The
way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. The strongest single
factor in acquiring abundance is self-esteem: believing you can do it,
believing you deserve it, believing you will get it. People are motivated to have high self-esteem, and having it
indicates positive self-regard.
There
is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more
likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who
do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.
Do
you like and accept yourself? Are you happy with whom you are? Do you have
faith in yourself? Do you believe that you have what it takes to be able to
lead a rich and fulfilling life? These questions are all related to your level
of self-esteem. Self-esteem is essential for success and happiness. It’s
also essential in order to be able to achieve your goals. People with high
self-esteem say the following about themselves:
- I like myself as a person.
- I’m as good as everyone else.
- I like what I see in the mirror.
- I am happy to be me.
- I respect myself.
- I’d rather be me than anyone else.
- I’m not affected by what others say to me.
- I have the skills and qualities to make myself a success.
- I like taking risks.
- I’m not afraid to make mistakes.
- I can laugh at myself.
Here
are a few ways to boost your self-esteem.
Recognize Your Intrinsic
Self-Worth
The
basic premise of self-esteem is that all people have intrinsic worth as a
person which does not have to be earned. Intrinsic self worth is basically self
love. When you feel intrinsic self worth, you are happy and satisfied with
yourself as you are. Someone
with intrinsic self worth does not require external awards, kudos, gold stars,
or the acknowledgement of authority figures (parents, priests, teachers, etc.)
in order to feel good about themselves. Someone with intrinsic self worth loves
themselves unconditionally. This core human worth is not affected by external factors,
this means that you don’t need to compete in order to establish your worth, or
be constantly comparing yourself to others with money, looks or physical
things. It means that your self-esteem is not something that is developed by
any external factors. One of the building blocks of self-esteem is
recognizing your intrinsic self-worth. Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it
comes first from within.
Thoughts Determine Self-Esteem
Self-esteem
and circumstances are only indirectly related. Self-esteem is 100% determined
by your thoughts.
One
example to illustrate this point is what you say to yourself when you’re
standing in front of a mirror. If you look in the mirror and think, “I’ve gained
five pounds; I look fat”, you feel bad about yourself. If, instead, you think
about something positive, “My hair looks nice like this”, you then feel good
about yourself. The reflection in the mirror remains the same; only the
thoughts change.
In
addition, certain external circumstances can make it easier for you to feel
good about yourself. However, external circumstances are never as powerful as
your own thoughts. Here are two examples:
- If you’re the vice-president of a major corporation and you say to yourself, “By my age I should be the President of this corporation”, you feel bad about yourself even though you hold an important position.
- If, on the other hand, you hold a job that is not regarded by society with as much prestige but you say to yourself, “I do my job well and it allows me to pay my bills on time and spend quality time with my family which is my priority”, you feel good about yourself.
You
can increase your self-esteem by changing the way in which you interpret your
life, and by uncovering the negative self-statements you habitually make. You
then need to create new, positive self-statements. They add that research
indicates that it is more effective to stop telling yourself negative things,
than to just tell yourself positive things.
In
order to understand self-esteem, you need to be aware of the Pathological Inner
Critic. This is the voice you hear in your head which is constantly reminding
you of your failings and shortcomings. The inner critic destroys your
self-esteem. In order to silence the inner critic, I recommend the
following process:
1.
Pay attention to your thoughts and learn to become aware of when your inner
critic is doing the talking inside your head.
2.
When you hear the inner critic, talk back. You can mentally say to yourself any
of the following: “That’s a lie”; “Shut-up!”; “I don’t believe that”; or
“That’s not so”. You can also wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it
when you hear the inner critic talking, in order to break your chain of
thought.
3.
Instead of being occupied with thoughts about past occurrences which may result
in feelings of anxiety, sadness, regret, shame, or guilt, based on what your
inner critic is saying, get up and go do something else. You can also shift
your attention: look out the window, look at an object nearby and study it
intently, think of something pleasant you’ve done lately, or think of someone
you enjoy spending time with.
4.
Schedule time to address the things you need to think about or figure out. If there’s
something that’s not resolved, set aside a specific time to think about it.
Then, only think about it during that designated time. If you catch your
inner critic trying to get you to think about things prematurely that interrupt
your day, stop the thoughts and make it wait so it has a place and time instead
of allowing it to rummage through your head the entire day. Worrying about
things with no result in sight only disrupts your ability to focus on other
things that are important.
5.
Replace the inner critic with a positive voice. Compliment yourself or repeat a
positive affirmation. Stop the thoughts that are negative and replace them with
good thoughts to create a habit that will become second nature in time.
Keep Your Self-Esteem
Muscles Strong
Self-esteem
is a mental muscle that must be developed and maintained through regular
psychological workouts. Here are some of the “workouts” recommended.
1.
Pursue something you’re passionate about each day, even if it’s just for
fifteen minutes. This can be gardening, hitting golf balls, taking a walk at
the beach, reading a chapter in a book or reading a bedtime story to your child
over the phone if you have to work late. Actively seek out activities and
projects that generate passion.
2.
Instead of just giving yourself credit only when you achieve a goal, stop to
recognize your efforts. Make a list of things that you give your 100% to.
3.
Put up a self-esteem bulletin board in a place where you can see it often and
fill it with things that make you feel good: an email from a client thanking
you for your great work, a photo of yourself that you like, a painting your
child made especially for you, and so on. Update your collection once a month.
This is a visual aid that does wonders for your mental state of mind each day
when you see it. It sets a positive path for you.
Conclusion
The reputation you have with yourself - your
self-esteem - is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life.
Get
the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a
Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering
individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in
their professional & personal lives. Book
a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and
professional goals today!
You yourself, as much as anybody in the
entire universe deserve your love & affection. ~Buddha
