Develop a Healthy Mindset.....

Most people perceive they have issues that need fixing in some way in order to be successful or to be loved and appreciated for who they are. If you are one of the many striving for 'perfection' with unrealistic expectations you may experience moments of anger, frustration, even anxiousness and periods of sadness. Ask yourself the following questions to find out if you have a balanced, healthy mindset geared for your greater self-worth. If you answer no to 3 or more of these questions you might consider finding a way to shift any 'no' to 'yes' to boost your sense of self-worth and self-appreciation:

Do you know what is really important to you and how to fill your  life with actions that inspire you?

Do you understand what drives you and why and how that impacts everything you do?

Are you living a life free of shame, guilt and regret?

Are you doing what you love and loving what you do?

Do you know how to manage your emotions so that they do not control you or impact your daily life and relationships?

Do you feel everyday that you are worthy and loveable?

Do you see how all your previous challenges and self-labels have served you and your life?

Work with a Business and Life Management Coach to assist you in understanding yourself, what makes you who you are and what drives you. Learn the mechanisms of perceptions and how to dissolve the emotions standing in the way of you being grateful for you, your life and your experiences. You can manage and turn challenge to opportunity by focusing on your true power and potential. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started today!

Define Your Purpose!

Success and progress towards achieving your goals in life begin with knowing where you are going. The starting point of all human achievement is the development of a Definite Major Purpose. Without it, you are as helpless as a ship without a compass.

Your mental attitude gives power to everything you do. Once you have a definiteness of purpose you will know where you are going and how you are going to get there. You must create a path to attain your goals. The plan can change along the way but the incremental steps taken will guide you toward accomplishing the things that are important in your life. Attainment is dependent on having clarity of your purpose!

If this thought is overwhelming for you and you don't know where to begin, start on a small scale by thinking just about this very day before you. What is your purpose today? Do you have a definite direction toward that purpose, a plan of action steps to get you to achieve what is necessary to make your day productive? Without one, you most likely will end the day wondering where the time went, why nothing got done or why all the things on your mind never developed into anything accomplished or completed. A clear sense of purpose can transform obstacles into opportunities, frustration into determination, and defeat into victory.

Once you develop a daily habit of living your life with purpose you will start to feel a great sense of accomplishment and direction. It will give you the confidence to move forward with the same clarity to then attain your long term goals. The next step will be yours to take!

You can get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and professional goals today! National phone, e-mail and local on-site coaching available.

Seek First to Understand and Then Be Understood!

Each day we encounter different people from different places that have different opinions about everything.

Have you ever been with a family member, friend, business college or an acquaintance that has very strong opinions where you clearly disagree about something? You probably go around in circles until you think this will be the last time that you will disagree with that person because clearly they do not understand your perspective. Often times the conversation escalates to the point where one person isn’t listening anymore but yelling to get their point across. Then all communication breaks down at that point and different perspectives are no longer discussed. 

So try to think about this for a minute. Just because you are never going to agree,  because you have different opinions, does not mean you “should” agree. It’s not about being right or wrong but about being aware and respectful of our differences. Communication in a respectful, calm way is the beginning to understanding others and being understood.

Is it realistic to expect other people to understand us when we are not willing to listen or understand another’s perspective?” Imagine what our world would be like if we first started our conversations based on understanding. The quote “Seek to understand and then be understood” is relevant now more than ever. There are so many fascinating ways that people live their lives from what people wear to their political philosophy to how they choose to enjoy their lives.  By choosing to understand, we can create conversations that are based on acceptance of our differences as opposed to allowing those differences to make us angry and fearful of each other.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― C.G. Jung

What about this: “You believe what you believe. I believe what I believe. And that’s alright. ” I believe that just because someone has a different perspective from us it doesn’t mean that we cannot try to understand where the other person is coming from. With so many people, cultures, perspectives floating around how can we all have the same opinions? If we did it would make the world pretty boring. So we can all agree to disagree but still seek to understand in a respectful way.

The key to this concept of agreeing to disagree is honest communication. I think that it is important to ask the other person why they feel the way they do. While you may not be able to change the other person’s perspective, you will be able to open your mind and understand it. Respect not only applies to people but also to beliefs. By agreeing to disagree we can respect other people’s beliefs without necessarily calling them our own.

