The Importance of Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

As a Business and Life Management Coach for over two decades, my national coaching practice specializes in the development of human potential and personal effectiveness for professionals and individuals. More now than ever, organizations are focusing on their future leaders Emotional Intelligence abilities. Executives, business owners and entrepreneurs all need to develop their EQ beyond their IQ in order to be successful, increase productivity and/or gain promotion within their chosen fields. 

Emotional intelligence (EQ), as it is known today, came into the spotlight when Daniel Goleman published his book “Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” in 1995; however, the study of different forms of intelligence began long before that book, with some research papers dating back to the early 1900's. Since that time, many researchers, training and development professionals use tools to implement EQ concepts and to build individual EQ.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply emotions to facilitate higher levels of collaboration and productivity.

 

Intrapersonal Skills refer to the ability to understand oneself, form an accurate concept of the self and apply that concept to operate more effectively. There are three pillars that make up the intrapersonal side of EQ:

• Self-Awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own moods, emotions and drives as well as their effects on others.

• Self-Regulation is the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. This includes the propensity to suspend judgment and to think before acting.

• Motivation is a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status and to pursue your goals with energy and persistence.

Interpersonal Skills refer to the ability to identify and understand how to effectively relate to, work with and motivate others. There are two pillars that make up the interpersonal side of EQ:

• Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and the skill to treat people according to their emotional reactions.

• Social Skills is the proficiency in managing relationships, building networks and the ability to find common ground to build rapport.

Emotions are carried down an organization’s hierarchy, basically affecting everyone. If you want to positively affect or even change an organization’s culture, it’s vital to start developing the EQ of its leaders. Enable them to be more self-aware and empower them to manage the emotions of others.

Working with individuals that are primarily business-focused, I offer coaching and consulting designed for leaders, managers and executives striving for promotion. Mentoring is geared towards people who set the tone for interpersonal interaction within the organization or within a team. Training develops communication effectiveness, conflict resolution, sales effectiveness and relationships to name a few topics. It is often paired with Behavioral Modification techniques that add the behavioral component to emotional intelligence development.

To learn more about how you can improve your professional career and skills through developing your EQ, book a complimentary session at www.denisedema.com.

Business and Personal Coaching

How to Deal With the Negative News

The Proven Health Benefits of Positive News....

Many people are grappling with this year’s depressing and disturbing news—meaning, they want to turn away, but they just can‘t.

The constant focus on partisan politics—as well as murders and mayhem—is taking a real toll on peoples’ psyches.

The surgeon Dr. Christiane Northrop says our nervous systems simply weren’t designed to handle a daily barrage of bad news which contains the worst of humanity, brought to you from every corner of the globe. The inundation is too much for most people.

The trend toward sensational bad news on television began in the 1990s. At the same time as the U.S. homicide rate was dropping in that decade by 42%, television news coverage of murders skyrocketed—rising more than 700%, according to the Center for Media and Public Affairs.

During that time, TV network news audiences and newspaper circulation began to fall. We can only guess that this was due to the increased focus on crime coverage.

Instead of gorging on an endless media diet of conflict, some people have taken drastic action, by closing their eyes and turning off the news altogether. (They are also unfriending their angry brother-in-law or friend whose partisan posts contaminate their Facebook feed.)

Completely tuning out the news, however, is not a great solution. To be an informed citizen and voter, we need to know what’s going on. Instead, I recommend that people become “selective sifters”, choosing what kind of news they take in daily. Headline news from the BBC or NPR, or perusing newspapers and magazines is enough to provide the basics.

Most people will need to make a conscious effort not to get sucked into the rancorous trivial debates of the day, like how much Melania Trump’s jacket costs when she travels into a poor neighborhood—and the inference that it should make anyone angry if they are a Liberal.

It’s not enough, though, to just sift through the bad news. Norman Cousins, a political journalist and 30-year editor of the Saturday Review said, “If news is not really news unless it is bad news, it may be difficult to claim we are an informed nation.”

