Calm Your Mind

At this time dealing with the Corvid-19 Pandemic, It's important to have patience and connect again with simple pleasures that bring comfort and peace.

 
“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, then there will be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be.” —Anne Frank

Helping Aspiring Coaches

I enjoyed being interviewed by Brandon from Life Coach Path for a project collaboration with the National Coach Academy to help aspiring coaches. Click the link below to see my interview posted on NCA's site.

http://www.nationalcoachacademy.com/coach-interview-series-denise-dema

Business and Life Management Coaching

Eliminate the Fear of Being Judged!

All of us go through events in our social life where we fear being negatively judged by others. Perhaps you have made your own judgments throughout your life about certain people and what you think of them. 

Making judgments about others is something the human brain likes to do. From an evolutionary standpoint, we had to judge others as “friends” or “foes” to protect ourselves from people who might be a threat to our tribe or community.

Those who were disliked or viewed as a threat were eventually ostracized, punished, or killed. So most of us have a hard-wired response to try and be liked and accepted by others, which explains many fears and anxieties associated with our social interactions.

Despite this tendency, we can find ways to get over the judgments people will make about us on a daily basis. We learn to become less sensitive to them and not let them so easily get under our skin or make us upset. This article will cover these different aspects of how to let go of people always judging us.

Accept that everyone has an opinion

The first step is recognizing that everyone is going to have an opinion about you, for better or worse.

We often think of “judging” as a negative thing, but when someone tells you they like you, or that you’re smart, or a cool person, that’s a type of judging too – it just happens to be a very positive one.

Throughout your life you’re going to meet many different people, and some of those people you’re going to “click” with better than others. You can’t expect to win over everyone, so be willing to accept that some people won’t like you, and some people will.

Anyone who puts themselves out there and let’s their true personality shine through is going to have their fair share of critics. Once you begin to expect it, it doesn’t become as shocking or bothersome when someone says something insulting or cruel.

Become less judging of others

Usually people who fear judgments the most are the ones that are very judgmental themselves.

If we have an excessively judgmental attitude against people, and we’re always trying to compare individuals as “superior” or “inferior,” then we project that attitude onto others, believing that they too are always judging us as “superior” or “inferior.”

Try to be kinder and more understanding toward others, and you won’t have such a hostile and cynical view of the world. You can find the good in anyone if you’re willing to see it – and once you cultivate this attitude, you’ll be more likely to expect others to reciprocate this attitude toward you.

We are all susceptible to what is known as fundamental attribution error. This is when we overestimate the influence of personal factors when someone does something “stupid” or “bad,” and we underestimate the influence of situational factors. 

Remember, everyone is capable of making bad decisions in the wrong situation, and even you yourself aren’t always perfect. This will allow you to be gentler in your judgments toward both yourself and others.

Move past bad first impressions

First impressions can have a strong influence over how people view us, but they aren’t set in stone.

If you did something wrong the first time you met someone (insulted, mocked, or offended them), then it may be appropriate to apologize before you can move on. However, most of the time we can move past these first impressions simply by making better second, third, and fourth impressions.

The more time someone spends with you the more they get to know the real you. No one can tell everything about you when they first meet you, it takes multiple interactions to really learn about someone.

As people get to know you more, their first impression of you will become less important. I have friends today who I didn’t always get off with on the right foot, but now we look back on those experiences and just laugh. You just have to be willing to take a longer view in your relationships.

Avoid people who are too negative (if you can)

We all have our limits and some people can be unbearably negative and tiresome to be around.

If you have a choice, sometimes the only thing you can do is to avoid the person more. If you know they’re going to be at a party, then don’t go there. If you work with them, try to limit interactions to just work-related talk. And if it’s a negative friend, you may want to consider finding new people to hang out with.

It’s not the most pleasant solution, but it may be necessary if you can’t find anyway to tolerate a person’s negative and overly judgmental attitude.

Achieve Your Full Potential! Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get the support you need to excel in your professional and personal life. 

The Importance of Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

As a Business and Life Management Coach for over two decades, my national coaching practice specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness for professionals and individuals. More now than ever, organizations are focusing on their future leaders Emotional Intelligence abilities. Executives, business owners and entrepreneurs all need to develop their EQ beyond their IQ in order to be successful, increase productivity and/or gain promotion within their chosen fields. 

