1. They always show
they're genuinely glad to meet you. When you feel someone "gets"
you, respecting your opinion, your point of view, your experience--whatever
you're communicating--then you naturally feel more important. The other person
doesn't have to agree with you; they just have to show they respect you.
How?
They maintain eye
contact. They smile when you smile. They frown when you frown. They nod your
head when you nod. In simple, nonverbal ways, they mimic your behavior--not
slavishly, but because they're focused on what you're saying. That feedback
loop helps two people bond--and the ability to bond is the essence of
charm.
2. They sometimes
show a little vulnerability. Two Masters of the Business Universe
meet for the first time. Instantly, they play an unstated but nonetheless
obvious game of "Who's More Successful?" They work hard to one-up the
other. After all, life is about winning, right?
Charming people don't
try to win any unstated competitions with people they meet. In fact, they
actively try to lose. They're complimentary. They're impressed. They're even
willing to admit a weakness or a failure.
It's really easy. Say
you meet Admiral Trump and he says, "I just closed a fabulous deal to
build the world's best golf course on the most amazing oceanfront property on
the planet." Don't try to win. Instead say, "That's awesome. I'm
jealous. I've wanted to build a small recreation facility for years, but can't
line up the financing. How did you pull off such a huge deal?"
Charming people are
confident enough to be unafraid to show a little vulnerability. They know that
while some people may be, at least temporarily, impressed by what's artificial,
everyone sincerely likes and appreciates the genuine.
3. They consistently
search for agreement instead of contradiction. We're trained to
discuss, to challenge, to advocate for the devil, because exchanging opinions,
especially different opinions, is how we separate the wheat from the idea
chaff. Automatic agreement doesn't help.
Unfortunately, going
contrary is an easy habit to fall into. It's easy to automatically look for
points of disagreement rather than agreement. It's easy to automatically take a
different side. And it's easy to end up in what feels like an argument.
Charming people don't
actively (or unknowingly) look to disagree; they look for points of agreement.
Then, if it's appropriate, they gently share a different point of view--and in
that way, help create an outstanding conversation.
4. They (selectively)
use the power of touch. Touch can
influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing
the touching seem more attractive and friendly, and can even help you make a
sale.
For example, in one
experiment the participants tried to convey 12 different emotions by touching
another blindfolded participant on the forearm. The rate of accuracy for
perceiving emotions like fear, anger, gratitude, sympathy, love, and disgust
ranged from 43 percent to 83 percent--without a word being spoken.
Say you're
congratulating someone; shaking hands or (possibly better yet, depending on the
situation) patting them gently on the shoulder or upper arm can help reinforce
the sincerity of your words.
5. They often dine
out on their foibles. Charming people willingly admit their mistakes. They don't
mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don't mind being a source of laughter,
for others and for themselves.
And they're also not
afraid to look a little silly. Skating in a cowboy outfit may be a little
extreme, but charming people don't mind occasionally being in a situation where
they aren't at their best.
(And oddly enough,
people tend to respect them more for that--not less.)
When you own your
foibles, people don't laugh at you. They laugh with you. And they realize it's
OK to let down their own guards and meet you at a genuine level.
6. They're masters of
social jiu-jitsu. Some people have a knack for getting you to talk openly
yourself. They ask open-ended questions. They sincerely want to know what you
think, and that makes you open up to a surprising degree. You feel like the
most interesting man (or woman) in the world. And you like them for making you
feel that way.
As soon as you learn
something about someone, ask why they do it. Or how. Or what they like about
it, or what they've learned from it. Charming people ask sincere questions
that make it easy to answer in a thoughtful, introspective way. They make you
think, in a good way, about yourself, and in the process make you feel charming
too.
7. They always pass
the waiter test. Some people put on a great show in certain situations, but
they don't try nearly as hard when they think a person is beneath them. I like
to call it the waiter test: If you really want to know how an individual treats
people, take him to lunch. How he interacts with the waiter is a much better
indication of his interpersonal skills than how he interacts with you.
Charming people treat
everyone the same way: as deserving of respect and kindness.
8. They're great with
names. If
there's anything worse than that sinking feeling you get when you forget
someone's name, especially someone's name you really should remember, it's
realizing that another person has forgotten your name--and maybe doesn't even
remember who you are.
Charming people
remember names and even small details, often to a surprising degree. The fact
they remember instantly makes us feel a little prouder and a little better
about ourselves. And that makes us feel better about them.
Charming people
remember names, but...
9. They never name
drop. I
have a friend who somehow manages to squeeze the fact he once met Jeff Gordon
into every conversation. "I'm planning to weather treat my deck this
weekend," I'll say. "You know, I was sitting on my deck last weekend
listening to the race...Jeff Gordon was leading for a while but he had engine
trouble. If I know Jeff Gordon--and I do--I bet he was really
disappointed."
Charming people may
know cool people, but they don't talk about it. And that only adds to their
charm.
10. They always say
less. Charming
people already know what they know. They want to know what you know. And that
makes you feel important. Because you are!
Get on the right path
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Source: Inc
