Gain Coping Skills During Challenging Times

Change is inevitable. Sometimes it can be positive – business growth or a pay raise and other times it can be painful – losing your job or a personal loss. Often the hardest changes to understand and adjust to are the ones that are unexpected and out of our control – a recession, a global pandemic, or a major disaster. Changes of this magnitude can be difficult to come to terms with, but you'll often find that your experience of them can be made better or worse depending on your reaction and your attitude. Lets explore the different ways in which people tend to approach change, the reactions that you might have, and how to best cope with it.

How People Cope With Change

People tend to cope with change in one of two ways:

1. Escape coping.
2. Control coping.

Escape coping is based on avoidance. You take deliberate actions to avoid the difficulties of the change. For instance, you might deliberately miss training for a new working process, or show up too late to attend a meeting about an upcoming restructure. Maybe you'll trash letters from your HR department about layoffs, or ignore calls from a co-worker who's just got the promotion that you wanted. Some people even take refuge in alcohol or drugs.

Control coping, on the other hand, is positive and proactive. You refuse to behave like a "victim" of change. Instead, you manage your feelings, get support, and do whatever you can to be part of the change

In reality, most of us respond to major change with a mixture of escape and control coping. But control coping is generally the better option, as it is impossible to avoid the reality of change for long without becoming exhausted or damaging your reputation.

Stages of Reacting to Change

Change can be difficult because it can challenge how we think, how we work, the quality of our relationships, and even our physical security or sense of identity. We usually react to change in four stages:

1. Shock and disorientation.
2. Anger and other emotional responses.
3. Coming to terms with the "new normal."
4. Acceptance and moving forward.

But our progression through these stages is rarely simple or linear. We might get stuck in one stage, or advance quickly but then regress. And there is often no clear-cut, decisive move from one stage to another. Shock can change to anger, for example, with no obvious break between the two. Here are the four stages in more detail.

Stage 1: Shock and Disorientation

Experiencing a sudden, big change can feel like a physical blow. For example, a global financial crisis may result in significant losses and redundancies. This may sweep away roles and relationships that you've cultivated for years, leading to instability. Or, a sudden bereavement or health issue may change your fundamental outlook on life.

In the initial stage of coping, you'll likely feel confused and uncertain. Your first priority should be to seek reliable information and to make sense of the situation.

Ask for updates from your manager and HR department, research other people's similar experiences, and talk through your concerns with family and friends. If available, contact another relevant support group. Be sure to distance yourself from gossip and rumors – they are often baseless and negative, and will likely cause you more pain and anxiety, not less.

Start to objectively examine the level of threat that you're facing. Are there potential benefits that you've overlooked? Might an enforced change in your job role allow you to learn a valuable new skill, or to work with new people, for example? You'll likely not reach any firm conclusions at this stage, but try to remain as positive as you can.

Stage 2: Anger and Other Emotional Responses

Initial disorientation at the prospect of change usually gives way to a wave of strong emotions. You might be angry about a downgrade of your role, or fearful about the impact that a layoff will have on your family.
Even if the change in your circumstances is something that you've instigated yourself, you may find yourself swinging between optimism and pessimism. This is quite natural, and it's a normal step on the way to resolving your situation.

It's important to avoid suppressing your emotions, but it's equally key to manage them. So, acknowledge the way you feel, but be sure to assess what you can express openly (such as general comments about a project's progress) and what you should probably keep to yourself (opinions about a colleague' performance, for example). Don't be too surprised or embarrassed if you find yourself in tears at work. This is a natural reaction to the uncertainty and confusion that often follows a sudden change. One way of coping with change is to build up your resilience skills.

Stage 3: Coming to Terms With the "New Normal"

During this stage, your focus will likely start to shift away from what you've lost and toward what's new. This process may be slow, and you might be reluctant to acknowledge it, but it's an essential part of coping with change. The key here is to make a commitment to move on. Start to explore more deeply what the change means. Your instinct may be to behave resentfully and to be unwilling to cooperate, but this may cause yourself and others harm. So, search for and emphasize the positive aspects of your developing situation. At the same time, be patient.  Remember, coming to terms with change is a gradual process.

It's vital that you avoid pretending that everything's OK if it's not. So, if you find yourself regressing to Stage 2, give yourself time to recover. Use affirmations to improve your self-confidence, and ask for help from friends or a mentor.

Stage 4: Acceptance and Moving Forward

This is the stage when you come to fully accept your changed circumstances. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up entirely on your former situation. You'll have valuable memories, skills and relationships to carry forward, but the point is that you are moving on, whether in your career or in your wider life.
Draw up a personal mission statement and a legacy statement to stay on track. Then set yourself goals and create an action plan to make the most of your new situation.