Emotional intelligence (EQ), as it is known today, came into the spotlight when Daniel Goleman published his book “Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” in 1995; however, the study of different forms of intelligence began long before that book, with some research papers dating back to the early 1900's. Since that time, many researchers, training and development professionals use tools to implement EQ concepts and to build individual EQ.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply emotions to facilitate higher levels of collaboration and productivity.

 

Intrapersonal Skills refer to the ability to understand oneself, form an accurate concept of the self and apply that concept to operate more effectively. There are three pillars that make up the intrapersonal side of EQ:

• Self-Awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own moods, emotions and drives as well as their effects on others.

• Self-Regulation is the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. This includes the propensity to suspend judgment and to think before acting.

• Motivation is a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status and to pursue your goals with energy and persistence.

Interpersonal Skills refer to the ability to identify and understand how to effectively relate to, work with and motivate others. There are two pillars that make up the interpersonal side of EQ:

• Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and the skill to treat people according to their emotional reactions.

• Social Skills is the proficiency in managing relationships, building networks and the ability to find common ground to build rapport.

Emotions are carried down an organization’s hierarchy, basically affecting everyone. If you want to positively affect or even change an organization’s culture, it’s vital to start developing the EQ of its leaders. Enable them to be more self-aware and empower them to manage the emotions of others.

Working with individuals that are primarily business-focused, I offer coaching and consulting designed for leaders, managers and executives striving for promotion. Mentoring is geared towards people who set the tone for interpersonal interaction within the organization or within a team. Training develops communication effectiveness, conflict resolution, sales effectiveness and relationships to name a few topics. It is often paired with Behavioral Modification techniques that add the behavioral component to emotional intelligence development.

To learn more about how you can improve your professional career and skills through developing your EQ, book a complimentary session at www.denisedema.com.

Become Mentally Tough!

Want to be successful in life? Know this: It takes a special kind of fortitude and it’s what separates the elite from average performers. When the going gets tough, the tough don’t get going—they reach for a winning prescription called mental toughness.

What’s mental toughness all about? It’s been described as the “ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals."

Vince Lombardi believed that mental toughness was one of the most important leadership skills you could attain. Psychologist Angela Duckworth based her life's work on it (she refers to it as grit) and believes that it’s a true predictor of success.

The “4 C’s to Mental Toughness”

Psychologist Dr. Peter Clough developed the “Mental Toughness Training Model,” a psychometric assessment measure, which enables users to assess mental toughness in four core areas:

Confidence
Challenge
Control
Commitment

Here’s how you can use the components to your advantage and become more mentally tough:

1. Confidence

Do you believe in yourself and your abilities? Can you effectively navigate conflict and challenges? Do you have well-developed social skills?

People who are self-confident believe that they can achieve success, despite any obstacles they encounter. They work hard to develop themselves in competitive environments. They are proactive, decisive and courageous in spite of fear. Take Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran for example. She had a terrible fear of public speaking, but she knew that she had to embrace it, rather than run from it, if she wanted to become successful. Her strategy? She thrust herself into every possible speaking opportunity she could find and worked at it like crazy. Today, she’s in demand on stages all around the globe.  Regarding self-confidence she says, “Don’t be afraid. Stand up and shout loud and clear enough for everyone to hear: “No, I am NOT stupid.”

2. Challenge

Do you thrive in environments that constantly change or present new opportunities for learning and growth?

People who embrace challenges tend to have an extraordinary ability to think and work outside the box. They enjoy exercising creativity, exploring innovation, and accepting some degree of risk. Why? They are keenly focused on achieving positive outcomes. Spiritual teacher and The Power of Now author Eckhart Tolle, teaches that challenges, difficulties and uncertainty, all concepts that point to change—and upset the status quo—are natural parts of life that should be embraced. He notes that, “Change is absolutely necessary and offers a new way of being in this world.”

3. Control

Do you feel that you have control over your life and the power to shape your destiny? How do you deal with the ebb and flow of life’s ups and downs?

People with a strong sense of control over their lives tend to be more relaxed and self-confident. They are more connected to their emotions, self-regulating and motivated to achieve results. They believe that they’ve got the power to influence their outcomes, and lo and behold they do. Peak performance expert Tony Robbins developed a five-step process aimed at helping others develop more control and achieve greater results. It’s totally worth taking a closer look, especially as part of developing an overall mental toughness strategy.

4. Commitment

Are you committed to achieving your outcomes? Do you set goals and work consistently to achieve them, even when you experience setbacks?

