Gain Coping Skills During Challenging Times

Change is inevitable. Sometimes it can be positive – business growth or a pay raise and other times it can be painful – losing your job or a personal loss. Often the hardest changes to understand and adjust to are the ones that are unexpected and out of our control – a recession, a global pandemic, or a major disaster. Changes of this magnitude can be difficult to come to terms with, but you'll often find that your experience of them can be made better or worse depending on your reaction and your attitude. Lets explore the different ways in which people tend to approach change, the reactions that you might have, and how to best cope with it.

How People Cope With Change

People tend to cope with change in one of two ways:

1. Escape coping.
2. Control coping.

Escape coping is based on avoidance. You take deliberate actions to avoid the difficulties of the change. For instance, you might deliberately miss training for a new working process, or show up too late to attend a meeting about an upcoming restructure. Maybe you'll trash letters from your HR department about layoffs, or ignore calls from a co-worker who's just got the promotion that you wanted. Some people even take refuge in alcohol or drugs.

Control coping, on the other hand, is positive and proactive. You refuse to behave like a "victim" of change. Instead, you manage your feelings, get support, and do whatever you can to be part of the change

In reality, most of us respond to major change with a mixture of escape and control coping. But control coping is generally the better option, as it is impossible to avoid the reality of change for long without becoming exhausted or damaging your reputation.

Stages of Reacting to Change

Change can be difficult because it can challenge how we think, how we work, the quality of our relationships, and even our physical security or sense of identity. We usually react to change in four stages:

1. Shock and disorientation.
2. Anger and other emotional responses.
3. Coming to terms with the "new normal."
4. Acceptance and moving forward.

But our progression through these stages is rarely simple or linear. We might get stuck in one stage, or advance quickly but then regress. And there is often no clear-cut, decisive move from one stage to another. Shock can change to anger, for example, with no obvious break between the two. Here are the four stages in more detail.

Stage 1: Shock and Disorientation

Experiencing a sudden, big change can feel like a physical blow. For example, a global financial crisis may result in significant losses and redundancies. This may sweep away roles and relationships that you've cultivated for years, leading to instability. Or, a sudden bereavement or health issue may change your fundamental outlook on life.

In the initial stage of coping, you'll likely feel confused and uncertain. Your first priority should be to seek reliable information and to make sense of the situation.

Ask for updates from your manager and HR department, research other people's similar experiences, and talk through your concerns with family and friends. If available, contact another relevant support group. Be sure to distance yourself from gossip and rumors – they are often baseless and negative, and will likely cause you more pain and anxiety, not less.

Start to objectively examine the level of threat that you're facing. Are there potential benefits that you've overlooked? Might an enforced change in your job role allow you to learn a valuable new skill, or to work with new people, for example? You'll likely not reach any firm conclusions at this stage, but try to remain as positive as you can.

Stage 2: Anger and Other Emotional Responses

Initial disorientation at the prospect of change usually gives way to a wave of strong emotions. You might be angry about a downgrade of your role, or fearful about the impact that a layoff will have on your family.
Even if the change in your circumstances is something that you've instigated yourself, you may find yourself swinging between optimism and pessimism. This is quite natural, and it's a normal step on the way to resolving your situation.

It's important to avoid suppressing your emotions, but it's equally key to manage them. So, acknowledge the way you feel, but be sure to assess what you can express openly (such as general comments about a project's progress) and what you should probably keep to yourself (opinions about a colleague' performance, for example). Don't be too surprised or embarrassed if you find yourself in tears at work. This is a natural reaction to the uncertainty and confusion that often follows a sudden change. One way of coping with change is to build up your resilience skills.

Stage 3: Coming to Terms With the "New Normal"

During this stage, your focus will likely start to shift away from what you've lost and toward what's new. This process may be slow, and you might be reluctant to acknowledge it, but it's an essential part of coping with change. The key here is to make a commitment to move on. Start to explore more deeply what the change means. Your instinct may be to behave resentfully and to be unwilling to cooperate, but this may cause yourself and others harm. So, search for and emphasize the positive aspects of your developing situation. At the same time, be patient.  Remember, coming to terms with change is a gradual process.

It's vital that you avoid pretending that everything's OK if it's not. So, if you find yourself regressing to Stage 2, give yourself time to recover. Use affirmations to improve your self-confidence, and ask for help from friends or a mentor.

Stage 4: Acceptance and Moving Forward

This is the stage when you come to fully accept your changed circumstances. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up entirely on your former situation. You'll have valuable memories, skills and relationships to carry forward, but the point is that you are moving on, whether in your career or in your wider life.
Draw up a personal mission statement and a legacy statement to stay on track. Then set yourself goals and create an action plan to make the most of your new situation.

