we experience and not the victim. Having the insight to be proactive, not reactive allows us to pursue the life we desire.
Ambition is striving for something higher than one's self and it is the motivating force of change. Not everyone has the same level of expectations for themselves. Some people thrive on becoming the next CEO, while others would rather be surfing at the beach. Even if someone had all the other factors of self-awareness, without the ambition to change, self-awareness is not easily accomplished. Imagine ambition as the master. The other principles of self awareness rely on ambition to feed them. Without ambition, there is no motivating force to observe or change one's behavior.
These are not the only factors that govern self-awareness. Certainly communication skills also play a big role. Having mentors in your life is also important in the journey of personal growth. Having a coach helps you gain the ability to see yourself as you really are in order to work on change and attainment of a better life.
Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To book a complimentary session or to learn more about the author and her practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com/
“What is necessary to change is to change his awareness of himself.” Abraham H. Maslow
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