There is wisdom in knowing what you don’t know!

  There’s an important kind of wisdom in knowing what you don’t know.

Too often we fall into the delusion of thinking we know a lot more than we really do, commonly known as “illusory superiority.”

This can often make us stubborn in our beliefs and unwilling to accept new information. Ultimately, it stagnates our growth and inhibits development.

Recognizing what you don’t know actually puts you in a unique place of power. It can improve your choices in life and career, because it’s an honest view of your knowledge and capabilities, as well as your ignorance and limitations.

When you know that you don’t know something, there are a range of things you can do to improve the situation:

·       Knowing what you don’t know teaches you what areas you need to seek more information in.

·       Knowing what you don’t know gives you the opportunity to refer to someone else who can help you.

·       Knowing what you don’t know allows you to step back before making a hasty decision.

Understanding the limitations of your knowledge puts you at an advantage from people who overestimate their knowledge or aren’t aware of their own ignorance. This isn’t a negative thing, this is about being honest with yourself which means acknowledging both your strengths and your weaknesses.

To know more about what you don’t know, always be willing to test your beliefs and assumptions, however certain you may be that they are true.

It’s important to challenge your beliefs to see if they are backed by some amount of evidence, logic, and/or personal experience.

We can begin challenging our beliefs by asking ourselves questions, such as:

    “What caused me to form this belief? Where did I learn this?”

    “What kind of evidence would help support this belief as true?”

    “What kind of evidence would help support this belief as false?”

    “Are there alternative beliefs that may be just as valid, if not more?”

    “What’s one thing I don’t know that would be really useful in this situation?”

    “Does this belief conflict with any other beliefs I hold?”

Questions like these will give you some idea on the limitations of your beliefs and knowing what you know vs. what you don’t know.

If you are willing to keep an open mind about your beliefs and the possibility that you don’t have all the facts, you will be much better off than if you were to just take everything you believe as complete truth.

There is wisdom in knowing what you don’t know. Approach your beliefs with honesty and humility, and that will provide you with the flexibility you need to begin building a life of genuine happiness.

Achieve Your Full Potential! Book a complimentary session at Business and Life Management Coaching to get the tools and support you need to excel in your professional and personal life.

Having Presence and Charisma are Vital in Management!

What makes people interesting? Those with presence seem to create a halo effect around them.  There’s a sense of passion, confidence, enthusiasm, authenticity, captivation, and comfortableness about them.   So we say, “They have a presence.”

Try these habits that make both introverts and extroverts interesting:

1. Ditch the dominant demeanor. We were taught to shake with a firm hand and stand tall. But overdone nonverbal confidence makes the engagement all about you –which counter intuitively, makes you uninteresting.  Avoid the power poses.  Put aside the posture of self-importance or status and display approachable body language. 
   
2. Make the encounter about them. Practice the art of getting them to talk about themselves. Use your curiosity, politeness, and social graces. Ask how they did it, or what they learned about it, or what advice they would share. When you respect another person’s opinion, you are respecting the other person.
3. Be real. Allow yourself to be impressed. Compliment in a genuine manner. When you hear of an accomplishment, acknowledge it, inquire further and show interest. Engage more. People are temporarily impressed with the artificial, but sincerely like the authentic.
4. Give more than you get. Don’t underestimate the value of asking for nothing. People know when you are playing the networking card.  The hard charging, always-on-kind-of-person creates a desire to look for the exit routes. If you need something, give something first. The most interesting people focus on what they can do for you.
5. Make a great “last” impression. Instead of ending with, “nice to meet you” shake hands and say, “I really enjoyed talking with you.” Make eye contact with a genuine smile. Self-promotion takes very little self-awareness. Being interesting and having a sense of presence is built on being self-aware, not self-absorbed.

Effective managers and supervisors have this sense of presence.  When having a one-on-one work on these 5 habits.  Let your direct report tell you what’s going well. Find out where they are challenged and ask them where they need your support. Help them become productive and spend time showing interest in their progress.

Charisma and presence are vital in management and it all starts with your habits and how you present yourself to others.

A great read called "The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism" by Olivia Fox Cabane will further explore these skills.

Achieve your full potential! Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with tools to help you excel in life. Complimentary Coaching Session at: http://www.denisedema.com/

Learn to Get Past Being Betrayed

After being betrayed, most of us want two things, usually at the same time. We want to wound the person who hurt us—as deeply and as excruciatingly—as we've been wounded, and we want to rise above the situation and offer that person forgiveness. But neither of these tactics work. Wounding words tend to boomerang and make you feel as terrible as the person you wanted to hurt. Forgiveness, especially if halfhearted, tends to come off as condescension.

There are actions, though, that you can take to can heal yourself. Every hurt has its own story, and so does every healing. But we can say this: You can heal yourself when you've filled the hole left behind by a betrayal, and you can heal the other person when you sincerely drop the need for revenge. 

