Seek First to Understand and Then Be Understood!

Each day we encounter different people from different places that have different opinions about everything.

Have you ever been with a family member, friend, business college or an acquaintance that has very strong opinions where you clearly disagree about something? You probably go around in circles until you think this will be the last time that you will disagree with that person because clearly they do not understand your perspective. Often times the conversation escalates to the point where one person isn’t listening anymore but yelling to get their point across. Then all communication breaks down at that point and different perspectives are no longer discussed. 

So try to think about this for a minute. Just because you are never going to agree,  because you have different opinions, does not mean you “should” agree. It’s not about being right or wrong but about being aware and respectful of our differences. Communication in a respectful, calm way is the beginning to understanding others and being understood.

Is it realistic to expect other people to understand us when we are not willing to listen or understand another’s perspective?” Imagine what our world would be like if we first started our conversations based on understanding. The quote “Seek to understand and then be understood” is relevant now more than ever. There are so many fascinating ways that people live their lives from what people wear to their political philosophy to how they choose to enjoy their lives.  By choosing to understand, we can create conversations that are based on acceptance of our differences as opposed to allowing those differences to make us angry and fearful of each other.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― C.G. Jung

What about this: “You believe what you believe. I believe what I believe. And that’s alright. ” I believe that just because someone has a different perspective from us it doesn’t mean that we cannot try to understand where the other person is coming from. With so many people, cultures, perspectives floating around how can we all have the same opinions? If we did it would make the world pretty boring. So we can all agree to disagree but still seek to understand in a respectful way.

The key to this concept of agreeing to disagree is honest communication. I think that it is important to ask the other person why they feel the way they do. While you may not be able to change the other person’s perspective, you will be able to open your mind and understand it. Respect not only applies to people but also to beliefs. By agreeing to disagree we can respect other people’s beliefs without necessarily calling them our own.

I think that “difference” is an amazing thing and choosing to understand them can truly allow us to grow as individuals. Difference can expand our perception of what is possible.  Understanding is a mindset, it is a choice that can be challenging at times but it allows us to learn more and grow by creating more connections. Building connections helps us learn more about the world we live in. You never know what you may learn if you open your mind……………

“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise Dema’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.

Developing Resilience

The importance of being a resilient person plays a hand in everything you do. Even if you're not a naturally resilient person, you can learn to develop a resilient mindset and attitude to improve your life. Start focusing on incorporating the following into your daily life.

 

1. Get enough sleep and exercise, and learn to manage stress. When you take care of your mind and body, you're better able to cope effectively with challenges in your life.

2. Practice thought awareness. Resilient people don't let negative thoughts derail their efforts. Instead, they consistently practice positive thinking. Also, "listen" to how you talk to yourself when something goes wrong - if you find yourself making statements that are permanent, pervasive or personalized, correct these thoughts in your mind.

3. Restructure the way that you think about negative situations and bad events. This will help turn your mood around, so that you can approach situations in a positive frame of mind.

4. Learn from your mistakes and failures. Every mistake has the power to teach you something important; so don't stop searching until you've found the lesson in every situation. Also, make sure that you understand the idea of "post-traumatic growth" - there can be real truth in the saying that "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger."

5. Choose your response. Remember, we all experience bad days and we all go through our share of crises. But we have a choice in how we respond; we can choose to react negatively or in a panic, or we can choose to remain calm and logical to find a solution. Your reaction is always up to you and it will determine how others respond to you as well.

6. Maintain perspective. Resilient people understand that, although a situation or crisis may seem overwhelming in the moment, it may not make that much of an impact over the long-term. Try to avoid blowing events out of proportion.

7. If you don't already, learn to set SMART, effective personal goals – it's incredibly important to set and achieve goals, and to learn from your experiences.

8. Build your self confidence. Remember, resilient people are confident that they're going to succeed eventually, despite the setbacks or stresses that they might be facing. This belief in themselves also enables them to take risks: when you develop confidence and a strong sense of self, you have the strength to keep moving forward, and to take the risks you need to get ahead.

9. Develop strong relationships with your colleagues. People who have strong connections at work are more resistant to stress, and they're happier in their role. This also goes for your personal life: the more real friendships you develop, the more resilient you're going to be, because you have a strong support network to fall back on. (Remember that treating people with compassion and empathy is very important here.)

10. Focus on being flexible. Resilient people understand that things change, and that carefully-made plans may, occasionally, need to be amended or scrapped.

