How to Achieve Happiness and Well-Being in Your Life





We all want to be happy. When we're happy we are productive and become good at building meaningful relationships with those around us. However, happiness is a notoriously difficult thing to pin down and by focusing on it too intensely we can end up feeling unfulfilled. So think about what we need to do to flourish and to really be happy as a result. To help this process, here are some essential elements that should be in place for us to experience lasting happiness and well-being.

Positive Emotion
For us to experience well-being, we need positive emotion in our lives. Any positive emotion like peace, gratitude, satisfaction, pleasure, faith, inspiration, hope, curiosity, or love falls into this category and the message is that it's really important to enjoy yourself in the here and now.

Engagement
When we're truly engaged in a situation, task, or project, we experience a state of flow: time seems to stop, we lose our sense of self and we concentrate intensely on the present. This feels really good! The more we experience this type of engagement the more likely we are to experience well-being.

Positive Relationships
As humans we are social beings and good relationships are core to our well-being. Time-and-again we see that people, who have meaningful, positive relationships with others, are happier than those who do not. Relationships really do matter!

Meaning
Meaning comes from serving a cause bigger than ourselves. Whether this is a specific person or a cause that helps humanity in some way, we all need meaning in our lives to have a sense of well-being.   


Accomplishment/Achievement
Many of us strive to better in some way whether we're seeking to master a skill, achieve a valuable goal or win in some competitive event. As such, accomplishment is another important thing that contributes to our ability to flourish.

Now that you're aware of all the things that make up your well-being and happiness, you can start to work on each one to live a rich, meaningful life.

Let's look at how you can do this.



Positive Emotions
Although we can't be happy all the time, we need to make sure that we often experience positive emotions such as pleasure, happiness, contentment, peace, joy, and inspiration. If you feel you're not experiencing enough positive emotions in your life, stop and think about why?

First, look at your career. Do you get to use your talents and strengths in your current role? If not how can you change that either in your current position or in another so you are valued for your contributions? Determine your strengths and look at ways to share them with others.

Next, identify people, events, or things that give you pleasure. Start to surround yourself with those things even if it is on a small scale in the beginning. For example, imagine you love being outdoors, surrounded by nature but spend a lot of time working inside. Why not bring plants or flowers into your space to experience this source of happiness in your work environment?

Spend time with positive people, do things that make you smile, and look at activities that bring joy to your world. The aim here is to find ways to bring positive emotions and enjoyment into your daily routine, and to ensure that you don't keep on putting these things off into a future that never quite arrives.


Engagement
Do you feel engaged in your career and in life? Engagement is about being fully involved and enthusiastic about what you are doing. You can experience deep engagement when participating in sports, spending time with friends, or working on things that you're fascinated with.

You can increase your engagement at work by minimizing distractions, improving concentration and focusing on projects that provide an interesting challenge for your skills. When you feel engaged you are more productive, effective and put passion into your work.

Look at your interests. Do you make enough time for a favorite hobby or physical activity? Many of us let this important personal time slip away, especially when we're stressed or overloaded with work. Try to devote plenty of time to activities that make you feel happy and engaged. This is very important to attain life/work balance.

Positive Relationships
Do you have positive relationships in your life? These can be with anyone: family, friends, neighbors, or colleagues. Do you wish you had more of these relationships?

You probably spend a good majority of your time at work, so it's important to start here if you want to build great relationships. Good working relationships give us several benefits and make our work more enjoyable when we have strong relationships with those around us. Also, people are more likely to go along with changes that we want to implement and become more innovative and creative.

Looking at your personal life, do you enjoy the company of your family and friends, and do you find that they're positive and supportive? If not, then it's important to take the time to understand why. Are you devoting enough time to strengthening these relationships? And do you need to make more of an effort to reach out to your friends and family? Don’t wait for another time to have these relationships flourish because things can change in an instant.

Make a commitment to spend significant time with a friend or family member on a regular basis. Relationships take engagement and hard work, and they're often strengthened only when we make an effort to connect with other people. On the other hand, you can't do much to change people so if your relationships aren't positive, you need to decide how far should you seek to preserve them? Know when to cut your ties and put your energy into the relationships that serve your life and are rewarding for you to be in.

Meaning

Do you feel that your life and work has meaning? That is, do you feel that you're connected in some way to a cause bigger than yourself? Most of us want to believe that we're working and living for a greater purpose. So finding meaning is important to our overall sense of well-being. When you set out to actively look for purpose in your life, the harder you try, the harder it can be to find.


Remember chasing butterflies as a kid? The more you ran, the more they flew to escape you. But sometimes, when you just sat on the grass and watched, they'd come to rest on your leg – if only for a moment. Finding purpose in your work can be very much like this. Don't run forward franticly, trying to find meaning. Instead, do a quiet, more thoughtful search. The meaning and purpose you seek may come to you when you least expect it.

Certain activities, such as mentoring a co worker, spending time with our family, volunteering, or performing acts of kindness can really improve our sense of meaning in life. If you feel your own life is lacking meaning, do these things - you'll find them hugely satisfying.

