Just ask D: How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly
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How to Gain Respect and Live Responsibly
Whenever we start a new year
we usually go through some review in our mind of the previous year and what we
have accomplished or have yet to accomplish in our life. Setting goals,
releasing negative feelings, forgiving and striving for some personal growth is
always on people’s minds, no matter what they have experienced in life.
Many times, the thought of professional
and financial attainment or lack of is what a new year brings, along with all
the emotional feelings that follow. When you take the honorable approach
throughout your life, it will always result in other gifts coming your way
without intentionally seeking them. This is why I encourage people I coach to
make the three R’s a reality in their lives. They are: Respect for self,
Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions. People’s intentions
are often not the reality that they live. It’s not because they don’t want to,
but because they just don’t have the discipline to be consistent without help
from others. To change one's behavior and thought processes can challenge a
person’s will. Most people alone are not strong-willed enough to stick with it
throughout the time it takes to attain their goal. It’s never too late to start
to live your life in a respectful and responsible way, so your daily
interactions will be set on a positive path. So let’s start with some of the
thoughts and activities that are associated with respect and responsibility.
Respect for Self is a
feeling of confidence and pride in one’s owns abilities and worth. Having
regard for one's character, and one's conduct with appreciation of one’s self
elevates our awareness of who we are. Self- respect is the cornerstone on which
many other attributes are built such as dignity, honesty, loyalty, confidence
and integrity. Feeling good about yourself, thinking enough of yourself to make
decisions that will be good for your long term emotional, physical, spiritual
and mental health, will improve your character and self worth. Always surround
yourself with people who have your best interests involved, who care about your
thoughts and feelings, who share your passions and interests and who live
healthy lifestyles. Conduct yourself on a daily basis with a happy heart,
engage in physical activities that are health-oriented, be polite and pleasant
to others and it will elevate your own self- respect. By walking the walk and
talking the talk you can display the respect you have of yourself by honoring
your body and mind. The person with self-respect simply likes themselves. It
should not be contingent on success or a result of comparing ourselves with
others. Self -respect is a given because of who we are and not because of what
we can or cannot do. No one can take steps towards their goals, dreams and
aspirations without liking the person they currently are.
In general character good or
bad, is considered to be observable in one's conduct. Look at how you act each
day, what you do to honor yourself and how you display those qualities that
show self-respect. Those with self-respect are less prone to blame others, have
guilt, live with regret, lie, have secrets and stress. Ask yourself if you
display any of these traits and start to acknowledge why you feel this way. Be
thankful on a daily basis for the blessings you have now and at the same time
examine the beliefs, biases, assumptions, and myths inherited from family,
school, religion, and society. One by one, dismantle and discard those not in
keeping with healthy, honorable and virtuous living, and cherish those that
are. Part of our personal development is the view we have of our self, and
respecting yourself will play a big role in your chosen path in life. Have fun
as you develop friendships, interests, purposes and passions. Enjoy the journey
of learning to respect yourself as a unique individual who has something to
offer in this world. When you act with integrity, your words and actions will
match, which gives you self respect and a peaceful heart. Respect for ourselves
feeds our respect for others.
“Respect for ourselves
guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”. –Laurence Sterne
Respect for Others is to
have unbiased consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and
property of all people. To hold in special regard someone's opinions, talents
and/or abilities, reflects your own values and standards. It also shares what
you believe in, and in part, what you see or would like to see in yourself. By
respecting others, you show the attitude of friendliness and comfort towards
them. Listening to other people’s thoughts, feelings and desires without
judgment, allows you to respect them for who they are, and not what you want
them to be. Very often, we impose our own ideas on others without being able to
respect other people's inherent differences. Everyone you encounter has a
unique moral fiber that has created who they are and how they think. Being able
to allow others to express themselves in their own way will open your mind to
different theories and information that might not be part of your mindset.
Respecting other people in your personal and professional environments will
encourage the same respect be given to you, in return. We show respect by
speaking and acting with courtesy. Always treat people the way you would want
to be treated: with civility and dignity. Ask yourself if at any time during
your day: Did my verbiage or actions ridicule, embarrass or hurt other people?
Become aware of how you treat people, so you can improve your behavior. Being
fair minded, truthful and polite will reflect the virtues of respect and bring
back to you the same positive energy that you put out to others.
“Every human being, of
whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect
others even as we respect ourselves”. -Ulysses S. Grant
Responsibility means to
accept accountability for your actions. When you make a mistake, you accept it,
correct it, and offer amends, instead of making excuses. Responsibility is the
ability to respond and make smart choices for yourself. Being responsible for
your actions allows you to accept that everything along the way that happens to
you, good and bad, has been determined by the choices you have made. You are in
control of those decisions and blaming others for your situation is avoiding
your responsibility. You can pretty much choose almost everything in your life;
your career, your spouse, where you live, who your friends are, your social
activities with the one exception of the parents you were born to. You need to
make sure that you acknowledge the responsibility that follows those decisions
because they are your own and not anyone else’s. Personal growth develops when
we are accountable because we accept the choices that we made and learn and
grow from them.
