What makes people interesting? Those
with presence seem to create a halo effect around them. There’s a sense
of passion, confidence, enthusiasm, authenticity, captivation, and comfort
about them. So we say, “They have presence.”
Try these habits that make both
introverts and extroverts interesting:
- Ditch the dominant demeanor. We were taught to shake with a firm hand and stand
tall. But overdone nonverbal confidence makes the engagement all about you,
which counterintuitively makes you uninteresting. Avoid the power
poses. Put aside the posture of self-importance or status.
- Make the encounter about them. Practice the art of getting them to talk about
themselves. Use your curiosity, politeness, and social graces to
cast a “spell” over them. Ask how they did it, or what they
learned about it, or what advice they’d give you in a similar
situation. When you respect another person’s opinion, you are respecting
the other person.
- Be real. Don’t
get involved in a “stature” contest. Nobody wins in the long
run – or even in the short run. Be impressed. Compliment in a
genuine manner. When you hear an accomplishment, say “that’s
awesome”. Ask, “How did you pull that off?” Let your
vulnerability show through. “I’ve never thought of that”, or,
“you just taught me something.” People are temporarily impressed
with the artificial, but sincerely like the authentic.
- Give more than you get. Don’t underestimate the value of asking for nothing.
People know when you are playing the networking card. The hard-charging,
always-on kind of person creates a desire to look for the exit
routes. If you need something, give something first. The most
interesting people focus on what they can do for you. People are
tuned into station WIIFM (what’s in it for me)? Kicking into your
sales pitch can communicate you are bored with their presence.
- Make a great “last” impression. Don’t just end with “nice to meet you.” That
doesn’t leave much of an impression and it’s easily forgettable. Go
back to the beginning. Shake hands and say, “I really enjoyed
talking with you.” Make eye contact with a genuine smile.
Self-promotion takes very little self-awareness. Being interesting
and having a sense of presence is built on self-awareness. Be self-aware,
not self-absorbed.
Effective managers and supervisors
have this sense of presence. When having a one-on-one, work on these 5
habits. Let your direct report tell you what’s going well. Find out
where they are challenged and ask them where they need your support. Make
sure they need it – no micromanaging. When finished, thank them for their
time.
Good managers (1) ditch the
dominance platform, (2) make it about their direct reports, (3) are real, (4)
give more than they get, and (5) make a great last impression.
Charisma and presence are not
something you have. It’s something you earn. And it starts with
your habits.
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full potential! Expand
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