I think that “difference” is an amazing thing and choosing to understand them can truly allow us to grow as individuals. Difference can expand our perception of what is possible.  Understanding is a mindset, it is a choice that can be challenging at times but it allows us to learn more and grow by creating more connections. Building connections helps us learn more about the world we live in. You never know what you may learn if you open your mind……………

“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise Dema’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.

Developing Resilience

The importance of being a resilient person plays a hand in everything you do. Even if you're not a naturally resilient person, you can learn to develop a resilient mindset and attitude to improve your life. Start focusing on incorporating the following into your daily life.

 

1. Get enough sleep and exercise, and learn to manage stress. When you take care of your mind and body, you're better able to cope effectively with challenges in your life.

2. Practice thought awareness. Resilient people don't let negative thoughts derail their efforts. Instead, they consistently practice positive thinking. Also, "listen" to how you talk to yourself when something goes wrong - if you find yourself making statements that are permanent, pervasive or personalized, correct these thoughts in your mind.

3. Restructure the way that you think about negative situations and bad events. This will help turn your mood around, so that you can approach situations in a positive frame of mind.

4. Learn from your mistakes and failures. Every mistake has the power to teach you something important; so don't stop searching until you've found the lesson in every situation. Also, make sure that you understand the idea of "post-traumatic growth" - there can be real truth in the saying that "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger."

5. Choose your response. Remember, we all experience bad days and we all go through our share of crises. But we have a choice in how we respond; we can choose to react negatively or in a panic, or we can choose to remain calm and logical to find a solution. Your reaction is always up to you and it will determine how others respond to you as well.

6. Maintain perspective. Resilient people understand that, although a situation or crisis may seem overwhelming in the moment, it may not make that much of an impact over the long-term. Try to avoid blowing events out of proportion.

7. If you don't already, learn to set SMART, effective personal goals – it's incredibly important to set and achieve goals, and to learn from your experiences.

8. Build your self confidence. Remember, resilient people are confident that they're going to succeed eventually, despite the setbacks or stresses that they might be facing. This belief in themselves also enables them to take risks: when you develop confidence and a strong sense of self, you have the strength to keep moving forward, and to take the risks you need to get ahead.

9. Develop strong relationships with your colleagues. People who have strong connections at work are more resistant to stress, and they're happier in their role. This also goes for your personal life: the more real friendships you develop, the more resilient you're going to be, because you have a strong support network to fall back on. (Remember that treating people with compassion and empathy is very important here.)

10. Focus on being flexible. Resilient people understand that things change, and that carefully-made plans may, occasionally, need to be amended or scrapped.

Remember......

You can develop resilience in several ways. First, take care to exercise regularly and get enough sleep, so that you can control stress more easily. The stronger you feel physically and emotionally, the easier it is for you to overcome challenges.

Focus on thinking positively, and try to learn from the mistakes you make. Build strong relationships with colleagues and friends, so that you have a support network to fall back on. Also, set specific and achievable personal goals, and work on building your self-confidence.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 year’s experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional and personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get the tools you need to excel in life.

Practicing Humility

Practicing humility makes us teachable, and therefore wiser. It makes us better listeners and therefore more valuable friends. It allows us to examine ourselves and our personal traits without shame or judgment. It helps us get to know ourselves like never before and it opens up our hearts.

If you take responsibility for your actions as actions, not as a definition of who you are. This allows you to make objective, non-judgmental observations of yourself that lead to motivated activities rather than paralysis from shame.

Humility as “a modest or low view of one’s own importance.” When we talk about humility as a spiritual principle, we’re talking about developing an honest, accurate and objective view of our importance in the universe. Humility is not low self-esteem. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. With humility, our self-esteem is not attached to our personal traits, physical appearance, wealth, shortcomings, assets or our past. Instead it is attached to the design of our creator who created us with a purpose and gives us the power to fulfill that purpose. With humility, we view ourselves as equals with other human beings.