People who take complete
responsibility for their lives experience inner joy and control of
circumstances. They are able to make better choices because they understand
that they are responsible for those decisions. Take a review of yourself to see
how often you take responsibility or place blame on others. Listen to your
verbiage to see if you often point fingers of blame at your friends, spouse, co
workers and family. Are you making excuses and shifting responsibility to
others for the things that don’t always go right? How many times have you said:
"He/she did this to me?" You can change these negative behavior
patterns by first understanding that you made choices that ultimately created
these results. Taking responsibility is the first step in acknowledging that
you have the control to make better choices in the future. Become proactive,
not reactive, to your situations and be accountable. Acknowledge that your life
is your responsibility. No one can live your life for you. You are in charge.
No matter how hard you try to blame others for the events of your life, each
event is the result of choices you made and are making. By breaking the
blame-game patterns in your life and accepting responsibility, you will see
your circumstances change for the better.
“The willingness to accept
responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect
springs” –Joan Didion
When you put into practice
the three R’s on a daily basis you will start to see your life change with
positive experiences. Lessons are learned and spiritual growth becomes prevalent.
Don’t allow the past to dictate the present, unless it honors you and your
life. Start to modify your behavior to reflect actions that display respect for
yourself, respect for others and take responsibility for all your actions. It’s
never too late to get support so you can be on a better path in your life. You
do have the power to change your circumstances and the change starts the day
you commit to live an honorable life.
Denise Dema is a Business
and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals,
entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their
professional and personal lives. To learn more about the author and her
practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com/
Empowering Womens Health
May is the month that we celebrate Mother's Day and it encourages us to think of all the women that have had an impact in our lives. Mothers have the innate ability to nurture, love and mentor children to live healthy and happy lives. So it is a great time to appreciate the contribution these women have made and to look at how we can improve ourselves, as well as to empower other women to live healthy lives. Each and every one of us has the ability to choose a healthy lifestyle. Let's start by taking a look at what we could be doing now that can change our daily routines and encourage other women to do the same. We can start by defining what a healthy life style is and how we can become empowered to make a difference in our lives.
Physical health is made up of many things, but includes eating right, exercising and eliminating bad habits like smoking and drinking. There are many diets, exercise and self-help books out there that teach you what to do in order to lose weight and stay physically fit and all of them have valuable information. What isn't so prevalent in these books is the understanding that the way you think about your health and the physical habits that have formed as a result, have more to do with the life you are living now than new information anyone can give you. Ask yourself, what is the difference between waking up and eating a low calorie-high protein breakfast, exercising or stretching to release the endorphins, and then setting out to get ready for your day? Or, waking up and not eating any breakfast, not doing any form of exercise, and pretty much following your daily habits which are more comfortable? The difference is how you think about it, what you do about it, and how you process the habits that you already have. Of course you know what to do, but do you do it, and why not?
You have to start somewhere and you might need someone to help you change your physical behavior to break some habits. A neighbor, friend, family member or personal coach can motivate you to change, even if it's starting with the basics like eating breakfast to give the body fuel instead of a cup of coffee and running out the door. One minor change can affect the rest of your day. Taking a brisk walk in the morning, riding your bicycle daily, going to the gym, joining a yoga class and being conscious that a good night's sleep is imperative to how your body functions each day, is the beginning. Eliminating distractions like watching TV when you are in bed will determine the type of sleep you are going to have, which in return determines the day you will have to follow. It's all is connected so being aware that this is the first step in changing what does not benefit you. Even relaxing with breathing exercises will help you on a daily basis to release the stress that is stored in your body. These are simple things that will start you on a path to allow your body to function better, but it is up to you to start. How you change your habits will depend on you. What will motivate you is different for each individual but attainable if you start with changing your mind.
Mental health is a broad term, but for most of us it is something we take for granted. If you start to become aware of your daily thought patterns, you will then understand what level of energy has to be put forward in order to attain peace and tranquility. Becoming angry everyday is the first indication that you are harboring negative feelings that often reflect how you treat others. Daily interaction with your children, co workers, family members and even strangers should not be confrontational if you are living in a peaceful state. It all gets a little challenging when someone puts negative energy in your way, for instance, when you are in traffic, or standing in a long line of people, or even when someone judges you, but you do have the choice to let it be their negative energy without internalizing it to be yours. Why isn't it just that easy to be happy each and every day no matter what crosses your path? ...well it really is, but because you feed into what other people do and say, it becomes difficult to separate your path from theirs. Simply put, you have the ability to allow their negative energy to stay with them, and to proceed with the positive thought processes that honor and value your well-being.
The first step in gaining clarity and living a happy, peaceful life is to eliminate tolerations. Think right now about what you tolerate on a daily basis and from whom, that does not bring positive energy to your life. Just look around, a lot of people compromise their happiness, but it doesn't have to be that way. Seeking validation from others should not be what defines you. You define you, and the right thought process and coping skills to achieve mental health can be developed with a commitment to that goal. Those skills will allow you to make better choices on a daily basis, which will lead to living a healthy lifestyle.
In general, women lead very busy lives and are faced with a variety of demands on their time. Compromises are made to their health. Let's face it, these demands call for a whole new level of effectiveness. It begins with good health and a sense of mental well-being. The need to be calm, focused, resolute, energetic, strong, patient and confident is more important than ever in juggling a home life and career. Taking time to focus on personal well-being is something we all easily overlook in our fast-paced lives but it definitely needs to be a priority. In today's culture, extended youth and health have become of crucial importance and we must put greater attention on our personal care and work toward a daily routine of health and strength. Living a healthy life is within our grasp. For many of us it sometimes means changing the way we live and think. You have the power to empower, and it all starts with you!
"The body is the servant of the mind." -James Allen
Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com
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