Summary

Change comes in many forms, but leaving behind what we know and are used to is almost always stressful, even if we've made the change ourselves. Coping strategies generally fall into two categories: "escape" and "control." Most people use a mixture of both to cope with change, but control strategies are generally a healthier way to work through change and offer the greatest long-term benefits. People are more likely to progress through these stages successfully if they acknowledge their feelings, explore the facts, stay positive, draw on their support networks, and give themselves time to adapt.     Source:Mindtools

 

Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with tools to help you excel in life. Book your complimentary Coaching Session and get started today! http://www.denisedema.com/

Empowering Womens Health

May is the month that we celebrate Mother's Day and it encourages us to think of all the women that have had an impact in our lives. Mothers have the innate ability to nurture, love and mentor children to live healthy and happy lives. So it is a great time to appreciate the contribution these women have made and to look at how we can improve ourselves, as well as to empower other women to live healthy lives. Each and every one of us has the ability to choose a healthy lifestyle. Let's start by taking a look at what we could be doing now that can change our daily routines and encourage other women to do the same. We can start by defining what a healthy life style is and how we can become empowered to make a difference in our lives.

Physical health is made up of many things, but includes eating right, exercising and eliminating bad habits like smoking and drinking. There are many diets, exercise and self-help books out there that teach you what to do in order to lose weight and stay physically fit and all of them have valuable information. What isn't so prevalent in these books is the understanding that the way you think about your health and the physical habits that have formed as a result, have more to do with the life you are living now than new information anyone can give you. Ask yourself, what is the difference between waking up and eating a low calorie-high protein breakfast, exercising or stretching to release the endorphins, and then setting out to get ready for your day? Or, waking up and not eating any breakfast, not doing any form of exercise, and pretty much following your daily habits which are more comfortable? The difference is how you think about it, what you do about it, and how you process the habits that you already have. Of course you know what to do, but do you do it, and why not?

You have to start somewhere and you might need someone to help you change your physical behavior to break some habits. A neighbor, friend, family member or personal coach can motivate you to change, even if it's starting with the basics like eating breakfast to give the body fuel instead of a cup of coffee and running out the door. One minor change can affect the rest of your day. Taking a brisk walk in the morning, riding your bicycle daily, going to the gym, joining a yoga class and being conscious that a good night's sleep is imperative to how your body functions each day, is the beginning. Eliminating distractions like watching TV when you are in bed will determine the type of sleep you are going to have, which in return determines the day you will have to follow. It's all is connected so being aware that this is the first step in changing what does not benefit you. Even relaxing with breathing exercises will help you on a daily basis to release the stress that is stored in your body. These are simple things that will start you on a path to allow your body to function better, but it is up to you to start. How you change your habits will depend on you. What will motivate you is different for each individual but attainable if you start with changing your mind.

Mental health is a broad term, but for most of us it is something we take for granted. If you start to become aware of your daily thought patterns, you will then understand what level of energy has to be put forward in order to attain peace and tranquility. Becoming angry everyday is the first indication that you are harboring negative feelings that often reflect how you treat others. Daily interaction with your children, co workers, family members and even strangers should not be confrontational if you are living in a peaceful state. It all gets a little challenging when someone puts negative energy in your way, for instance, when you are in traffic, or standing in a long line of people, or even when someone judges you, but you do have the choice to let it be their negative energy without internalizing it to be yours. Why isn't it just that easy to be happy each and every day no matter what crosses your path? ...well it really is, but because you feed into what other people do and say, it becomes difficult to separate your path from theirs. Simply put, you have the ability to allow their negative energy to stay with them, and to proceed with the positive thought processes that honor and value your well-being.

The first step in gaining clarity and living a happy, peaceful life is to eliminate tolerations. Think right now about what you tolerate on a daily basis and from whom, that does not bring positive energy to your life. Just look around, a lot of people compromise their happiness, but it doesn't have to be that way. Seeking validation from others should not be what defines you. You define you, and the right thought process and coping skills to achieve mental health can be developed with a commitment to that goal. Those skills will allow you to make better choices on a daily basis, which will lead to living a healthy lifestyle.

In general, women lead very busy lives and are faced with a variety of demands on their time. Compromises are made to their health. Let's face it, these demands call for a whole new level of effectiveness. It begins with good health and a sense of mental well-being. The need to be calm, focused, resolute, energetic, strong, patient and confident is more important than ever in juggling a home life and career. Taking time to focus on personal well-being is something we all easily overlook in our fast-paced lives but it definitely needs to be a priority. In today's culture, extended youth and health have become of crucial importance and we must put greater attention on our personal care and work toward a daily routine of health and strength. Living a healthy life is within our grasp. For many of us it sometimes means changing the way we live and think. You have the power to empower, and it all starts with you!

"The body is the servant of the mind." -James Allen

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit www.denisedema.com