There is another crucial step that people can take to relieve some of their anxiety around current events. They can write themselves a prescription for a daily dose of good news. Like a “Vitamin G” in their media diet it can provide some balanced nutrition beyond the negative news menu.

A Happy You prescription - book cover

I look at it this way: If a child is only given junk food, then that’s all he knows and wants, but if he is given some sweet carrots, watermelon or apples, he learns to appreciate them, and gets the benefit of an enriched diet and healthier body.

Thomas Jefferson said the job of journalists was to portray accurately what was happening in society. As a former TV news freelancer, I created Good News Network (GNN) because the media was failing to report enough of the positive—and it was simply too hard to find good news in large enough quantities to make a difference in one’s mental health.

An overabundance of pessimistic, depressing stories can create a perception of a crime-and-greed-filled-world that is out of proportion with reality.

Benefits to Physical Health

According to letters from GNN readers, the website is playing a major role in relieving depression and anxiety symptoms—and basic physical health, too, can be altered when you make an effort to balance the depressing news. Scientific studies have shown the startling benefits.

In a study of nearly 3000 healthy adults, a London University found that those who reported upbeat moods had lower levels of cortisol—the ‘stress’ hormone that leads to high blood pressure, weakened immune systems, and even abdominal obesity. In the study, women who reported more positive emotions were less prone to chronic inflammation, which is related to heart disease and cancer. The authors of the paper published in the American Journal of Epidemiology in 2008 said, “People need to recognize the things that make them feel good.”

Researchers at the Harvard University School of Public Health found that optimism cuts the chances of developing heart disease and the rate of lung-decline as we age. They followed 1300 men in their early 60’s for ten years. “Lung function declined significantly faster in pessimists, even taking into account major biological risk factors.”

A Dutch study of elderly men found that those who were identified as “optimistic” were associated with a stunning 50 percent lower risk of cardiovascular death during the 15-year study.

Benefits of Mental Well-Being

A study by J. P. Harrell in 2000 found that when participants watched concentrations of positive news and media, they had decreased levels of stress and anxiety. A study by Huffington Post and Harvard Researcher Shawn Achor showed that if people watched even 3-4 minutes of negative news, 27% of participants were more likely to be depressed for the next 6-8 hours of their day.

Testimonials sent to Good News Network provide self-reported anecdotal evidence that supports the notion that positive news can actually improve your health.

15 year old Lisa says, “Daily, I was affected by panic attacks which were triggered from the news and all its negative content. This site has helped me tremendously.”

Mike says, “I suffer from depression and paranoia. I feel like I can never truly be happy as I always get this sense of encroaching doom and most of my fears are heightened by media sensationalism. Your website is JUST what I need to focus.”

And finally a clinical and police psychologist, Dr. Kevin Keough, wrote this, “A 13 year-old boy was depressed and suicidal as he entered my office. He cited TV news as proof that there was no point to living, ‘Everything is out of control, it’s all bad news, people are killing each other, terrorism, corruption, kids being slaves.’ After I let him cry, I explained how TV news worked—that it didn’t reflect reality accurately—and I showed him your site. He started to cheer up. He smiled and gave me a hug. Life was okay again.”

Tal Ben-Shahar was a lecturer at Harvard University and his positive psychology course was the most popular class on campus. Author of ‘Happier’, and ‘Choose the Life You Want’, he believes the Good News Network can benefit everyone: “It’s an extremely important initiative. I recommend that each person makes it a habit to visit the website at least once a day to counter the barrage of negativity in the media. Being exposed to positive information benefits us emotionally, physically, and mentally. It can contribute in a meaningful way to a happier and healthier life.”

A 2005 study by Bayer concluded that an overwhelming 93% of Americans wanted more good news, and 77% percent believed there was not enough good news offered by mainstream media. The study also showed that people believed they are more productive in their jobs after hearing good news.

Fortunately, good news is now easy to find at GoodNews Network.

