Become Aware of The Feedback In Your Life!

Our minds are a lot like a feedback loop.

We process information from our environment, we respond to it through our actions, and then we get new information back based on the effects of those actions. This cycle continues as we continue to adapt and change to new situations in our lives.

One key to happiness and success however we may define those terms, is paying attention to this constant feedback as much as possible.

When we do things that get positive feedback, we should continue to do those things in the future, because we know that they work and bring desirable results. And when we do something that gets negative feedback, we should change our course of action in hopes of getting different results.

However, some people try to ignore this feedback or they just aren’t good at being fully aware of all the feedback they get from their lives. They get stuck in their own ways, staying attached to old habits and old ways of thinking and believe those are their only options. Not because they actually worked or helped them live better lives but because that is all they know to do.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

The more you pay attention to the feedback in your life, the better you can adapt and change to your life in a healthy way.

We receive feedback in a variety of forms including but not limited to:

• The feedback we get from our actions. Does doing that thing bring you closer to your values and goals in life or further away?
• The feedback we get from people. Are your friends, family, coworkers, or whoever responding positively or negatively to what you do and say?
• The feedback we get from our bodies. Does eating that make you feel healthy or less healthy? Does doing that activity make you feel fit or less fit?
• The feedback we get from our emotions. Does doing that make you feel more emotionally stable or less emotionally stable?

Everything we experience can be viewed as a type of feedback. To make the most of this feedback we have to exercise both awareness and honesty on a daily basis. This is the beginning of knowing what needs to change in order to improve and grow.

The first step is to pay more attention to things we normally don’t whether it’s our emotions, habits, relationships, health, work, or whatever else it is that makes up the components of our lives.

Be a witness to your life to help build more awareness to your everyday thoughts, habits, and routines.

Once you learn to harness your awareness in one area it will become easier to apply that same focused awareness to all other aspects of your life. In doing so, you’ll become more attuned to the various forms of feedback you get every day.

Secondly, to make the most of your feedback you need to be honest with yourself as much as possible. If you always distort your feedback into something positive or negative and you don’t actually see what the feedback is truly communicating, then you won’t be able to respond to that feedback in the most effective way.

Be more aware of your actions and be honest about their effects because that is the beginning of knowing what is needed to improve all aspects of your life!

Get the tools you need to excel in your life! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your goals today! Phone, on-site and e-mail coaching available.

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Ref: Emotion Machine

Kindness is a Virtue

Kindness is a personal quality that enables an individual to be sensitive to the needs of others and to take personal action to meet those needs. It is more than being nice and agreeable. It is a quality of one’s being, not just a matter of a person’s behavior. It is known as a virtue and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions. Research has shown that acts of kindness does not only benefit receivers of the kind act, but also the giver, as a result of the release of neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of contentment and relaxation when such acts are committed.

The Value of Kindness

Kindness is priceless, like other virtues and good gifts. Its blessings last throughout eternity. The model of kindness in a person can make a difference in a family and its ancestors, in a neighborhood, in an office or business, in a town, and in the world. Image what our nation and our world would be like if there were more models of kindness active in our communities rather than models of material success and personal fame.

Examples of Kindness

Truly kind persons are probably not the most famous ones in the world. True kindness is probably best demonstrated quietly without much attention being given to it. Here are some ways to tap into the virtue of Kindness............

 Reach Out to the Homeless

• Provide aid to a homeless shelter by donating clothes and food. Be part of serving food at a shelter. By taking personal time to serve your fellow man it demonstrates a high level of kindness that pierces the soul of a hurting individual. You can also volunteer at churches and other charities that serve the needs of the homeless.

Extend a Helping Hand to Parents

• Offer childcare help to parents who have several children. This simple act of kindness will help foster stronger relationships and give a much needed break to a mother or father. Offer to take children of a neighbor to an after school activity, the park or a movie while their parents go out to dinner.The sky is the limit to what you can do to assist a couple that is overwhelmed with little resources.

