Eliminate the Fear of Being Judged!


All of us go through events in our social life where we fear being negatively judged by others. Perhaps you have made your own judgments throughout your life about certain people and what you think of them. 

Making judgments about others is something the human brain likes to do. From an evolutionary standpoint, we had to judge others as “friends” or “foes” to protect ourselves from people who might be a threat to our tribe or community.

Those who were disliked or viewed as a threat were eventually ostracized, punished, or killed. So most of us have a hard-wired response to try and be liked and accepted by others, which explains many fears and anxieties associated with our social interactions.

Despite this tendency, we can find ways to get over the judgments people will make about us on a daily basis. We learn to become less sensitive to them and not let them so easily get under our skin or make us upset. This article will cover these different aspects of how to let go of people always judging us.

Accept that everyone has an opinion
The first step is recognizing that everyone is going to have an opinion about you, for better or worse.

We often think of “judging” as a negative thing, but when someone tells you they like you, or that you’re smart, or a cool person, that’s a type of judging too – it just happens to be a very positive one.
Throughout your life you’re going to meet many different people, and some of those people you’re going to “click” with better than others. You can’t expect to win over everyone, so be willing to accept that some people won’t like you, and some people will.

Anyone who puts themselves out there and let’s their true personality shine through is going to have their fair share of critics. Once you begin to expect it, it doesn’t become as shocking or bothersome when someone says something insulting or cruel.

Become less judging of others
Usually people who fear judgments the most are the ones that are very judgmental themselves.

If we have an excessively judgmental attitude against people, and we’re always trying to compare individuals as “superior” or “inferior,” then we project that attitude onto others, believing that they too are always judging us as “superior” or “inferior.”

Try to be kinder and more understanding toward others, and you won’t have such a hostile and cynical view of the world. You can find the good in anyone if you’re willing to see it – and once you cultivate this attitude, you’ll be more likely to expect others to reciprocate this attitude toward you.

We are all susceptible to what is known as fundamental attribution error. This is when we overestimate the influence of personal factors when someone does something “stupid” or “bad,” and we underestimate the influence of situational factors. 

Remember, everyone is capable of making bad decisions in the wrong situation, and even you yourself aren’t always perfect. This will allow you to be gentler in your judgments toward both yourself and others.

Move past bad first impressions
First impressions can have a strong influence over how people view us, but they aren’t set in stone.

If you did something wrong the first time you met someone (insulted, mocked, or offended them), then it may be appropriate to apologize before you can move on. However, most of the time we can move past these first impressions simply by making better second, third, and fourth impressions.

The more time someone spends with you the more they get to know the real you. No one can tell everything about you when they first meet you, it takes multiple interactions to really learn about someone.

As people get to know you more, their first impression of you will become less important. I have friends today who I didn’t always get off with on the right foot, but now we look back on those experiences and just laugh. You just have to be willing to take a longer view in your relationships.

Avoid people who are too negative (if you can)
We all have our limits and some people can be unbearably negative and tiresome to be around.

If you have a choice, sometimes the only thing you can do is to avoid the person more. If you know they’re going to be at a party, then don’t go there. If you work with them, try to limit interactions to just work-related talk. And if it’s a negative friend, you may want to consider finding new people to hang out with.

It’s not the most pleasant solution, but it may be necessary if you can’t find anyway to tolerate a person’s negative and overly judgmental attitude.

Achieve Your Full Potential! Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get the support you need to excel in your professional and personal life. 

The Importance of Developing Your Emotional Intelligence


As a Business and Life Management Coach for over two decades, my national coaching practice specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness for professionals and individuals. More now than ever, organizations are focusing on their future leaders Emotional Intelligence abilities. Executives, business owners and entrepreneurs all need to develop their EQ beyond their IQ in order to be successful, increase productivity and/or gain promotion within their chosen fields. 

Emotional intelligence (EQ), as it is known today, came into the spotlight when Daniel Goleman published his book “Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” in 1995; however, the study of different forms of intelligence began long before that book, with some research papers dating back to the early 1900's. Since that time, many researchers, training and development professionals use tools to implement EQ concepts and to build individual EQ.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply emotions to facilitate higher levels of collaboration and productivity.

 
Intrapersonal Skills refer to the ability to understand oneself, form an accurate concept of the self and apply that concept to operate more effectively. There are three pillars that make up the intrapersonal side of EQ:
  • Self-Awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own moods, emotions and drives as well as their effects on others.
  • Self-Regulation is the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. This includes the propensity to suspend judgment and to think before acting.
  • Motivation is a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status and to pursue your goals with energy and persistence.

