A positive
attitude is key to a successful life, so what happens when things go wrong? We
have a tendency to let our attitudes take a dive along with our state of
affairs. But life is going to deal setbacks, both minor and major, on a regular
basis, and if we are going to be successful, we need to know how to keep our
attitudes intact.
We need practical
tools to help us understand how we can keep our attitudes up when the
circumstances are down. Here are some thoughts to help us do so:
1. Take
some time away.
You know
what happens. You’re going about your day and everything seems to be going well,
when out of nowhere, disaster strikes. All of your best-laid plans begin to
tumble. Sometimes circumstances surprise us and we react—and, unfortunately,
this often compounds the problem, because by reacting, we tend to operate out
of our weaknesses instead of our strengths. We make decisions that are not well
thought out. We function with a bad attitude that says, “I can't believe this
is happening!
The next
time life turns against you, take some time to just step back from the problem
and think. This will enable you to rationally deal with the issue at hand,
instead of emotionally reacting. It will allow you to put your state of mind
back in its proper place. It will give you the opportunity to choose your
attitude as you face the circumstances at hand. Remember that you don't have to
do something right now. Go grab a cup of coffee and relax. You are in
control—not the circumstances.
If you find
yourself getting down about circumstances, sit down and write out what your
goal is, and give some thought to how you can achieve it. Make sure you’re
keeping the important things important.
A man was
asked how he was doing and he responded, "Pretty well, under the
circumstances." The other man asked, "What are you doing under the
circumstances?" Good question. We shouldn't be under the circumstances. We
should be focused on the goal and moving forward.
Focus
on solutions, not problems.
Negative circumstances
don't sit idly by—they scream for our attention. When we face difficult
circumstances, we tend to dwell on them. We talk about them, fret about them
and give them way too much attention.
Instead of
talking about problems, talk about solutions. Instead of spending your time
thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be! Don't
have family or staff meetings about the problems and how big they are; have
meetings on the solutions and how you will implement them. Don't let yourself
or other team members complain; encourage them to solve, with an emphasis on
the positive results that will come from doing so. Then take some time to put
these solutions down on paper so you can monitor your progress.
Get
some positive input.
The mind
tends to build on itself, so when we begin to go in one direction (like
worrying), it can be a slippery slope. One thing we must do is get our thoughts
back on track with positive ideas.
When
circumstances have you against the emotional wall, meet with a friend who can
encourage you. Pick up a good book and read. Whatever external influence you
can get to put your attitude back on the positive side of the tracks—do it! It
must be one of our first goals to start plugging good things into our minds to
power our attitudes.
Tell
yourself the good.
One of the
greatest internal powers we have is the power to control our thoughts. Spend
time dwelling on the good things about your life or career instead of the
problems. Think about positive things—things that you enjoy and that give you a
sense of happiness and peace. There is an old childhood song that says,
"Count your blessings—name them one by one." That’s great advice! Let
your positive attitude develop from within as well as from without. This makes
all the difference!
Remember that circumstances are not forever.
Sometimes
it seems like we are going to be up to our eyeballs in the situation forever,
when in reality, “this too shall pass.” There will be a time in the future when
circumstances will change and you will be on the mountain instead of in the
valley. This will give you a sense of hope as you live and work that will
change your attitude, make you feel better and put you on the fast track for
growth.
Expand your
knowledge and enlighten your mind with tools to help you excel in your
professional and personal life. Work with a Business and Life Management Coach
and Book a Complimentary Coaching Session at http://www.denisedema.com
How do you know if your boundaries are being crossed? Generally, there are a few broad categories that comprise boundary violations: verbal, psychological, emotional, and physical. Ethical, spiritual, and moral boundary violations exist as well.
Verbal violations include not allowing you to speak or be heard, raising their voice and/or screaming at you, saying things that are derogatory or inflammatory about your integrity and character, gossiping about you.
Psychological and emotional boundary violations include preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem, using what you’ve told them in confidence against you, lying to you, criticizing, demeaning, judging, or manipulating you, making fun of you, your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, trying to make you feel guilty or responsible for them or a situation, making demands of your time and energy, shaming or embarrassing you, bullying you, assuring you that their thoughts and beliefs are superior to and more important than yours.
Physical violations include moving into your personal space, touching you without permission, being inappropriate or too familiar, especially sexually, (including sexual references and overtures), touching or handling things that belong to you, violating your privacy (cell phone, computer, social media contacts, personal records), damaging or destroying your personal property, threatening you with physical harm.
While admittedly it may take involvement with several different people over a period of time, eventually getting the hang of who you want in your life and understanding who respects you and your space as opposed to people who are out for themselves (and are basically otherwise toxic), here are some tips in the meantime to help you navigate your way to your goal of establishing healthy boundaries.
Know thyself. Get to know yourself as best you can. This means that you need to learn what’s really important to you, what you really value apart from anyone else. Gaining access to your inner world by becoming familiar and comfortable with your own beliefs, emotions, feelings, and ideas is essential. The intimacy you experience within yourself serves as your own personal relational barometer. The better you know yourself the better you are able to understand and choose those significant others that best mirror the kind of life experience you want to have.
Take responsibility for yourself. This means to become aware, to develop the capacity for active conscious involvement, to know what needs to be done for yourself. By setting your own boundaries, you’re telling others how you want and expect to be treated; in other words, you are setting your limits about who can come into your space and what you expect of others once they’re there--- how you want to be spoken to, touched, and treated psychologically and emotionally. Whatever you say goes, no matter what others may think, feel, or believe. A corollary of this is that you are not responsible for the feelings, actions, and beliefs of others, or for the way they react to the boundaries you’ve set.
Develop a healthy respect for yourself.
All of your experiences, including the mistakes you’ve made help to shape your character---who you are. No one beside you, no matter how persuasive they may be, can define you or try to control who you are. When you respect yourself, all of who you are, you should expect that others will treat you with respect. If they don’t, that’s a clear sign not to engage.
Heed the warning signs. Stay away from anyone who has his or her own agenda and thinks nothing of pushing the limit, of invading your space for their own end. This is not a hard thing to recognize since there’s usually not much subtlety involved. In fact, the more you resist their attempts to engage you in a way that’s best for them, the more obvious, desperate, insulting, and shrill they may become as they try to up the ante.
Don’t try to fix people. Fixing others is a way of trying to get love, attention, and/or validation. Getting love/attention/validation must mean you’re “okay”---right? It’s a waste of your time and energy to try to fix them because, bottom line, they’re not interested in becoming any other way than they are. And the fact is you certainly don’t need fixing from self-serving people who want to tell you what to do and what’s good for you.
You are in charge of your choices. You have the right to change your mind or your direction at any time. You don’t need to feel that you owe anyone anything more than you want to give with your free and conscious heart. Anyone who mistreats you, is disrespectful of your wishes, refuses to hear you, and has no intention of changing is trouble with a capital T. Be ready to walk away without fear or guilt, and don’t look back.
Separate yourself from others. It may be difficult to imagine being emotionally attached to others while remaining psychologically and intellectually detached. This means that you are able to separate your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs from others. You understand that your boundaries are different from others. This detachment creates enough room, a kind of “psychic space” between you and others that allows for personal expression while minimizing emotional and psychological entanglement. Gaining a healthy perspective of others without creating conflict within yourself is the goal.
Work on creating the boundaries that will serve your life. Book a complimentary session to achieve your full potential at www.denisedema.com
Source: Psychology Today