What we think in our minds directly affects our health. Through the mind-body connection, our thinking leads to stress or happiness. It is your choice—and your health depends on it.

Expand your knowledge and enlighten your mind with tools to help you excel in life. Complimentary Coaching Session at: http://www.denisedema.com/

Become Mentally Tough!

Want to be successful in life? Know this: It takes a special kind of fortitude and it’s what separates the elite from average performers. When the going gets tough, the tough don’t get going—they reach for a winning prescription called mental toughness.

What’s mental toughness all about? It’s been described as the “ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals."

Vince Lombardi believed that mental toughness was one of the most important leadership skills you could attain. Psychologist Angela Duckworth based her life's work on it (she refers to it as grit) and believes that it’s a true predictor of success.

The “4 C’s to Mental Toughness”

Psychologist Dr. Peter Clough developed the “Mental Toughness Training Model,” a psychometric assessment measure, which enables users to assess mental toughness in four core areas:

Confidence
Challenge
Control
Commitment

Here’s how you can use the components to your advantage and become more mentally tough:

1. Confidence

Do you believe in yourself and your abilities? Can you effectively navigate conflict and challenges? Do you have well-developed social skills?

People who are self-confident believe that they can achieve success, despite any obstacles they encounter. They work hard to develop themselves in competitive environments. They are proactive, decisive and courageous in spite of fear. Take Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran for example. She had a terrible fear of public speaking, but she knew that she had to embrace it, rather than run from it, if she wanted to become successful. Her strategy? She thrust herself into every possible speaking opportunity she could find and worked at it like crazy. Today, she’s in demand on stages all around the globe.  Regarding self-confidence she says, “Don’t be afraid. Stand up and shout loud and clear enough for everyone to hear: “No, I am NOT stupid.”

2. Challenge

Do you thrive in environments that constantly change or present new opportunities for learning and growth?

People who embrace challenges tend to have an extraordinary ability to think and work outside the box. They enjoy exercising creativity, exploring innovation, and accepting some degree of risk. Why? They are keenly focused on achieving positive outcomes. Spiritual teacher and The Power of Now author Eckhart Tolle, teaches that challenges, difficulties and uncertainty, all concepts that point to change—and upset the status quo—are natural parts of life that should be embraced. He notes that, “Change is absolutely necessary and offers a new way of being in this world.”

3. Control

Do you feel that you have control over your life and the power to shape your destiny? How do you deal with the ebb and flow of life’s ups and downs?

People with a strong sense of control over their lives tend to be more relaxed and self-confident. They are more connected to their emotions, self-regulating and motivated to achieve results. They believe that they’ve got the power to influence their outcomes, and lo and behold they do. Peak performance expert Tony Robbins developed a five-step process aimed at helping others develop more control and achieve greater results. It’s totally worth taking a closer look, especially as part of developing an overall mental toughness strategy.

4. Commitment

Are you committed to achieving your outcomes? Do you set goals and work consistently to achieve them, even when you experience setbacks?

This is also known as “stickability.” Misty Copeland showed the world she was committed to becoming a prima ballerina, even in the face of unmistakable adversity. Her advice? Stick with it and persevere. It may seem counter intuitive, but “the path to your success is not as fixed and inflexible as you might think,” she says.

Feeling less than mentally tough?
What’s true for sure is that we all need it to succeed, no matter our background or what industry we’re in. It’s the secret sauce for performing at the top of your game, especially during tough times. And just like a lot of other important leadership traits, mental toughness is not something you’re born with. It’s developed over time it by focusing on the key components, little by little.

Work with a Business and Life Mangagement Coach to start using the 4 C’s and you will be well on your way to achieving mental toughness—and greater success. Book a complimentary session at www.denisedema.com

Source: Success

Create A Successful Mindset

Change the game by changing the way you think.

What’s the biggest difference between those who succeed and those who don’t? Mindset. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference and is the primary catalyst driving your feelings of self-worth, competence and confidence.

