Gain Coping Skills During Challenging Times

Change is inevitable. Sometimes it can be positive – business growth or a pay raise and other times it can be painful – losing your job or a personal loss. Often the hardest changes to understand and adjust to are the ones that are unexpected and out of our control – a recession, a global pandemic, or a major disaster. Changes of this magnitude can be difficult to come to terms with, but you'll often find that your experience of them can be made better or worse depending on your reaction and your attitude. Lets explore the different ways in which people tend to approach change, the reactions that you might have, and how to best cope with it.

How People Cope With Change

People tend to cope with change in one of two ways:

1. Escape coping.
2. Control coping.

Escape coping is based on avoidance. You take deliberate actions to avoid the difficulties of the change. For instance, you might deliberately miss training for a new working process, or show up too late to attend a meeting about an upcoming restructure. Maybe you'll trash letters from your HR department about layoffs, or ignore calls from a co-worker who's just got the promotion that you wanted. Some people even take refuge in alcohol or drugs.

Control coping, on the other hand, is positive and proactive. You refuse to behave like a "victim" of change. Instead, you manage your feelings, get support, and do whatever you can to be part of the change

In reality, most of us respond to major change with a mixture of escape and control coping. But control coping is generally the better option, as it is impossible to avoid the reality of change for long without becoming exhausted or damaging your reputation.

Stages of Reacting to Change

Change can be difficult because it can challenge how we think, how we work, the quality of our relationships, and even our physical security or sense of identity. We usually react to change in four stages:

1. Shock and disorientation.
2. Anger and other emotional responses.
3. Coming to terms with the "new normal."
4. Acceptance and moving forward.

But our progression through these stages is rarely simple or linear. We might get stuck in one stage, or advance quickly but then regress. And there is often no clear-cut, decisive move from one stage to another. Shock can change to anger, for example, with no obvious break between the two. Here are the four stages in more detail.

Stage 1: Shock and Disorientation

Experiencing a sudden, big change can feel like a physical blow. For example, a global financial crisis may result in significant losses and redundancies. This may sweep away roles and relationships that you've cultivated for years, leading to instability. Or, a sudden bereavement or health issue may change your fundamental outlook on life.

In the initial stage of coping, you'll likely feel confused and uncertain. Your first priority should be to seek reliable information and to make sense of the situation.

Ask for updates from your manager and HR department, research other people's similar experiences, and talk through your concerns with family and friends. If available, contact another relevant support group. Be sure to distance yourself from gossip and rumors – they are often baseless and negative, and will likely cause you more pain and anxiety, not less.

Start to objectively examine the level of threat that you're facing. Are there potential benefits that you've overlooked? Might an enforced change in your job role allow you to learn a valuable new skill, or to work with new people, for example? You'll likely not reach any firm conclusions at this stage, but try to remain as positive as you can.

Stage 2: Anger and Other Emotional Responses

Initial disorientation at the prospect of change usually gives way to a wave of strong emotions. You might be angry about a downgrade of your role, or fearful about the impact that a layoff will have on your family.
Even if the change in your circumstances is something that you've instigated yourself, you may find yourself swinging between optimism and pessimism. This is quite natural, and it's a normal step on the way to resolving your situation.

It's important to avoid suppressing your emotions, but it's equally key to manage them. So, acknowledge the way you feel, but be sure to assess what you can express openly (such as general comments about a project's progress) and what you should probably keep to yourself (opinions about a colleague' performance, for example). Don't be too surprised or embarrassed if you find yourself in tears at work. This is a natural reaction to the uncertainty and confusion that often follows a sudden change. One way of coping with change is to build up your resilience skills.

Stage 3: Coming to Terms With the "New Normal"

During this stage, your focus will likely start to shift away from what you've lost and toward what's new. This process may be slow, and you might be reluctant to acknowledge it, but it's an essential part of coping with change. The key here is to make a commitment to move on. Start to explore more deeply what the change means. Your instinct may be to behave resentfully and to be unwilling to cooperate, but this may cause yourself and others harm. So, search for and emphasize the positive aspects of your developing situation. At the same time, be patient.  Remember, coming to terms with change is a gradual process.