Interpersonal Skills refer to the ability to identify and understand how to effectively relate to, work with and motivate others. There are two pillars that make up the interpersonal side of EQ:
  • Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and the skill to treat people according to their emotional reactions.
  • Social Skills is the proficiency in managing relationships, building networks and the ability to find common ground to build rapport.

Emotions are carried down an organization’s hierarchy, basically affecting everyone. If you want to positively affect or even change an organization’s culture, it’s vital to start developing the EQ of its leaders. Enable them to be more self-aware and empower them to manage the emotions of others.

Working with individuals that are primarily business-focused, I offer coaching and consulting designed for leaders, managers and executives striving for promotion. Mentoring is geared towards people who set the tone for interpersonal interaction within the organization or within a team. Training develops communication effectiveness, conflict resolution, sales effectiveness and relationships to name a few topics. It is often paired with Behavioral Modification techniques that add the behavioral component to emotional intelligence development.

To learn more about how you can improve your professional career and skills through developing your EQ, book a complimentary session at www.denisedema.com.

How to Deal With the Negative News



The Proven Health Benefits of Positive News....

Many people are grappling with this year’s depressing and disturbing news—meaning, they want to turn away, but they just can‘t.

The constant focus on partisan politics—as well as murders and mayhem—is taking a real toll on peoples’ psyches.

The surgeon Dr. Christiane Northrop says our nervous systems simply weren’t designed to handle a daily barrage of bad news which contains the worst of humanity, brought to you from every corner of the globe. The inundation is too much for most people.

The trend toward sensational bad news on television began in the 1990s. At the same time as the U.S. homicide rate was dropping in that decade by 42%, television news coverage of murders skyrocketed—rising more than 700%, according to the Center for Media and Public Affairs.

During that time, TV network news audiences and newspaper circulation began to fall. We can only guess that this was due to the increased focus on crime coverage.

Instead of gorging on an endless media diet of conflict, some people have taken drastic action, by closing their eyes and turning off the news altogether. (They are also unfriending their angry brother-in-law or friend whose partisan posts contaminate their Facebook feed.)

Completely tuning out the news, however, is not a great solution. To be an informed citizen and voter, we need to know what’s going on. Instead, I recommend that people become “selective sifters”, choosing what kind of news they take in daily. Headline news from the BBC or NPR, or perusing newspapers and magazines is enough to provide the basics.

Most people will need to make a conscious effort not to get sucked into the rancorous trivial debates of the day, like how much Melania Trump’s jacket costs when she travels into a poor neighborhood—and the inference that it should make anyone angry if they are a Liberal.

It’s not enough, though, to just sift through the bad news. Norman Cousins, a political journalist and 30-year editor of the Saturday Review said, “If news is not really news unless it is bad news, it may be difficult to claim we are an informed nation.”

There is another crucial step that people can take to relieve some of their anxiety around current events. They can write themselves a prescription for a daily dose of good news. Like a “Vitamin G” in their media diet it can provide some balanced nutrition beyond the negative news menu.

A Happy You prescription - book cover
I look at it this way: If a child is only given junk food, then that’s all he knows and wants, but if he is given some sweet carrots, watermelon or apples, he learns to appreciate them, and gets the benefit of an enriched diet and healthier body.

Thomas Jefferson said the job of journalists was to portray accurately what was happening in society. As a former TV news freelancer, I created Good News Network (GNN) because the media was failing to report enough of the positive—and it was simply too hard to find good news in large enough quantities to make a difference in one’s mental health.

An overabundance of pessimistic, depressing stories can create a perception of a crime-and-greed-filled-world that is out of proportion with reality.

Benefits to Physical Health
According to letters from GNN readers, the website is playing a major role in relieving depression and anxiety symptoms—and basic physical health, too, can be altered when you make an effort to balance the depressing news. Scientific studies have shown the startling benefits.

In a study of nearly 3000 healthy adults, a London University found that those who reported upbeat moods had lower levels of cortisol—the ‘stress’ hormone that leads to high blood pressure, weakened immune systems, and even abdominal obesity. In the study, women who reported more positive emotions were less prone to chronic inflammation, which is related to heart disease and cancer. The authors of the paper published in the American Journal of Epidemiology in 2008 said, “People need to recognize the things that make them feel good.”

