Making and Keeping Commitments.

A commitment is a really serious agreement to do something. It means putting the full force of personal integrity behind an action. Keeping commitments, even when difficult, creates positive power in the world. It's all a question of priorities.

We all make commitments every day. Some seem small and insignificant-agreed upon time to meet, a promise to run an errand or a promise to follow-up. Others are ostensibly bigger and more important-a formal contract or legal document, etc. It is important to consider all commitments equally important, because this is the way trust is built and maintained. A person's reputation is built upon their ability to make and keep commitments. Your life will work better when commitments are carefully made and diligently kept.

There are five key factors in making and keeping commitments.

All Commitments Are Important: When you agree to do something-do it as agreed. When you agree to meet someone, be there on time. When you fail to keep a commitment you fail yourself first and the other person second.

Be Careful What You Agree To: Many people find it easier to say yes instead of no. It is far better to agree to what you can do, than saying yes to please someone at the moment and later fail your commitment because of being over-committed or because you have difficulty saying no.

Manage Your Commitments: Keep a log of your commitments-Write them down. You may have great intentions, but if you forget to do what you agreed to do, the result is the same as your 'Choosing' not to keep your commitment.

Renegotiate When You Are Unable to Keep Your Commitment: When you discover you are unable or unwilling to complete an agreement, go to the other party/parties and renegotiate.

Manage By Agreement: Instead of telling someone to do something, ask if they would agree to doing it and by when. You have a greater chance it will get done if you ask rather than tell.

By paying careful attention to the commitments you make, tracking them and developing the habit of keeping all your commitments you will be known as a person of integrity. Your life and the world around you work in direct proportion to the quality of your commitments.

Do you honor your commitments? Are you always making commitments to people or yourself that you don’t want to make or have no intention of following thru on? Pay attention to what you’re committing to and to whom you’re making those commitments.

Making commitments, keeping commitments, and repeating this cycle will increase trust. You need to do what you say you are going to do. However, this can also be difficult if you over-compromise and do not deliver. If you do this repeatedly, you may not have a second or third chance to regain the trust of professional and personal people in your life because you will lose all credibility.

Now, do not let this scare you, you cannot be afraid to make commitments because commitments are part of everyday life and business. Making commitments builds hope; keeping commitments builds trust.

Your integrity to the commitments you make is one of the most important factors in achieving a consistent level of joy and happiness. Although you may not be aware of it consciously, if you have a bunch of broken commitments over the last day/week/month/year/decade, you’re energetically drowning in the weight of that lack of integrity.

You know when you’re not doing the stuff you say you’re going to do—whether it was getting up at a certain time this morning, working out, going somewhere, helping a friend or colleague or following a certain routine, whatever it is. To the extent you’re not honoring those commitments; you are not be true to yourself and others, Simple as that.

Until you find a way to somehow increase your willpower or self-discipline, you will still keep failing to keep your commitments. Discipline requires time, effort and respect within yourself.  Every kept promise to others and yourself creates more self-trust which builds the foundations of more discipline in the future. 

Disciplined people have created a high degree of self-trust between their various states of mind. This self-trust allows them to carry out orders made in the past even when they don’t feel like it. When you find yourself continually failing to keep a commitment then you either need to start smaller or add more leverage. Either the law you enacted is too strict to be upheld or the punishments and rewards you have in place aren’t enticing enough to follow it.

The good news is the solution is simple and you can change everything by starting right now to honor your commitments.… Taking an inventory of your commitments today is the beginning of reconnecting your energy to them and taking action.

Make a list on paper of all the commitments you have outstanding right now. What you made in past that you haven’t done. You have the choice of now deciding which ones you are no longer committed to honoring and decide which ones you will re-commit to honoring. Get completion with these and start to honor them so you can move forward with integrity to do what you committed yourself to do. 

Fulfill on your commitment. Take pride in doing what you agreed to do. Realize that being acknowledged as a person of integrity will ultimately make your personal and professional life better.

 “The commitments we make to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those commitments, is the essence and clearest manifestation of our proactivity.” ~ Stephen R. Covey 

Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with the tools you need to excel in your life! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a free session at www.denisedema.com today. 