It's vital that you avoid pretending that everything's OK if it's not. So, if you find yourself regressing to Stage 2, give yourself time to recover. Use affirmations to improve your self-confidence, and ask for help from friends or a mentor.

Stage 4: Acceptance and Moving Forward

This is the stage when you come to fully accept your changed circumstances. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up entirely on your former situation. You'll have valuable memories, skills and relationships to carry forward, but the point is that you are moving on, whether in your career or in your wider life.
Draw up a personal mission statement and a legacy statement to stay on track. Then set yourself goals and create an action plan to make the most of your new situation.

Summary

Change comes in many forms, but leaving behind what we know and are used to is almost always stressful, even if we've made the change ourselves. Coping strategies generally fall into two categories: "escape" and "control." Most people use a mixture of both to cope with change, but control strategies are generally a healthier way to work through change and offer the greatest long-term benefits. People are more likely to progress through these stages successfully if they acknowledge their feelings, explore the facts, stay positive, draw on their support networks, and give themselves time to adapt.     Source:Mindtools

 

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Live a Better Life by Aligning Your Values

Integrity is not so much a value in itself; it is rather the value that guarantees all the other values. 

Your core values govern the way you live and the way you respond to life. They govern the way you react to situations that present themselves. Your core values help to guide your decision making. They govern the way you react to your friends and to your non-friends. 

We are in harmony when we act in alignment with our core values. We can consciously act outside of our values. This brings on dissonance because our true values are still there at our core. Your core values act like a compass that sets your direction initially and then keeps you heading in the right direction over time. Your core values represent your authentic self.

If you are not a generally “aware” person, your values can sometimes be more apparent to others than to yourself. If you are more in touch with your values, you can make conscious decisions by applying your values in real time to assess the right course of action. You can pre-judge an appropriate course of action by the way you would feel about the immediate decision itself and about the downstream consequences of the action. 

Living in Congruence with Your Values

According to Stephen Covey: “Personal leadership is the process of keeping your vision and values before you and aligning your life to be congruent with them.” You are in control of your life. Really, you are - although at times, it may not be apparent to you:

• You are in control of your actions
• You are in control of your choices
• You are in control of how long you hold on to your thoughts
• You are in control of your feelings. 

Taking charge of yourself by being accountable and accepting responsibility for your actions are hallmarks of a strong character – and your authentic self. Living your life in alignment with your core values is not always the easy course to follow – many difficult decisions must be made along the way. We can ask ourselves: Will I do the expedient thing or will I do the right thing? You know in your heart that you know the difference. 

When you live according to your core values you are in balance; life moves freely. When you stray from your core values, stress can build beneath the surface. Over time, you can come back into alignment with your core values or you can rationalize your values away. By not following your core values, you can begin to lose your moorings. You can shift your value set point; another weaker value can overtake an existing one if followed repeatedly. 

This can be a slippery slope as one decision eventually leads to another of questionable integrity; this in turn builds on and leads to other decisions which are out of alignment with our core values. Each decision chips away incrementally at our core values. 

Where does it end? It ends when our integrity steps in to re-assert the power to define our core values and behaviors. Our integrity will begin the realignment back to where we started or else to a new core values set point depending upon the transformation process and triggers; the new set point can be either more or less strident than before. Chart and observe this process of alignment with core values in your own life. 

Call to Action

1. Identify five core values that are very important to you.

2. Consider how those values define your character - either who you are or who you want to become.

3. Start making decisions in every area of your life that honors your core values!

4. Look at how you responded the last time your core values were tested? How did you feel after you acted? Where your actions aligned with your values?

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Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with the tools you need to excel in your life! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary strategy session at www.denisedema.com today.