Showing posts with label self control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self control. Show all posts

Are you connected to your emotional self?

For many of us, it can be hard to properly express our emotions. We tend to either keep our emotions bottled up and not show them to anyone, or they overflow and spill out in unhealthy and unexpected ways.

In our society, emotions are often seen as a sign of weakness. They are viewed as the opposite of “rationality” and “intelligence,” and this stigma is part of what makes it difficult for people to express their emotional self. We don’t want to be seen as weak.

However, emotions play a huge role in how we understand the world and communicate to others. It is therefore very important that we learn how to connect more with our emotional self.

Be aware of signs of emotional repression.

The first step in connecting more with your emotional self is to be aware of signs of emotional repression. One common sign that you are repressing your emotions is that your emotions often erupt unexpectedly. For example, you spend a long time not telling someone about this little thing that bothers you, and then one day you just explode at them. When you don’t allow yourself to express or release emotions in a healthy way, they can build up to a point where you can no longer control them.

Other signs of repressing your emotions include lots of stress, anxiety, fatigue, and even insomnia. Keeping emotions bottled up is draining on your body. When you try to keep your emotions all to yourself, you often feel physically worse.

Ask yourself how you feel everyday.

One simple way to connect more with your emotional self is to give time to ask yourself how you feel every day. Just spending 5-10 minutes sitting down and questioning your feelings, can make a big difference in how well connected you are to your emotional self. We often see our emotions as part of the “background” of everyday life – so taking just a bit of time and making them your main focus can be a very healthy and refreshing thing to do. And if you practice meditation, consider spending a whole session just using your emotions as the object of focus.

Don’t try to rationalize away every emotion.

Often times people who aren’t connected with their emotional self feel a constant need to “rationalize” their emotions. They can’t just “feel” for the sake of “feeling.” There needs to be a reason, a purpose, or an explanation behind every feeling they ever have. While it can be useful to analyze our emotions sometimes, it’s also nice to just let yourself experience an emotion without needing to find some underlying reason behind it. Not every emotion is going to be explainable. In fact, often times emotions express a special kind of “knowledge” about ourselves and our world that can’t be translated verbally. You need to sometimes accept emotions as a language of their own.

Talk to other people about how you feel

Emotions can be difficult to share with others, but they are still good to talk about on a regular basis.

Talking more about your feelings allows you to be honest about your emotional self, and gives others the opportunity to offer insight that you may have not considered. Many emotions are emotions driven by our relationships with other people – social emotions – like love, anger, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, guilt, and pride. By openly sharing our feelings with others, we fulfill our emotional expression at a much needed social level.

Find ways to express emotions creatively.

Talking with others is one way to express your emotions, but another healthy alternative is to find creative outlets. This can include any activities such as music, writing, photography, painting, film-making, dancing, or whatever you are passionate about. Often times art gives you a way to communicate your feelings in a way other than just words. It allows you to connect more with the physical and visceral experience of your emotional self. Having creative outlets also gives you a chance to digest your emotions at a unique and personal level that can’t usually be achieved through only introspection and conversation.

Use movies, TV, books, and music that elicits strong emotions.

Another great tool in helping you connect more with your emotional self is to watch movies or TV, read a book, or listen to music that elicits strong emotions. Often times consuming movies, TV, books, and music can give us an emotional experience that we don’t always have in our “real world” lives. For example, a movie can take you into the life of a character who lives a vastly different life than you – and goes through struggles that are different than your own. In this way, these forms of entertainment can broaden our emotional flexibility – they give us a chance to experience a more “full range of human emotions” that isn’t always available to us. Horror movies give us a chance to experience terror and fear. Romance novels give us a chance to experience lust and love. And dramas give us a chance to experience sadness and grief. All of these provide a safe and healthy way to tap into different emotions.

Becoming self-aware of your emotions and the importance of actively expressing those emotions will allow the body and the mind to regulate itself towards a healthy, balanced existence. Achieve your full potential! Book a complimentary session at Business and Life Management Coaching to get the support you need to excel in your professional and personal life!

Practice Self-Discipline!