Researchers at the Harvard University School of Public Health found that optimism cuts the chances of developing heart disease and the rate of lung-decline as we age. They followed 1300 men in their early 60’s for ten years. “Lung function declined significantly faster in pessimists, even taking into account major biological risk factors.”
A Dutch study of elderly men found that those who were identified as “optimistic” were associated with a stunning 50 percent lower risk of cardiovascular death during the 15-year study.

Benefits of Mental Well-Being
A study by J. P. Harrell in 2000 found that when participants watched concentrations of positive news and media, they had decreased levels of stress and anxiety. A study by Huffington Post and Harvard Researcher Shawn Achor showed that if people watched even 3-4 minutes of negative news, 27% of participants were more likely to be depressed for the next 6-8 hours of their day.

Testimonials sent to Good News Network provide self-reported anecdotal evidence that supports the notion that positive news can actually improve your health.

15 year old Lisa says, “Daily, I was affected by panic attacks which were triggered from the news and all its negative content. This site has helped me tremendously.”

Mike says, “I suffer from depression and paranoia. I feel like I can never truly be happy as I always get this sense of encroaching doom and most of my fears are heightened by media sensationalism. Your website is JUST what I need to focus.”

And finally a clinical and police psychologist, Dr. Kevin Keough, wrote this, “A 13 year-old boy was depressed and suicidal as he entered my office. He cited TV news as proof that there was no point to living, ‘Everything is out of control, it’s all bad news, people are killing each other, terrorism, corruption, kids being slaves.’ After I let him cry, I explained how TV news worked—that it didn’t reflect reality accurately—and I showed him your site. He started to cheer up. He smiled and gave me a hug. Life was okay again.”

Tal Ben-Shahar was a lecturer at Harvard University and his positive psychology course was the most popular class on campus. Author of ‘Happier’, and ‘Choose the Life You Want’, he believes the Good News Network can benefit everyone: “It’s an extremely important initiative. I recommend that each person makes it a habit to visit the website at least once a day to counter the barrage of negativity in the media. Being exposed to positive information benefits us emotionally, physically, and mentally. It can contribute in a meaningful way to a happier and healthier life.”

A 2005 study by Bayer concluded that an overwhelming 93% of Americans wanted more good news, and 77% percent believed there was not enough good news offered by mainstream media. The study also showed that people believed they are more productive in their jobs after hearing good news.

Fortunately, good news is now easy to find at GoodNews Network.

What we think in our minds directly affects our health. Through the mind-body connection, our thinking leads to stress or happiness. It is your choice—and your health depends on it.

Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with tools to help you excel in life. Complimentary Coaching Session at: http://www.denisedema.com/




Become Mentally Tough!

Want to be successful in life? Know this: It takes a special kind of fortitude and it’s what separates the elite from average performers. When the going gets tough, the tough don’t get going—they reach for a winning prescription called mental toughness.

What’s mental toughness all about? It’s been described as the “ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals."


Vince Lombardi believed that mental toughness was one of the most important leadership skills you could attain. Psychologist Angela Duckworth based her life's work on it (she refers to it as grit) and believes that it’s a true predictor of success.

The “4 C’s to Mental Toughness”

Psychologist Dr. Peter Clough developed the “Mental Toughness Training Model,” a psychometric assessment measure, which enables users to assess mental toughness in four core areas:

Confidence
Challenge
Control
Commitment

Here’s how you can use the components to your advantage and become more mentally tough:

1. Confidence

Do you believe in yourself and your abilities? Can you effectively navigate conflict and challenges? Do you have well-developed social skills?

People who are self-confident believe that they can achieve success, despite any obstacles they encounter. They work hard to develop themselves in competitive environments. They are proactive, decisive and courageous in spite of fear. Take Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran for example. She had a terrible fear of public speaking, but she knew that she had to embrace it, rather than run from it, if she wanted to become successful. Her strategy? She thrust herself into every possible speaking opportunity she could find and worked at it like crazy. Today, she’s in demand on stages all around the globe.  Regarding self-confidence she says, “Don’t be afraid. Stand up and shout loud and clear enough for everyone to hear: “No, I am NOT stupid.”

2. Challenge

Do you thrive in environments that constantly change or present new opportunities for learning and growth?

