From the quietly confident doctor
whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker,
self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.
Self-confidence is extremely
important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to
find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: people who lack self-confidence
can find it difficult to become successful.
After all, most people are reluctant
to back a project that's being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling,
and overly apologetic.
On the other hand, you might be
persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who
answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not
know something.
Confident people inspire confidence
in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and
their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in
which a self-confident person finds success.
The good news is that
self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working
on your own confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s
well-worth the effort!
How
Confident do you Seem to Others?
Your level of self-confidence can show in many
ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so
on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior with
behavior associated with low self-confidence.
What
is Self-Confidence?
Two main things contribute to
self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy
when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and
achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that,
if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed; and it's this
type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and
persist in the face of setbacks.
This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem,
which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our
lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling
that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to
control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously,
that we're competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when
we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that
self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. There's some truth in this that helps you stay positive, but more important is building self-confidence by setting and achieving goals – thereby building
competence. Without this underlying competence, you don't have self-confidence:
you have shallow over-confidence, with all the issues, upset and failure
that this brings.
Building
Self-Confidence
So how do you build this sense of
balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?
Unfortunately there’s no
quick fix, or five-minute solution, but the good news is that becoming more
confident is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and
determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the
things you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success – after
all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take
this away from you!
So here are a few steps to
build self-confidence and accelerate towards success.
Think what's important to you, and where you want to go. What are the things that
are really important to you, and what do you want to achieve with your life.
Setting and achieving goals is a key
part of building real confidence. Goal setting is the process
you use to target and measure your success. Set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses,
realize your opportunities, and control the threats you face. Identify the first step in each goal for attainment, and make incremental movement with activities that drive you forward. Goal setting is arguably the most
important skill you can learn to improve your self-confidence.
Start
Managing Your Mind, learn to pick up and defeat the negative self-talk and self limiting beliefs which
can destroy your confidence. Pay attention to your internal dialogue and start thoughts with positive verbiage like; I can, I will, I am, instead of I can't, I don't, and I'm not.
Take it a step further and use mental images of what you'll feel
and experience as you achieve your goals – there’s something about doing
this that makes even major goals seem achievable!
And
Then Commit Yourself to Success! Make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that you are
absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to
achieve it.
Self-confidence is about balance. At
one extreme, we have people with low self-confidence. At the other end, we have
people who may be over-confident.
If you are under-confident, you’ll
avoid taking risks and stretching yourself; and you might not try at all. And
if you’re over-confident, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond
your capabilities. You may also find that you’re so optimistic
that you don’t try hard enough to truly succeed.
Getting this right is a matter of
having the right amount of confidence, founded in reality and on your true
ability. With the right amount of self-confidence, you will take informed
risks, challenge yourself and try hard.
So, how self-confident are you? Start looking at specific
strategies to improve your confidence level beginning with
small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the path to success – and start
building the self-confidence that comes with this.
Build
the Knowledge you Need to Succeed by looking at your goals, identify the
skills you’ll need to achieve them. And then look at how you can acquire these
skills confidently and well. Don’t just accept a sketchy, just-good-enough
solution – look for a solution, a program or a course, a mentor that fully equips you to
achieve what you want to achieve and, ideally, gives you the skills you can be proud of.
Focus
on the Basics when you’re starting, don’t reach for perfection – just enjoy
doing simple things successfully and well to move forward toward each goal and,
little by little, start piling up the successes!
Keep
Managing Your Mind and stay on top of that positive
thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying success, and keep those mental images
strong. On the other side, learn to
handle failure. Accept that mistakes happen when you’re trying something new.
In fact, if you get into the habit of treating mistakes as learning
experiences, you can start to see them in a positive light for growth.
Remember to keep yourself grounded. Self-confidence is extremely
important in almost every aspect of our lives in order to become happy and successful.
Source: Mindtools
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