Success in any area
of life never happens in a complete vacuum. Often it is just as much dependent
on an individual’s will-power and intelligence as it is on their environment
and outside circumstances.
To find happiness and
success, you therefore need to pay attention and take some control over the
type of environments you are surrounding yourself in on a daily basis; even the
strongest and brightest of minds will find it difficult to achieve their goals
if they are in a completely wrong environment for them. This is because every
aspect of your external life has some influence over your internal thoughts and
behaviors, especially the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis,
and the type of places where you spend most of your time.
Time to look at the people you surround yourself with…..
The first main aspect
of our environment that influences our success is the people we surround
ourselves with on a daily basis.
For example, a recent
study published in a 2013 issue of Psychological Science found that surrounding
yourself with friends who are more self-disciplined can also help you become
more self-disciplined. This is just one of many examples of how our social
network can have an influence over our own behavior and goal-seeking.
It fits well with
other research that shows if you hang around people who are obese and
unhealthy, it’s more likely you will become obese and unhealthy. And if you
hang around with people who are lazy and don’t study for class, it’s likely
you’ll end up with similar grades as them too. More and more scientific
evidence is beginning to show that we become a reflection of the types of
people we hang out with the most. This social influence affects every area of
our lives: at home, at work, at school, at a party, or wherever.
So take a moment to
think about some of your own personal goals and values. Are there any people in
your life who are currently holding you back from achieving them? Be honest. Instead
of spending time with people who make you hate life and make you want to give
up, spend time with people who make you love life and motivate you to improve
yourself for the better.
That to me is one of
the most important characteristics in a healthy relationship. It’s also
essential to achieving success. If you have the right people in your life,
it’ll be easy to find that extra boost of support when you really need it.
Think about the places you spend your time at……
The second main
aspect of our environment that influences our success is the places we spend
most of our time at.
For example, one
important factor that has shown to increase productivity and happiness is
giving people some freedom to design their own workplace. Taking ownership over
where you spend your time allows you to choose an environment that motivates
and inspires you. A good environment for success should keep your senses
stimulated and awake while you work on your goals, while not being too
distracting.
For example, one
specific thing you could do is put plants or a fish tank in your office, gym,
or workplace to surround yourself with nature more. There have been countless
studies showing how exposing ourselves to nature can improve focus, minimize
stress, and boost cognitive ability.
Another thing you can
do is decorate your workspace with motivational posters and quotes. These can
be great resources to have around the office when you need something to lift
your mood. Find images that are visually appealing to you, with designs and
colors that make you feel good and set the right tone for you and your goals.
Often when working
for large organizations we can lose a sense of our personal identity. Your
office is usually the one place you have some freedom to express yourself, so
create a work environment that works for you – something that reflects some of
your own values and interests, and something that motivates and inspires you.
Try changing your
workspace around every few months or so to keep it fresh and interesting. On
the surface it may not seem like a big deal, but remember this is the place you
work at everyday, so it’s going to have an influence on your success and
inspiration whether you realize it or not. You might as well make it as
positive as possible.
It’s about choosing an environment that brings out the best in you……..
At the end of the
day, you can’t meet your full potential for success unless you find an
environment that brings out the very best in you. Try to become more aware of
the people and places you interact with on a daily basis. Are they encouraging
your success or discouraging it? How can you make some changes to your
environment so that it better serves you and your goals?
Achieve your full
potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20
years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to
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How do you know if your boundaries are being crossed? Generally, there are a few broad categories that comprise boundary violations: verbal, psychological, emotional, and physical. Ethical, spiritual, and moral boundary violations exist as well.
Verbal violations include not allowing you to speak or be heard, raising their voice and/or screaming at you, saying things that are derogatory or inflammatory about your integrity and character, gossiping about you.
Psychological and emotional boundary violations include preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem, using what you’ve told them in confidence against you, lying to you, criticizing, demeaning, judging, or manipulating you, making fun of you, your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, trying to make you feel guilty or responsible for them or a situation, making demands of your time and energy, shaming or embarrassing you, bullying you, assuring you that their thoughts and beliefs are superior to and more important than yours.
Physical violations include moving into your personal space, touching you without permission, being inappropriate or too familiar, especially sexually, (including sexual references and overtures), touching or handling things that belong to you, violating your privacy (cell phone, computer, social media contacts, personal records), damaging or destroying your personal property, threatening you with physical harm.
While admittedly it may take involvement with several different people over a period of time, eventually getting the hang of who you want in your life and understanding who respects you and your space as opposed to people who are out for themselves (and are basically otherwise toxic), here are some tips in the meantime to help you navigate your way to your goal of establishing healthy boundaries.
Know thyself. Get to know yourself as best you can. This means that you need to learn what’s really important to you, what you really value apart from anyone else. Gaining access to your inner world by becoming familiar and comfortable with your own beliefs, emotions, feelings, and ideas is essential. The intimacy you experience within yourself serves as your own personal relational barometer. The better you know yourself the better you are able to understand and choose those significant others that best mirror the kind of life experience you want to have.
Take responsibility for yourself. This means to become aware, to develop the capacity for active conscious involvement, to know what needs to be done for yourself. By setting your own boundaries, you’re telling others how you want and expect to be treated; in other words, you are setting your limits about who can come into your space and what you expect of others once they’re there--- how you want to be spoken to, touched, and treated psychologically and emotionally. Whatever you say goes, no matter what others may think, feel, or believe. A corollary of this is that you are not responsible for the feelings, actions, and beliefs of others, or for the way they react to the boundaries you’ve set.
Develop a healthy respect for yourself.
All of your experiences, including the mistakes you’ve made help to shape your character---who you are. No one beside you, no matter how persuasive they may be, can define you or try to control who you are. When you respect yourself, all of who you are, you should expect that others will treat you with respect. If they don’t, that’s a clear sign not to engage.
Heed the warning signs. Stay away from anyone who has his or her own agenda and thinks nothing of pushing the limit, of invading your space for their own end. This is not a hard thing to recognize since there’s usually not much subtlety involved. In fact, the more you resist their attempts to engage you in a way that’s best for them, the more obvious, desperate, insulting, and shrill they may become as they try to up the ante.
Don’t try to fix people. Fixing others is a way of trying to get love, attention, and/or validation. Getting love/attention/validation must mean you’re “okay”---right? It’s a waste of your time and energy to try to fix them because, bottom line, they’re not interested in becoming any other way than they are. And the fact is you certainly don’t need fixing from self-serving people who want to tell you what to do and what’s good for you.
You are in charge of your choices. You have the right to change your mind or your direction at any time. You don’t need to feel that you owe anyone anything more than you want to give with your free and conscious heart. Anyone who mistreats you, is disrespectful of your wishes, refuses to hear you, and has no intention of changing is trouble with a capital T. Be ready to walk away without fear or guilt, and don’t look back.
Separate yourself from others. It may be difficult to imagine being emotionally attached to others while remaining psychologically and intellectually detached. This means that you are able to separate your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs from others. You understand that your boundaries are different from others. This detachment creates enough room, a kind of “psychic space” between you and others that allows for personal expression while minimizing emotional and psychological entanglement. Gaining a healthy perspective of others without creating conflict within yourself is the goal.
Work on creating the boundaries that will serve your life. Book a complimentary session to achieve your full potential at www.denisedema.com
Source: Psychology Today