Remember......

You can develop resilience in several ways. First, take care to exercise regularly and get enough sleep, so that you can control stress more easily. The stronger you feel physically and emotionally, the easier it is for you to overcome challenges.

Focus on thinking positively, and try to learn from the mistakes you make. Build strong relationships with colleagues and friends, so that you have a support network to fall back on. Also, set specific and achievable personal goals, and work on building your self-confidence.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 year’s experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get the tools you need to excel in life.

Practicing Humility

Practicing humility makes us teachable, and therefore wiser. It makes us better listeners and therefore more valuable friends. It allows us to examine ourselves and our personal traits without shame or judgment. It helps us get to know ourselves like never before and it opens up our hearts.

If you take responsibility for your actions as actions, not as a definition of who you are. This allows you to make objective, non-judgmental observations of yourself that lead to motivated activities rather than paralysis from shame.

Humility as “a modest or low view of one’s own importance.” When we talk about humility as a spiritual principle, we’re talking about developing an honest, accurate and objective view of our importance in the universe. Humility is not low self-esteem. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. With humility, our self-esteem is not attached to our personal traits, physical appearance, wealth, shortcomings, assets or our past. Instead it is attached to the design of our creator who created us with a purpose and gives us the power to fulfill that purpose. With humility, we view ourselves as equals with other human beings.

Someone who practices humility rarely feels insecure or self-conscious. They unflinchingly take credit for that which they are responsible and give credit for that which they are not. Their self-esteem is stable and they are secure with who they are. They feel no need for competition. They learn from the opinions of others, but are not shaken by them.

How to be humble.....

Be Grateful for Your Assets. In humility, we recognize the great qualities and assets that we have, but we don’t boast about them. Instead, we are grateful for them as gifts we have been given. Think about all the things you like about yourself and those things others like about you. Do you have intelligence, motivation, charm or some other great qualities? Express gratitude for those qualities and you will find humility.

Be Grateful for Your Challenges & Shortcomings. If you struggle with feeling that you are less motivated, less attractive or less intelligent than others, be grateful for the perspective and learning experience that apparent shortcoming offers you. Life is about growth and change. Every challenge we face builds our character and our assets. When we express gratitude for the challenges we face, those challenges lose their power over our perception of ourselves and become building blocks we can grow on.

Don't Compare Yourself with Others. Human Beings are the most diverse and variable creatures on the planet. Comparing one person to another is like comparing apples to green beans. It is this uniqueness that allows us to learn and grow from one another. You were created like no one else in the universe. You were created with a purpose that is shared with no one else. When you compare yourself with someone else, you could not possibly see what God sees in you.

Be Teachable. The key to wisdom is to be teachable, to realize that you do not know everything, that many things you believe to be true may be false, and that you have much to learn from others. Practice kindness anonymously. When you practice kindness, you transcend the high-anxiety world of selfishness and experiencing the fulfilling sense of oneness with others. When you practice kindness anonymously, you share the vision of your kindness without the distractions of pride and self-importance which may result from sharing your kindness publicly.

Loosen Your Expectations. No matter how good you are at making plans or predicting outcomes, no matter how strong your belief is that something should be a certain way, life will often produce results you did not expect or did not want. When we hold tight to expectations, we become easily frustrated, disappointed, angry and humiliated. When we take ourselves and our expectations less seriously, we can more easily handle what life hands us as we are guided on our unique life journey.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com

The Importance of Resilience

Resilience is our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don't go as planned. Resilient people don't wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and then move forward.

There are three elements that are essential to resilience:

1.   Challenge - Resilient people view a difficulty as a challenge, not as a paralyzing event. They look at their failures and mistakes as lessons to be learned from, and as opportunities for growth. They don't view them as a negative reflection on their abilities or self-worth.

2.   Commitment - Resilient people are committed to their lives and their goals, and they have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning. Commitment isn't just restricted to their work - they commit to their relationships, their friendships, the causes they care about, and their religious or spiritual beliefs.

3.   Personal Control - Resilient people spend their time and energy focusing on situations and events that they have control over. Because they put their efforts where they can have the most impact, they feel empowered and confident. Those who spend time worrying about uncontrollable events can often feel lost, helpless, and powerless to take action.