Someone who practices humility rarely feels insecure or self-conscious. They unflinchingly take credit for that which they are responsible and give credit for that which they are not. Their self-esteem is stable and they are secure with who they are. They feel no need for competition. They learn from the opinions of others, but are not shaken by them.

How to be humble.....

Be Grateful for Your Assets. In humility, we recognize the great qualities and assets that we have, but we don’t boast about them. Instead, we are grateful for them as gifts we have been given. Think about all the things you like about yourself and those things others like about you. Do you have intelligence, motivation, charm or some other great qualities? Express gratitude for those qualities and you will find humility.

Be Grateful for Your Challenges & Shortcomings. If you struggle with feeling that you are less motivated, less attractive or less intelligent than others, be grateful for the perspective and learning experience that apparent shortcoming offers you. Life is about growth and change. Every challenge we face builds our character and our assets. When we express gratitude for the challenges we face, those challenges lose their power over our perception of ourselves and become building blocks we can grow on.

Don't Compare Yourself with Others. Human Beings are the most diverse and variable creatures on the planet. Comparing one person to another is like comparing apples to green beans. It is this uniqueness that allows us to learn and grow from one another. You were created like no one else in the universe. You were created with a purpose that is shared with no one else. When you compare yourself with someone else, you could not possibly see what God sees in you.

Be Teachable. The key to wisdom is to be teachable, to realize that you do not know everything, that many things you believe to be true may be false, and that you have much to learn from others. Practice kindness anonymously. When you practice kindness, you transcend the high-anxiety world of selfishness and experiencing the fulfilling sense of oneness with others. When you practice kindness anonymously, you share the vision of your kindness without the distractions of pride and self-importance which may result from sharing your kindness publicly.

Loosen Your Expectations. No matter how good you are at making plans or predicting outcomes, no matter how strong your belief is that something should be a certain way, life will often produce results you did not expect or did not want. When we hold tight to expectations, we become easily frustrated, disappointed, angry and humiliated. When we take ourselves and our expectations less seriously, we can more easily handle what life hands us as we are guided on our unique life journey.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com

Help Others Feel Important

Why should we help others feel important? There are two giant reasons why we should find ways to make others feel important.  The first reason is that people will do more for you and be more willing to interact with you if you make them feel important.  They will want to be your friend, they will want to talk with you, and they will want to help you if they feel you value who they are.

The second major reason why you should make others feel important is because when you are helping others feel important you are helping yourself feel important as well.  Not only will you feel better about yourself when you practice noticing the good in others but the people you help feel important will in turn notice and talk about the good things in you.

So how do we help others feel important?

Here is a list of time-proven methods for helping others feel important.

• Call people by their first name.   People are extremely attached to their name.  It has a certain ring in their ears.  If you call people by their first name in a pleasant, optimistic, and friendly manner they will show you more courtesy, more respect, and they will like you more.

•  Acknowledge and pay attention to the people around you.  It does not take much energy to give the doorman, secretary, or taxi driver a kind and pleasant “good morning sir or mam”, but it will do wonders in the way they treat you.  When you acknowledge the people around you, they will acknowledge you in return.

• Appreciate others.  Show appreciation for the things that others do.  If someone provides you with a quality service make sure you let them know.  If you enjoyed a conversation with a friend be sure to let them know that you appreciate the time and energy they have given you.  Sincere and honest appreciate can go a long way in building relationships as well as making others feel important.

• Compliment others.  If you are paying attention to people you will begin to notice the things they do.  If your co-worker gets her hair done be sure to give her a compliment.  Be sincere and honest.  Pay attention and ask a related question.   Let the taxi driver know you think he is doing a great job driving in the busy streets.  Let your wife know how amazing the dinner she prepared was.

• Be courteous and considerate.  Be considerate to the feelings of those around you.  If your husband is having a tough day and wants some time alone to think make sure you give him a period of quiet time to be with himself.  If your wife had a long day at the office and wants to talk make sure you earnestly listen to what she has to say.