Summary

Change comes in many forms, but leaving behind what we know and are used to is almost always stressful, even if we've made the change ourselves. Coping strategies generally fall into two categories: "escape" and "control." Most people use a mixture of both to cope with change, but control strategies are generally a healthier way to work through change and offer the greatest long-term benefits. People are more likely to progress through these stages successfully if they acknowledge their feelings, explore the facts, stay positive, draw on their support networks, and give themselves time to adapt.     Source:Mindtools

 

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Develop a Healthy Mindset.....

Most people perceive they have issues that need fixing in some way in order to be successful or to be loved and appreciated for who they are. If you are one of the many striving for 'perfection' with unrealistic expectations you may experience moments of anger, frustration, even anxiousness and periods of sadness. Ask yourself the following questions to find out if you have a balanced, healthy mindset geared for your greater self-worth. If you answer no to 3 or more of these questions you might consider finding a way to shift any 'no' to 'yes' to boost your sense of self-worth and self-appreciation:

Do you know what is really important to you and how to fill your  life with actions that inspire you?

Do you understand what drives you and why and how that impacts everything you do?

Are you living a life free of shame, guilt and regret?

Are you doing what you love and loving what you do?

Do you know how to manage your emotions so that they do not control you or impact your daily life and relationships?

Do you feel everyday that you are worthy and loveable?

Do you see how all your previous challenges and self-labels have served you and your life?

Work with a Business and Life Management Coach to assist you in understanding yourself, what makes you who you are and what drives you. Learn the mechanisms of perceptions and how to dissolve the emotions standing in the way of you being grateful for you, your life and your experiences. You can manage and turn challenge to opportunity by focusing on your true power and potential. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started today!

Practicing Humility

Practicing humility makes us teachable, and therefore wiser. It makes us better listeners and therefore more valuable friends. It allows us to examine ourselves and our personal traits without shame or judgment. It helps us get to know ourselves like never before and it opens up our hearts.

If you take responsibility for your actions as actions, not as a definition of who you are. This allows you to make objective, non-judgmental observations of yourself that lead to motivated activities rather than paralysis from shame.

Humility as “a modest or low view of one’s own importance.” When we talk about humility as a spiritual principle, we’re talking about developing an honest, accurate and objective view of our importance in the universe. Humility is not low self-esteem. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. With humility, our self-esteem is not attached to our personal traits, physical appearance, wealth, shortcomings, assets or our past. Instead it is attached to the design of our creator who created us with a purpose and gives us the power to fulfill that purpose. With humility, we view ourselves as equals with other human beings.

Someone who practices humility rarely feels insecure or self-conscious. They unflinchingly take credit for that which they are responsible and give credit for that which they are not. Their self-esteem is stable and they are secure with who they are. They feel no need for competition. They learn from the opinions of others, but are not shaken by them.

How to be humble.....

Be Grateful for Your Assets. In humility, we recognize the great qualities and assets that we have, but we don’t boast about them. Instead, we are grateful for them as gifts we have been given. Think about all the things you like about yourself and those things others like about you. Do you have intelligence, motivation, charm or some other great qualities? Express gratitude for those qualities and you will find humility.

Be Grateful for Your Challenges & Shortcomings. If you struggle with feeling that you are less motivated, less attractive or less intelligent than others, be grateful for the perspective and learning experience that apparent shortcoming offers you. Life is about growth and change. Every challenge we face builds our character and our assets. When we express gratitude for the challenges we face, those challenges lose their power over our perception of ourselves and become building blocks we can grow on.

Don't Compare Yourself with Others. Human Beings are the most diverse and variable creatures on the planet. Comparing one person to another is like comparing apples to green beans. It is this uniqueness that allows us to learn and grow from one another. You were created like no one else in the universe. You were created with a purpose that is shared with no one else. When you compare yourself with someone else, you could not possibly see what God sees in you.

Be Teachable. The key to wisdom is to be teachable, to realize that you do not know everything, that many things you believe to be true may be false, and that you have much to learn from others. Practice kindness anonymously. When you practice kindness, you transcend the high-anxiety world of selfishness and experiencing the fulfilling sense of oneness with others. When you practice kindness anonymously, you share the vision of your kindness without the distractions of pride and self-importance which may result from sharing your kindness publicly.

Loosen Your Expectations. No matter how good you are at making plans or predicting outcomes, no matter how strong your belief is that something should be a certain way, life will often produce results you did not expect or did not want. When we hold tight to expectations, we become easily frustrated, disappointed, angry and humiliated. When we take ourselves and our expectations less seriously, we can more easily handle what life hands us as we are guided on our unique life journey.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com