The way that we explain setbacks to ourselves is also important and is made up of a few main elements:

·        Permanence - People who are optimistic (and therefore have more resilience) see the effects of bad events as temporary rather than permanent. For instance, they might say "My boss didn't like the work I did on that project" rather than "My boss never likes my work."

·        Pervasiveness - Resilient people don't let setbacks or bad events affect other unrelated areas of their lives. For instance, they would say "I'm not very good at this" rather than "I'm no good at anything."

·        Personalization - People who have resilience don't blame themselves when bad events occur. Instead, they see other people, or the circumstances, as the cause. For instance, they might say "I didn't get the support I needed to finish that project successfully," rather than "I messed that project up because I can't do my job."

Here are several further attributes that are common in resilient people:

Resilient people have a positive image of the future. That is, they maintain a positive outlook, and envision brighter days ahead.

Resilient people have solid goals, and a desire to achieve those goals.

Resilient people are empathetic and compassionate, however, they don't waste time worrying what others think of them. They maintain healthy relationships, but don't bow to peer pressure.

Resilient people never think of themselves as victims - they focus their time and energy on changing the things that they have control over.

How we view adversity and stress strongly affects how we succeed, and this is one of the most important reasons that having a resilient mindset is so important.

The fact is that we're going to fail from time to time: it's an inevitable part of living that we make mistakes and occasionally fall flat on our faces. The only way to avoid this is to live a shuttered and meager existence, never trying anything new or taking a risk. Few of us want a life like that!

Instead, we should have the courage to go after our dreams, despite the very real risk that we'll fail in some way or other. Being resilient means that when we do fail, we bounce back, we have the strength to learn the lessons we need to learn, and we can move on to bigger and better things.

Overall, resilience gives us the power to overcome setbacks, so that we can live the life we've always imagined.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 year’s experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get the tools you need to excel in life!

Help Others Feel Important

Why should we help others feel important? There are two giant reasons why we should find ways to make others feel important.  The first reason is that people will do more for you and be more willing to interact with you if you make them feel important.  They will want to be your friend, they will want to talk with you, and they will want to help you if they feel you value who they are.

The second major reason why you should make others feel important is because when you are helping others feel important you are helping yourself feel important as well.  Not only will you feel better about yourself when you practice noticing the good in others but the people you help feel important will in turn notice and talk about the good things in you.

So how do we help others feel important?

Here is a list of time-proven methods for helping others feel important.

• Call people by their first name.   People are extremely attached to their name.  It has a certain ring in their ears.  If you call people by their first name in a pleasant, optimistic, and friendly manner they will show you more courtesy, more respect, and they will like you more.

•  Acknowledge and pay attention to the people around you.  It does not take much energy to give the doorman, secretary, or taxi driver a kind and pleasant “good morning sir or mam”, but it will do wonders in the way they treat you.  When you acknowledge the people around you, they will acknowledge you in return.

• Appreciate others.  Show appreciation for the things that others do.  If someone provides you with a quality service make sure you let them know.  If you enjoyed a conversation with a friend be sure to let them know that you appreciate the time and energy they have given you.  Sincere and honest appreciate can go a long way in building relationships as well as making others feel important.

• Compliment others.  If you are paying attention to people you will begin to notice the things they do.  If your co-worker gets her hair done be sure to give her a compliment.  Be sincere and honest.  Pay attention and ask a related question.   Let the taxi driver know you think he is doing a great job driving in the busy streets.  Let your wife know how amazing the dinner she prepared was.

• Be courteous and considerate.  Be considerate to the feelings of those around you.  If your husband is having a tough day and wants some time alone to think make sure you give him a period of quiet time to be with himself.  If your wife had a long day at the office and wants to talk make sure you earnestly listen to what she has to say.

• Encourage others.   A bit of encouragement can help give a person the confidence to keep on.  When you encourage someone you are saying to them that you believe they can do whatever they are trying to do and that makes them feel important.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. This is one of Dale Carnegie’s rules to making friends and influencing people.  The bottom line of this rule is that it helps others feel important.  When you give them a grand reputation they feel good about themselves and they believe in themselves.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to discuss your goals today!

Change Your Focus to the Positive!

The Law of Attraction states that what we focus on becomes our reality so it is very important to be aware of our thoughts. If we continually think about negative or the bad things in our lives then we will attract even more negativity. On the other hand if we focus on the positive we will be more likely to attract the positive. So the key is focus.