Remember, the only betrayals that inflict damage are the ones where an intimate bond has been torn. When you build trust with another person, you are able to feel their emotions as keenly as you feel your own. If you have experienced such bonding, you know that it is a kind of higher reality—and when that bond is ripped apart, it's as if you've lost part of yourself. Then the self blame begins so how can you get out of torment and find yourself again?

1. Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.

2. Don't indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don't act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are—or better.

3. Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don't rely simply on letting time do it for you.

4. Feel the hole inside and grieve over it—but promise yourself that you will fill it.

5. Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.

6. Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don't fixate on the past or what might have been.

7. Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.

It requires a good deal of objectivity to set about following such a program. Nothing is easier, of course, than doing the opposite, for example:

1. Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in our self-righteous pain.

2. Turning your pain into an ongoing drama.

3. Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan for getting better.

4. Mourning your loss forever. Not looking honestly at the hole inside yourself because it is too painful or you feel too weak.

5. Talking to the wrong people about your woes. Seeking out those who keep agreeing with you and amplifying our resentment by egging you on.

6. Idealizing the past. Obsessing over the good times that are gone.

7. Letting self-pity and regret dominate your state of mind.

This kind of behavior only makes a betrayal linger.

If you find yourself in the position of being the wronged party, sit down with these two seven-step programs in front of you. With a pen and paper, write down all the ways you are following the healing program and then the ways in which you are sticking with victimization one. Be candid and objective. It is healing in itself to write down how you are really doing, because the key to psychological healing is self-awareness.

The two lists—and choices—may be in stark contrast, but real life is blurry around the edges. One day you are on the right track; the next day you are a train wreck. The key is to keep being kind to yourself. You know you are being kind when you begin to feel kind toward the one who betrayed you. I know that sounds impossible when your pain is acute, but you can't be kind to yourself unless that feeling of ease, acceptance, tolerance and non judgment extends beyond your self-interest. Otherwise, kindness is simply a mask for egotism. The idea of "I'm getting better; I hope he rots in hell" is an unresolvable contradiction.

In the end, when you reach that state of being healed, you will see how fortunate you are. As horrible as betrayal is, forgiveness belongs to those who know how to love in the first place, and you are one of them.  

Source: Deepak Chopra

Practicing Humility in Leadership

"Humility is about being content to let others discover the layers of our talents, without having to boast about them."

Words have enormous power. They can make us erupt into laughter or bring tears to our eyes. They can influence, inspire, manipulate and shock. They can build and destroy.

Some words have different effects on different people. One such word is humility. It is one of those words that are seldom in neutral gear. Some love the word and all it stands for. Some almost fear it and interpret it synonymous with lack of self-confidence or timidity.

The dictionary defines humility as modesty, lacking pretense, not believing that you are superior to others. An ancillary definition includes: "Having a lowly opinion of oneself, meekness". The word "humility" in the context of leadership  Jim Collins mentioned it in his seminal work Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't. In this book, Collins examined companies that went from good to great by sustaining 15-year cumulative stock returns at or below the general stock market, and after a transition point, cumulative returns at least three times the market over the next 15 years.

Among the many characteristics that distinguished these companies from others is that they all had a Level 5 leader.

Level 5 leaders direct their ego away from themselves to the larger goal of leading their company to greatness. These leaders are a complex, paradoxical mix of intense professional will and extreme personal humility. They will create superb results but shun public adulation, and are never boastful. They are described as modest. An example of such a leader who epitomized humility is David Packard, the co-founder of Hewlett-Packard, who, in Jim Collins' words, defined himself as a HP man first and a CEO second. He was a man of the people, practicing management by walking around. Shunning all manner of publicity, Packard is quoted as saying: "You shouldn't gloat about anything you've done; you ought to keep going and find something better to do."

Another great leader is Patrick Daniel, CEO of North American energy and pipeline company Enbridge, who espouses two leadership attributes: determination to create results and humility, shifting the focus away from himself and continually recognizing the contributions of others. "I have learned through the lives of great leaders," he said, "that greatness comes from humility and being at times, self-effacing."

Clearly these leaders, and many others like them, don't espouse the meaning of humility as "meek". On the contrary, it is a source of their strength. But the notion of being self-effacing is one that we struggle with in our competitive culture, prescribing that we take every opportunity to toot our own horn, and that we don't dare leave the house without our dynamic elevator speech all rehearsed.

We often confuse humility with timidity. Humility is not clothing ourselves in an attitude of self-abasement or self-denigration. Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth – but without arrogance – it is the antithesis of hubris, that excessive, arrogant pride which often leads to the derailment of some corporate heroes, as it does with the downfall of the tragic hero in Greek drama. It's about a quiet confidence without the need for a meretricious selling of our wares. It's about being content to let others discover the layers of our talents without having to boast about them. It's a lack of arrogance, not a lack of aggressiveness in the pursuit of achievement.

An interesting dichotomy is that, often, the higher people rise, the more they have accomplished, the higher the humility index. Those who achieve the most brag the least, and the more secure they are in themselves, the more humble they are. "True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes". (Edward Frederick Halifax). We have all come across people like that and feel admiration for them.