Make no mistake, the most successful people have it. And if you intend to ascend to those coveted ranks, you’re going to need it, too. Are you willing to do the work and elevate your mindset to achieve uncommon success?

Consider the following elements to help you develop a successful mindset:

1. Self-Talk

Ever think the only conversations that matter are the ones you have with someone else? Not quite. The conversations you have with yourself are the most important ones you will ever have. To be clear, we talk to ourselves all day, every day. Eventually, all that robust data adds up to create our individual self-concepts. Be careful what you say to yourself. Plant seeds of positivity and inspiration, rather than criticism and doubt.

2. Intentions

Your intentions set the tone for how skillfully you navigate personal and professional success. Have you set yours high enough to challenge the status quo? If not, think bigger and push past your comfort zone. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, because that’s where the real growth happens. Setting your sights high and believing in the most remarkable outcomes you can attain changes the way you show up in the world. Believe me, no one has ever regretted embracing the power to think big.

3. Grit

When it comes to success, world-renowned psychologist Angela Duckworth says, “Talent counts, but effort counts twice.” Got grit? If not, know this: Both passion and perseverance are vital to your long-term success. Experiencing initial excitement when deciding to pursue a New Year’s resolution is quite common. Less common and far more difficult is the sustained focus and drive—throughout long periods of time—needed to achieve it. Grit helps us push past the desire to give up, especially when things get rough. Fortunately, it can be learned and continually developed over time.

4. Strategy

Declaring a goal, without more, will do little to ensure its success. Only substance and structure will successfully ignite and move it forward. Begin by chunking your goal into smaller segments to organize it, making it more manageable. Then create a strategic plan with scheduled activities and outcomes that will help to assure its success. Notice what works and be proactive about tweaking key elements where necessary. Be open to feedback and embrace innovation along the way.

5. Execution

Creating a strategy is one thing, but executing it is another. Decide in advance that taking strong action will be the litmus test for your success. Sure, there will be days when you won’t feel like working or perhaps even be discouraged. No matter. Your goal is to take bite-sized pieces of the apple until it is finally consumed. Whether making a phone call, sending an email or physically maneuvering to achieve the next steps, dig deep and take action. Execution helps you build trust in yourself, as well as reflects successful past performance, bringing you one step closer to your desired outcome.

Are you ready to stack the odds in your favor by mastering a successful mindset? Book a complimentary session with a Business and Life Management Coach at www.denisedema.com and achieve your full potential Today!

Source: Success

Get the most out of your coaching time!

1. Create a level of trust with your coach. Early on, get personal and share who you are,  your likes, dislikes, hobbies, past work experience and current objectives. People work together better when they feel comfortable enough to articulate questions and concerns. What your coach learns about you will help determine which strategies and action steps are the most likely to help you become successful.

2.  Stay open-minded. No one has all the answers but there are many options to explore. Your coach is there to work with you so focus on listening.

3. Develop the habit of recapping what you’ve learned via action steps. What are you going to do next? Document it. Share your intentions with your coach. You won’t forget what’s expected of you next and review your successes upon your next call.

4. Become consistent. Keeping scheduled calls to develop accountability is important to work on your goals.  Email in between whether to review something, discuss an update or ask a question so your coach can stay on top of your progress.

5. Make the focus of your course a top priority. Actively work toward accomplishing assigned tasks each week. Look for ways to get the work done, not for excuses as to why you couldn’t.

6. Set realistic goals about the time you have available to pursue your goals and your ability to succeed. Set goals that inspire and drive growth without becoming overwhelming. 

7. Listen with the intent to take action. Focus on action steps at all times. There’s a big difference between acknowledging the information shared and actively doing what needs to be done to move forward. Engage with the knowledge your coach imparts. Coaching is a two-way street and all the instruction in the world won't help if action is taken after the session.

