Being Honest With Others



People often struggle with how to be honest with someone without sounding too negative.

Honesty is important. I believe we need to learn to acknowledge both the “positive” and “negative” that exist in the world – but we have to learn to do that while also not feeding into the negativity itself.

Sometimes it is appropriate to express concern for someone – maybe they are adopting unhealthy habits, or they are making relationship mistakes, or they aren’t making a good decision in their career, or whatever. If you want to motivate someone to change, you need to be kind and gentle when addressing things.

A good friend needs to be honest, and that sometimes means touching on subjects that aren’t always very comfortable to talk about. At the same time, we need to do it in a healthy and respectful way.

Being honest about negative things takes a lot of caution and skill.

Here are some tips on how to be honest with someone:
  • Look at the situation from their perspective before you do anything.
  • Ask yourself if this is something that really needs to be said. Are you telling them anything they don’t know or haven’t acknowledged?
  • Choose your words carefully – say it to yourself before you say it out-loud. How does it sound?
  • Don’t insult, blame, exaggerate, or be judgmental. Use a calm and respectful tone while describing the problem.
  • Do it in private. You don’t want the person to feel like they are being pressured by a bunch of people all at once.
  • Always offer a solution. Don’t just state a problem if you don’t have some good advice to go with it.
  • Admit you could be wrong. This is just your opinion; the person doesn’t have to agree with you.
  • Let it go if you notice the person is responding negatively toward it. Don’t persist if they aren’t interested in talking about it.
  • Go back to being a good friend again. Don’t make it awkward.

You’ve probably experienced some of your own times when you’ve been the product of negative criticism. Maybe the person had a good point, but it was lost on you because of the way they delivered it. Try your best not to create that experience for someone else. Always think about how you would like to be treated and do the same for others.


The highest compact we can make with our fellow is - "Let there be truth between us two forevermore."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


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How Personal Accountability Improves Your Life



When you’re personally accountable, you take ownership of situations and see them through.


Personal accountability is being willing to answer for the outcomes resulting from your choices, behaviors, and actions. When you’re personally accountable, you take ownership of situations that you’re involved in. You see them through, and you take responsibility for what happens – good or bad. You don’t blame others if things go wrong. Instead, you do your best to make things right.


Sometimes it can be tough to take personal accountability. However, you'll find that it offers many advantages.


First, you’re likely to have healthier relationships with your friends, family, and colleagues. A study found that children who were encouraged to take personal responsibility for their actions also had more positive social interactions.


Accountability also builds trust within teams and organizations, because people know that they can depend on each other. Leaders who are accountable are more likely to be trusted and respected, because people know that they will keep their word.


Personal accountability can save time and money, too. People who take responsibility for their actions speak up, and they look for solutions when there's a problem. This not only prevents the situation getting worse, but it stops costs and delays from escalating.


Last, personal accountability can boost your chances of promotion. When you show senior colleagues that you’re dependable, you mark yourself out as someone with leadership potential.



How to Be More Accountable


Personal accountability isn’t a trait that people are born with, it’s a way of living that you can learn. Use the strategies below to become more accountable.


Know Your Role - It’s hard to be personally accountable if you're not clear what you’re responsible for.



If this is the case for you, ask your boss to provide a job description that sets out your tasks clearly. If responsibilities are unclear within the team, ask your manager to outline who is responsible for different team tasks, and to share this information with everyone involved.


Be Honest - Success in life only comes when you’re completely honest with yourself, and with others. This means setting aside your pride, and admitting when you’ve made a mistake.


So, tune into your "gut feelings" when things are difficult, and learn to ask for help if you’re struggling, so that you don’t let others down.


Honesty is always the best policy, but don’t use it to blame others, or to make excuses. Instead, focus on your own role in a situation, and think about how you can resolve the problem.


Say Sorry - Accountability doesn’t stop with honesty. If something has gone wrong and you were responsible, then you need to apologize.


Focus on making amends when you apologize – show what you’ll do to make the situation right. This allows everyone involved to move on, and helps them focus on the end goal, rather than the problem.


Also sometimes we must become aware of the legal implications of saying sorry: in some countries and states, this can be taken as an admission of liability.Take advice from your boss or a legal professional if you need to apologize on behalf of your organization.


Use Time Wisely - Procrastination is a common way to avoid responsibility, as it delays dealing with a problem, meaning that someone else may solve it instead. Your colleagues may feel that they can’t rely on you, and this will affect your professional reputation.


You can overcome procrastination by identifying why you do it. Is the task dull? Do you lack information or resources? Or is there some other cause? Once you understand why you put things off, you can take steps to fix the problem.

Next, practice good time management, so that you make time for what’s important. Use tools such as the Urgent/Important Matrix or Action Programs to manage your time more efficiently.


Don't Over Commit - When you take on too much, something will eventually fall through the cracks. That means that you've let someone down.