• Encourage others.   A bit of encouragement can help give a person the confidence to keep on.  When you encourage someone you are saying to them that you believe they can do whatever they are trying to do and that makes them feel important.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. This is one of Dale Carnegie’s rules to making friends and influencing people.  The bottom line of this rule is that it helps others feel important.  When you give them a grand reputation they feel good about themselves and they believe in themselves.

Achieve your full potential and work with a Business and Life Management Coach with over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to discuss your goals today!

Change Your Focus to the Positive!

The Law of Attraction states that what we focus on becomes our reality so it is very important to be aware of our thoughts. If we continually think about negative or the bad things in our lives then we will attract even more negativity. On the other hand if we focus on the positive we will be more likely to attract the positive. So the key is focus.

People who wish to make changes in their lives tend to do so because they are experiencing pain or bad feelings. This pain can actually lead to positive improvements, but in order to do so the focus must not be on the negative but instead on the positive outcome that is expected.

Remember that what you focus on becomes your reality. Focus on the positive.

Simple Focus Exercise:

1. Write down one of your negative thoughts. (I am not happy at work.)

2. Cross it out.

3. Find something positive about it and write that down.(I am respected and well paid) 

4. Spend some time focusing only on the positive aspect of that new thought.

5. When you feel that negative thought come up again just cross it out in your mind and replace it with the positive one.

Apply this exercise to all negative thoughts throughout your day. Express your mental power and before long you will be able to focus your attention on the positive things in your life and experience personal growth.

Get the tools you need to excel in your personal and professional life. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.

The Art of Conscious Living.....

The benefits of self-awareness lend itself into every aspect of your life. The more you are aware of yourself and others around you, the more choices are available to you that allow you to make better decisions on a daily basis. When you are consciously living, you are present in each moment and experience all that is before you.
 

It is easy to fall into habitual patterns that take you out of the moment. You often will do and see things that are already part of your internal process and lose the ability to be objective. Because life’s conditioning starts very early, your reactions and thoughts become preprogrammed and you tend to be more reactive to daily happenings than proactive toward what serves your life better.

To see things more clearly, take a moment and divide in yourself the mechanical from the conscious; see how little there is of the conscious, how seldom it works, and how strong the mechanical is - mechanical attitudes, mechanical intentions, mechanical thoughts, mechanical desires and actions.  

Change can only be addressed when you become aware and realize how programed your life really is. Continuing in this manor is either because you are not aware of choosing conscious living or because you are afraid to live consciously due to the changes that might happen in your life if you did.

Once you identify your automatic behaviors and responses that are triggered without your will, you can leave the ones intact that serve you and work on the behaviors that are unhealthy so you can break free from the auto pilot mode you have been living with for years.
 

It is important to take the first step to change your mechanical behaviors which have created your daily circumstances and learn to live consciously by making choices that better serve your life. You have the power to change and today can be the start.

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com  to get started in reaching your goals today! On-site, phone and e-mail coaching available.


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Learn How to Reach Your Goals

The New Year is a beginning, so new goals and resolutions, new plans, new dreams and new directions fuel your thoughts.

What is it about this annual “new” that causes us to reflect upon our lives and our accomplishments? I believe each of us has a natural inclination to grow our self-esteem and capability through new accomplishments. Most of us want to make a difference in the world. Most of us want to live life as fully as we can. Thus, we annually draw a new line in the sand and claim a starting point for our next chapter.

It’s been said that everyone has goals, whether we know it or not. We have goals to keep our current job, or to get a different one. Start a new relationship or make an existing one better. We have goals to save for the future, or to travel, take a vacation, or purchase the things we need and want to make our lives more enjoyable. An important distinction, however, is that top achievers are very intentional and focused on their goals, while many of the rest of us are not.

Successful people know that the wording, structure, timing and format of a goal can make its achievement much easier – or far more difficult. Top achievers understand the basic skills for setting and reaching their goals, every time! They know how to design goals that create success. Here are the important steps to set and achieve your goals:

Reachable goals are SPECIFIC. The brain must know exactly, precisely, what it is trying to accomplish. Never word a goal with vague terms like “some” or “a little bit”, or “more”. Be specific! If you want to lose 8 pounds and reach a weight of 175, specify those exact numbers. If you want to save $200 this month, be exact. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything if it knows precisely what you are aiming for.