People who wish to make changes in their lives tend to do so because they are experiencing pain or bad feelings. This pain can actually lead to positive improvements, but in order to do so the focus must not be on the negative but instead on the positive outcome that is expected.

Remember that what you focus on becomes your reality. Focus on the positive.

Simple Focus Exercise:

1. Write down one of your negative thoughts. (I am not happy at work.)

2. Cross it out.

3. Find something positive about it and write that down.(I am respected and well paid) 

4. Spend some time focusing only on the positive aspect of that new thought.

5. When you feel that negative thought come up again just cross it out in your mind and replace it with the positive one.

Apply this exercise to all negative thoughts throughout your day. Express your mental power and before long you will be able to focus your attention on the positive things in your life and experience personal growth.

Get the tools you need to excel in your personal and professional life. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.

The Art of Conscious Living.....

The benefits of self-awareness lend itself into every aspect of your life. The more you are aware of yourself and others around you, the more choices are available to you that allow you to make better decisions on a daily basis. When you are consciously living, you are present in each moment and experience all that is before you.
 

It is easy to fall into habitual patterns that take you out of the moment. You often will do and see things that are already part of your internal process and lose the ability to be objective. Because life’s conditioning starts very early, your reactions and thoughts become preprogrammed and you tend to be more reactive to daily happenings than proactive toward what serves your life better.

To see things more clearly, take a moment and divide in yourself the mechanical from the conscious; see how little there is of the conscious, how seldom it works, and how strong the mechanical is - mechanical attitudes, mechanical intentions, mechanical thoughts, mechanical desires and actions.  

Change can only be addressed when you become aware and realize how programed your life really is. Continuing in this manor is either because you are not aware of choosing conscious living or because you are afraid to live consciously due to the changes that might happen in your life if you did.

Once you identify your automatic behaviors and responses that are triggered without your will, you can leave the ones intact that serve you and work on the behaviors that are unhealthy so you can break free from the auto pilot mode you have been living with for years.
 

It is important to take the first step to change your mechanical behaviors which have created your daily circumstances and learn to live consciously by making choices that better serve your life. You have the power to change and today can be the start.

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.


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Learn How to Reach Your Goals

The New Year is a beginning, so new goals and resolutions, new plans, new dreams and new directions fuel your thoughts.

What is it about this annual “new” that causes us to reflect upon our lives and our accomplishments? I believe each of us has a natural inclination to grow our self-esteem and capability through new accomplishments. Most of us want to make a difference in the world. Most of us want to live life as fully as we can. Thus, we annually draw a new line in the sand and claim a starting point for our next chapter.

It’s been said that everyone has goals, whether we know it or not. We have goals to keep our current job, or to get a different one. Start a new relationship or make an existing one better. We have goals to save for the future, or to travel, take a vacation, or purchase the things we need and want to make our lives more enjoyable. An important distinction, however, is that top achievers are very intentional and focused on their goals, while many of the rest of us are not.

Successful people know that the wording, structure, timing and format of a goal can make its achievement much easier – or far more difficult. Top achievers understand the basic skills for setting and reaching their goals, every time! They know how to design goals that create success. Here are the important steps to set and achieve your goals:

Reachable goals are SPECIFIC. The brain must know exactly, precisely, what it is trying to accomplish. Never word a goal with vague terms like “some” or “a little bit”, or “more”. Be specific! If you want to lose 8 pounds and reach a weight of 175, specify those exact numbers. If you want to save $200 this month, be exact. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything if it knows precisely what you are aiming for.

Reachable goals are SIMPLE. Many people describe their goals in complex terms of retiring on the beach in Hawaii, with nice cars and lots of money, and…. Their list goes on and on. Any ONE of those things is a great goal, but the combination becomes over whelming and the brain gets confused. If you want to retire in Hawaii, just say so! If you want to increase your sales by 10% this month, say so! Keep your goals simple, clear, and focused.

Reachable goals are SIGNIFICANT. No one can muster the enthusiasm, hard work and courage to reach a goal they don’t really care about. A reachable goal is one you really, really want! You must own your goals. It’s something that will change your life, enhance your health or wealth, and make you proud. It gets your juices flowing, gets you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long, because it is important! Set goals that are worth achieving and that add value to your life!