Do you often find yourself procrastinating? Perhaps doing things that you know you shouldn’t be doing? Do you find it hard to stay focused and perform at your peak? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may need to build self-discipline.

Self-discipline is the ability to do what you think you should be doing rather than doing something based on how you feel. For example, you may have an exam taking place tomorrow morning and your mind is telling you that you need to be studying and revising, however you feel exhausted, tired and you want to crash in front of the television.

Self-discipline is closely related to the concept of delayed gratification. By delaying the ‘feel good’ factor now, you can experience an even bigger ‘feel great’ factor at a later point in time. For example, if you did decide to study the night before your exam instead of crashing in front of the television, you may have been more confident in your exam, less anxious and feeling more relaxed and calm. As a result, you may have also experienced a better outcome or better grades. This ultimately leads to more satisfaction.

What are the other benefits of building self-discipline?
  • Remain focused on your goals
  • Be more productive, more effective and more efficient
  • Perform at a higher level
  • Develop a stronger mindset
  • Get more done!
  So, how can you build your self-discipline?

1. Understand Yourself: First, to build self-discipline you need to understand in what areas of your life are you not being disciplined? Where would you like to be more disciplined? What are the areas that you are struggling with most? What are the 3 areas in your life that you keep putting off, but you know if you were to do them they would make a huge impact? Write them down and also write down why you are currently not doing them. Next to each, write down why you want to do each. Re-frame your situation into a positive and look at the benefits of doing something. This leads into my next point.

2. Focus on the Longer Term: What are your longer-term goals? What are you trying to achieve in your life? Focusing on your longer-term goals helps you to understand the important of why you need to do something now. If you were to take action now, what is the longer-term benefit that you will get later? For example, you may find it hard to get off to the gym or go for a run. If you were to go and do this now, what is the longer-term benefit that you will get? Your health, your fitness, your overall well-being is all dependent upon the action that you take in this moment. Another thing is to ensure you do not procrastinate and say that ‘I’ll start tomorrow’. There is no better day than today to kick start a new habit and change your life. By putting things off, this simply weakens your self-discipline and reinforces negative habits with procrastination.

3. Schedule Your Time: A fantastic tool for building self-discipline is to schedule your time. If you are finding it hard to get started on writing your novel, schedule 30 minutes every day for the next 7 days and stick to the time you dedicated to it. Before you know it, at the end of the week you would have spent 3 and a half hours writing your novel. The key is to stick to the time you have scheduled. Obviously allow for some flexibility as a life that is totally scheduled is just simply no fun. However, if you can’t work for 30 minutes at the scheduled point in time, ensure you do it at an earlier or a later time. If it can’t be done that day, ensure you add an extra 30 minutes to the following day.

4. Get Started: One of the best methods for building self-discipline is to simply get started. Often, the hardest part about doing something that you do not want to do is the fact that you have no momentum. It may seem like a daunting task. Run with the motto of ‘just do it’. Take the first step, simply ‘force’ yourself to take action. It will feel uneasy at first, but once you get the momentum going you will most likely start to feel the flow and build your self-discipline.

5. Reward Yourself: I mentioned above that self-discipline is closely related to delayed gratification. If you do something now, you will get a benefit at a future point in time, particularly if it is helping you reach your longer-term goals. However, you can take this to another level. You don’t have to wait until the very end to be reward and start to feel good. Reward yourself at milestones throughout your project or your take. Perhaps it is that you have not started a project yet. Tell yourself that if you work for one hour on your project you will be rewarded with whatever it is that you want to be rewarded with. Set yourself little rewards throughout your project to help you build your self-discipline. Before you know it, you will no longer need to reward yourself at such small intervals.

6. Get Support from Others: Support from others can be a great thing. I recently read that you are the sum of the 5 closest people to you. That means, if you are surrounding yourself with disciplined people that can encourage you and are supportive of your goals, then you are more likely to succeed in what it is that you are trying to do. Who else is doing what you want to do? Another thing is to take action with someone else. Being held accountable by others will help you to reach your goals.  Perhaps it’s finding a personal coach to guide you, gym partner to work out with, or team member to help you get a project done by a certain date. Being accountable helps build your self-discipline.

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