So, before you agree to a new task, think carefully about your schedule and whether you'll be able to fulfill the task to the best of your ability.


If you're not sure that you can complete it, say "yes" to the person and "no" to the task so that you maintain a strong relationship and a good reputation.


Make Changes - Accountability can open up powerful learning opportunities. When something hasn’t gone to plan, ask for feedback, and look for ways to do things differently in the future.


Reflect on your actions, too: spend some time at the end of each day running through these simple questions: What could I have done differently today? How can I build this change into my job from now on?


In time, you’ll build new skills and better ways to deal with difficult situations.

In some failing organizations, managers who avoid being accountable can get ahead, while those who take responsibility may be ejected if some small thing goes wrong.


If your organization has this type of culture, then it may be time to become accountable, and find a new role in a better organization.



So remember…When you’re personally accountable, you take ownership of what happens as a result of your choices and actions. You don’t blame others or make excuses, and you do what you can to make amends when things go wrong.


To become more accountable, make sure that you're clear about your roles and responsibilities. Be honest with yourself and others, so you can admit when you’re wrong, apologize, and move on.


Make the most of your time, and manage it carefully so that you don't take on too much.


Think carefully about situations where you didn’t take responsibility but should have. These mistakes and failures can be valuable teaching tools, if you have the courage to learn from them.


Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with the tools you need to excel in life! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a free session at www.denisedema.com today!




 

Create the Best Environment for Success



Top of Form
Success in any area of life never happens in a complete vacuum. Often it is just as much dependent on an individual’s will-power and intelligence as it is on their environment and outside circumstances.

To find happiness and success, you therefore need to pay attention and take some control over the type of environments you are surrounding yourself in on a daily basis; even the strongest and brightest of minds will find it difficult to achieve their goals if they are in a completely wrong environment for them. This is because every aspect of your external life has some influence over your internal thoughts and behaviors, especially the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis, and the type of places where you spend most of your time.

Time to look at the people you surround yourself with…..

The first main aspect of our environment that influences our success is the people we surround ourselves with on a daily basis.

For example, a recent study published in a 2013 issue of Psychological Science found that surrounding yourself with friends who are more self-disciplined can also help you become more self-disciplined. This is just one of many examples of how our social network can have an influence over our own behavior and goal-seeking.

It fits well with other research that shows if you hang around people who are unhealthy; it’s more likely you will become unhealthy on some level. And if you hang around with people who are lazy and don’t study for class, it’s likely you’ll end up with similar grades as them too. 

More and more scientific evidence is beginning to show that we become a reflection of the types of people we hang out with the most. This social influence affects every area of our lives: at home, at work, at school, at a party, or wherever.

So take a moment to think about some of your own personal goals and values. Are there any people in your life who are currently holding you back from achieving them? Be honest. 

Instead of spending time with people who are unhappy in life, spend time with people who make you love life and motivate you to improve yourself for the better. That to me is one of the most important characteristics in a healthy relationship. It’s also essential to achieving success. If you have the right people in your life, it’ll be easy to find that extra boost of support when you really need it.

Think about the work environment you spend your time at……

The second main aspect of our environment that influences our success is the places we spend most of our time at.

For example, one important factor that has shown to increase productivity and happiness is giving people some freedom to design their own workplace.
Taking ownership over where you spend your time allows you to choose an environment that motivates and inspires you. A good environment for success should keep your senses stimulated and awake while you work on your goals, while not being too distracting. 

I work with a lot of entrepreneurs who are challenged to stay organized and motivated when working from home. One specific thing you could do if you love the outdoors is to put scenic pictures, plants or a fish tank in your office to surround yourself with nature more. There have been countless studies showing how exposing ourselves to nature can improve focus, minimize stress, and boost cognitive ability.

Another thing you can do is decorating your workspace with motivational posters, quotes and affirmations. These can be great resources to have around the office when you need something to lift your mood. Find images that are visually appealing to you, with designs and colors that make you feel good and set the right tone for you and your goals.

Often times when working for large organizations we can lose a sense of our personal identity. Your office is usually the one place you have some freedom to express yourself, so create a work environment that works for you – something that reflects some of your own values and interests, and something that motivates and inspires you. Pictures of loved ones always make people feel happy.

You can also try changing your workspace around every few months or so to keep it fresh and interesting. On the surface it may not seem like a big deal, but remember this is the place you work at every day, so it’s going to have an influence on your success and inspiration whether you realize it or not. You might as well make it as positive as possible.

It’s about choosing an environment that brings out the best in you……..
At the end of the day, you can’t meet your full potential for success unless you find an environment that brings out the very best in you.

Try to become more aware of the people and places you interact with on a daily basis. Are they encouraging your success or discouraging it? How can you make some changes to your environment so that it better serves you and your goals?
Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com