Be Helpful at Work

• Being kind to your co-workers doesn't require very much effort at all and can be done in so many ways. Help a colleague who doesn't expect it and carry a box of copier paper or cover someones shift, so they can pick up their child. Get an extra cup of coffee or a snack for a fellow employee. Celebrate their birthday by taking them out to lunch. Cheer up colleagues who may be having a difficult time by writing them an encouraging email or offer support. The key is to make a sacrifice, however small, in order to make a colleague's life a little brighter.

Teach your Children to be Kind.

• Encourage children to do kind things for other kids at their school. Ask them about children who doesn't have many friends or kids who are picked on by bullies. Share and teach your children to share. Kids can share their snacks, share their lunch table or ask a new person to play at recess. In doing so, they expand their group of friends, make a marginalized child feel better and inspire other kids to do the same. To teach children kindness it must start with you.  Strive to be kind and leave you're kids with a legacy of kindness. 

Touch the Lives of Those who are Suffering

• Reach out to persons who are suffering from terminal illnesses. Take stuffed animals to a cancer unit of a local hospital. Visit senior centers, nursing homes and hospice facilities to spend some time with people who are alone. Participate in different marathons, run-walks and other fundraisers that benefit persons who have medical challenges or diseases to raise money.

Improve the Lives of Children Less Fortunate

• Become a big brother or sister to underprivileged children. Participate in charities that feed hungry children, adopt, donate clothes, provide guidance and education by mentoring a child. Join organizations that provide sports and other activities for inner city kids. Visit hospitals or cancer units and donate toys during the holidays through Toys for Tots.

Preserve the Environment for the Future

• Demonstrate kindness towards the environment. Do your part in changing regular light bulbs to halogen based light bulbs. Walk to work when possible instead of driving a car to eliminate pollution of the environment. Don't throw anything on the ground or street to keep streets clean and beautified. Use solar and consider buying hybrid cars in the future. Focus your kindness on a massive scale. This doesn't mean you have to do a massively large good deed, it means you should try to perform kindness for the earth. There are countless ways to make our world a better place just a little at a time.

Kindness can be shown in so many ways. Smile and thank people in service jobs, open a door for others, help a person pick up some items that they have dropped, make a personal visit to a friend who is home bound. You can help change a distressed motorist's tire or simply hold the elevator for a stranger. Wave to say 'thank you' when someone lets you in front as you drive, or give up a good parking spot if you see a pregnant mom. Improve your community and volunteer to plant trees in a local park. Serve without expectations. Do at least one extra big kind deed a day. Create a Culture of Kindness.

My Request

If you know a kind person, thank them for this blessing. It will encourage and strengthen them, and you as well. Open your eyes and your heart to others, and their needs will stimulate and nourish the virtue of kindness in your own heart. Selfishness is the great enemy of kindness, so resist it. Give attention to this quality of their being, not just to how well they behave. Strengthen the virtue of kindness in your world, because in its expression you will transform lives. May you receive the help of a kind person when you are in need. Make kindness part of your legacy!

Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their personal and professional life. Contact me  to book a free session and start today!

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Boost Your Creativity - Take a Break!

At times the healthiest thing we can do to help our creativity is to just walk away from a project for a little while.

The most creative discoveries usually don’t happen when trying to tackle a project directly through logic or reason or planning. We can’t force creativity to happen.

Instead, creativity often comes serendipitously. The best we can do is give ourselves the right environment and the right space to experience those insights and “aha!” moments.

Sometimes the more time we spend thinking about creativity and planning for it, the more difficult it is to have a genuine creative discovery. That’s why taking breaks can be so important to our work.

Psychologists have done a lot of research into how creativity works in our minds. Here are the main reasons why taking breaks can be so beneficial.

It replenishes your mental resources.

Being creative takes energy and hard work. We can’t expect to do it for hours upon hours and not get fatigued.

At the very least this is one good reason why we need to take a break from creativity every now and then. It gives our mind a chance to replenish its resources.

Breaks keep our mind sharp and help to restore stamina. If you keep trying to work while tired, you’re mind isn’t going to be working at it’s full capacity. This is going to lead to less-than-your-best quality work.

Therefore, when you notice yourself getting tired, then go for a walk, take a nap, play a video game, or take part in some other stress relievers to give your mind a rest.

It gives your unconscious a chance to do some work.