Reachable goals are SIMPLE. Many people describe their goals in complex terms of retiring on the beach in Hawaii, with nice cars and lots of money, and…. Their list goes on and on. Any ONE of those things is a great goal, but the combination becomes over whelming and the brain gets confused. If you want to retire in Hawaii, just say so! If you want to increase your sales by 10% this month, say so! Keep your goals simple, clear, and focused.

Reachable goals are SIGNIFICANT. No one can muster the enthusiasm, hard work and courage to reach a goal they don’t really care about. A reachable goal is one you really, really want! You must own your goals. It’s something that will change your life, enhance your health or wealth, and make you proud. It gets your juices flowing, gets you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long, because it is important! Set goals that are worth achieving and that add value to your life!

Reachable goals are STRATEGIC. The best goals accomplish many great outcomes, all at one time. Running a 10K race will almost certainly: 1) feel great! 2) help you lose weight. 3) lower your cholesterol level 4) strengthen your heart 5) lower you risk of heart disease 6) increase your energy and stamina, and 7) improve your outlook. Design your goals to strategically impact as many areas of your life as possible. You’ll have more reasons to reach your goal and more excitement when you do!

Reachable goals are MEASURABLE. A goal without a measurable outcome is just a pipe-dream. You can’t achieve a pound of “happiness” or 6 inches of “self-esteem”, but you CAN get a new job. You CAN run a mile in under 7 minutes, or do 100 sit-ups. Someone has wisely observed that, “What gets measured, gets done.” Define your goals in terms of height, weight, dollars, inches, or hours. Then measure your progress until you achieve your desired outcome.

Reachable goals are RATIONAL. To reach your goal, you will need a plan, a path, and a vehicle for getting there. Your goals must make sense! When you explain them to friends and family, your goals should create excitement, draw support, and encouragement. Your goals should be just out of reach, but not out of sight! You want to stretch to be your best, not strain after impossible dreams. Set goals you CAN and WILL achieve!

Reachable goals are TANGIBLE. Choose goals that you can see, hear, smell or touch. Go for things you will enjoy and that you can clearly visualize. The brain has hard time going for “financial security”, but it can visualize a bank statement with nice, large numbers on it! Define your goals in terms that excite the senses, and then go for it with all your heart!

Reachable goals are WRITTEN. High achievers always know precisely what they want, because they’ve written it down. Often, they write a short description of their goals every single morning or affirmations as a personal reminder of their priorities and their objectives. The act of writing your goals down vastly increases your chance of success. Write it down! Then, keep your notes where you can see and read them every day.

Reachable goals are SHARED. We are far more likely to stick to our plan and reach our goals if we know our friends and family support us. Being part of a team increases our determination, our stamina, and our courage. Caution: Choose wisely who you surround yourself with. Never share your goals with anyone who may ridicule, tease or discourage you! The world is full of doubters and you have no time for them. But, find a support team, a group of cheerleaders, and a coach who will encourage you every step of the way. High achievers count on and work with other positive people and winners!

Reachable goals are CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES. This is one area that people really need to do some work in in in order to make the rest of the puzzle fit. One of the biggest reasons people fail to achieve their goals is that they have conflict between their behavior and their values. However, when your values and your goals are in agreement, there is no stopping you! Clarify your values first, then set simple, specific, measurable, tangible, written goals that are consistent with those values. You will achieve them, every single time!

Get the tools you need to achieve your goals and excel in your life. Work with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years’ experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. Book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to get started in reaching your personal and professional goals today! On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.

Participate in a Wonderful Charity for Children - Operation Santa Claus

Christmas is a very special time of year filled with laughter, joy and anticipation. Friends and family gather from near and far to share the warmth of the season. The aroma of roasting turkey fills the house, and children’s faces are aglow with wonder and delight.

However, many needy children do not have the same anticipatory glow. Many of these children exhibit a touching belief in the goodness and charity of the Christmas season that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. Their “Dear Santa” letters arrive by the thousands in every Post Office in our country.

Each year kind hearted people bring Operation Santa Claus to life by answering “Dear Santa” letters from needy children who would otherwise have no Christmas at all.