This is also known as “stickability.” Misty Copeland showed the world she was committed to becoming a prima ballerina, even in the face of unmistakable adversity. Her advice? Stick with it and persevere. It may seem counter intuitive, but “the path to your success is not as fixed and inflexible as you might think,” she says.

Feeling less than mentally tough?
What’s true for sure is that we all need it to succeed, no matter our background or what industry we’re in. It’s the secret sauce for performing at the top of your game, especially during tough times. And just like a lot of other important leadership traits, mental toughness is not something you’re born with. It’s developed over time it by focusing on the key components, little by little.

Work with a Business and Life Mangagement Coach to start using the 4 C’s and you will be well on your way to achieving mental toughness—and greater success. Book a complimentary session at www.denisedema.com

Source: Success

Create A Successful Mindset

Change the game by changing the way you think.

What’s the biggest difference between those who succeed and those who don’t? Mindset. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference and is the primary catalyst driving your feelings of self-worth, competence and confidence.

Make no mistake, the most successful people have it. And if you intend to ascend to those coveted ranks, you’re going to need it, too. Are you willing to do the work and elevate your mindset to achieve uncommon success?

Consider the following elements to help you develop a successful mindset:

1. Self-Talk

Ever think the only conversations that matter are the ones you have with someone else? Not quite. The conversations you have with yourself are the most important ones you will ever have. To be clear, we talk to ourselves all day, every day. Eventually, all that robust data adds up to create our individual self-concepts. Be careful what you say to yourself. Plant seeds of positivity and inspiration, rather than criticism and doubt.

2. Intentions

Your intentions set the tone for how skillfully you navigate personal and professional success. Have you set yours high enough to challenge the status quo? If not, think bigger and push past your comfort zone. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, because that’s where the real growth happens. Setting your sights high and believing in the most remarkable outcomes you can attain changes the way you show up in the world. Believe me, no one has ever regretted embracing the power to think big.

3. Grit

When it comes to success, world-renowned psychologist Angela Duckworth says, “Talent counts, but effort counts twice.” Got grit? If not, know this: Both passion and perseverance are vital to your long-term success. Experiencing initial excitement when deciding to pursue a New Year’s resolution is quite common. Less common and far more difficult is the sustained focus and drive—throughout long periods of time—needed to achieve it. Grit helps us push past the desire to give up, especially when things get rough. Fortunately, it can be learned and continually developed over time.

4. Strategy

Declaring a goal, without more, will do little to ensure its success. Only substance and structure will successfully ignite and move it forward. Begin by chunking your goal into smaller segments to organize it, making it more manageable. Then create a strategic plan with scheduled activities and outcomes that will help to assure its success. Notice what works and be proactive about tweaking key elements where necessary. Be open to feedback and embrace innovation along the way.

5. Execution

Creating a strategy is one thing, but executing it is another. Decide in advance that taking strong action will be the litmus test for your success. Sure, there will be days when you won’t feel like working or perhaps even be discouraged. No matter. Your goal is to take bite-sized pieces of the apple until it is finally consumed. Whether making a phone call, sending an email or physically maneuvering to achieve the next steps, dig deep and take action. Execution helps you build trust in yourself, as well as reflects successful past performance, bringing you one step closer to your desired outcome.

Are you ready to stack the odds in your favor by mastering a successful mindset? Book a complimentary session with a Business and Life Management Coach at www.denisedema.com and achieve your full potential Today!

Source: Success

Get the most out of your coaching time!

1. Create a level of trust with your coach. Early on, get personal and share who you are,  your likes, dislikes, hobbies, past work experience and current objectives. People work together better when they feel comfortable enough to articulate questions and concerns. What your coach learns about you will help determine which strategies and action steps are the most likely to help you become successful.

2.  Stay open-minded. No one has all the answers but there are many options to explore. Your coach is there to work with you so focus on listening.

3. Develop the habit of recapping what you’ve learned via action steps. What are you going to do next? Document it. Share your intentions with your coach. You won’t forget what’s expected of you next and review your successes upon your next call.

4. Become consistent. Keeping scheduled calls to develop accountability is important to work on your goals.  Email in between whether to review something, discuss an update or ask a question so your coach can stay on top of your progress.

5. Make the focus of your course a top priority. Actively work toward accomplishing assigned tasks each week. Look for ways to get the work done, not for excuses as to why you couldn’t.