Accomplishments/Achievement
This might be the trickiest element of well being simply because it's very easy to take it too far. For instance, in many societies achievement is highly valued and if we're not always busy, it can seem that we're not living up to expectations and living a full life. However to continually push ourselves too hard can easily run ourselves ragged in pursuit of the next achievement.

So take your time and prioritize your drive in life. If you suspect you're not devoting enough time or energy to accomplishing your dreams, then start now by first identifying what you truly want to accomplish and discover what you'd love most to do in your life. When you set concrete goals for yourself, and discuss them with your manager, partner, parents, coach or mentor, you are creating your image and path of the future. The images you hold about the future serve to guide and inspire you. They influence your present actions and decisions. This is why the power to create your future success comes from within.


By focusing on all of these elements, you can flourish in life and find the happiness and well-being you want. This is a good starting point for living a great life!

Achieve your full potential today! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session today at http://www.denisedema.com  

Take This Relationship Assessment




Please answer the following questions with a yes or no to see where you stand in your relationship today.


I am whole when I'm alone; being with my partner increases my happiness.

I know my partner's most important values and share them.

I tell my partner the truth, even about the little details.

I respect my partner and do not insult or speak sarcastically, especially when I'm angry.

I'm doing everything I can to contribute to the success of our relationship.

I am fully present with my partner when we make love.

I am grateful for the love I feel in this relationship; my partner lifts my spirits.

I trust my partner as much or more than anyone else in my life.

As a couple we are attractive; people seek our company.

I have listened to my partner so well that I often know what s/he is thinking.

This relationship is completely consistent with my personal integrity.

I choose to be honest, faithful, and committed to my partner.

I listen to my partner fully' I don't interrupt or contradict my partner when s/he is speaking.

When I make a mistake, I say so, and apologize for any negative consequences.

My needs for closeness and independence are balanced in this relationship.

I have communicated my personal needs around sex and intimacy, and they are understood, accepted, and being fulfilled in a way which feels good.

Our relationship heightens my personal power, passion, and vivacity.

I am careful about what I promise; I don't set my partner up for disappointment.
________________________________________
Your Totals:   YES                    NO

How did you do? If you scored less than 15 in the yes column, Coaching is what you’ve been looking for.  Coaching is perfect to create clarity, self awareness and give you the tools to help you excel in your relationships.

Get on the right path to achieve your full potential! Focus on personal development to improve your life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their personal and professional life.  Book a free strategy session at http://www.denisedema.com

Learn How to Eliminate Your Bad Habits


It has been said that human beings are ‘Creatures of Habit’. Habits are routines of behaviors that occur outside of conscious awareness. Many habits are helpful, in that they help you to manage your time, and complete important and routine everyday tasks.

Do you have a habit you would like to eliminate? Is your habit your servant or your master? Are you aware that ultimately, your habits determine your future!

No matter what you might long for in life, you don’t just drift along into the life you desire, you have to create what you want by taking action in the direction of your goals.

Ask your self some questions about the habits you have developed. Some will be helpful habits, in that they are consistent with your values, while others habits are unhelpful and do not serve your life goals.

Breaking a habit involves will power! Habits differ from addictions because they can be controlled by the will, whereas addictions are negative behaviors that are no longer under the control of the will. Many people hang on to unhelpful habits because they meet an important emotional need in the form of a Reward. Habits are not innate; rather they are learned and influenced by the environment by a process known as Reinforcement (reward). Think about the reward you derive from the habit you wish to eliminate. Do you have the will power to give this up and make a change?

Identify one unhelpful habit in your life and ask yourself; What keeps it going? Does it meet a social or emotional need in you? How does this habit impact on your life? Does it affect your sense of the future? How would you like it to be different? In what way would your life be different if you could break free of this unhelpful habit?

Studies have shown that in order to break free of unhelpful habits it is necessary to Replace them with habits that promote and serve your goals.

Can you think of a helpful habit you could develop so that you can replace your unhelpful habit?

The findings of psychological research demonstrate that habits develop through repetition, with very little or no thought involved.

So, we know that habits become automatic through consistent repetition and reward. This applies to both helpful and unhelpful habits, whatever it is you repeat and reward in a consistent way for 30 days will become a new habit, whether it is helpful or unhelpful, good or bad!

Understanding the factors that influence the formation of habits will help you to apply them to creating the habits you want to develop; habits that serve your goals.

If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you will accept in life, you will find it easy to slip into behaviors, attitudes or quality of life that falls far below what you deserve.

If you are ready to eliminate an unwanted habit you will find some guidelines below.