Operation Santa Claus is changing with the times and growing which means that this wonderful volunteer program may now be available at your local post office. Please note that “Dear Santa” letters will no longer sent out by mail from the New York Post Office, so if you would like to participate in this wonderful program, simply call your local post office to see if they offer “Operation Santa Claus”. Please see our “USPS Operation Santa Claus“ information page for more information on how to locate a post office in your area.

Please read the “Operation Santa Claus” articles that inspired this organization. It is our sincere and fervent hope that after reading both stories, that parents, teachers, scouting and civic organizations will band together to form a local chapter of Operation Santa Claus in each and every town in this land.

God Bless and Marry Christmas from Just Ask D!

Simple Tools to Counter the Stress of Negative Thinking

While dealing with all the challenges that are before us each day, it is easy to feel stressful. Quite often, our experience of stress comes from our perception of the situation which can send us into a downward spiral of unhappiness and negative thinking, and can cause us to be unfair or aggressive with others.

A popular definition of stress is, "a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.”

In becoming stressed, people must make two main judgments:  First, they must feel threatened by the situation, and second, they must judge whether their capabilities and resources are sufficient to meet the threat. How stressed someone feels depends on how much damage they think the situation can do them, and how closely their resources meet the demands of the situation.

Perception is the key to this as most situations are not stressful in their own right. Rather it is our interpretation of the situation that drives the level of stress that we feel.

Sometimes we are right in what we say to ourselves. Some situations may actually be dangerous, may threaten us physically, socially or in our career. Here, emotions are part of the early warning system that alerts us to the threat from these situations. Very often, however, we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves in a way that we would never be with friends or co-workers. This, along with other negative thinking, can cause intense stress and unhappiness and can severely undermine self-confidence.

Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking are simple tools that help you to change this negative thinking.  They will help you manage and counter the stress of negative thinking.

Thought Awareness helps you to understand the negative thinking, unpleasant memories and misinterpretation of situations that may interfere with your performance and damage your self-confidence.

Rational Thinking is the technique that helps you to challenge these negative thoughts and either learn from them or refute them as incorrect.

Positive thinking is then used to create positive affirmations that you can use to counter negative thoughts. These affirmations neutralize negative thoughts and build your self-confidence. It is also used to find the opportunities that are almost always present to some degree in a difficult situation.

Thought Awareness

You are thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself down, criticize yourself for errors, doubt your abilities, or expect failure. Negative thinking damages confidence, harms performance and paralyzes mental skills.

A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to fit into our consciousness, do their damage and flit back out again with their significance, having barely been noticed. Since we do not challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong. Yet, this does not diminish their harmful effect.

Thought Awareness is the process by which you observe your thoughts and become aware of what is going through your head.

One approach to it is to observe your stream of consciousness as you think about a stressful situation. Do not suppress any thoughts: Instead, you just let them run their course while you watch them, and write them down on paper as they occur.

Another more general approach to Thought Awareness comes with logging stress in a Stress Diary. One of the benefits of using a Stress Diary is that, for one or two weeks, you log all of the unpleasant things in your life that cause you stress. This will include negative thoughts and anxieties, and can also include difficult or unpleasant memories and situations that you perceive as negative. By logging your negative thoughts for a reasonable period of time, you can quickly see patterns in your negative thinking. When you analyze your diary at the end of the period, you should be able to see the most common and the most damaging thoughts. Tackle these as a priority.

Thought awareness is the first step in the process of managing negative thoughts, as you cannot manage thoughts that you are unaware of.

Rational Thinking

The next step in dealing with negative thinking is to challenge the negative thoughts that you identified using the Thought Awareness technique.  Look at every thought you wrote down and rationally challenge it.  Ask yourself whether the thought is reasonable: Does it stand up to fair scrutiny?

As an example, by analyzing your Stress Diary you might identify that you have frequently had the following negative thoughts:

•Feelings of inadequacy.
•Worries that your performance in your job will not be good enough.
•An anxiety that things outside your control will undermine your efforts.
•Worries about other people's reactions to your work.