Reachable goals are STRATEGIC. The best goals accomplish many great outcomes, all at one time. Running a 10K race will almost certainly: 1) feel great! 2) help you lose weight. 3) lower your cholesterol level 4) strengthen your heart 5) lower you risk of heart disease 6) increase your energy and stamina, and 7) improve your outlook. Design your goals to strategically impact as many areas of your life as possible. You’ll have more reasons to reach your goal and more excitement when you do!

Reachable goals are MEASURABLE. A goal without a measurable outcome is just a pipe-dream. You can’t achieve a pound of “happiness” or 6 inches of “self-esteem”, but you CAN get a new job. You CAN run a mile in under 7 minutes, or do 100 sit-ups. Someone has wisely observed that, “What gets measured, gets done.” Define your goals in terms of height, weight, dollars, inches, or hours. Then measure your progress until you achieve your desired outcome.

Reachable goals are RATIONAL. To reach your goal, you will need a plan, a path, and a vehicle for getting there. Your goals must make sense! When you explain them to friends and family, your goals should create excitement, draw support, and encouragement. Your goals should be just out of reach, but not out of sight! You want to stretch to be your best, not strain after impossible dreams. Set goals you CAN and WILL achieve!

Reachable goals are TANGIBLE. Choose goals that you can see, hear, smell or touch. Go for things you will enjoy and that you can clearly visualize. The brain has hard time going for “financial security”, but it can visualize a bank statement with nice, large numbers on it! Define your goals in terms that excite the senses, and then go for it with all your heart!

Reachable goals are WRITTEN. High achievers always know precisely what they want, because they’ve written it down. Often, they write a short description of their goals every single morning or affirmations as a personal reminder of their priorities and their objectives. The act of writing your goals down vastly increases your chance of success. Write it down! Then, keep your notes where you can see and read them every day.

Reachable goals are SHARED. We are far more likely to stick to our plan and reach our goals if we know our friends and family support us. Being part of a team increases our determination, our stamina, and our courage. Caution: Choose wisely who you surround yourself with. Never share your goals with anyone who may ridicule, tease or discourage you! The world is full of doubters and you have no time for them. But, find a support team, a group of cheerleaders, and a coach who will encourage you every step of the way. High achievers count on and work with other positive people and winners!

Reachable goals are CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES. This is one area that people really need to do some work in in in order to make the rest of the puzzle fit. One of the biggest reasons people fail to achieve their goals is that they have conflict between their behavior and their values. However, when your values and your goals are in agreement, there is no stopping you! Clarify your values first, then set simple, specific, measurable, tangible, written goals that are consistent with those values. You will achieve them, every single time!

Get the tools you need to achieve your goals and excel in your life. Work with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and professional goals today! On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.

Keys to Success

Success means different things to different people. For some it means making a lot of money. For others it means being famous or having a loving relationship at home. Or it may mean doing the work you love on a schedule that meets your own needs.

Most people wait for success, thinking it will find them. Usually it doesn't. You have to make space for success to happen. Just as there are many kinds of success, there are many ways to achieve it.

Put another way, there is no one key to success; there are many keys. Here are the most important ones:

Define success: Be clear about what success means to you. Is it getting high marks on your performance? Losing weight or running a marathon? Or perhaps you want to achieve financial independence. Whatever your definition of success, it must be clear to you. You can't hope for success without knowing what you are trying to achieve!

Have a plan of action: A plan of action is concrete and takes you a step closer to achieving success. Whatever your goal, you need a plan that includes focused activities, a schedule, and ongoing support from others. Having a plan helps you get organized. It also gives you a clear sense of purpose. You know exactly what you need to do.

Set milestones: Once you've got a goal, or goals, it's important to break them down into smaller, achievable targets so you don't feel overwhelmed and can measure your progress along the way. Too often people give up too soon. Celebrating wins, no matter how small, will help you keep up momentum. Rewarding yourself gives you the motivation to continue.

Set a timeline: Squandering time is a surefire way to guarantee that you won't succeed. By setting a timeline for your accomplishments, you put yourself under pressure to perform. This increases the pace at which you approach the success you're looking for.

Enjoy yourself: This is perhaps the most crucial key to success. Often the journey is just as much fun or more so than where you finally end up. When you achieve success, you need to be able to look back and feel happy that you chose the path you did. If you look back only to see a trail of wasted opportunities and missed moments then your success has come at too high a price.

Success doesn't depend on wishing or on luck. It requires two things -- a dream and action. If you don't have both, success will always stay just outside your grasp.

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Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and professional goals today! On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.