6. Set realistic goals about the time you have available to pursue your goals and your ability to succeed. Set goals that inspire and drive growth without becoming overwhelming. 

7. Listen with the intent to take action. Focus on action steps at all times. There’s a big difference between acknowledging the information shared and actively doing what needs to be done to move forward. Engage with the knowledge your coach imparts. Coaching is a two-way street and all the instruction in the world won't help if action is taken after the session.

8. Don’t be afraid to get real. This is your coach. They are here to help. Having a coach, especially one you’ve hired, is a unique experience. Maybe you’ve never opened up about your ideas before or verbalized your ambitions out loud. Now is the time. This is what it's all about, being able to clearly and concisely express a message is an invaluable skill you will use over and over again.

9. Do the work. Better yet, return asking for more. If you want to achieve your full potential and monetize your ideas, you’re going to need to be enthusiastic.

10. Be patient. Nothing happens overnight. At the same time, you need to maintain a sense of urgency to the tasks ahead. Accept the process for what it is, that it might take longer than you want. There's no point in letting forces out of your control frustrate you. But do everything in your power that you can. It’s a balancing act, to be sure.

11. Don't let projects sit too long. Follow up, follow up -- and then follow up some more. Use any down time to learn even more and in turn, better prepare yourself for the future.
If you follow these steps, you'll get the most out of working with a coach.

Book a complimentary session at Business and Life Management Coaching to start achieving your full potential today!

Become invaluable and keep your job!

A big part of my coaching practice involves working with senior executives who want to find new employment, change their career direction and/or improve their skills for professional advancement.

Today, organizations are faced with rapidly changing environments, competitive pressures globally, ever-changing technological advances, and more. The need to be more innovative, productive, flexible, and sustainable has never been greater. Businesses are constantly evaluating the core competences of their employees to determine their value.

Knowing if you are valued in your position sometimes is not thought about until a negative event takes place like being let go or being passed up for a promotion. Realizing you are replaceable jump starts the desire to learn what you can do in the future to become invaluable.

Here is a list of the Six Invaluable Factors anyone can develop to make themselves truly irreplaceable.  This is adapted from the book, Invaluable: The Secret to Becoming Irreplaceable, by Dave Crenshaw.

Invaluable Factor #1 – DEMAND

Demand represents how well your skill set matches the current needs and wants of the market.  You have little direct control over demand, so the only way you can improve upon this factor is to increase your understanding of current and future market trends and work to align your actions with those trends.  Consider:  What is the current and future market demand for your personal skill set?

Invaluable Factor #2 – ABILITY

Ability represents how well you do what you do or how much value you actually provide.  It is important to continuously deliver progress and results; it is not enough to just know what your position is supposed to be or how to do what is required of you.  You must also seek to continually improve on that ability on a daily basis to become more and more invaluable.  Consider:  What are you doing daily improving your ability to perform for the unit you work for and the organization as a whole?

Invaluable Factor #3 – IRREPLACEABILITY

This measures how difficult it is to replace you and is a function of two things:  the available completion for your position, and how deeply you understand the unique needs of your current employer.  To stay irreplaceable, you must commit to ongoing research and reevaluation.  Consider:  What is the biggest thing keeping your boss from firing you right now? 

Invaluable Factor #4 – FOCUS

Focus requires you to avoid anything that gets in the way of you spending time in your most valuable activities.  These are the activities that have the greatest impact on the bottom line, both for you personally and for the organization as a whole.  The more you spread yourself out in many directions, the less valuable you become.  As information and available options continue to explode, so does the temptation to engage in many less valuable activities.  Consider:  How well do you focus your actions on your most valuable activities?

Invaluable Factor #5 – CONNECTION

This assesses your ability to connect personally with others, both in terms of quantity and quality.  The value that you bring is directly affected by your ability to work well with others and to share resources with others.  Connection is an absolutely essential part of becoming invaluable.  In order to increase connection, you must not only master the art of face-to-face interaction, but digital interaction, as well.  Consider:  How many people feel personally connected to you? 

Invaluable Factor #6 – AUTHORITY

Authority evaluates how strongly the current market considers you to be the top expert in your field.  An authority is someone others look to when they make decisions.  An employee who is recognized both inside and outside of the organization as a leading expert dramatically improves his or her value.  Consider:  Do my peers, both inside and outside of my organization, consider me to be a leading expert in my field?  Am I regularly consulted on matters at work?

Achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a free session at www.denisedema.com today.