8. Don’t be afraid to get real. This is your coach. They are here to help. Having a coach, especially one you’ve hired, is a unique experience. Maybe you’ve never opened up about your ideas before or verbalized your ambitions out loud. Now is the time. This is what it's all about, being able to clearly and concisely express a message is an invaluable skill you will use over and over again.

9. Do the work. Better yet, return asking for more. If you want to achieve your full potential and monetize your ideas, you’re going to need to be enthusiastic.

10. Be patient. Nothing happens overnight. At the same time, you need to maintain a sense of urgency to the tasks ahead. Accept the process for what it is, that it might take longer than you want. There's no point in letting forces out of your control frustrate you. But do everything in your power that you can. It’s a balancing act, to be sure.

11. Don't let projects sit too long. Follow up, follow up -- and then follow up some more. Use any down time to learn even more and in turn, better prepare yourself for the future.
If you follow these steps, you'll get the most out of working with a coach.

Book a complimentary session at Business and Life Management Coaching to start achieving your full potential today!

Become invaluable and keep your job!

A big part of my coaching practice involves working with senior executives who want to find new employment, change their career direction and/or improve their skills for professional advancement.

Today, organizations are faced with rapidly changing environments, competitive pressures globally, ever-changing technological advances, and more. The need to be more innovative, productive, flexible, and sustainable has never been greater. Businesses are constantly evaluating the core competences of their employees to determine their value.

Knowing if you are valued in your position sometimes is not thought about until a negative event takes place like being let go or being passed up for a promotion. Realizing you are replaceable jump starts the desire to learn what you can do in the future to become invaluable.

Here is a list of the Six Invaluable Factors anyone can develop to make themselves truly irreplaceable.  This is adapted from the book, Invaluable: The Secret to Becoming Irreplaceable, by Dave Crenshaw.

Invaluable Factor #1 – DEMAND

Demand represents how well your skill set matches the current needs and wants of the market.  You have little direct control over demand, so the only way you can improve upon this factor is to increase your understanding of current and future market trends and work to align your actions with those trends.  Consider:  What is the current and future market demand for your personal skill set?

Invaluable Factor #2 – ABILITY

Ability represents how well you do what you do or how much value you actually provide.  It is important to continuously deliver progress and results; it is not enough to just know what your position is supposed to be or how to do what is required of you.  You must also seek to continually improve on that ability on a daily basis to become more and more invaluable.  Consider:  What are you doing daily improving your ability to perform for the unit you work for and the organization as a whole?

Invaluable Factor #3 – IRREPLACEABILITY

This measures how difficult it is to replace you and is a function of two things:  the available completion for your position, and how deeply you understand the unique needs of your current employer.  To stay irreplaceable, you must commit to ongoing research and reevaluation.  Consider:  What is the biggest thing keeping your boss from firing you right now? 

Invaluable Factor #4 – FOCUS

Focus requires you to avoid anything that gets in the way of you spending time in your most valuable activities.  These are the activities that have the greatest impact on the bottom line, both for you personally and for the organization as a whole.  The more you spread yourself out in many directions, the less valuable you become.  As information and available options continue to explode, so does the temptation to engage in many less valuable activities.  Consider:  How well do you focus your actions on your most valuable activities?

Invaluable Factor #5 – CONNECTION

This assesses your ability to connect personally with others, both in terms of quantity and quality.  The value that you bring is directly affected by your ability to work well with others and to share resources with others.  Connection is an absolutely essential part of becoming invaluable.  In order to increase connection, you must not only master the art of face-to-face interaction, but digital interaction, as well.  Consider:  How many people feel personally connected to you? 

Invaluable Factor #6 – AUTHORITY

Authority evaluates how strongly the current market considers you to be the top expert in your field.  An authority is someone others look to when they make decisions.  An employee who is recognized both inside and outside of the organization as a leading expert dramatically improves his or her value.  Consider:  Do my peers, both inside and outside of my organization, consider me to be a leading expert in my field?  Am I regularly consulted on matters at work?

Achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a free session at www.denisedema.com today.