People who embrace challenges tend to have an extraordinary ability to think and work outside the box. They enjoy exercising creativity, exploring innovation, and accepting some degree of risk. Why? They are keenly focused on achieving positive outcomes. Spiritual teacher and The Power of Now author Eckhart Tolle, teaches that challenges, difficulties and uncertainty, all concepts that point to change—and upset the status quo—are natural parts of life that should be embraced. He notes that, “Change is absolutely necessary and offers a new way of being in this world.”

3. Control

Do you feel that you have control over your life and the power to shape your destiny? How do you deal with the ebb and flow of life’s ups and downs?

People with a strong sense of control over their lives tend to be more relaxed and self-confident. They are more connected to their emotions, self-regulating and motivated to achieve results. They believe that they’ve got the power to influence their outcomes, and lo and behold they do. Peak performance expert Tony Robbins developed a five-step process aimed at helping others develop more control and achieve greater results. It’s totally worth taking a closer look, especially as part of developing an overall mental toughness strategy.

4. Commitment

Are you committed to achieving your outcomes? Do you set goals and work consistently to achieve them, even when you experience setbacks?

This is also known as “stickability.” Misty Copeland showed the world she was committed to becoming a prima ballerina, even in the face of unmistakable adversity. Her advice? Stick with it and persevere. It may seem counter intuitive, but “the path to your success is not as fixed and inflexible as you might think,” she says.

Feeling less than mentally tough?
What’s true for sure is that we all need it to succeed, no matter our background or what industry we’re in. It’s the secret sauce for performing at the top of your game, especially during tough times. And just like a lot of other important leadership traits, mental toughness is not something you’re born with. It’s developed over time it by focusing on the key components, little by little.

Work with a Business and Life Mangagement Coach to start using the 4 C’s and you will be well on your way to achieving mental toughness—and greater success. Book a complimentary session at www.denisedema.com

Source: Success

Create A Successful Mindset

Change the game by changing the way you think.


What’s the biggest difference between those who succeed and those who don’t? Mindset. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference and is the primary catalyst driving your feelings of self-worth, competence and confidence.

Make no mistake, the most successful people have it. And if you intend to ascend to those coveted ranks, you’re going to need it, too. Are you willing to do the work and elevate your mindset to achieve uncommon success?

Consider the following elements to help you develop a successful mindset:

1. Self-Talk

Ever think the only conversations that matter are the ones you have with someone else? Not quite. The conversations you have with yourself are the most important ones you will ever have. To be clear, we talk to ourselves all day, every day. Eventually, all that robust data adds up to create our individual self-concepts. Be careful what you say to yourself. Plant seeds of positivity and inspiration, rather than criticism and doubt.

2. Intentions

Your intentions set the tone for how skillfully you navigate personal and professional success. Have you set yours high enough to challenge the status quo? If not, think bigger and push past your comfort zone. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, because that’s where the real growth happens. Setting your sights high and believing in the most remarkable outcomes you can attain changes the way you show up in the world. Believe me, no one has ever regretted embracing the power to think big.

3. Grit

When it comes to success, world-renowned psychologist Angela Duckworth says, “Talent counts, but effort counts twice.” Got grit? If not, know this: Both passion and perseverance are vital to your long-term success. Experiencing initial excitement when deciding to pursue a New Year’s resolution is quite common. Less common and far more difficult is the sustained focus and drive—throughout long periods of time—needed to achieve it. Grit helps us push past the desire to give up, especially when things get rough. Fortunately, it can be learned and continually developed over time.

4. Strategy

Declaring a goal, without more, will do little to ensure its success. Only substance and structure will successfully ignite and move it forward. Begin by chunking your goal into smaller segments to organize it, making it more manageable. Then create a strategic plan with scheduled activities and outcomes that will help to assure its success. Notice what works and be proactive about tweaking key elements where necessary. Be open to feedback and embrace innovation along the way.

5. Execution

Creating a strategy is one thing, but executing it is another. Decide in advance that taking strong action will be the litmus test for your success. Sure, there will be days when you won’t feel like working or perhaps even be discouraged. No matter. Your goal is to take bite-sized pieces of the apple until it is finally consumed. Whether making a phone call, sending an email or physically maneuvering to achieve the next steps, dig deep and take action. Execution helps you build trust in yourself, as well as reflects successful past performance, bringing you one step closer to your desired outcome.

Are you ready to stack the odds in your favor by mastering a successful mindset? Book a complimentary session with a Business and Life Management Coach at www.denisedema.com and achieve your full potential Today!

Source: Success