Giving our minds a break allows our ideas to go through an incubation period. This is when we don’t try to be creative consciously, but instead allow our unconscious to do some work.

When we take our mind off of our work, that doesn’t necessarily mean these ideas aren’t being processed behind the scenes.

Dreams are one manifestation of unconscious ideas. Keeping a dream diary is a great way to keep track of what your mind is doing while it’s running wild.

Another great thing to do is to do “boring” but restful activities that elicit daydreaming, which has also shown to improve creativity and problem-solving.

It frees up time to expose you to new things.

Spending less time focused on your creative work also gives you more time to expose yourself to new things.

This is good for creativity because it gives you a chance to be inspired by other things in your environment that you otherwise wouldn’t have the time for.

It gives you an opportunity to go to new places, try new things, and have new experiences. You can then integrate these experiences into your creative projects.

Actively seeking new things gives us a way to escape the curse of familiarity.

Creative people are able to take inspiration from anything, even when they aren’t focused on their work directly.

A photographer can get inspiration while listening to music. A musician can get inspiration while watching a movie. And a filmmaker can get inspiration while reading a book. A writer can get inspiration while walking.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of ways we can get inspired when we spend our time doing things we don’t normally do.

Source: Emotion Machine

Interview Questions For Leaders

There are lots of lists of practice interview questions for job seekers. A lot of them focus on strengths, weaknesses, handling difficult situations and working with co-workers. These questions are important, but when you’re competing for a management position, a hiring manager will be interested in what you know about leadership. The days of the “boss” who tells everyone what to do, wields a lot of power, barks orders and everyone follows are over. These managers may get things done, but they have to continuously watch, prod and discipline unruly employees who perform more out of fear than dedication. Companies are looking for managers who know how to lead and inspire employees to perform. Here are some practice interview questions on leadership for your next management interview. 1. What is your definition of leadership? This is a “what is it” question. It’s not “great” or “necessary.” They want you to describe what leadership means to you. Try to think of a great leader you admire, either from history or current events or a former manager, and describe what that person did or said that made her a leader. “Leadership is….” and then fill in the blanks. This isn’t an easy question, and it’s best to formulate an answer well before it’s asked. 2. Name a great leader and why he inspired you. This should be easier, since you’ve already thought of one or two from question #1. Describe the traits this person had, such as honesty, integrity, the ability to communicate, and openness. Use qualities that conform to the company’s culture or values. You want the hiring manager to see how you would fit well with the leadership team. 3. What would you do with an employee who consistently misses performance goals? This is not your typical “handling difficult employee” question. Recruiting and hiring employees is a time-consuming, costly task. Firing everyone who doesn’t measure up may be for some situations, but leaders are coaches and trainers and set goals to help people make the most of their abilities. 4. What is the most important trait of a leader? What has inspired you in the past? I had a very tough manager whose greatest trait was she never let you wiggle out of a tough situation. Instead of stepping in when you failed, she would talk it over, give you some suggestions and a pep talk and send you out to make another try. I call that belief in the ability of her staff. It was tough, but I knew she believed in me, and helped me believe in myself. 5. What type of leader do you like to work for? This is a great question to show how prior leaders have helped you improve weaknesses and turn them into strengths. They are also sizing up whether you’ll mesh with your manager and the leadership team. There are a lot of skills and experience questions to practice. Leadership is something that is tough to teach. Practicing these questions will help you understand how your leadership style fits with a job and company and enable you to clearly get that message across. Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com Source: beyond.com

Appreciation

Beliefs of Happy and Successful People

One thing I’ve noticed about almost every single happy and successful person is that they share a lot of the same attitudes and beliefs about life. Throughout my coaching career, I’ve worked with and examined people from all different professions and often times the ones who are the most happy and successful are also the ones who share very similar philosophies.

Here are some of the fundamental attitudes and beliefs that I believe contribute to their happiness and success:

Failure is a part of learning. This is one of the most commonly recited mantras in self-improvement – but for good reason. Individuals who see their mistakes and failures as a learning experience are much more prone to happiness and success. When we adopt the belief that “failure is a part of learning,” we become more resilient and courageous in the face of new challenges.