There is also an understated humility of every day people we work with who have the ability to get the job done without drawing attention to themselves. Witness the employee who is working at his computer into the late hours, purely motivated by a keen sense of duty, the executive assistant who stays after 5:30pm on a Friday night in an empty office to await a courier, or the manager who quietly cancels an important personal event to fly out of town to attend to the company's business. This is akin to the philanthropist who gives an anonymous donation.

Humility is also a meta-virtue. It crosses into an array of principles. For example, we can safely declare that there cannot be authenticity without humility. Why? Because, there is always a time in a leader's journey when one will be in a situation of not having all the answers. Admitting this and seeking others' input requires some humility.

Another mark of a leader who practices humility is his or her treatment of others. Such leaders treat everyone with respect regardless of position. Years ago, I came across this reference: the sign of a gentleman is how he treats those who can be of absolutely no use to him.

Something interesting happens, too, when we approach situations from a perspective of humility: it opens us up to possibilities, as we choose open-mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view. We spend more time in that wonderful space of the beginner's mind, willing to learn from what others have to offer. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being perfect and we enjoy being in the moment.

Here are a few suggestions on practicing humility:

1. There are times when swallowing one's pride is particularly difficult and any intentions of humility fly out the window, as we get engaged in a contest of perfection, each side seeking to look good. If you find yourself in such no-win situations, consider developing some strategies to ensure that the circumstances don't lead you to lose your grace. Try this sometimes: just stop talking and allow the other person to be in the limelight. There is something very liberating in this strategy.
2. Here are three magical words that will produce more peace of mind than a week at an expensive retreat: "You are right."
3. Catch yourself if you benignly slip into over preaching or coaching without permission – is zeal to impose your point of view overtaking discretion? Is your correction of others reflective of your own needs?
4. Seek others' input on how you are showing up in your leadership path. Ask: "How am I doing?" It takes humility to ask such a question. And even more humility to consider the answer.
5. Encourage the practice of humility in your company through your own example: every time you share credit for successes with others, you reinforce the ethos for your constituents. Consider mentoring or coaching emerging leaders on this key attribute of leadership.

There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretence: it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages more openness and paradoxically, it enhances one's self-confidence. It opens a window to a higher self. For me, it replaces "windowsill" as the most beautiful word in the English language.

Content by Bruna Martinuzzi. 

Why building rapport is so important to all professional relationships.

If you want to create superior relationships with your clients you must learn how to: Establish Rapport; Often confused with being liked, rapport has little to do with being liked but everything to do with connecting with your client on a level where you understand your client on both an intellectual and emotional level. The dictionary defines rapport as a “harmonious mutual understanding,” a meeting of the minds. Rapport may encourage the client to like you, but by no means is it necessary and certainly at times, rapport is present even while being liked is absent. Building rapport demands you focus your attention on your prospect or client, instead of what you want to get out of the session, what you’re going to say next, or how you’re going to get the signature on the contract. I’ve found that basic actions are the most effective at building rapport. Really listening to the client, hearing what they say instead of what I want them to say, making sure that I understand what they really mean, responding to the question they asked instead of the question I wanted them to ask, and answering their questions openly and honestly. In addition, asking questions that not only allow them to fully state their wants, needs, goals, and opinions, but that encourage them to do so.  Building rapport is about communication. Real skill comes in learning to verbally communicate, learning to listen while encouraging open dialogue and discussion. Learning to accept different points of view and learning how to give guidance and direction in a manner that supports the client will move them in the right direction rather than creating a chasm between yourself and your client.  Establish Trust; Trust, even more than rapport is critical for successful long-term client relationships. The dictionary defines trust as “a firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character or a person or thing.” “Trust implies depth and assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence.” Trust is difficult to establish and easy to lose. Trust for most people isn’t built on words alone but on a combination of words and actions. For most clients, trust isn’t established during a single meeting or even over a few meetings. Trust is earned by having one’s actions match their words. Building trust, just like building rapport, is an activity. It doesn’t just happen, it’s created by actively doing the things that build trust. Being honest in words and deeds, by being timely in doing exactly what you say you’re going to do and by putting your client’s good ahead of yours. If you really want to create strong, lasting relationships with your clients that will be the foundation of your business, that will generate strong client referrals for you, and that will produce business year after year, invest time and effort in learning the secrets of building rapport and trust. Don’t worry about being liked, being cute, or being their pal. Concentrate on being their trusted advisor, the one who really understands their wants and needs and who they know unselfishly pursues the best possible solution for them. That’s the secret to great client relationships.  My coaching and consulting business has been built solely on referrals for thirty years now through building rapport, establishing trust and providing result driven strategies within each engagement. I am viewed as a strategic business advisor who is truly invested in my clients long term success. When you master developing professional relationships you find that clients repeatedly seek you out instead of the other way around, and your business will continue to grow through those established relationships. Remember, "The key to longevity in business is having clients who create clients."  Achieve your full potential and book a complimentary session today at Business and Life Management Coaching