The Power of Choice

Rohn: Change Begins with Choice... 

If you don't like how things are, change it! Any day we wish, we can discipline ourselves to make important changes in our lives. Any day we wish, we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish, we can start a new activity. Any day we wish, we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.

We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause.

As Shakespeare uniquely observed, "The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves." We created our current circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today. Those who are in search of the good life do not need more answers or more time to think things over to reach better conclusions. They need the truth.

They need the whole truth. And they need nothing but the truth. We cannot allow our errors in judgment, repeated every day, to lead us down the wrong path. We must keep coming back to those basics that make the biggest difference in how our life works out. And then we must make the very choices that will bring life, happiness and joy into our daily lives.

And if I may be so bold to offer my last piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in their life: If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. You have the ability to totally transform every area in your life—and it all begins with your very own power of choice.

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Developing Personal Integrity

 

Personal integrity is the quality of being honest with yourself and others, and living a life that is aligned with your moral principles. Developing personal integrity requires examining your beliefs and value system, and taking conscious steps to behave in ways that are consistent with your personal moral code. Here are some ways to develop personal integrity.

•  Identify aspects of your behavior that require change. Reflect on your interactions with others in the workplace, at home and in social situations to determine specific areas in need of improvement. For example, if you are late for work every day and feel guilty about creating excuses for this behavior, this may be an opportunity to develop greater personal integrity. 

• Determine your reasons for not behaving with greater personal integrity. For example, you may be pushing unpleasant work tasks on to other employees instead of being honest with your boss about your inability to do the tasks. You may be afraid to admit to yourself or to your boss that you do not possess the right skills or that the job is not the right fit for you.  

• Face the obstacles that cause you to lie or violate your moral code. This might involve finding a more suitable job, facing your fears about how others may perceive you and/or seeking out counseling to address emotional challenges and insecurities.  

• Practice truthfulness. Consider all of the relationships at home and work that will benefit from greater truthfulness. For example, if managing a team of employees, be honest and direct with each individual about your expectations and employee performance. Avoid backbiting or gossiping. Refrain from causing harm. Part of developing personal integrity is gauging when and how to deliver the truth. Be careful not to confuse truthfulness with anger-driven and brutally honest confrontation.

• Make a list of tasks and behaviors in which you will become more trustworthy. The list might range from basic tasks, such as taking out the trash as promised to repaying large sums of money in a timely manner.  

• Respect the property of others. Consider any complaints you may have received in the past about using another person's belongings, parking in someone else's parking spot or littering on another person's property. Make a concerted effort to respect other people's belongings.  

• Listen to and respect the opinions and decisions of others. Part of possessing personal integrity is acknowledging the human rights of others. Respecting diverse thoughts and decisions is a sign of open-mindedness and integrity.  

• Help others in need. If you are in a position to contribute to the development of others or help them to do something they cannot accomplish on their own, make an effort to assist.  

• Assess your progress. Developing personal integrity is a trial and error process that requires persistent effort. Ask yourself on a daily or weekly basis if you are making progress.  

• Enlist the help of others. Coaches, colleagues, relatives and friends who know you well and have your best interest at heart can assist your progress by providing objective feedback on a daily basis about the personal changes you are making.   

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Being Honest With Others

People often struggle with how to be honest with someone without sounding too negative.

Honesty is important. I believe we need to learn to acknowledge both the “positive” and “negative” that exist in the world – but we have to learn to do that while also not feeding into the negativity itself.

Sometimes it is appropriate to express concern for someone – maybe they are adopting unhealthy habits, or they are making relationship mistakes, or they aren’t making a good decision in their career, or whatever. If you want to motivate someone to change, you need to be kind and gentle when addressing things.

A good friend needs to be honest, and that sometimes means touching on subjects that aren’t always very comfortable to talk about. At the same time, we need to do it in a healthy and respectful way.

Being honest about negative things takes a lot of caution and skill.

Here are some tips on how to be honest with someone:

• Look at the situation from their perspective before you do anything.
• Ask yourself if this is something that really needs to be said. Are you telling them anything they don’t know or haven’t acknowledged?
• Choose your words carefully – say it to yourself before you say it out-loud. How does it sound?
• Don’t insult, blame, exaggerate, or be judgmental. Use a calm and respectful tone while describing the problem.
• Do it in private. You don’t want the person to feel like they are being pressured by a bunch of people all at once.
• Always offer a solution. Don’t just state a problem if you don’t have some good advice to go with it.
• Admit you could be wrong. This is just your opinion; the person doesn’t have to agree with you.
• Let it go if you notice the person is responding negatively toward it. Don’t persist if they aren’t interested in talking about it.
• Go back to being a good friend again. Don’t make it awkward.

You’ve probably experienced some of your own times when you’ve been the product of negative criticism. Maybe the person had a good point, but it was lost on you because of the way they delivered it. Try your best not to create that experience for someone else. Always think about how you would like to be treated and do the same for others.

The highest compact we can make with our fellow is - "Let there be truth between us two forevermore."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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