Starting with these, you might challenge negative thoughts in the ways shown:

Feelings of inadequacy: Have you trained and educated yourself as well as you reasonably should to do the job? Do you have the experience and resources you need to do it? Have you planned, prepared and rehearsed appropriately? If you have done all of these, are you setting yourself unattainably high standards for doing the job?

Worries about performance: Do you have the training that a reasonable person would think is needed to do a good job? Have you planned appropriately? Do you have the information and resources you need? Have you cleared the time you need and cued up your support team appropriately? Have you prepared appropriately? If you have not, then you need to do these things quickly. If you have, then you are well positioned to give the best performance that you can.

Problems with issues outside your control: Have you conducted appropriate contingency planning? Have you thought through and managed all likely risks and contingencies appropriately? If so, you will be well prepared to handle potential problems.

Worry about other people's reactions: If you have put in good preparation, and you do the best you can, then that is all that you need to know. If you perform as well as you reasonably can, then fair people are likely to respond well. If people are not fair, then this is something outside your control.

A few things to remember:

Don't make the mistake of generalizing a single incident. OK, you made a mistake at work, but that doesn't mean you're bad at your job.

Similarly, make sure you take the long view about incidents that you're finding stressful. Just because you're finding that new system, or new responsibilities stressful now, doesn't mean that they will always be so for you in the future.

Often, the best thing to do is to rise above unfair comments. Write your rational response to each negative thought on paper.

If you find it difficult to look at your negative thoughts objectively, imagine that you are your best friend or a respected coach or mentor. Look at the list of negative thoughts and imagine the negative thoughts were written by someone you were giving objective advice to, and think how you would challenge these thoughts.

When you challenge negative thoughts rationally, you should be able to see quickly whether the thoughts are wrong or whether they have some substance to them. Where there is some substance, take appropriate action as this may be an early warning system showing where you need to direct your attention.

Positive Thinking and Opportunity Seeking

Where you have used Rational Thinking to identify incorrect negative thinking, it can often be useful to prepare rational positive thoughts and affirmations to counter them. It can also be useful to look at the situation and see if there are any useful opportunities that are offered by it.

Affirmations help you to build self-confidence. By basing your affirmations on the clear, rational assessments of facts that you made using Rational Thinking, you can use them to undo the damage that negative thinking may have done to your self-confidence. Your affirmations will be strongest if they are specific, are expressed in the present tense and have strong emotional content.

Continuing the examples above, positive affirmations for these feelings might be:

Feelings of inadequacy: "I am well trained for this. I have the experience, the tools and the resources I need. I have thought through and prepared for all possible issues. I can do a superb job."

Worries about performance: "I have researched and planned well for this, and I thoroughly understand the problem. I have the time, resources and help I need. I am well prepared to do an excellent job."

Problems issues outside your control: "We have thought through everything that might reasonably happen and have planned how we can handle all likely contingencies. Everyone is ready to help where necessary. We are very well placed to react flexibly and effectively to unusual events."

Worry about other people's reaction: "I am well-prepared and am doing the best I can. Fair people will respect this. I will rise above any unfair criticism in a mature and professional way."

If appropriate, write these affirmations down on paper so that you can use them when you need them.

As well as allowing you to structure useful affirmations, part of Positive Thinking is to look at opportunities that the situation might offer to you. In the examples above, successfully overcoming the situations causing the original negative thinking will open up opportunities. You will acquire new skills, you will be seen as someone who can handle difficult challenges, and you may open up new career opportunities.

Make sure that identifying these opportunities and focusing on them is part of your positive thinking. In the past, people have advocated positive thinking almost recklessly as if it is a solution to everything. Positive thinking should be used with common sense. First, decide rationally what goals you can realistically attain with hard work, and then use positive thinking to reinforce these.

Get the tools you need to excel in your life by working with Denise Dema, a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, executives and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. Denise’s passion for personal development is at the core of her business and life philosophy and she is committed to helping others achieve their full potential in order to live richer, more fulfilling lives. To learn more book a complimentary session at http://www.denisedema.com to discuss your current objectives and goals. On-site, phone, e-mail coaching available.