Release the Past and Enter a New Year!

Many people have a hard time letting go of the past. They carry it around with them, ruminate about it constantly, and let it have a big impact on how they live their lives in the present moment.

Of course the past will always be something that influences you to some degree. A lot of who you are and what you’ve learned is the culmination of experiences from your personal history. 

However, while the past may influence your future, it doesn’t have to dictate it. And it doesn’t have to be something that always looms over your shoulder wherever you go.

Instead, we can create a space between ourselves and the past that allows us to grow in new ways. We can do this by creating a type of psychological distance, which is the subjective perception of how far away something is from your current reality.

This article covers key guidelines and tools you can use to create more psychological distance between you and your past.

View your past from an outside perspective. One great way to create psychological distance is to imagine yourself looking back at an event from an outside perspective. 

Think of a bad experience that happened to you. Now imagine yourself sitting in a movie theater watching this event on the screen. Play with it – rewind it, fast forward it, watch it in reverse, or watch it at a super slow or super-fast speed.

Imagine yourself eating popcorn while watching it. Laughing at the things you exaggerated at the time, but aren’t so bad looking back. Or just imagine yourself getting up and walking out of the movie theater. The character on the screen isn’t you anymore.

By doing this, you allow yourself to “disassociate” from the experience. You’re watching it from a third-person perspective rather than remembering it from a first-person perspective. This helps make the memory less intense and less associated with your personal identity.

Change your environment. One easy and practical way to create psychological distance is to change your environment.

Start with the place that most reminds you of your past – your bedroom, living room, office, or wherever. Then work on changing it up – putting up new decorations, adding new pictures, moving the furniture, painting the walls a different color, getting a new rug, etc. 

The music you listen to on a daily basis is another part of your environment that you can consider changing. We often associate a particular band, song, or album with a particular “time period” in our life, so seeking new music can create immediate psychological distance. 

Sometimes, even something like moving to a new place can be a useful way to create both physical and psychological distance from your past. In general, however, creating a new environment can be symbolic of opening up a new chapter in your life.

Seek new experiences. Actively seeking new experiences is another great way to create psychological distance. One way we cling to the past is by not trying new things. We’d rather stay in our house, visit the same places, and follow the same routine. This keeps us trapped in the same patterns that remind us of our past.

Instead, go out to new places, make new friends, and be open to new activities. Focus on building new memories for the future, rather than only focusing on the memories you already have. 

Often times the best way to go forward is to keep yourself active. It’s just like needing to date new people before you can get over an ex, or achieving a new goal before you can get over a previous failure. Keep moving.

Remind yourself of things that have changed. Most of the change in our lives is slow and gradual. It’s not until we stop and look back 5-10 years that we notice just how different our lives are today. 

For this reason, I find it very important to remind yourself of things that have changed. This can help create psychological distance, because it makes you more aware of the “distance” you’ve already covered.

Take 5 minutes and just write down 3 significant ways your life has changed in the past 5 years. Think back to how your life was in the past, and how it is now in the present.

People sometimes say, “Don’t think of how far you have to go, but how far you’ve already traveled.” This is a short and sweet way to create more psychological distance between you and your past.

Imagine yourself walking through a mental door. Psychological distance is based on our subjective perception. It’s a distance that is ultimately created in your mind, not the physical world. 

When you want to make a direct change in your mind, it’s often useful to use symbols and metaphors. One symbol for creating psychological distance between you and your past is “walking through a new door.” When you visualize what you are attached to and then walk away from it, you enter through a new door that holds future opportunities. This exercise happens in the first person (you’re looking through your own eyes – this makes it different than the “movie theater” exercise discussed previously.

You can use whatever symbol you want for “future opportunities.” The main idea is to walk through this mental door and toward your future. 

It’s time to take control and focus on what serves your life while leaving behind the things that don’t. Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with the tools you need to excel in your life! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a free session at www.denisedema.com today.

Facebook Professional Page
Business and Life Coach Blog
Just Ask Denise Blog
Follow me on Twitter
Connect on LinkedIn