  • When attempting to eliminate an unwanted habit, it is much easier to deal with one habit at a time, so that you do not set yourself up for failure by taking on too much at once.
  • Write down a start date and give yourself a 30 day time frame to replace an unwanted habit with a one that you would like to develop.
  • Write down your goals and tell others about your intentions, this will help you to take responsibility for your decision and make you accountable to yourself for follow-through.  
  • List the pros and cons of eliminating your unwanted habit; this will help you to strengthen your motivation, by focusing on what you want and what you don’t want in your life.
  • Be sure to find out what your triggers are. All habits have a trigger point; it may be time of day, or other context, which acts as a trigger for you to exercise your unwanted habit. For instance; do you eat in the context of being hungry or when you see food?!
  • Use self-talk to help you cope with temptation. Access support from others who believe you can do it and are not likely to sabotage your progress.
  • Identify the obstacles that might get in the way of you reaching your goal. Make a plan so that you can manage blips and setbacks to progress. Expect blips as part of the process and don’t give up!
  • Use your pros and cons list to help you to stay motivated on a daily basis, add pictures or photographs as visual aids to prompt you to stay on target.

On your ‘start day’, consistently replace the unhelpful habit with the helpful one you have chosen. Remember that repetition and rehearsal establishes a new pattern, so stick with it! Change the environment so that the relationship between your trigger and your response is disrupted. Be consistent!

Follow these instructions for 30 days minimum and then review your progress. If you have a blip, look for the trigger, and plan to be more vigilant next time it occurs.

Make your habits your servants; do not allow unwanted habits to prevent you from living your dreams! You are able to choose, and you have the power to make change happen in your life, no-one else does. If it is important to you, it can be overcome. Ultimately, it is what you DO that matters in life. Helpful habits lead to positive futures.

Take Action!

Use these tips to help you identify problem behaviour, move forward and stay on track.

What will you be doing differently 30 days from now?
Write it down here:
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

If someone was watching you what would they be noticing about you?
Write it down here:
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Now live what you have described, live it consistently every day
for 30 days!

If you would like further information on Habit Formation or elimination of unhelpful habits, here are some useful reading suggestions:

The Habit Change Workbook; How to break bad habits and form good ones by J Claiborn.

Habitually Great: Master your habits, own your destiny by Mark Weinstein.


Achieve your full potential! Work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started today!

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Learn To Increase Your Willpower



Our ability to change habits is an important part of cultivating a healthy and happy life, but there are many different factors to consider when trying to change a habit. 

One of the best things to do is identify your habit loops. This means finding the “cue-routine-reward” that fuels your habits, and then trying to change your habit by changing the way you respond to cues in your environment, or using different rewards to reinforce a new course of action.

However, understanding the structure of your habits won’t always be enough to modify your behaviors. There is an element of willpower that plays a key role in all habit change. 

Willpower is the self-discipline to do something even if you don’t have a lot of motivation to do it.

For example, those who have strong willpower will be able to resist a slice of cake or push themselves to go to the gym, while a person with less willpower will find it more difficult to do these things if they aren’t already used to them.

Recently there has been a good amount of research on how we can maximize our willpower when changing habits. Here are the important findings:

 • Willpower is a limited resource that needs to be used wisely. When researchers have participants resist eating a cookie, they perform worse on a difficult puzzle afterwards. That’s because when we exercise our willpower at one task, we have less willpower to dedicate to another task. Therefore, it’s best to only focus on changing one major habit at a time. If you spread yourself too thin, by trying to change too much about your life at once, it’s very likely that you will get tired faster and give up quicker on your goals.

• Willpower can be strengthened like a muscle. While it’s true that it’s limited, we can build upon our long-term capacity by actively exercising our willpower more often. Practice by changing small habits first – like switching soda with water, or just going out for a walk every morning – and then you can move onto bigger habits once you strengthen your willpower and motivation. It’s just like exercising any other muscle. You can’t expect to go into the gym and bench press 200 lbs, but if you work at it overtime then maybe one day you will. Our willpower works the same way.

• Believing you have more willpower makes you push yourself harder. A study published in Psychological Science found that students could fight off taking a break from studying simply by having the mindset that they can go longer. When motivating ourselves to change habits, it’s important to remember that our attitude and beliefs play a crucial role. If you believe that you can achieve something, you’re more likely to push yourself and go that extra mile. But when you believe your willpower is weak, you’re more likely to settle for less.

• Practice taking a step back. One of the best ways to disconnect from our routines and change our behavior is to practice a short STOP meditation. This is when we step back from what we are doing in the moment and reflect on our current mindset. Willpower requires focus and awareness. If you go about your day unconsciously, without ever second-guessing yourself, then you aren’t exercising very much of your willpower and potential.

• Once you build a new habit, you can concentrate your willpower on other new habits. Habits are often characterized by the fact that they are routine and automatic. When you first learned how to tie your shoes, it may have taken a lot of effort and concentration. Now that you’ve practiced it so many times, it’s second-nature to you – and therefore it takes practically no willpower or energy at all. In the same way, once we build a new habit we no longer need as much willpower to do it, so we can begin focusing that willpower on adopting new behaviors. 
Psychologists admit that some people are probably born with more willpower than others. However, it’s good to know that we can improve our willpower in various ways by exercising it more.

Improve your will power and work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years’ experience empowering people to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to start achieving your full potential today.