Instead of avoiding situations where we may embarrass ourselves or temporarily hurt our self-esteem, we embrace these challenges in life, even when we know they can be risky and painful. When we do fail, we don’t see it as the end of the world, but a point to grow from and improve upon. Here are some of my favorite quotes illustrating this concept:

“I didn’t fail a thousand times, I only found a thousand ways that don’t work.”  - Thomas Edison

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”  - Michael Jordan

“Failure is the foundation of success, and the means by which it is achieved. Success is the lurking-place of failure; but who can tell when the turning-point will come?”  - Lao Tzu

Focus on solutions, not just problems. Many people are great at finding problems and being critical about their lives; however, they do this without ever suggesting a possible solution or alternative to their situation.

They complain about this and that, but they never take an active role to actually improve these things. They focus on problems not to learn from them or fix them, but to make excuses for why their lives are miserable and unpleasant.

I believe acknowledging problems in life is important. I don’t recommend that we ignore things in our life that disturb us or make us unhappy. However, it’s also important to think of ways we can actually respond to these problems and change our circumstances.

Ruminating over problems in our life without a plan to take action is not only a waste of time, but it makes us even more sad and depressed. If you’re going to be critical about something in your life, focus on the ways you can actually make a difference.

Happy and successful people only think about problems when they are looking to improve them. They do not use them as excuses or self-deprecating banter.

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” - Anthony D’Angelo

“I believe that if you show people the problems and you show them the solutions they will be moved to act.” - Bill Gates

“Looking back, I realize that nurturing curiosity and the instinct to seek solutions are perhaps the most important contributions education can make.” - Paul Berg

Be grateful for what you have.  Happy and successful people are incredibly grateful for their lives and everything they have: their relationships, their home, their job, their possessions, their talents, their achievements, etc.

Although successful people are often thought of as always hungry and striving – always trying to improve things, achieve their goals, and make things better – this inner drive doesn’t take away from the fact they are very happy and content with their lives.

I enjoy watching successful people give thank you speeches after achieving something really great. This is when their true colors shine through because you can tell many of them are extremely grateful for all the people and good fortune that contributed to their success.

Gratitude is an irreplaceable characteristic of true happiness and success. Even if we achieve great things in life, without gratitude we often find ourselves empty and discontent. Make sure you take the time to reflect on how lucky you are as a person (I believe everyone can find something to be grateful for).

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” - Epictetus

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” - Albert Schweitzer

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” - Brian Tracy

See the bigger picture.  Happy and successful people have an uncanny ability to put things into perspective and see the bigger picture. They rarely get caught in the heat-of-the-moment or act impulsively. Instead they are calm, centered, and understanding that there is much more to the world then what immediately meets the eye.

If something goes wrong in their life, they don’t get too upset because they know that life goes in phases, and there will always be highs and lows. No single moment in life can ever define you because you are a dynamic individual in a dynamic world.

On the other hand, people who can’t see the bigger picture often get overwhelmed and flustered when something goes wrong. They are too narrowly focused in the moment, and not taking the time to step back and see the larger view of what’s happening.

“In order to properly understand the big picture, everyone should fear becoming mentally clouded and obsessed with one small section of truth.” - Xun Zi

“I always had a larger view. I’m interested in real life – my family, my friends. I have tried never to define myself by my success, whatever that is. My happiness is way beyond roles and awards.” - Amy Adams

“We think too small. Like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.” - Mao Tse-Tung

Learn from other happy and successful brains.  We can learn a lot from other happy and successful individuals. By understanding what beliefs and habits contribute to their success we can model those beliefs and habits into our own lives. If you want to improve a particular area of your life, then find a couple people who already excel in that area of life. Study them. Ask them questions. Have them show you their technique and share their stories.

The more willing you are to learn from others (especially people who are more skilled or intelligent than you), the more successful you will be. Talking and listening to others is one of the best ways to get more perspective into what you want to improve in life – and how you can do it.

“People never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher and better than themselves.” - Tyron Edwards

“The best teachers of humanity are the lives of great men.” - Charles H. Fowler

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” - Mark Twain

Achieve your full potential and get the tools you need to excel in your life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your goals today! Phone, on-site and e-mail coaching available.

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